Disclaimer: I own nothing! Everyone and everything belongs to their respective owners :)

AN: Why, Hello! New(ish) fandom! I haven't posted anything in close to a year, but as a special gift for all at the DHMB, especially the lovely Izzychase who read over this for me and encouraged me to write again, I decided to post this one-shot. I know people are waiting for an "A Glimmer of Hope" update which is totally coming soon (as is a oneshot!) an my next chapter of "What About Now?" is in the works too. I promise not to leave you all again!

I Hope you guys enjoy this, this is my first time in OTH fandom, so i thought doing a cross over with SPN would help! Please review! Oh! It's set in the "It's a Terrible Life" Version of SPN. :)

K

xox

P.S for easier reading, the massive chunks of text in itallics are flashbacks, the italics which are incorporated into other paragraphs are thoughs :)


She's on her fifth beer when she catches him looking over. It's not uncommon for her to be checked out, its something that she's gotten used to over the years. She takes another pull off beer and watches with apt fascination as he raises an eyebrow at her lips wrapped around the top of the beer bottle. And then he looks away, a blonde thing a few bar stools down is swishing her hair and letting out a high pitched sound that's supposed to be a laugh, well I think it should be a laugh, the flame-haired girl muses as she glances down to the engagement ring on the bar top.

The diamond a bright sparkle in the dull light of the bar; "Marry me" those words had been so softly spoken, so unsure that she had wanted to say no, to run and keep running; run from the monotony, the normality, the same old boring routine.

It wasn't like that with him though, She remembers fondly, the spontaneity, the throwing caution to the wind, the torn clothing strewn across some classy hotel during his lunch hour, well, before he started eating his lunch at work, and his dinner, and crawling into bed at all hours of the night…

"DEAN!" Rachel giggled as he pressed her up against the door, his lips leaving a blaze of gentle kisses down the column of her neck as he fumbled around in his pocket for the keys to get into their apartment. It was half past four in the morning and both she and Dean were soaked to the skin.

He had decided that it would be fun for them to venture out for a walk along the rain-soaked beach as the thunder rolled and the lightning crashed above their heads. Dragging her down to the water's edge, picking her up and spinning her around. Kissing her slowly, before racing back to his Lexus and pinning her against the car to kiss her again.

And now they were standing making puddles outside his apartment as he refused to get out of her personal space long enough to actually get he key in the lock.

"Dean!" Rachel giggled again, smiling at the yell of triumph from Dean when he got the key into the lock and turned, before carefully manoeuvring them into the apartment, leaving a trail of water in their wake.

Rachel made to head for the bedroom, a small space opening up between her and Dean as he kicked his shoes off, her thoughts turning to the en-suite bathroom there would allow them a nice warm shower.

Dean on the other hand, he had other ideas. "No." He whispered and pulled her close to him again.

"Dean we need to get out of these wet clothes, come on." Rachel walked them backwards.

"Why so safe Rachel? Just means we get to snuggle up together when we catch the cold." He winked at her then, but allowed her to pull him towards the shower stall anyway.


"Or catch our death." Rachel kinked an eyebrow before kissing him solidly on the lips, as she turned the shower on.

"Come on Rach, live a little." There was a mischievous glint in his eye as he smirked at her, dragging her under the warm spray, still fully dressed.

Live a little my ass. She sighed, Back then, all she wanted was safe, she didn't think that at 23 years old, getting the cold because her boyfriend dragged her out into the worst storm of her life would make her so mad. It was supposed to be a good memory but right now, now it was bittersweet. I should have taken his advice then and lived a little instead of being so afraid of life, I shouldn't have been afraid to live life with him, because I lost time with him. Look at him now, big time executive director. I should have lived a little with him and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have what I have now.

What she had now was safe, secure...boring. With a sigh, she finishes her beer and picks up the ring, slipping it back on her finger, the dark-haired hansom stranger now lost to the blonde that was cackling away again. Typical. A small victory smirk crossed her lips as the man's eyes began to track her movements as she headed out of the bar to the sleek little sports car waiting for her in the parking lot.

His voice rang in her head about how unsafe this was, how she shouldn't be driving while she was under the influence. That voice belonged to the sweet, kind, attentive man who would rather sleep on the sofa than wake her up crawling into bed - the man who she had to protect because he would rather be hit than fight back in most cases. The sound of music filled up the car and she snapped out of her reverie to scramble through her purse to find her cell.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Rachel." The smile at the other end of the line was obvious even though she couldn't see him.

"Oh, hey, Mouth. I'm just on my way home now, I shouldn't be too long." Rachel tried to sound as pleased as she should be to be talking to her fiancé but somehow she couldn't help but think that she was making the biggest mistake of her life.


"Well, I don't care how short notice it is, I want a meeting scheduled for 9.30 AM sharp tomorrow morning, we need to sort out this marketing strategy!" Dean clicked the button and threw his blue-tooth headset across the room. Damn it. He cursed under his breath and ran his fingers through his hair making it stick up at odd angles.

"Don't you have a home to go to, Dear?" Maggie, the cleaner, laughed as she passed by Dean's office door, towards the supply closet.

Despite his annoyance, Dean found himself smiling at the old lady, and well, she did have a point, it was pushing 11 o'clock and he hadn't even thought of eating let alone going home.

