Hello. This is just a brief, untitled plunny that I'd like to get out of me right now before it evaporates. This is an epic idea, so I may as well unleash it here on Deviantart before it becomes too absurd to handle. The Ikebukurians are used to ridiculous things, but what happens when their worldview becomes even MORE ridiculous? FMA/ Durarara crossover. IF anyone else has done this, I apologize, the idea just sprang up in my mind rather suddenly. You can guess who's been reincarnated as who. I just started this ficlet. :D
Chapter 1 The most dangerous man in Ikebukuro
Ah, Ikebukuro. A calm, safe, peaceful side of Tokyo. Where people always lived in happiness, and where nothing bad could ever go wrong, no matter what, right? Wrong. Things were, and are always amiss in this town. It's simply the way it is.
So that was why no one blinked an eye when a vending machine was hurled across the parking lot of an ice cream store from seemingly nowhere and vaulted at superhuman speed toward its target, a young man with spiky dark hair and crimson eyes who could effectively be compared to the devil himself in human form. The young man didn't look perturbed by this extraordinary event in the slightest, in fact, he looked rather...bored.
He just sighed and whipped out of the way, in time for the vending machine to miss and hit the ground, disturbing no one except some passing ants, who quickly scurried aside, eager to avoid the man who was rapidly approaching at a high speed.
"Why don't you just die, you bastard? I've told you never, never, never, to come back here, damn it!" The man screamed, stepping on his cigarette and crushing it under his foot.
Now people were snapping pictures, whispering and smiling. They knew full well what was going on here. It was just another ordinary day in Ikebukuro, the city of gangs like the Dollars and the Yellow Scarves.
"...Look, it's him. It's Shizuo Heiwajima! He's starting a fight again! How cool!" A girl cooed to her friends. All of them snapped pictures of the incredible scenario as it unfolded before them.
"It's Izaya!" A girl squealed.
Izaya looked over at the crowd for a moment, and then tucked his hands into his pockets. "You know, Shizu-chan, this is getting boring. Why is it you always engage in the same tactics every time we meet? You always get angry, throw stuff at me, curse, get angry, throw stuff at me...what's next, you attack me about being tall?"
Shizuo blinked and then an odd look made its way on his face for a moment. "That's an odd thing to ask me, Izaya. Last I checked...I think the answer is yes...I'm just tall enough that I'll be the last thing you'll see before I send you to an early grave!" He screamed before hurling a stop sign at a bored Izaya, who dodged and aimed with his knife.
"Well, see you later, Shizu-chan! It's been fun!" Izaya Orihara, Ikebukuro's number one troll, screamed as he darted away from a furious Shizuo, who took off in hot pursuit, but the clever bastard had evaded him once again.
Shizuo stomped his foot on the ground irritably. "Damn it...Damn it...Damn it...DAMN IT ALL! THAT STUPID BASTARD GOT AWAY FROM ME AGAIN! That bastard thinks he's so much better than me because he's higher up in rank...well, I'll show-"
Shizuo paused. Higher up...in what? Being an arrogant asshole who was impossible to stand being around? Shizuo lit a cigarette again and inhaled, trying to calm himself down. Being around that asshole was so freaking irritating, he couldn't even think straight with him around.
"Why'd that jerk say I'd attack him about being tall? I'm just lucky I went through that growth spurt when I was younger..." He mumbled, folding his arms and trying hard to compose himself. Oh, Tom was approaching. Good old Tom, he could deal with Shizuo when the latter threw his temper tantrums. No one else could.
He casually messed with his blond hair, dyed though it may be, at times he felt like he had been a natural blond once before-somewhere, long ago. Shizuo shook those feelings off as soon as they came, but from time to time, the weird feeling known as Deja Vu would have the balls to attack Heiwajima Shizuo and pay the price for it.
"So what'd you wreck this time." It was not a question, but a statement.
Shizuo nodded and pointed a finger at the now wrecked parking lot and the vending machine tipped over in the center. People were now crowding around it, whispering amongst themselves. "...Bastard showed up and pissed me off. I just tried to kill him again."
"Izaya, you mean?" Tom said simply.
Shizuo removed his cigarette from his mouth and bent it slightly with his fingers. "I don't even know why I hate him. I just do...I just want to kill him."
Tom looked confused but shrugged it off as a weird trait of Shizuo's. When you hung around Shizuo, ordinary things took a hike. That was why anything that came out of Shizuo's mouth usually was the truth. He wasn't the sort to lie, he just said things bluntly and couldn't control his temper. This also made others afraid of him, unfortunately.
