I've done something horrible.

Or maybe I haven't. Maybe it's what I haven't done that's so horrible. Or maybe it's not horrible at all and I'm NOT going to burn in hell for it. Or maybe it's unforgiveable and they'll never come anywhere near to trusting me again once they find out.

And they will find out. There's no doubt about THAT. Unless, say, the world blows up tomorrow and we all die. And that's only if there's no afterlife. but even if there is, it won't matter, because i'll be burning in hell, alone.

but if we don't all die, there's no way to avoid their finding out. Because if my conscience doesn't get me first, they'll ask me to teach them memory retrival. And they'll find out that way. And if they don't ask me to teach them memory retrival, they'll find out as soon as we get home. when we arive, and Isabel's mother runs out to embrace her...her and Michael.

Nasedo was programmed. He has artificial intelligence, but he was never alive. He was programmed. And his programmers, who probably also wrote the book and implanted the dreams into us, made a mistake. A very big mistake.

Because Max isn't Isabel's brother. And she's not the fearless leader. And he's not my destiny.

Michael is. Michael is the leader, and Max is his second-in-command.

Oh, come on. Don't tell me you never thought about the possibility. Leaders have to be battle-prone, and yes, possibly a little reckless. Like Michael. The post of a second-in-command is to calm the leader down.

I didn't always know. Until a few months ago, I thought that Max was the leader. I'd used the memory retrival before, but the most I'd ever really gotten were a few flashes of battle, or Isabel and I talking to each other, or the four of us in conversation. And once I'd gotten our deaths. We all died together. Isabel had been clutching Max's hand, but I'd figured that it had been because they were siblings. In this life, Max and Isabel are very close.

And I'd had a flash and me and Max kissing once. We'd been younger, though. Teenagers. And teenagers fool around a lot.

But one day over the summer, I decided to look a little more into the past. Possibly the stpuidest thing I've ever done. The flash was horrible. It was right near our deaths, and Michael was commanding the army. Even though he was dying. Isabel was crying and screaming, and I had my left arm blown off. We were yelling at Michael to come with us to the cave, but he wouldn't, so Max picked him up and pulled him. Max was the healthiest of us--the furthest from dying. He only got fatally injured when we'd almost reached the cave. Andway, Michael yelled, "You can't do this, I'm your leader!" and Max replied, "Well, I guess I'm disobeying you this one time." we got to the cave, Michael kissed me, and the flash was over.

Liz will be happy. But I'm beyond caring. I don't even know what I want anymore. Max or Michael? Michael or Max? Or will I just go with whomever destiny puts me with, regardless of my own feelings?

I don't know if I want either of them. I'm just sick of guys.

But Michael. As soon as I got to Roswell, I could sense him. When Max was captured, I told Isabel and Michael that I could sense him. It seemed weird how little pain I was sensing. Now I realize. It was Michael.

Have I fallen in love with his feelings? I don't know what it is. And I don't know why I've kept lying to them. If I would choose Michael over Max, why did I go for Max?

Or maybe I'll let Michael decide that for himself. Even though I know he won't choose me. Why would he? What am I? I ruined his life.

And if I don't tell them, I'm continuing to ruin their lives. And if I do tell them...

...then what?