Damn, so much for this detox business. At the rate I'm going, I'll have nothing to detox. Dean let out a slow sigh and walked back over to his desk, taking a few files and placing them carefully into his leather briefcase.

"Ah, so you do have a home to go to?" Maggie chuckled as she walked into his the office with her little trolley, heading straight for the little pieces of the Bluetooth head set that were currently in the corner. "You'll need a new one." Maggie stated ruefully as she picked up the four pieces and frowned at them in her hand.

"I know." Dean stated deadpan as he pulled on his suit jacket. "I'll say it fell off of my desk or something." with a shrug, he picked up his briefcase and walked towards the door. "Don't you stay up too late now." he joked as he walked through the door towards the elevator.

"Night." Maggie called as Dean disappeared around the corner.

The lift doors pinged open and Dean stepped inside, smirking at the music playing into the small space. It wasn't the regular "elevator music", it wasn't even the sports channel that was frequently played on the little TV. It was an old song, his parents had sung it, while his dad was busy working away on something or another, or his mother was making the dinner.

Dean found himself humming along to the tune, despite his best efforts not to, because it didn't just remind him about his parents, but because it reminded him of her. It reminded him of the girl with the flame-coloured hair and a fiery personality to match. The girl who shared his bed and his dreams for longer than he ever thought someone would be able to. The girl who haunted him ever since she walked out of the door those four long years ago.

The sun was warm as it filtered through the window, his girlfriend was snuggled close to him, although she was laying on her stomach, the messy and tangled bed sheets resting on the small of her back. The sun was casting a gorgeous glow off of her lightly tanned skin, as she weaved her fingers through his in her sleep.

Dean didn't say anything, didn't want to say anything as she snuggled closer to him, so instead he opted to place a trail of kisses from the base of her spine to her neck and back again.

"Hi." She smiled sleepily, her red locks mused around her face as she turned her head in his direction.

"Hi." he grinned back, green eyes meeting brown in an intense gaze which lasted for seconds but felt like hours. Dean hated and loved the way she could do that, look at him with such intensity he thought he might pass out.

Rachel turned around, pulling the bed sheets with her to keep herself covered.

"it's a bit late for that, dontcha think?" Dean smirked at her, crawling up to lean over her, his hands positioned either side of her head.

"Maybe." Rachel blushed; her cheeks staining a bright red colour. Grinning, Dean lowered his head and pressed a soft kiss to both of he cheeks before softly claiming her lips.

"I wanna spend all day with you. Just you, me and the beach. No communication with the outside world. Nothing." He smiled at her, kissing her again, not even waiting for answer before he reached for both of his cell phones and hers, turning all three devices off.

"What if the office needs you?" Rachel asked, watching as he put the cells into the drawer of the bedside cabinet.


"when do they never need me? They'll be fine, its just a day." Dean reassured her, kissing her again before picking her up and heading towards the bathroom, laughing as he nearly fell over the bed sheets that she refused to let go of.

"Dean, it's raining." Rachel pointed out as the passed the window right next to the bathroom door.

"Ah well, looks like we're spending another day in the rain doesn't it?" his eyes twinkled and Rachel sighed, tucking her head under his chin anyway as he placed a gentle kiss against her hair.

If only I had switched them off more often, if only I had been home more instead of sitting in front of my computer at the office. Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have what I have now.

A thirteen hour day most days, with lunch at his desk is what Dean faced now, there was no laughing, no turning cell phones off, no days at the beach. There was no more time. Dean held his breath and began a slow count to whatever number he could get to before he could leave this elevator and start walking towards his car and the relaxation CD that was sitting there. One, two, three, four...... When the elevator doors finally pinged open again Dean made a bolt for the door, and out into the cool night air.


Rachel sighed as she tapped along to the music filtering through the speakers in her car. This song always reminded her of him: of the way his eyes danced when he laughed, the way his hair was soft under her finger tips before he would comb it into that ridiculous shed, the way his lips felt when he would wake her with a kiss in the middle of the night so they could watch the sunrise or drag her to the beach to watch the sunset before spending a night sleeping under the stars.

"Buy me a rose, call me from work, open the door for my what will it hurt? Show me you love me by the look in your eyes, these are the things I need most in my life." Rachel sang along with the song as tears sprang to her eyes God damn it! Why couldn't you just love me! Rachel wiped furiously at her eyes as the empty feeling that had been the norm since she had left him began to give way to raw hurt, the kind of pain that you hear about but never think that you'd be the one to feel. Rachel was so focused on thoughts of him, that she didn't see the car that was fast approaching until her car was spinning out of control in the middle of the road.


Marvin "Mouth" McFadden had the dinner table set up, the candles in the middle and the roast in the oven. He had his ideas for their wedding all set up on little cards and he was going to show them to Rachel when she got home from her weekly Aerobics session. She's never usually this late. Mouth worried his lower lip with his teeth as he gave the clock a nervous glance. He let his gaze fall back to the little pieces of paper on the table, the cards all colour coded for different things - at the wedding planner's advice - to be talked through at the dinner. A few dates were written down on yellow card, reception venues on light blue while service venues were written on a darker shade of blue. A sharp knock at the door had Mouth furrowing his brow in confusion. Rachel, I handed your keys to you this morning.

"Please do not tell me you've lost another set of keys." Mouth stated as he opened the door, his grip tightening on the door handle when he was greeted with two Police officers with very sombre looks on their faces.

