Disclaimer - I own nothing that you recognize.
A/N - I hope that you enjoy reading this! I love the Marauder era of Harry Potter so I'm really excited about continuing with this. Let me know what you think. :)
Chapter 1 - Afternoon pranks
August 31st, 3.42pm
I, Katie Potter, am proud to announce that you have the wonderful privilege of containing my inner most secret thoughts.
3.43pm
Well, you may not find it a privilege but it's tough luck.
Mum came back home a few moments ago and handed you to me and I have to admit that I was a little bit skeptical at first. It's not like I haven't tried to keep a diary of my life before.. I used to write in my old diary like it was my best friend. But then my hell spawn of a brother found it and all of my deepest, darkest secrets were at risk of being exposed! (Okay, okay, so I was ten years old when I had this diary and my secrets weren't that deep or dark.. but oh well!)
Suffice to say, that diary didn't survive. James coincidently dropped it into a muddy puddle.
I swear, I could have killed the stupid git - and I really would of if it hadn't of been for our mum coming to the rescue and saving him from my wrath. Damn our mother and her good hearted nature...
Oops, I sidetracked..
Anyway, you, my leather bounded friend, are the said diary which mother dearest has just given me. She came home at half past three and came to present you to me but caught me in the cookie jar and gave me a bit of a lecture. 'No snacks before dinner,' she said. Seriously! I know that parents seem to want to raise healthy children but I was ravished. James not only stole half of my potatoes at dinner time but he also ate my dessert. I kicked him in the shin as a punishment but, still, how is a growing sixteen year old girl supposed to wait for five hours without eating a thing? I think my mum was dropped on her head as a child.. As I was saying, she presented you to me and told me that she used to have a diary like you when she was my age.
You're not like one of those ordinary Muggle diaries.. get this - You're an enchanted diary! When I close you, all of the writing on the pages will disappear until I open you again. So if James dares to even have a peek then there will be nothing but blank pages.
3.46pm
I feel the need to break out into an evil laugh -
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Enough of that, James, Sirius AND Remus is staring over curiously. Oh, I forgot that James had both Sirius and Remus over.
3.47pm
...Awkward.
3.48pm
Why did I have to do that in front of them? The Marauder is a dangerous, sneaky species and I have a funny feeling that they aren't going to let me live that down.
3.50pm
My feeling was right.. Sirius is mimicking my evil laugh and Remus and James are snorting with laughter.
Stupid boys.
It's not like Sirius is doing it right anyway!
3.51pm
Note to self - Never break out into an evil laugh whilst people are around.
4.00pm
Wow, I really must of been pouring my heart into you because the Marauders were getting rather curious.
Remus asked what I was writing. I lied and said that I was doing homework.
They all burst out laughing and then James said that the day that I actually do my homework is the day that Merlin comes back as a reincarnated flying pig.
Then Sirius asked what I'm actually writing.
I told them that the day I tell them is 'the day that Merlin comes back as a reincarnated pig'.
4.02pm
Unoriginal, I know. But I'm too distracted to think of good banter today.
4.05pm
Remus is sat in front of me, James has moved to sit on one side of me and Sirius is on the other... this cannot be good.
Cornered by three quarters of the marauders.
Godric's frilly knickers, save me.
4.06pm
Stupid boys.
James and Sirius are poking me and I'm finding it very hard to stay calm.
Maybe I should use some sort of mantra?
I will stay calm. I will stay calm. I will stay calm. I will-
4.07pm
Okay, mantas officially don't work for me. I did not stay calm and I whacked Sirius and James on the head.
Ohnoahhhhhhhhhhhh-
4.30pm
The incoherent word above actually translates to 'Oh no, *scream*'.
But how can a person who has been dragged off of the sofa, against her own will might I add, expect to write in a grammatically correct manner? I'll fill you in on the last seventeen minutes of hell - Obviously, neither James nor Sirius took too kindly to being whacked in the head because they dragged me off of the sofa and started hitting me with the nearest cushions.
I thought Remus, being the sensible, kind hearted one, would save me - But he joined in!
Bloody buggers.
Now, diary, normally I would have seen it coming and had more of a chance to defend myself but it honestly took me by complete surprise. And how am I supposed to fight off three grown sixteen year olds? So I had no choice but to lie there for five minutes and take the beating whilst I composed a plan.
Then I found my wand.
What happened next is so funny that I am still laughing.
I turned Sirius Orion Black orange.
