"Coffee and Cigarettes"

Thought of this last night while listening to NeverShoutNever's "Coffee and Cigarettes" that's why the title haha. I wanted to talk about the issues I have about putting up a front. So I hope you like it. Enjoy.

Don't you hate that you feel you should be able to control yourself, and yet you still feel you have no control. I'm tired of going nowhere, things are at a standstill. I just wish I was OK with that. I just have to wait, that's what life is most of the time. Sometimes I feel it's worth it once the waiting is over. I'm not talking just about life in general though you could believe me to be. I'm talking about that guy in your life that you know nothing will or should ever happen, it's 'fate', 'destiny' whatever the hell that jackass is always talking about. Still my heart beats faster; I want to be around him. I can't even convince myself that I'm over him; how can I expect anyone else to believe this facade. Everyone has one don't they? Lee isn't always happy despite his constant exaggerated smile. Naruto isn't always excited to be around people, sometimes he just wants a shoulder to cry on. Ino isn't always thinking about Sasuke. Neji isn't always thinking about how to become the leader of his clan…OK yes Neji is always thinking about that; but I Tenten can't convince myself to stop loving the guy no matter how much I deny, and no matter how much nobody believes the lies. No one is going to believe the truth, most people are deeper than we give them credit for, and if you really pay attention you can see what people are really thinking. So what is the solution to this never ending game of who will see my true self first? Just stop pretending. Simple? Yes. Easy? No.

I thought as Lee and I passed by our friends on the street on our way to training. Lee looked so happy. If only he really was so happy. I'd be so jealous I find the more complex the act they put on, the bigger their secrets must be. Lee's must be pretty devastating. I was never much one to dabble in others secrets, so I figure if anyone wants to tell me anything personal I'm all ears, but I would never force anyone. Everyone's problems are obviously bigger than mine. What would cause Ino to pretend to be so obsessed with Sasuke, and what could Lee be hiding behind such a huge smile, Naruto already has his past to deal with for nobody to know about the rest of his life is kind of sad. I am simply trying to get over a guy. So stupid right, I mean sure I never had a family, and my friends didn't come along till later in life, but that only made me stronger and more independent. So for some crazy reason I feel my biggest problem is sitting in front of me meditating.

I walked over to him and sat down, feeling the pitter patter of my heart just watching him from the corner of my eye. I tried to ignore him. This isn't helping is it? I stood and walked across the clearing we trained in. I saw Neji's eyes open for a moment; I sat off in the corner of the field, and began taking my things out. This was much better I wasn't nervous here; I could think clearly when he was 20 feet away from me. Neji had stopped meditating by now. He had waited for Lee to leave; Lee bothered him so he'd ignore him by meditating. Neji stood and walked over to me with an eyebrow cocked.

"Why are you over here, it's just inconvenient." I sighed I can't ever make him happy while making me happy, I guess it sounds a little selfish, but I'm trying to help the guy. He doesn't need another 'fan girl'. I stood and smiled at him.

After our training we walked out of the field and separated. It was the average day of training. My heart was going crazy but not because of the spar; I'd try my hardest even once it started raining I continued because he asked me to. You all know how it is; nothing is too hard when it's for 'him'. I walked over to Ichiraku's with Ino, Naruto, Sasuke, and Hinata there. I was soaking wet, you could hear the rain that had now clung to me fall to the dirt floor. I smiled regardless of me being wet and cold, and sat between Sasuke and Hinata. Hinata looked at me frowning. I grinned at her.

"Neji keeps me going doesn't he?" I said through chattering teeth. Ino slammed on the table and turned to me.

"This is ridiculous Tenten, I don't care how much you like the guy you'll make yourself sick." I starred up at her.

"Like? Neji? That's ridiculous." I heard Sasuke scoff, but continued. "Wouldn't you train for your teammates?"

"My teammates don't make me do this." She said motioning toward my sopping wet clothing. "Even Sasuke-kun stopped training once the storm hit." She said putting her hand on Sasuke's shoulder. He brushed off her hand.

"Neji isn't trying to hurt me; if I had left he would've continued by himself." I said as I began eating the food I had ordered.

"Neji isn't a girl. You can't handle what he can." I glared up at her which made her stop before she could finish her sentence. Nobody could call me weak, I wouldn't allow it. Sasuke chuckled, and we all turned to look at him, confused.

"Sorry, you looked so much like the Hyuuga just now. You must really like him." I sighed and began to laugh along with Sasuke who was still chuckling. Ino, Naruto, and Hinata were looking at us like we were crazy. Just then I saw Neji walk into Ichiraku's. Sasuke and I stopped laughing immediately. I elbowed him in the ribs. He winced and I smiled to myself. Neji stood without a change in his constant expression.

"Tenten isn't weak." Neji said sitting at the counter. I knew he had heard Sasuke, but what could I do. I was about to leave now and turned toward the exit. Neji put a hand on my shoulder and I gasped, my heart jumped, but I didn't turn. "You did well today Tenten." I smiled and pulled away from him.

"Neji you heard Sasuke didn't you?" I heard Ino ask.

"I'm not hard of hearing. I don't care what anyone says. I would only believe something as outrageous as that if she told me." I sighed in relief but also in disappointment. Of course that's crazy.

"You're an idiot Hyuuga. The girl likes you, everyone knows it, just like everyone knows that you don't feel the same way about her, and the way everyone knows Ino doesn't really like me." I was surprised Sasuke knew about any of that. He must pay a lot of attention to people which was a surprise from the infamous Uchiha prodigy.

"If she doesn't want me to know how she feels about me, then I won't make her." He said back to Sasuke whom he never spoke to.

"She's trying to get over you Hyuuga. You're not gonna do much better than her so stop being stubborn." Neji stood at that I could hear him. He walked outside and passed by me. He ran his hand gently along my face, and walked away. I didn't breathe the whole time. Sasuke came out soon after.

"You can do better, than a frigid guy like him Tenten." I smiled almost laughing.

"What can I get a frigid guy like you?" He slightly nodded to my surprise, and put his hands in his pockets walking away. I fallowed after Neji, I was tired of faking everything, everyone knew. It was pointless to hide. Neji knew and there was no point anymore, so I decided I'd end it now. Maybe admitting my feelings would help me to end it. So I walked slowly to the Hyuuga compound. Neji was sitting outside for some strange reason. I walked up to him and sat.

"Hey Tenten. Something you want to tell me?" I chuckled.

"You know Sasuke said I could get him…" I could see Neji tense at the words. I put my hand over his. "I'm not really interested, I like you Neji." I sighed in absolute release. I no longer had anything to hide. Neji turned his hand and laced his fingers with mine. I turned to look at him. He was smiling.

"I'm glad you didn't take his offer." At his voice my heart skipped a beat. I guess it didn't help to say it. I was in love, and I wasn't gonna try to stop it. Because that's the same place I just got out of. I leaned my head slowly on his shoulder.

"We're gonna get sick Neji." I said looking up at him.

"I'll be ok but you are a girl." He said smiling at me.

"A girl?" I said frowning at the lack of recognition.

"My girl."

Didn't know how to end it, but I really wanted to write. I hope you liked it. Peace. Penguins. and Turtles.