"Mr McFadden?" One of them - the tallest one - spoke softly. "I'm afraid we have some bad news."


Dean was breathing as slow as the annoying woman on the CD was telling him to, but somehow he still felt like something was wrong. His heartbeat wouldn't slow down and he had the most nauseating feeling building up in his gut. Come on dude, you're making all this up, you're hungry and tired. That's all. Dean flipped the stupid relaxation thing off, because it really wasn't working, and turned the radio on, his car skidding to a halt on the deserted road as the news filtered into the empty space of his car.

"23rd and 8th street has had to be closed as a twenty seven year old woman had to be cut from the wreckage of her car after a head on collision with a speeding driver who was on their cell phone, reports from eye witnesses have said that the girl is believed to be former Maxim Model Rachel Gatina. There will be more on that story as we get it."

No. Rach. Dean felt his world completely collapse around him. Dean's hands trembled as he went into auto-pilot, turning the car around and heading in the direction of the hospital.

As the streets blazed into one, Dean's mind was a rapid quick fire through all of the memories of her that he has stored, her laugh, her smile, the way her hair felt as it tickled his chest. The fact that her right side was far more ticklish than her left, the way she would blush when he would pull her close to take her picture even though she spent most of her time posing in lingerie for top designers. Dean could feel the tears prickling at his eyes, all of his memories of her spilling out at once and tumbling around his empty head.

If only I had said something different, or been there more. If I had fought for her, this wouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have settled for her walking out like that, I shouldn't have settled for four long years without her.

Dean felt the first tear make its bitter path down his face, followed by another and another and another. Please hang on Rachel, I have so much to say to you.


It was quiet when he got back home, well, it was 3am after all and not a whole bunch of places were noisy at three am. Dean couldn't wait to slip in behind her, snuggle in nice and close and just fall asleep to the sound of her breathing after he had given her a goodnight kiss of course.

"It's Three am."

The voice startled Dean and he spun around in the darkened room to where he thought it was coming from. The light to the spacious dining room/kitchen/living room flipped on at the dullest setting and Dean could see his reflection in the floor to ceiling windows.


"Rachel?" He quirked his brow and set his briefcase on the side table.

"Its Three am." Rachel stated again, her voice shaky and a whole lot rougher than she was used to.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Dean asked as he closed the distance between himself and his clearly upset girlfriend.

"I promised myself, that if you weren't home by eleven, I wouldn't be here to meet you."

Rachel's voice cracked.

It was only then that Dean noticed the packed bags on the floor, at her feet.

"I waited, its now three am. I've waited for you. Cancelled modelling contracts for you, Lost friends through you. I've cried myself to sleep for you Dean. I've done everything you ever wanted me to do, to make you proud of me, to make you love me. But I can't do that anymore Dean. I'm losing who I am to make someone who isn't around enough care." Rachel was standing now, tears falling freely down her face. "I love you Dean, I love you so much more than you will ever know, but I love me too, I have too much self respect to sit here and play the work widow while you number crunch and eat salad at your desk."

"Rachel..." Dean reached out towards his girlfriend, to try and talk some sense into her.

"No, Dean. I've had enough. I'm twenty five years old. We're twenty five years old, yet you're so busy acting like a middle aged workaholic to pay any attention to anything but Shares and Statistics." Rachel pulled away from his grasp, almost tripping over one of the bags she had packed in the process.

"Let's just go to bed and talk about this in the morning, alright?" Dean was clutching at straws and he knew it, the strong feisty girl he had fallen in love with was back and she was just about to walk out of his life.

"No." Rachel shook her head, a soft sad smile gracing her features. "No more time. No more chances. No more." Gathering up the few bags on the floor, Rachel stepped towards Dean, her lips softly touching his.

"I'm sorry." was all Dean could manage, all that he wanted to say was caught behind the shock that was building up in his throat.

"Yeah." Rachel walked passed him before stopping at the door for one glance back, "I'm sorry too." And with that, She walked out of the door and out of his life.


Dean wasn't sure why he thought this was a good idea, waiting around the corner of the love of his life's hospital door in the hopes that her devastated fiancé would leave her side for a few minutes, considering he had been told that she might not make it through the night. Dean shuddered at the thought, the coffee some kind nurse had brought him was cold now, and the brown sludge had started to seep through the polystyrene cup and staining his $250 designer dress pants.

Dean didn't know which God was looking out for him at that moment in time, but as the door to Rachel's room opened, Dean knew exactly what it was he had to do, had to say. As casually as he could, Dean got up from the little seat he was sitting on and walked over to the trash can to dump his coffee cup, watching in the reflection of the metal as a broken hearted young man walked away form the room towards where he was standing. Shit.

"Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to know where the payphones are would you?" the young man choked out, before taking shuddering breaths to try and control himself.

"Yeah, they're down the hall and to the left." Dean did his best to smile, hoping that the red rings around his eyes weren't too apparent.

"Thank you." Mouth nodded, even as a wave of fresh tears began to pour down his face. "Have you ever met the person that you would give your life for, the one you want to spend making their life as good as they make yours?"

"Uh." Dean hesitated, stopping short of breaking down himself and telling Mouth the girl for him was also the girl for Mouth. "Yeah, yeah I have." Dean replied with a smile, there really was no point in lying.

"Tell her that everyday, show her how much you love her, you might not get a second chance." Mouth stated, reaching out for Dean's arm. "Promise me, you'll never take her for granted."

