Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.

Fandom: Vampire Academy
Pairing: Rose/Adrian
Book: Post-Last Sacrifice

Summary: Hurting Adrian was the last thing she wanted, but she did when he caught them redhanded by the car. Adrian, heartbroken by her betrayal, goes back to his old life... and Rose can't stand it. He doesn't believe she ever loved him, he thought she used him all along. Heartbroken, in her own way, Rose decides to make him see just how much he means to her before it's too late.

Another VA-story - need to spread the love! ;3


Chapter 1

"I'm afraid for him."

It seemed like our conversations always somehow ended up being about Adrian nowadays. His face, his words, his grief – they haunted me. I dreamt about him, without him, replaying that last scene – the last time we'd talked - in my mind to the point I was afraid that I was beginning to lose it. My mind as his mind.

This had nothing to do with spirit, but nevertheless Dimitri kept arguing that it was just its ugly side effects kicking in. That's what made him go back to his vices, according to him, because Adrian wanted to numb it. It was who he was.

"No, you don't understand." I didn't know how many times I'd said this before, but he just didn't seem to get it into his thick head. "You didn't see him."

"I may not have seen him, Rose," he tried to stay in control, but I know that talking about Adrian – my former boyfriend – wasn't something he was happy about. Especially because it happened every other day. "But that's-"

"Not who he is!" I defended; I could see Dimitri's eyes starting to harden. Just like always. "That's not Adrian anymore."

"You're too stubborn to see it!" he argued. "That's who he is."

I flared up at that. "And you're just jealous! You don't care what happens to him, as long as I'm still with you."

His eyes narrowed, and his voice was dangerously firm as he said, "This discussion is over."

It so not wasn't.

"Oh, really?" I challenged. "Then maybe so are we."

That took him by surprise at first; I could see it in his eyes. But there was also a sadness and resignation in there that told me that this was something he had thought about, and feared. It broke my heart to see it. His face and posture was still firm though; he tried his best to stay in control.

"You're breaking up with me?"

"I love you," I told him, because I really did. My heart would always beat faster for him. "But I love him, too. And I just can't sit by and watch as he destroys his life because of what I did to him."

"Roza..."

I shook my head slightly, letting out a heavy sigh. "I can't do it, Dimitri."

"What are you going to do?" he said wistfully. I knew his heart was breaking as much as mine was right now. But I had to do something; I couldn't let this happen.

"I'm going to go find him, and I'm going to talk to him."

There was a moment of silence.

"Did you mean it?" he wondered.

I knew what he was referring to. "No." I frowned, knowing my next words wasn't going to please him. "But officially - to everyone else - yes. I can't have that hanging over my head. I don't know what's going to happen, but I don't want to hurt him. I think he'll easier talk to me if we're not together."

Oh, he hated this. It was so obvious in his dark eyes.

I didn't like it either - I was scared to talk to Adrian after what we both said back then, which was about a month ago now - but it was necessary. I'd begun to realize you couldn't runaway from all your problems, because eventually they'd just come back to haunt you. And my love for Adrian had begun to haunt me, because things didn't end well between us. They ended catastrophic; more than so even. I wasn't even sure Adrian would even consider talking to me ever again after that.

But I had to try.

It hurt me to know I had hurt him so much. I barely saw him around Court – mostly we were avoiding each other – but the few times I had, he looked so broken my insides twisted to the point I felt sick. And every time he'd been more than a little tipsy.

He was drunk. All the time.

I knew Lissa still saw him – she tried to be there for him; help him, comfort him and everything else that shouldn't be necessary – and Christian did, too. He didn't know what to do though, but thankfully he had the sense not to give him a hard time about everything. I knew this because I'd overheard Christian himself saying that it wasn't his area of expertise, and that he felt useless because he didn't do anything to help.

Seeing, and hearing, that he was slowly, but surely, killing himself was something that I carried with me every day. It was weighing down my heart. And I wasn't one to get depressed, but I was starting to see why Lissa had gone as far as cutting before. At least you could control that pain.

I wasn't cutting myself, and I had no intentions of ever doing so, but I understood why someone would do it. My heart ached every time I heard his name, every time I saw him, knowing what I had done to him.

This was all my fault.

I had to make him see how much he meant to me; how much I loved him, and still do.


Short chapter... but it's more of an introduction, really, to the story.

You like? :)

Please read & review! Just takes a sec, you know, and it'd mean the world to me :3

PS. In Search of Peace will be updated tomorrow, Saturday! ;D