It was too bad, since underneath it, Shizuo was actually quite a nice guy. He just often was too blunt. Tom didn't care. Shizuo was...well, Shizuo. He would always be an uncontrollable pain-in-the-ass and he was fine with it that way.
It was at times like this, Shizuo thought, as he lay on his bed, smoking like usual, that the odd thoughts usually came into his mind, pestering him just like Izaya did. How he wished he could beat them to a bloody pulp, but dreams had no thought or form, just an idea, a meaningless void that existed somehow and had a presence...where had he heard that before?
He often saw a man who resembled Izaya in his dreams, but he looked different...and everything seemed different as well...there were times when he was a child that his right arm and left leg felt different from everything else. They just hurt at times...his muscles were different from other people's. That was the convenient explanation the doctors had given his parents and the applesauce they had fed to his face.
But Shizuo knew, though he hated violence, he still couldn't help but punch someone if they pissed him off. In school, the excuses varied, from looking at him funny, to insulting his height, to saying he looked funny, to not even saying anything to him...before he knew it, he started enjoying the thrills fighting presented to him.
Yet there was one other thing about himself he knew that was odd...he enjoyed drinking milk, so why was it every now and again he felt the urge to slam it against the wall? Then he'd be like Izaya if he did that...
He crushed the cigarette he was smoking in the palm of his hand, watching as the flames died down in his hand as he smothered the oxygen in them. "Fire...he's exactly like fire...Izaya is...like a bastard...a flaming bastard."
He stared at the remains of his cigarette, knowing full well he'd have to get another. "Damn," He cursed, "One day I'll kick his royal ass to hell and back! Izaya, you will die!"
"Humans are so fascinating..." Izaya purred, swinging around in his chair like a madman. "It's especially fascinating when you don't know who you are or try to escape that unexciting reality for another...right, Mikado Ryuugamine? But the most difficult pawn on my chessboard has to be you, Shizu-chan. I can't wrap my mind around how you think. You're a nosy, annoying brat, Shizu-chan."
He chuckled. "No need to worry. Sooner or later, I'll figure out who he is."
Izaya thought absently, 'I've always been a dog person. I think it's because they're loyal and unquestioning. The perfect pawns to use.' A smirk crawled up his face. "Shizu-chan...who are you? There's more to you than the obnoxious brute..."
That night, Shizuo dreamt of two young boys with blond hair...of dripping blood, of something cold and hard and gray, and of again throwing things at Izaya. This time, he'd bashed his head in, only Izaya was in some sort of whack-a-mole display and Shizuo cheerfully threw the mallet down again and again, but again the sneaky bastard avoided each whack.
The last thing that remained on his mind was that of something burning. He awoke to find he had forgotten to put out his cigarette. Quickly, he stomped out the flames with a good kick.
His left leg ached a bit. Shizuo disregarded it and rolled back over on his poor covers to try and get some sleep.
Celty stared at the newspaper article in front of her and shook her head. 'He's up to no good again, Shizuo. Can't he ever put a lid on his temper? Well, he wouldn't be the same if he wasn't.'
Speaking of Shizuo, there he was, quiet and still, lighting a cigarette like always...just like he always did. "Hey, Celty," He said quietly.
Celty wondered what was up. As if reading her mind, he looked at her and shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing much, same old, same old. Stupid snake is still slithering around...wrapping his coils into places he shouldn't be in..."
'Calm down,' Celty wrote, 'You're being too irrational again.'
Shizuo nodded. "You're right. Say, Celty, have you ever heard of...alchemy?"
Celty gave him a funny "look", 'Isn't that a dead science or something? Shinra might know more about it.'
Shizuo's face changed for a moment and then he shrugged, in distinct Shizuo fashion. "Never mind. It was a stupid question to ask, anyway."
'No question is stupid, Shizuo,' Celty typed.
"Sometimes you don't get sarcasm, Celty," Shizuo retorted.
Celty shook her head. 'You are impossible at times.'
Shizuo shook his head. "It's the world that's impossible, full of annoying people and annoying sounds and annoying noises...when I hear them...I just...you know...I just want to be able to control my environment, somehow..."
'That's impossible,' Celty typed.
"I know," Shizuo said and then fell silent. The two of them were comfortable with the silence that fell over the two of them. Each of them had their own pressing desires but they would definitely find their answers sooner or later.