Too late for that pep talk dude, four years too late. "I Promise." Dean nodded, a flitting smile passing over his face.

"Good." Mouth patted him on the arm and began a hurried walk towards the payphones, the thought of being away from her for too long obviously spurring him on.

Dean watched him rounding the corner before he quickly crept towards the door, pushing it open and quickly moving into the dull light of the room. He had always hated hospitals ever since he broke his arm in a fall when he was four, running from the monster that was in Jo's nursery. The nurse and the doctor had laughed at him when he had told them what had happened. But I'm not here to relive memories...

Dean sucked in a breath when he saw her lying there on the bed; she looked so small and so pale with all of those machines around her. It was hard to believe she was unconscious, or critical as that lovely nurse had told him, she simply looked as though she was sleeping, she looked like she did when he would crawl in beside her and hold her close to him, whispering the words he couldn't seem to say when she was awake.

"Rachel..."Dean's voice came out no more than a whisper and he had to clear his throat, he wanted her to hear him, he needed her to hear this.

"You're looking good, scratch to the forehead, but you're still as gorgeous as ever." Dean's whole body trembled as he made his way to her bedside, settling into the chair that no doubt Mouth had used only minutes before. "I don't have much time, but Baby, I wanted you to know." Dean's voice cracked against the weight of the emotion building up his throat and pressing on his vocal chords. "I love you, Rachel. I always have, I always will. I know this is too little too late, and this fight I'm putting up for you means nothing, because its four years, three months, two weeks and four days later but hear me out."

Dean gently took one of Rachel's slender hands in his, linking fingers with her. "I never really thought you would leave, I thought you would come back to me, you know, realize how much you loved me, and part of me has been holding onto that. When I heard it was you in that crash, Rach my world fell apart, I didn't know what to do. I know I need you, and I want you to be with me, but I won't ask you to leave him Rach, you have it made. He adores you baby, but he will never, ever love you more than I do. You're happy with him, and that's all I want for you, to be safe, to be happy and to be healthy." Dean let out a slow breath as the tears from his face dripped down onto Rachel's skin, the warmth of her hand in his making him feel better. Just like her touch always could.

"I'm sorry." Dean was quite aware he was sobbing, his grip tightening on her hand as he pressed his forehead against it. "I'm so, so sorry," Dean got to his feet then, Rachel's hand still clasped in his and he leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. "You have to wake up for him Rachel, he needs you. Just because I can't have you doesn't mean the world can't have you either." Dean placed a kiss to her cheek and let go, walking briskly out of the room, and missing the tear that rolled down Rachel's cheek.


Rachel couldn't remember much of waking up, only that when she did, she still felt groggy, her head hurt like hell and the dull ache that had been in her heart for the past few years had gone completely and was replaced by the love she had felt for those three long years.

Maybe all it took was the accident to make me realise that I was in love with mouth and not Dean anymore and that Dean didn't mean anything to me, I was just craving the excitement of what we had? Maybe the accident was enough to make me let go.

The door swinging open pulled Rachel out of her thoughts, because she couldn't blame the grogginess for muttering about her ex-boyfriend if her fiancé was walking in the room and besides, it had been almost ten hours since she had come to.

"Hey Bitch." Brooke's cheerful lilt filled the room and Rachel let out a soft sigh. Finally someone who can give me some answers.

"Hey." Rachel smiled back and Brooke settled down on the bed with a huge balloon and a box of chocolates.

"You gave us quite a scare there, genius. You should see the press and fans out there waiting for you, I had to fight to get in." Brooke didn't miss a beat as she unwrapped the box of chocolates, opened them and started to eat them.

"Here was me thinking those were for me." Rachel smiled sweetly and Brooke kinked an eyebrow.

"No way, I didn't spend twenty five dollars on Belgian chocolates for you to eat then heave all over the place." Brooke argued good naturedly before passing the box to Rachel.

"This, is going to be a little bit random, but I want the truth Brooke, the whole truth and nothing but the truth." Rachel looked up from the little card that came with the chocolates and watched the quiet panic filling her friend's eyes.

"You remember, don't you?" Brooke asked on a sigh, her fingers raking nervously through her hair.

"Dean was here, wasn't he?" Rachel bit down on her lower lip to try and stop the excited schoolgirl grin that was about to spread over her face at the mere thought that he had come to see her.

"Yeah, Rach, He was." Brooke looked down, suddenly fascinated with the buckle on a stiletto from her own BD range.

"Well you're looking like someone's died, What's up?" Rachel tried to sit up, before the pain proved too much, and she dropped back down on the mattress with a pain-filled sigh.

"Well, for a start you have seven broken ribs and a punctured lung, so you know, take it easy. And secondly, the stuff he was saying Rach, I don't think he even noticed I was in the room, you woke up just as he left. I know you heard him." Brooke finished so quietly Rachel had to strain to hear.

"Does Mouth know?" Rachel could feel her bottom lip trembling. It wasn't that she didn't like Mouth, it was that she loved him too much as a person, as a friend, to hurt him.

"Well, he was talking to him but, no I don't think that he knew who he was, why?" Brooke kinked her eyebrow at her friend who smiled sadly.

"I want to see him." Rachel announced and Brooke almost choked.

