This is my first fan fiction story ever. I hope you like it. I would LOVE some reviews, please!
Edward:
Her scent was everywhere. I could almost feel it without even needing to inhale. She seemed happy, content, as her heart sped up a little when my eyes trained themselves on her face. I wasn't well composed at all; my hands trembled as I reached for her, my skin humming with excitement every second. If my heart could beat it would have broken my ribcage.
But what I felt now wasn't purely thirst for her blood, hot and sweet and intoxicating though it was. This was how it usually was when I was around her. Just being near her, I came so completely undone, so without reason or doubt; I didn't belong to myself anymore. But it wasn't the monster within to which I succumbed. It was Bella. I was hers, unquestionably, unconditionally, irrevocably.
This was long enough to ponder. I didn't need to think about why I belonged with her; I was simply ecstatic that I did. I felt that she belonged with me as well. I wound my arms around her, letting her press her warm body to my icy chest, breathing in the glorious scent that radiated from her hair, her skin, her clothes.
I still had to be careful, of course. I had to watch myself to make sure that scent didn't some day push me over the edge. I had always suppressed that side of my nature; suppressed, but not ignored. If I did ignore it, if I left it unchecked for even a second, I could lose her….I could kill her.
I tensed and visibly flinched at the thought. Bella, still wrapped in my now somewhat desperate embrace, lifted her head off my chest and tilted her beautiful face to see what was wrong with me. My body relaxed immediately when her innocent, concerned brown eyes met mine. I smiled at her, sending her a silent message with my gaze that I hoped would convey what words could not tell her. She smiled back, her worry all but forgotten. After a moment, she glanced sideways at the door.
"Charlie?" She mouthed her father's name, wondering if he'd woken. She began to slide reluctantly out of my arms, but I wasn't having that. I pulled her back to me, quickly leaning over to press my nose to the corner of her jaw.
"Still asleep," I whispered into her neck, my cool breath sending a shiver down her spine-not exclusively, I suspected, from the chill. I inhaled deeply, dragging my nose along her neck to her throat, being more and more careful all the while. I stopped when I reached the point where her pulse was strongest, breathing in her scent, pressing my lips to the hollow at the base of her throat.
She tried to say something else, but as my lips continued to graze her deliciously warm skin, she fell silent, captured by the moment and by the iron cage of my grip. Trying hard to hold still, she inclined her head slightly and inhaled. I knew that she was trying to be good, trying not to tempt me any more than was necessary. Right now, she was even more careful than she needed to be. I was well in control…at least, in that sense I was.
Living for even a second while thinking that she was dead had put a great many things in perspective for me. That pain was the most devastating and destructive that I had ever felt. It was natural for me to shy away from anything that might bring back a reminder. And now that Charlie had Bella under house arrest, only allowing me to see her from 7 until 9:30…the excitement, the joy that I felt when I did get to see her nearly buried the bloodlust. Nearly, but not entirely. I fought the urge to shudder and pushed these tedious thoughts from my mind.
My lips lingered just below her collarbone. I smiled as her heart skipped around erratically; I had always loved that.
Carefully, gently, I pulled her even closer to me, desperate for her, craving her warmth, her company, her body…her blood.
No. I wouldn't think about this tonight. Frustrated at myself, I drowned that last thought. Why was I always such a masochist? Couldn't I make it through one night with Bella without endangering her life only by thinking about it, by allowing such sinister thoughts to surface?
Perhaps the answer was no. Perhaps the only real way to protect her was to change her. It would certainly make things easier for me, when I didn't have to constantly focus on not killing her. And it was what she wanted…
Again I pulled my thoughts back to the moment. I would have time to think about such things later, while she slept, or while I was alone, and the air wasn't so saturated with her smell. I needed to enjoy this moment. I wasn't sure how many more like it I would have with her.
I loosened my grip around Bella's waist and took her hand, pulling her gently onto her bed. She sank down without protest, tentatively placing one hand on my neck, simultaneously warming my entire body as she perched precariously on my lap.
I still felt well enough in control as I slowly tipped backward until I lay on my back with Bella, surprised but pleased, on top of me. I sat up just enough to kiss her neck again. My right hand rested lightly on her lower ribs. With my lips, I softly nuzzled her jaw line from her chin to her ear, and then kissed her under the corner of her jaw.
Slowly, I rolled over until our positions were reversed. I was careful to support my own weight so that she felt none of it. I kissed her forehead, her cheek, down the side of her face. I paused for the briefest second at the corner of her mouth.
In the next instant, when my lips met hers and all my mostly repressed feelings of desire and lust for her rushed to the surface, I could feel my control beginning to falter. Usually, I would have taken this familiar warning to heart and stopped right then. But this time I didn't. I can't be sure what it is that drives me sometimes to lapse on these vitally important little choices, but I both hated it in a desperate, frightening way, and loved it with a horribly sinister gratitude.
While one hand wove itself through her hair, the other, still low on her ribs, inched down toward the bottom of her shirt. While my hands explored new places, my lips moved with a touch of urgency against hers. I wanted her so much, too much, and now I wasn't as careful to draw the line. I noticed that Bella wasn't holding dutifully still anymore either; her fingers rippled through my hair and caressed my neck, sending jolts of electricity to every inch of my body. I eased off just a little, remembering the last time my kiss had the same urgent edge, and not wanting to scare her. I wasn't going to leave her again, not ever.
Bella's skin was warmer than usual; enough to warm my own. The feeling was exhilarating, unbelievable. Even after a hundred years of intact virginity, this felt so right. So easy. I wanted her, all of her, and her blood was not quite at the surface of my thoughts. I hadn't felt so human in eighty years. My hands already crept slowly up her side, pushing her shirt up, touching her warm skin lightly. It would be so simple. I didn't think she would stop me; she couldn't even if she wanted to.
No. I commanded myself to stop, but it was nearly impossible. How had this gone so completely out of control in such a short moment? I tried to pull away from her, but I couldn't find any part of myself that wanted to. Suddenly, I didn't know what I was close to doing. I only knew, in the very back of my mind, that whatever it was couldn't be allowed to transpire.
Was I truly after her body? If that was it, I didn't know what to expect. Would she try to stop me? Probably not. I could feel an intensity building up in her that led me to believe that she wanted whatever was coming. That thought scared me.
Finally, I instinctively let her up for air. But my mind did not clear; my lips went immediately to her neck, where they kissed every part of her skin that they could find.
I didn't speak. Bella didn't speak. The tiny part of my brain that still remembered how to function wished that she would, quickly, before I had a chance to do something to her that I would regret.
But she kept silent, apparently as lost to the moment as I. Her breathing slowed just enough to move me to find her lips again. As soon as I did, I kissed her in earnest, my tongue tracing the shape of her mouth, rushing forward to meet hers.
Stop, stop, stop, I told myself. But myself didn't listen. Again I broke away from her kiss, moving my lips to her neck. It took a split second then to finally realize what I was doing. My lips parted and I moved in, seemingly to kiss her, but even in my blind panic, I knew better.
Okay! So, please review. Let me know if there's something I can improve on. Please tell me if you think that I should keep going or let it drop. I would like to have at least one review before I move on. Thanks for reading!