I'm not talking muggle-girl-fake-tan-orange, I'm talking the-product-of-two-Wotsits-makin'-sweet-love-all-night-long-orange. Let's see him try to charm the ladies of Hogwarts whilst looking like a carrot.. it's not a very attractive look at all.
Ah, crack up!
Anyway, my prank made Remus and James keel over with laughter and it was my perfect opportunity to escape. I ran straight to my room and locked the door, and then counted to three.
Sirius Black began to pound on my door after two and a half seconds.
Oh, SACREBLEU!
4.39pm - Still in my room.
I'm still in my room.
Sirius isn't on the other side of my door anymore, thank Godric! But he did warn me that he would get me back when I least expect it. I hate that expression, because now I am mega anxious of what he's got planned.
Do I leave my safe sanctuary, be the Gryffindor I truly am and face Sirius Black's revenge? Or do I stay here for the rest of my life?
4.41pm
After much consideration, I've decided to stay in my room.
4.42pm
I'm not proud of my decision but I value my life! I've got everything I need to survive anyway - A bed; a private bathroom; my clothes; some clean knickers; a hairbrush. It's a sanctuary..
4.43pm
... I don't have any food or drink.
4.50pm
Problem solved! I traveled to the depths of the land of under-my-bed and found the secret stash of sweets that I had hidden from James. I've got half a packet of Bertie Botts every flavor beans and a chocolate frog.
This could last me until the morning - if I ration very wisely.
5.00pm
Maybe Sirius has forgotten about the whole revenge thing now? Ooh, my beautiful owl has just flew through my window!
5.05pm
He has not forgotten about the whole revenge thing. The letter that my owl was carrying was, in fact, from nobody other than Sirius Black.
Dearest Katie,
I am no longer orange. Remus managed to find a counter spell and I am back to my handsome self. We're already plotting a way to get you back and, mark my words, you had better sleep with one eye open...
Yours sincerely
Sirius.
PS: Your mum said that you have to come out of your room sometime because dinner is at approximately 5.45pm
Balls.
Mum is going to make me go downstairs in forty minutes.
5.06pm
I really don't get the whole 'sleep-with-one-eye-open' threat. I mean, if I'm sleeping with one eye open then I am still sleeping... therefore, how on earth is having one eye open supposed to help me?
5.10pm
Oh! I get it now!
But, still, sleeping with one eye open would be too awkward and uncomfortable.
5.20pm
I got anxious about my sealed fate so I decided to eat my chocolate frog. Mind you, the pesky bugger was a pain to catch.
It was very yummy though.
Unfortunately, I got another Albus Dumbledore card.
5.21pm
I'll add that to my pile of twenty seven...
5.23pm
... I eat way too many chocolate frogs.
And I've only gone and eaten half of my secret stash. Now all that's left is half a packet of Bertie Botts beans.
I will not eat the beans.
5.30pm
Ew! Ew! Ew!
5.31pm
I ate a blooming bean, and it was vomit flavored. I know, I know, I stated that I wouldn't eat a bean before but the sweet aroma of mother's beautiful chicken and ham pie snuck all the way up here and invaded my personal space. It made me hungry.
5.32pm
Karma is evil.. and vomit tastes disgusting.
5.33pm
The wretched taste is still in my mouth! Maybe I should eat another bean to try and rid myself of anymore torture?
5.35pm
ANOTHER VOMIT BEAN? That can't even a coincidence?
5.40pm
I chucked my packet of beans back under my bed. Good riddance.
5.42pm
I always imagined the last five minutes of my life to be exciting and amazing but this is just boring.
5.43pm
Mother & father, if you ever read this, I'd like you to know that I thank you both for putting a roof over my head, raising me, cooking my meals and being great friends. I love you both very much.
James, you're a git... but you've been a great twin and very entertaining throughout our sixteen years growing up. PS- Lily likes you more when you're mature. I love you.
Lily - Hey! You don't know about any of this but James will probably fill you in. Anyway, if you get this then I'm dead. You can be really grumpy most of the times, mainly due to my git of a brother, but I genuinely hope that you end up with him as I believe that you'll make him more normal. Thank you for the late nights in our dorm of gossiping and fun. PS - James is head boy. Please don't kill him, he's all my parents have left now. Love you.
Sirius - You're a man whore, who has probably slept with the three quarters of the female population of Hogwarts. Nonetheless, you've been a good friend and I hope that you don't get an STD (Muggle disease, look it up), even though you're actually the cause of my death. See how nice I am!