"Are you sure you're pain relief isn't a little too high? You want to see your ex-boyfriend who didn't have time for you when you were together in a hospital where you are after what appears to be some kamikaze car crash by the way, while the guy who adores you sleeps off a twelve hour bedside vigil!" Brooke stormed and Rachel looked sadly down at the hospital bracelet , twisting it round her slender wrist.

"I don't love him Brooke, its killing us both for me to stay here. He's so in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way about him. I just need to know if I still feel that way about Dean, I need to know if things aren't working out with mouth because I can't let go of Dean." Rachel felt tears filling her eyes and let out another sigh before biting her lip.

"Why didn't you say something before Rachel? This could have ended months ago. Why did you stay so long when you were unhappy?" Brooke reached out and took Rachel's hands in hers.

"I thought I could make it work, you know, Mouth was so in love with me, I've never had that feeling before, but I couldn't get the thought of Dean out of my head, every time Mouth kissed me all I could think of was Dean. I couldn't break Mouth's heart like Dean broke mine, but I know now that all along that's exactly what I was doing, I was making him believe that there was something there that really wasn't." Rachel stopped to take a breath, the tears falling down her pale cheeks.

"Rach....." Brooke did as best as she could to wrap her arms around her friend as Rachel sobbed in her arms. "Alright, listen to me. Listen," Brooke looked down at Rachel and cupped her cheek, forcing her to look at her. "I'll bring Dean here, and you two can talk it over, But you'll have to end it with Mouth regardless. Promise?" Brooke looked sternly at the pale redheaded girl in front of her, who nodded meekly. "No, I need you to say it." Brooke stated simply and felt Rachel swallow against her arm.

"Alright," Rachel nodded. "I promise."


Dean had just flicked the news over, it was the only way he was getting updated on Rachel's condition, even though the nurse that had been so nice to him and slipped him her number in case he needed some more information. He smiled bitterly to himself, not two days ago did the thought of turning the TV on during my working hours never occur to me but now I really could care less about the macros and the target setting and the spreadsheets and the risks - they can all wait. I just need to know that she's alright.

A sharp knock at the door made Dean turn around and smile at the woman who entered.

"Sorry to bother you, but there's a Brooke Davis here to see you she sai--"

"Send her through." Dean cut the secretary off quickly. The reporters can't be wrong can

they? She has to be alright, why else would Brooke be here?

"But Mr Smith, you have a meeting scheduled in twenty minutes with the shareholders--" the secretary tried again.

"I Said send her through." Dean flashed an angry glare at the blonde woman who quickly nodded and scurried out of the door, a door which Brooke walked through moments later.

"Wow, haven't you done well for yourself." Brooke smiled as she walked through the doorway and into the middle of the spacious office.

"Is she alright?" Dean all but gushed, spinning around to meet the Brooke's brown gaze.

"No. She has a punctured lung, seven broken ribs, fractured hip, dislocated shoulder and a lot of internal bleeding. Her ex-boyfriend showed up and made everything worse for her emotionally. You want to explain yourself?" Brooke pouted and Dean looked down at the ground.

"I...I...um." Dean stumbled over the words before looking back at the floor.

"She wants to see you." Brooke cut to the chase as Dean began to spin the ring on his ring finger of his right hand.

"What?" Dean's mouth fell open as his head shot up and he locked his gaze with Brooke's.

"What? Why?" Dean could feel the tightening in his chest and the lack of hair getting to his head, She wants to see me, why could she possibly want to see me?

"I have no idea why she would want to see you after the way you treated her Dean, but she knows what she wants and I'm backing her one hundred percent. I know you loved her then and I know you love her now, but when all is said and done, you have to do something about this if she chooses to give you another shot you hear me?" Brooke stated matter-of-factly. "Don't just stand there gawping, get your shit together."

"I hear you." Dean stammered out, the world spinning around him as he made for his desk and grabbing for his jacket, leaving his briefcase, cell and pager were left laying in his office as he dashed out of the door after the petite brunette.


Rachel sighed as she watch the liquid pain relief drip from the bag into the plastic tube before going into the thin tube that went into her hand. Brooke had left over two hours ago and the traffic was never this bad, she could get from Dean's apartment to Sandover in half an hour during rush hour, and he lived further away than this godforsaken place.

Rachel remembered the lunchtime drives, when she would head over to Sandover with lunch for Dean, only to end up on some kind of road trip. Well, before the workaholic replaced my Dean with some clone. She reasoned. She loved perching herself on his desk as he ate, talked and typed. Smiling as he cancelled meetings with shareholders, took risks and made gambles. She loved watching his mind work, the way he was so quick to learn things, calculate things, think things through. He was more than just a pretty face. He knew how to hold a deep geeky conversation while on the treadmill. Something Mouth couldn't do.

I know how it sounds and its not how Mouth looks. Rachel was honest with herself, if she was going to be stuck in this hospital bed, she may as well do something worth while. It really isn't. He's just never been the guy for me, at all. I thought he was but was confused between friendship love and being in love. It's not that easy to get confused with in some people's cases, but after Dean, after everything I went through with that, Mouth was different, he was refreshing, he wasn't Dean. Rachel smiled at that thought, twisting the hospital bracelet round her wrist again. She thought of the parallels between Mouth and Dean, how different they were, yet how startlingly similar they were at the same time.

