Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Author's Note: This idea came from the song Savior by Rise Against! Great song. Great band. And also, I warn you Edward lovers because this isn't for you at all. This is for us in Team Wolf. Hoo-ah! Reviews are love. -Delta
Undercover
Guilt wasn't an emotionless word.
It was a feeling, a verb.
Something Isabella had been experiencing on a regular basis.
When she looked at Jacob Black - holding her daughter and swinging her through the air, running through the forest, laughing and shoveling food into his smiling mouth as he and Seth sat around her coven…it warmed her deadened heart as if it were still beating.
Something Edward Cullen was still having difficulties with.
She had loved Edward, still loves Edward, but the passion she felt in his bed under his body was nothing like the delicious pain she felt pressed against Jacob. Nothing like the way his heat seemed to consume her entirely.
But there was pain in Jacob's eyes every time she left him, under the light of the moon in the cover of the forest trees. Something in the way he seemed to reach for her, but keep entirely still at the same time. Something in the way his lips seemed to move, but was otherwise completely silent.
And there was something in the way he held her, after she'd screamed his name to surrounding night. His arms would tense and his lips would shake against her neck and sometimes, she felt the wetness of tears there. But she couldn't stop…selfishly, she couldn't stop.
Not until anger seemed to enter their fantasy.
He would turn to rough edges and hard pearly teeth. His hands would scratch at her waist line, her length of hair, the skin of her thighs. And his hips would reach to meet hers with an almost ferocious need, as though he were angry at her for making him want this so badly.
Because she knew he did too. Or else he wouldn't have met her there, in that forest, for so long.
It was a dull night when he finally snapped.
Pulling at his own hair, his eyes were wild. Like the wolf had finally begun to show it's teeth and Jacob couldn't stop it know. He was only the façade.
"Why do you keep doing this to me?" His voice was marred with desperation. She almost didn't know what to say and the words that broke through her lips were feeble.
"I need you, Jake."
The outline of his form began to tremble, the edges shifting.
"Need me? Now?"
She flinched, never regretting but remorseful all the same.
"Why couldn't you need me then? Before this…before…Nessie…" He swallowed hard, reaching for the words to break her heart, "Haven't you even thought of her?"
"Of course I have!" She gasped, almost just as angry now, "Do you not think that it kills me every single day to see you with her? And to know I want you…need you, just as badly?
"I am her mother! And yet I cannot play the role of the perfect wife, I wasn't made for it. I was made for you!"
The truth. Spilled into a pile of ash of the floor that they occupied. Fluttering away in the wind like lost whispers in the dark.
"Bella…I…" He licked his lips, suddenly stunned, "I'm not the answers for the questions that you still have about us. No matter how much I wish…"
His voice was lost to the rustling of leaves against tree branches. Neither knew where to go from that point. Neither of them knew what to do…what to say…or even how to feel in the infinite…yet infinitesimal moment.
But he reached forward and placed his burning hand against her frozen cheek and placed his lips against hers for one fraction of a moment too long, before he left her.
Under the light of the moon, in the cover of the forest trees.