Remus - Thank you for helping me with transfiguration - I'm truly crap at it. You've been a great friend and I hope that you find a cure for your 'furry little problem', it's horrible to see you so distressed.
Peter - ... Bye. PS - Sirius totally fancies you back.
5.45pm
Ooh. Mum is outside my door right now. Right on time..
5.47pm
Here's how the last conversation of my life went:
"Katie, it's time for dinner love."
"I've already had dinner."
".. What did you have?"
"A chocolate frog and two vomit flavored beans."
There was a silent pause for a few moments and I genuinely thought that she had gone back downstairs. Unfortunately, I thought wrong.
"Katherine Jane Potter," She used my middle name so I knew she meant business.
"Fine, I'll be down in a few moments."
5.55pm
They hijacked me!
Mum wasn't outside the door; they did a spell to make James sound like her - I would of found this quite comical if it wasn't for the prank that met me on the other side of my door.
As soon as I exited my sanctuary, I was bombarded with the sound of a spell and then a flash of color shooting towards me. I'm not quite sure what happened as they won't let me look in a mirror, but they are laughing so much that they can't breathe.
Oh, Godric, somebody better tell me what's going on!
6.00pm
I'M BLOODY PINK!
... And not 'pink-because-I've-blushed' pink. HOT PINK! Oh, I look terrible.
OH, SACREBLEU!
6.05pm
It's their turn to hide from me now. All three of them are stuck in James' room and I am still sat outside of it. I shouted until I turned an even brighter pink.
Luckily, I managed to turn myself back to my normal complexion. Those gits know how much I despise the vile, repulsive color!
6.07pm
Merlin.
They're still sniggering like little school girls.
6.08pm
I can't help but crack a smile. Even though I hate it when I'm on the receiving end of a prank, I have to applaud their efforts.
I love a good prank war.
6.30pm
We've all called a truce now. They retreated from James' room and we all had a laugh about it. Apparently dinner is actually at 7.00pm.
I told them that I am keeping a diary and James had that smirk on his face which I knew only meant bad things.. I'll just have to keep a special eye on you.
Then Remus and James went upstairs to finish packing for tomorrow, leaving Sirius and I in the living room. He wants to talk but I need to keep everything recorded.
6.33pm
Would you state your name for the records please?
Erm, Sirius Black.
Full name?
Does my full name really have to be in this, Katie?
Yes, it blooming does! This is a record of all of my memories of my final year. What if my memory gets wiped or something?
... Sirius Orion Black.
Good boy.
Katie, why in Merlin's name aren't we talking normally?
Reread our conversation and you will understand.
...
It's a record of everything, you dingbat!
Dingbat?
... I was watching a muggle tv program from Australia the other day.
Oh?
Stop smirking, you insufferable prat.
Ouch.
Ha.
You know, I just realized that Moony and Prongs didn't have a prank pulled on them..
Godric! You're right! Those pesky gits.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
... I'm not psychic Siri-poo.
Don't call me that.
Ha, sorry, but that's what you get for dating blonde airheads.
You're blonde.
I only go blonde in the summer, and I'm not an airhead!
Well-
If you value you're reproductive organs then you will not finish that sentence.
... Back to the main conversation...
Wise boy.
I say that we play a prank on Prongs and Moony tomorrow when we're back at good old Hogwarts.
Minnie will have a fit.
Nah, that kinky lady loves me really.
.. slightly disturbed.
Ha. So, are you game? ;)
When has Katie Potter not been 'game' to play a prank? Besides, it's even better that I get to get one over my prat of a brother. Also, don't wink like that..
Why not?
I feel used and dirty... just like your sluts.
Hey! They aren't all dirty!
But you admit that they were used ;)
How come you can use the wink and I can't?
Well, because my wink is sophisticated and suave. Look..
.. You look like you've got a nervous twitch. I'm the one who has perfected the wink. Look..
You look like a pervert.
;) ;) ;) ;)
STOP!
;) ;) -
6.45pm
I confiscated you from Sirius but he still keeps winking. Until he stops, he shall never be privileged enough to have a conversation with me in you again.
6.47pm
I told him this and now he is pouting.
7.00pm
James and Remus have come downstairs, unaware of our plotting for them tomorrow.
7.01pm
Cue the evil laugh!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
7.02pm
They're all looking at me weirdly again...