He also wasn't what I was looking for. Rachel realised with a rueful smile. I mean, looking back, I should have saw the signs, I should have noticed that I was looking for Dean all the time and not even thinking about Mouth. I should have realised that when I was driving passed the Sandover buildings to get to the studio where Mouth was working, I should have known that I wasn't going that way to avoid the traffic I was going that way for Dean. It's always been Dean, ever since I can remember. Ever since high school, college, work. He's always been the one I wanted, the only one I wanted. A few tears spilled then, the stark reality of lost love finally seeping into her veins, four years too late, she thought bitterly, wiping away the tears.


Mouth was my knight in shining armour when I needed saving, but Dean has always had my heart. Its not fair on Mouth for me to keep doing this to him. I have his heart here in my hands but my heart isn't mine to give. Dean may have broken it into a thousand little pieces but I still love him with every single one of them. And he still has them. I can't go through with this. Its not right, its not fair on either of us.
Rachel sighed and felt herself sink further into the pillows.

How am I supposed to tell him though? I still love Dean, but I don't know if going back to him would work. I don't even know if he would come back to me. I know he was here, but that doesn't mean jack. We've been together since forever, I would hope it meant something to him and deep down he cared.

Rachel was jolted from her thoughts as the door swung open before a hand caught it to steady it, stop it from crashing against the wall.

"Hey Sweetheart." Mouth whispered as he walked through the door, a box of chocolates and a massive teddy in hand. Rachel did try to answer, but the weight of what she knew she had to say pressed so hard on her vocal chords that no sound passed her lips no matter how hard she tried to speak. "What's wrong?" The concern shining in Mouth's eyes caused the tears Rachel had been holding back to spill down her cheeks. "Rachel?" His voice never raised above a whisper as he walked briskly towards her bed, standing beside her and reaching for her hand after he placed the gifts he had brought on the little table.

"I'm sorry." Rachel let out a loud sob and clamped her hand over her mouth as she tried to compose herself, her attempt failing as Marvin gently cradled her against his chest.

"No-one's mad at you Rachel, it was an accident, it's alright." Mouth soothed, smoothing his hands through her hair.

"No." Rachel shook her head and tried to push herself away from him, or even hint to him that he needed to let her go - in more ways than one. Rachel smiled bitterly at the thought; Mouth was always the one holding on tightly, no matter how much it was hurting them both and she was always the one trying to get away, to make him let go and to run and never stop again. "I can't do this anymore!" Rachel gave a final push before she leaned back against the pillows, her heart racing and her ribs throbbing sending waves of pain through her system.

"Rachel, please, calm down!" Mouth tried to comfort her again but this time she held up her hand.

"No, Mouth. Listen." Rachel took a steadying breath, not even bothering to try and control the tears steadily flowing down her cheeks, "I can't be a part of this anymore. It's not fair on you, on me, on either of us." Rachel watched as her words sunk into Marvin's head, his worried face suddenly becoming totally heartbroken.

"I…but…." Marvin's brain and voice weren't willing to function together and it was obvious to Rachel, as she tried to hold herself together. "You said you loved me."

Rachel felt the full force of his pain and she tilted her head to the side, trying to catch his gaze which had fallen to the floor. She needed to look into his eyes and tell him this, because even though she knew it would kill him, he had to know.

"Marvin," Rachel tipped his jaw up in order for him to meet her eyes, both gazing tearfully at each other. "I do love you, I promise you I do--"

"--then why are you breaking up with me?"

"Because I'm not in love with you, Marvin, I haven't been for a very long time." Rachel sighed and took his two hands in hers and smiled a small smile. "I thought I was, but this accident has made me realise a few things and I don't want you to go through life thinking that you are making me unhappy when your not, it's just me staying for all the wrong reasons." Rachel knew he deserved an explanation but trying to find the words to tell someone that you are in love with someone else and have been for as long as she was, was difficult.

"Its Dean, isn't it?" Marvin asked, as though reading her mind. "it always has been." He finished his sentence with a soft sigh and let a few small tears spill down his cheeks.

"Marvin--"

It was his turn to cut her off by taking a step back from her. "I only want to make you happy Rach, I don't want to see you suffer, that's why I want you to think about going back to him." Mouth stepped forward and pressed a soft kiss against her forehead, his tears spilling down onto her cheek, mixing with hers as he slowly stepped away. "Look after yourself Rach." Marvin smiled a small smile before backing away and walking swiftly out of the door without looking back.

Rachel sat back slowly, a calm sort of numbness had washed over her as her sobs began to subside into hiccups and a few small tears as she waited for Brooke to come back again.

"No-one said it would be easy." she muttered to herself, wiping at her eyes; the stinging pain from hurting mouth hurting worse than the injuries she sustained in the accident.

Rachel sighed, she remembered the impact, she remember swerving, slamming on the breaks the other car hitting her anyway, spinning out of control. She remembers hitting the wall, grazing against it, not stopping and hitting the tree. She remembers the warm fuzzy feeling, the calm, the numbness. She remembers it all going black.

It was when Rachel felt that same feeling again, she panicked, grabbing for the button for the nurse, her breathing becoming ragged, she wasn't ready yet, she needed help. Her fingers scrambled for purchase, but gripping nothing. Her voice failed her and she felt the clutches of unconsciousness gripping at her, trying to drag her under.

"Rach? Rachel!"

The voice was oh so familiar, the deep sound in the room, bouncing off of the walls. "I need some help in here!"

