Day 001
"Here, take him..."
"Shepard.."
"You gotta get out of here!"
"Yeah, that's not gonna happen."
"Don't argue with me Kaidan."
"Don't leave me behind..."
"No matter what happens, know that I love you. Always"
"I love you, too. Be careful.."
He remembers watching her run for the beam as the Normandy started to take off, the doors staying open as long as they could before they had to break out of there. Kaidan found himself at the cockpit, standing over Joker's shoulder. He stood there, battered and bruised, weak and bleeding, watching with a pained look at the battle below.
He remembers Liara coming up behind him, "Kaidan, we have to go. We have to get out of here."
He remembers pushing Liara's hand off his shoulder, feeling helpless, feeling terrible that they were leaving the battle, right when Shepard needed them most. Right when Shepard needed him the most. "We can't just leave, there has to be something we can do!"
He remembers his cries went unheard, as they broke the atmosphere and got to the nearest mass relay, as out the window the Crucible warmed up to fire. It was a brilliant red, unlike something he had ever seen before, and that was what made it worse. Shepard couldn't have survived that.
He remembers the ship bucking for balance against the wave of energy shooting towards them, taking out the reapers and it could take them out as well. They hit the mass relay just in time and shot off, but not before their ship was hit with a piece of the energy.
He remembers falling to the ground, wincing in pain, struggling to hold onto anything in the cockpit that he could, as EDI fell lifeless from the co-pilot's chair. Joker's pained voice calling out for her didn't help matters, and he was losing control of the ship.
He remembers the impact of the ship on to the planet below, the ship grinding into the ground with a sound that even a Varren couldn't love. The ship grinded deep into the ground, and finally stopped, though not without losing power in the process. Kaidan was wounded, but it wasn't anything worse than what he got on the battle field.
He remembers struggling to get up, Liara running over to the cockpit. Joker had slumped out of his chair and crawled towards EDI's lifeless body on the ground, completely powered down, begging her to wake up. Joker ignored Liara's questioning if he was okay, and continued to beg for EDI to wake up. She didn't.
He remembers taking Liara's hand, standing up on shaky legs, as Liara used her omni tool to figure out where they were. Uncharted planet, she said, but the air was breathable. Kaidan tried to push off of Liara to go and see for himself, but his legs wouldn't keep him up. So together, they walked to the door, where James and Cortez were prying open the door.
He remembers the sound of the door finally opening, both James and Cortez needing to pound the door open as best as they could. What greeted them behind the door was a strange garden planet, beautiful, but deserted. Kaidan walked out, Liara's arm around his waist to help him, James watching Kaidan's other side, as they stepped out to warm sun shining down on them.
Then, he remembers collapsing to the ground, screaming out in pain, because things weren't right. They were stranded. They were alive, but they were alone. Kaidan was alone.
He remembers this as the first action he took without Commander Jennifer Shepard by his side.
After Kaidan and the others stepped out into the seemingly fresh air, he had fallen to the ground, screaming out. Liara immediately tried to help, but Cortez held her back. "Don't, Liara. I...know what he's feeling."
All Kaidan knew was that he was aware of what he was feeling - too aware of what he was feeling. They survived the war. They crashed. They left Shepard in London to save the day, and to die. Alone.
It didn't feel right. Kaidan was an Alliance soldier, and he knew he would have to die for his cause. His cause was Shepard's cause. His life was Shepard's life. His love was Shepard's love. He would have gladly given his life to save hers, or to die by her side saving the galaxy, and instead he was forced to retreat.
"You gotta get out of here!"
"Yeah, that's not gonna happen."
Kaidan's hand formed into a fist and slammed into the ground below him, hitting something hard underneath where he had fallen onto his knees. He retracted his hand, now freshly cut from the rock surface, ignoring the shooting pain. He took a deep, shaky breath as he pushed off his hands and rocked back on his knees before he stood up, grabbing James' hand as a way to balance and let go just as quickly once he stood.
Chatter happened around him as he stayed silent. "Where the hell are we?" James asked, looking around, shielding his eyes from the sun shining down on them.
"I don't know. I can't get any readings. We're...alive though." Liara said, struggling with her omni tool but eventually gave up.
"The ship is busted up, and we don't know where we are. We need to get back to Earth." James replied, his voice anxious.
"We will," Cortez sighed, as he looked around, and looked at the ship. Then, he brought his attention to Kaidan. "Major, are you okay?"
"Uh," Kaidan started, blinking himself out of the daze he had allowed himself to fall into, anything to ignore the physical pain shooting through him, and the emotional pain that he felt closing around his heart. It was hard to breathe. His arm might have been broken. He had a lot of deep wounds. The love of his life might have just died. "I'm okay," he lied.
The four of them stood outside for a little longer before Liara started to talk about finding out where they were, how their supplies were, and she went back inside. James and Cortez hung around a bit before Cortez suggested they go back and see what the damage was to the shuttle bay and engineering. James started to protest that he wasn't an engineer, but Cortez insisted they'd need someone for the heavy lifting, and James finally agreed.
Kaidan was left alone outside, but he couldn't wander far. He limped slightly back to the edge of the ship, and ended up falling against it with a soft thud, and the ship creaked slightly in effort against his sudden movement. He had never been this physically close to the outside of the Normandy before. He had never seen a ship destroyed like this before.
Struggling to balance himself out, struggling to breathe, he closed his eyes.
"Don't argue with me Kaidan."
"Don't leave me behind..."
Foot steps came staggering behind him, and the sound shook Kaidan out of his thoughts, fighting back the hot sting of tears. He wiped at his eyes with his left hand, unable to move his right arm. Broken, it was definitely broken.
The approaching footsteps stopped beside him, and for a brief moment there was a silence. "Garden planet?" Joker asked weakly, as Kaidan turned to look at him. Joker's face said it all, and Kaidan knew his face mirrored his.
"Yeah." Kaidan replied and nodded towards Joker.
"EDI's dead." Joker's voice was soft, cracking at the last word, emotion fighting to come through but the pilot wouldn't let it.
"I'm sorry." Kaidan said, sincerely, clearing his throat.
"I bet the Commander made it. She had to, she's superhuman."
"Yeah, I bet she did." But just because they both were saying it, didn't mean either one of them believed it.
They stood outside for a few more minutes before they went back inside to see what could be done. Joker headed back to the cockpit, Kaidan went to see if Chakwas was okay, and could reset his arm.
They would have to take it one step at a time. Anything more than that, and they were all bound to fall apart.
Kaidan was barely keeping it together as is.
"No matter what happens, know that I love you.
"...Always"
