Foreword:
This is my second fanfic, and I'm still getting used to it. You already know that's it about Deadpool, but it's also about my original character. That's all I have to say here. It will take a little bit to get used to the voices, and to make it easy; italicized are one voice and bold is the other voice.
Disclaimer:
I do not own Deadpool. If I did own Deadpool there would be an animated series. Also, I do not own anything mentioned in this fanfic beyond the ideas. Example; I do not own Hannah Montana, Outback Steakhouse, etc.
"Bang… Bang, bang… Bang, bang, bang!" the gun totting tween said. With each "bang" he said a piece of hot lead castrated a cardboard cutout of an enemy combatant. He yawned, covered his mouth with a 45 caliber Glock, and lobotomized a mannequin holding a remote activated bazooka.
The bazooka went off anyway. It would easily miss him if he did nothing, but one of the voices in his head said, "Shoot it! Shoot it, now! It'll be awesome!"
The second voice in his head said, "Hell yeah!"
"Hey, isn't one of you supposed to be my voice of reason of reason and the other creativity?" the tween said aloud.
"Eh, probably, but we both think it would be awesome," Reason said.
"Hey, you know what…? Shut up, and shoot!" Creativity said.
"Um… It already went by," the tween said, "… Wait a minute! Did you two just have your names revealed? What the hell? I'm the only one who has a body here! What kind of shoddy writing is this?"
"Alright, alright, reader, you paying attention? His name is Kidpool, he's the bastard son Deadpool. Not like it was a mystery," Reason said.
"What? No one told me we're the son of Deadpool!"
"'We're' not, I am. You two are the accidental children of my mind and severe trauma."
"That's beside the point. What is the point is that no one told me!"
"We did tell you, but you were fantasizing about Hannah Montana."
"Yeah, and that would have been fine, except you fantasized about her making out with Justin Bieber… And not us!"
"Shut up! Don't tell the reader I was fantasizing about Justin Bieber!"
"Um… We thought that was a side thing to Hannah Montana. Are you saying Justin Bieber was the focus…? Gross!"
"Great, I'm crazy and GAY… No offense to readers of that persuasion," Kidpool said with a sigh.
"We're not gay, still no offense to readers of that sexual orientation. Hey, look, a subject change; now the writer used your name too!"
"Woo. Let's celebrate by shooting things."
"You know, you could have said you wanted to move on, instead of sarcasm."
"Sorry, can we move on? We've been standing motionless for the majority of the fan-fiction so far."
"Wait, we're in a fan-fiction? No one told…" Creativity said.
"Shut up, Creativity!" Kidpool and his voice of Reason said.
"Fine…"
"Hmm… According to the map we go straight, left, right, right, left, and then straight."
"Isn't that the back of a kid's menu?"
"Don't question me!" Kidpool yelled, and followed his own directions.
"When did you get that thing out, and where did you get it in the first place?"
"I got it out when you where distracted by creativity and Justin Bieber, and you don't know where beyond Outback Steakhouse."
"Okay then, but how did you get something without us noticing?"
"Hey, Creativity is saying something distracting!"
"…"
"Or not."
"Creativity, where are you?"
"…"
"I think it's because we told him to shut up."
"Ah, we're sorry, you sensitive lug."
"Not that I forgive you two, but we're about to be shot at."
"What?" Reason screamed. The mental reverb stopped Kidpool in his tracks, and then a RPG made contact where he would have been.
"Hellllll~ooooo, copyright-infringement-of-an-alternative-reality-version-of-me-pool!" the original Merc with a Mouth yelled from the top of a building.
"Father, we meet at last."
"Creativity, only Reason and I can hear you."
"Soooooo?"
"So pay attention to the guy with the bigger guns than us!" Reason said who at this point was losing his rationale.
"Wow, you're crazier than I thought you'd be, kid," Deadpool said. He was now behind Kidpool.
"…pool."
"What?" Deadpool asked with his head cocked to the side.
"My name is Kidpool," Kidpool said, and without turning he shot Deadpool in the foot.
"Ow! Bad clone, that's gonna take a whole five seconds to heal!"
"I'm not a clone."
"Yeah, didn't you hear me say 'father' earlier," Creativity said chiming in.