Rachel stopped struggling, desperately trying to open her eyes, not aware she had closed them, she tried to speak, tried to say something, anything. But nothing came out.

"Come on Rach, stay with me." There were two arms around her now, cradling her. Rachel managed to force her eyes open. Beautiful green orbs starting back into her, tear filled gazes meeting once gain.

"I lov--" She tried to get out, his lips on hers silenced her.

"I know. I love you too." He smiled at her, and then she was falling again, falling from such a high height she wasn't even sure where the bottom was, she just hoped he was there to catch her. His arms vanished and the room filled with people and noise. Medics and Machines. Shouting and Beeping.

"I'm here Rach, I'm not letting you leave me again." She heard him call out into the room, someone muttered something about a time and her stats and theatre but all Rachel could do was smile and relax, it was his big meeting day. It always had been, he should have been in some corporate meeting, yet he was here with her. As the darkness finally took hold again, Rachel didn't fight, Dean was here with her and he wasn't going anywhere.


Dean paced. He was good at pacing. He was good at patience and number crunching. He wasn't however, good at waiting in times like this. He liked facts and figures and probability.

The fact that there were 14 medics in the room by the time Rachel was stable enough to be taken to theatre, that wasn't good odds. He had discarded his tie and suit jacket by now, they were haphazardly thrown over the chair beside Brooke who was looking calm and collected as she flicked through a glossy magazine, occasionally stopping to look at the models.

"I'm not using size zero's for clothes over Bros, I mean, come on, her ribs are sticking out. Most of the populations isn't." Brooke sighed and continued to flip through the pages.

"How can you even think about that when Rachel is in there, possibly dying?" Dean spun on his heel to face the brunette, who kinked her eyebrow at him.

"Because if I don't think about one of my best friends possibly dying, chances are she won't. I have to think of something else before I turn into some sort of wreck." Brooke sighed and turned back to the booklet.

"You just seem awfully calm for this situation." Dean snapped and walked over to the window, pressing his forehead against it.

"it's a recurring thing." Brooke's voice was so soft Dean wasn't even sure that she had said anything.

"I'm sorry?" Dean turned around to look at her.

"So you should be. It's your fault." Brooke's eyes filled with tears as she looked at Dean.

"What?" Dean was truly confused as he took a step towards Brooke before sitting on the little table, a little bit away from her.

"After you two broke up, she was a mess, got involved with all sorts. She was drinking, doing drugs, barely eating. She would vanish for days at a time and I would get a call from here asking me to come and pick her up. She was in rehab three times, Dean." Brooke paused to gather her thoughts fully aware she was about to burst into tears.

"Brooke I didn't know." Dean reached out a hand and rested it against Brooke's arm.

"I know, Dean. Mouth was her rock, he visited her everyday, helped her through the long nights when she got out. When they got together, it was like a fresh start for her. He was always there for her Dean. I just need you to promise me the same for her this time around."

"I do promise." Dean nodded reassuringly at Brooke who smiled back and held her arms out for a hug.

The door to the little waiting room opened and the doctor walked in, a deep frown set in his features. "Sorry to have kept you waiting." He apologised as the nurse who came in behind him closed the door.

"Can we see her? Is she alright?" the words tumbled out of Dean's mouth before he even registered what was going on.

"Mr Smith, I think it would be beneficial for you to take a seat right now, this might be a little difficult to take in."

Dean sank down onto the nearest chair, his heart falling and shattering on the floor like it had done four years ago when she had left him the first time. Please don't let there be a next time. He silently prayed as Brooke took his hand, waiting for the doctor to deliver whatever news couldn't have been given while Dean was still standing.


There was a whirlwind of nurses and forms and tests and questions and people running around, Dean felt his head spin. He was tired of paper work, tired of holding a pen, tired of being made to think. He had never been as grateful as he was in the moment Brooke stood up and lead the doctors away, telling them everything they needed to know, allowing for Dean to walk back to the room where it all stemmed from. The heart of the storm. The room where his heart was.

He wearily pushed the door open, the room bathed in an eerie light that could only be used in hospitals.

"Hey." Her voice was so weak Dean felt something gripping at his heart and tugging against it. this is so wrong.

"Hi." He whispered back, slowly walking towards her bed, bracing himself against the waves and waves of nausea that were building up in his gut.

"You came back." There was a slight hint of relief and desperation in her voice that tore Dean apart.

"I had to, Rach." he gushed, finally taking the last few steps to her bedside, the amount of machines surrounding her making him feel dizzy.

"No, you didn't." her voice was stronger now, her hand twitching beside her on the bed.

"Yes, I did." Dean sighed, settling on the chair beside her bed, fingers threading through hers, heart racing when she gripped on tight.

"Chances are I'm going to die." Rachel whispered into the cool, dimness of the room, a fear in her voice that Dean was not alright with.

"You have enough of a chance, you just have to fight." Dean's fingers tightened around hers, a silent effort to keep her here with him, always.

"Like you did." Rachel whispered brokenly and Dean's gaze fell to the floor.

"I'm so sorry Rachel. I am. I thought…The truth is I didn't think. I assumed that you were okay, they we were solid enough for me to let go a little. I never once thought I wasn't doing enough." Dean didn't know why he was saying this, it was too late to fight for her now. Not that I believe she's going to die, but why would she want me back, after what I've done?

