This is the first story I write in english. I always avoided writing, since I'm not confident about my english and I was afraid the result would be awful. Anyway, I tried my best and I'd like you to excuse any mistakes I made. I don't know if I should continue the story or leave it as is. You decide and tell me if you wish to read another chapter.
Regret
Japan couldn't concentrate anymore. He honestly didn't want to go to the meeting but there was nothing he could do about that, he knew he had to. There were many important matters that needed to be discussed and he couldn't just avoid it. But he just couldn't concentrate.
He came prepared, determined that he wouldn't waver, he wouldn't change his mind; but this was too much painful for him to bear. His eyes were fixed on a certain person at the other side of the table, he knew he was staring (something he would have never done if the circumstances had been different), but he couldn't take his eyes off of him. He wanted to swallow everything; his messy brow hair, his beautiful features, that gentle smile of his that made him melt, his kind emerald green eyes that always sent shivers down his spine, his strong arms that used to engulf him. He wanted to swallow all of him and keep it there in his mind forever. He was scared he would forget and he didn't want that to happen.
Japan could no longer hear America's rambling. He was in some other place, a peaceful place. He was walking barefoot on the beach, the small waves were crashing on his feet and the sun was shining over his head. The heat was unbearable but he didn't mind at all, he was happy, so happy that words couldn't describe it. Ahead of him was another man, smiling at him and calling his name. He smiled and ran after him.
The memory faded little by little and another one formed in his mind. His features darkened. He knew what was coming… He was in his bed, eyes closed, he started to stretch his arms and he touched something, someone! Japan's eyes opened at once, he was shocked at the side of another man lying beside him and especially that one man. He started to panic; the gears in his mind were working full speed trying to think of something, something that would make him escape from the situation his was in, but he was too late. The man beside him moved, he took a deep breath and turned to face him with a terrified look written all over his face.
"Good morning", the other man finally spoke, rubbing his eyes. Japan didn't answer immediately, he just stared him in disbelief. How can this man be always so calm? Hadn't he realized what had happened? How can he grin like that knowing that they ruined everything; their friendship they tried so hard to build?
"How can you be so calm?", he finally spoke looking at him in despair.
"Why shouldn't I be?", he answered back. "I'm here with you, I can touch you, hug you, kiss you. What else should I wish for?" his smile was even wider now.
"That's what I'm talking about". He didn't realize he was shouting now. "This should have never happened. It was all a mistake. Please, I'm begging you, forget that this ever happened". The smile froze on the other man's face. It was a look that Japan had never seen on his face. "Do you really mean that?" he asked, hoping for a negative answer. "Yes, I do. Let's just forget it" Japan finally said, looking away.
The man sighed, a strange look on his face. Japan couldn't figure out what he was thinking. "Fine", he just said and got off the bed. He searched a little bit until he found his clothes and slowly he dressed. When he was finally ready, he headed to the door, a low murmur came out of his mouth, before he opened the door and slammed it behind him. Japan wasn't sure he heard well, but the only he could make out was one word; goodbye. He shuddered and hid his face in his arms.
"…pan", he heard a low voice beside him. "Japan" the voice continued and he felt a light nudge on his right arm.
Japan immediately snapped out of his daydreaming. This wasn't like him, spacing out when he was at such an important meeting. He turned to face the person who called out for him, only to see France with a worried look on his face. "Is something wrong?"
"No, I just spaced out for a little while. I don't get enough sleep lately and I'm a bit tired." Japan reassured him with a tired smile. "Well I can't say I blame you. You didn't miss anything special anyway, just the usual rambling of America" he informed him, sticking his tongue out and looking at the said person. America didn't seem to notice though.
"Let's get going. Wanna grab lunch? My treat" France offered. He thought about it for a moment and finally he agreed. It was a good chance to stop thinking, even just for a moment.
Japan gathered his files and headed to the door following France. He suddenly saw him, walking, with a beautiful brunette beside him. They looked like a pair of Greek Gods together. She was talking lively waving her hands with every word she said. Next to her, he was smiling politely. For a moment their eyes locked; he looked surprised. But that was just for a moment. The surprise disappeared from his eyes and a hurt look took its place, he turned his eyes away and passed him by. Japan bit his lips and walked forward trying not to look back.
Japan was back home, finally alone. France was a good company but he preferred being left alone. He enjoyed silence and he was used to it anyway. The tea in front of him was cold, he decided to go to bed and try to get some sleep that he needed so much. He took of his white uniform and wrapped himself in his night robe. He hid under the covers and closed his eyes trying to ignore the feeling of loss, the loss of that warm body lying next to him. And like every night, he cried himself to sleep, wishing he could turn the time back and do it all over again, praying he could have that warm body beside him again. But now it was too late and he knew it very well. He closed his eyes tight once again, regret written all over his face. He couldn't do anything now and that was final.
"Heracles" a woman called out. "Come to bed" she said playfully patting the mattress. Heracles snapped out of his thought and headed to the bed. The woman snuggled, rubbing her face against his arm and finally putting her head on his chest. Heracles put his arms around her, wishing this body was someone else's; but he knew too well that this was just a dream that would never come true. Sleep immediately took over him and he escaped to dreamland where he could be with the person he loved. At least there, he could kiss him, touch him and be happy. He signed happily and smiled in his sleep.