"No, no, he didn't," Reason said, having regained his composure.
"I was wondering when you two would be back."
"Hey, do you have voices in your head too? We're just like Mary-Kate and Ashley, but not quite as crazy," Deadpool said, already healed and walking.
Kidpool turned, trying to pistol whip his much larger father. Deadpool caught his unknown son's gun, and said, "Whoa, okay, Olson twins are a touchy subject."
"Yes, it is, but that's unimportant right now." Kidpool said, already flipping over Deadpool. Once he passed Deadpool's shoulder Kidpool grabbed one of Deadpool's katana from Deadpool's scabbard.
Taking a Darth Vader pose, Kidpool said, "Wade, I am your son."
"I know, I read the part where the writer wrote, '… his unknown son….'"
"Well, that was anticlimactic. Damn you, easily broken fourth wall!"
"Forget about the nonexistent fourth wall, son. Now are you ready for some long lost father/son bonding?"
"If by 'bonding' you mean me cutting off your head, then yeah, let's get bonding!" Kidpool said, changing his Darth Vader pose into a ninja pose. The ninja pose is a katana held above one's, and their left foot forward with their knees bent.
Deadpool pulled out his second katana. He started doing spins, slashed the air, and doing all kinds of sword tricks. Then he stopped, struck a pose, and screamed in a Bruce Lee accent, "Woooo!"
Kidpool sighed, and brought out a 50 cal Magnum revolver. Deadpool was shocked, and then Kidpool shot him. With the katana in Kidpool's right hand and the Magnum in his left he threw his arms into the air. Kidpool, perfectly timed with voices in his head, yelled, "Hellz yeah! I'm Indiana Jones, biz-natches!"
A voice came in over the intercom, and it said, "Attention all personnel and future heroes there is an intruder on the premises…"
"I know! I shot him TWICE!"
"… Self-destruct will be initiated, and all persons outside of the training area will be evacuated."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
"Wait… Was that the intercom?"
"Nope, it was me!" Deadpool said, and he had healed again. Deadpool then cut off his son's head.
"Don't worry. First time's always the hardest," Deadpool said, and picked up the assembly needed, life-size, Kidpool. Both of them then collapsed into a point of singularity.
"After a brief cliffhanger, the sleeping Kidpool had fitful dreams of his origins and why he dresses like a black-ops agent. All in black, with no color whatsoever, and covered in different handguns. His combat boots, obviously hiding guns, knives, and gum, dug into Deadpool's couch," Deadpool narrated, while sitting in a folding chair staring at his son.
"Did you just do the writer's job?" Kidpool said, since he woke up about five minutes ago.
"Holy crap! The gun crazy teen's awake! Don't shoot me again, again!"
"I can't move my arms, and how did you know about the gum?"
"I don't know anything about cheese flavored gum!"
"That's good, because I had spearmint last time I checked."
"Hmm… There goes my plan for pizza flavored gum."
"Sounds good… Hey, why can't I move my arms?"
"I cut off your head."
"M'kay. Why'd you reattach it?"
"Because I always wanted a Deadpool Junior."
"That's cool, but I'm trained to kill you."
"By the losers who blew up their own HQ."
"… Um… Thinking of an intelligent or witty response… Um… Overly stated gasp! You're right, you'll train me, I'll get better, and then I'll kill you!"
"Yes, except for the killing me part."
"Well, I'm pretty set on killing you, but I'm easily bought, so…."
"Is guns, knives, swords, explosives, and an allowance of twenty dollars a week enough for me to buy your love?"
"Twenty-five and possibility of a car… Plus a percent of the merc work money."
"The car has to be a Dead-Mobile."
"…Deal."
"Shake on it!"
"… I still can't move my arms, and I want new clothes."
"Fine," Deadpool said, grabbing his son's limp hand and shaking fiercely.
Still holding Kidpool's hand Deadpool waved at the readers, and said, "That's all folks, until next week. Same Dead-Site, same Dead-Time! Assuming the writer doesn't slack off playing videogames."
Afterword:
I hope you had fun reading this. Next chapter will be up next Friday, assuming I don't play videogames or get killed by a tsunami, seriously. Also, next chapter will focus on Deadpool and his voices. Finally check out my profile.