"You didn't think." Rachel repeated. "I know you didn't and believe me I know how sorry you are but I just don't think that this would work again, I don't think, if I make it though, I'll be able to put myself through it again. It's not enough."

"Rachel I love you and I would willingly spend the rest of my life proving that to you, but I'm not going to push you. You have a new life now, and you're happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you." Dean looked up then, brown eyes meeting green in the single most intense look that either party had ever experienced.

Dean couldn't help it, it was like some sort of gravity that was pulling him towards her and as his lips collided with hers, he felt a pang of hurt, relief, elation, regret and a feeling that only she could give, the feeling that he was home, he was where he belonged. When he pulled back, Dean's eyes fell to the floor again.

"Dean." Rachel's voice was soft, her hand gentle as she touched his face, guiding his eyes to meet hers again. "I need you to promise me something."

Dean couldn't speak, he was completely mute, the sensations from their kiss still surging through his body making him feel as though he was drowning all over again. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth, his mouth was dry as Rachel smiled a soft, sincere smile at him.

"Dean, I need something to hold onto. I need something real and I'm willing to let that something be you, be us, but I need you to promise me that I'm not wasting my time." Rachel's voice sounded tired, pained and scared.

"Rachel--" Dean began, his free hand coming up to cup Rachel's cheek, catching the few stray tears.

"No, Dean. Listen. This workaholic nonsense has to stop. I need you and if you can't be there for me and stop putting spreadsheets and targets and macros before me. If you can't commit to us, than I'm sorry." Rachel was stern but gentle, even leaning into Dean's touch.

"We're not the same people we were four years ago Rachel. This accident has changed us. Life has changed us. I know for a fact that since you came in here I've done nothing but think about us. What I threw way and if you give me this chance, I will not throw it away again." Dean was so not above begging at this point, tightening his grip around her fingers, finally fighting for what he believed in, for what he loved.

Somehow he couldn't shut up now, it was like her ultimatum had sparked something inside of him. "Rachel, these past four years have been hell, I've been punishing myself every day because of this, I've been working so much to try and take up some more time that I would spend with you. When I was working so much, I was trying to build us a future, give us some safety, something to retire on. I just, I didn't even think about working on the here and now." Dean's voice was full of urgency, he needed to tell her this.

"Dean." Rachel settled her finger against his lips, effectively silencing him for the time being. "I'm in, just be here when I wake up." it was a plea and Dean knew it.

"I'm going to be here when you wake up for the rest of our lives." He pressed a kiss to her hand. Eyes filling with concern when she winced in pain as she moved over on the bed, creating space for him that the nurse would kill him for using later. But right now, Dean thought as he manoeuvred onto the bed, taking Rachel into his arms - the feeling of home spreading through his veins as she curled against him the best she could - and placing a light kiss against her head, right now I couldn't care less.

Dean allowed himself to fall into a light sleep, listening to Rachel's heart beating on the monitor and the sound of her breathing, letting him know she was with him again. A soft smile passed over his features as the thunder rolled outside, big drops of rain begging a gentle tattoo against the window. Yeah, we're back on.

*Three Years Later*

Dean sat under the old oak tree, resting against it as he watched his daughter run around in the sun with Brooke.

"Stop thinking." The voice came from beside him and he automatically moved over, arm outstretched to allow her to snuggle into him. Dean chuckled softly when she settled against his side, her head fitting perfectly in the space between his shoulder and chin, just like she had that night at the hospital. "Well, at least tell me what you're thinking then, if you're just going to completely ignore my request."

Dean sighed and threaded his fingers through hers, the two white gold wedding bands shining in the sunlight.

"I'm thinking about that night in the hospital, when that massive storm almost caused a power cut and Brooke blamed us for getting back together." Dean smiled, a fond memory for both of them. "I'm also thinking that I never thought I'd get to have this with you, when they told me that you had a massive internal bleed and a ruptured liver, when they said those words to me Rach, I thought I'd lost you for good. I mean, a forty percent survival rate?" Dean shook his head and gripped her tighter.

"But you didn't Dean." Rachel smiled up at him, kissing the soft twitch on his jaw. "I'm still here, beside you, and we have our gorgeous little girl over there. I'm not going anywhere, ever." she snuggled closer to him, his heart beat filling her ears.

"I'm not letting you go again." Dean whispered as their daughter came waddling towards them, her 18 month old legs not quiet used to properly running yet.

"Momma!" She called out as both Dean and Rachel extended one arm each, gripping their little girl close to them.

Dean's cell vibrated on the grass beside them, both his and Rachel's eyes gravitating towards it. With a sigh, Dean leant over and picked it up, finger hovering over the answer button. He felt Rachel pull away and tightened his grip on her before rejecting the call. "if its important, they'll call Sam." He beamed at Rachel.

"I love you." Rachel smiled at him, grinning at their daughter, Ella, picked at the frayed fabric on the knee of her father's jeans.

"I love you too, Rachel. I feel like I've been given a second chance at this and I'm not screwing this up." Dean kissed Rachel's head as their daughter took of at a run towards Brooke.

"I'm so glad you stole my heart again Dean." she smiled as she snuggled into him again, the leather of his jacket cool against her sun warmed skin.

"Me too, Rach, me too. Although, I think mother nature can leave off the rainstorms, I quite like this sunshine business." He joked, making her laugh loudly into his shoulder.

Finis


A/N2: review, please?

K

xox