This is my first attempt at a Twilight fanfic/crackfic. It's the product of ridiculously-late-night random Twitter conversations, and is really not supposed to make any sense. :L

Enjoy!


FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHT

"CARLISLE!"

Carlisle sighed and slowly stood up from his desk, wincing at the anger in the young nurse's voice. Running a hand through his striking blond hair, he grimly opened his office door.

"That's Dr Cullen to you, nurse."

Bella scowled and ground her teeth. She spun around, gesturing wildly at the teeming ER, her fury evident.

"Do you see this?" she almost shouted. "Do you see it? Do you know how many of these people here are just waiting on a few little stitches?"

"Nurse, please – "

"Stop it! We are qualified, Carlisle! You have an entire team of perfectly capable nurses here, yet you refuse to let us do our job, and instead we have people waiting here for hours, dripping blood all over the floor and clogging up the system!"

Carlisle grimaced at Bella's graphic exaggerations, but by now he was used to her fiery temper.

"Nurse, I hardly think that a few lunchtimes spent practicing your technique on dissected body parts down in the morgue renders you qualified to stitch up hundreds of patients every day."

"Dammit, Carlisle!" Bella was screaming now, the hint of Italian in her blood showing up in her crazed hand gestures as she nearly slapped Carlisle across the face while he attempted to coax her into his office, away from the prying eyes in the ER. "We have the right to stitch!"

Carlisle rolled his eyes, the oh-so-frequent argument beginning to bore him. He turned, and headed back into his office by himself. Allowing common nurses to administer stitches in his ER? "I don't have time for this," he muttered, shaking his head.

"Ugh!" shrieked Bella, slamming her hand into his door before he managed to close it, and making it swing back into the room, crashing into his brand new mahogany bookshelf. "I've had it with you and your stupid rules!"

She spun on her heel and practically sprinted back to the nurses' station.

"Rosalie!"

The blonde, busty nurse looked up, shocked, and slipped the small hand mirror quickly back into her purse. "What's Dr Cullen done now?"

The inferno in Bella's eyes flared. "Call all the nurses together, Rose. This time, I mean business."

Angela poked her head around the corner, pulling off her latex gloves as she went. "What's going on?"

"Carlisle is about to realise that you don't mess with Bella Swan."

Angela raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"We're going on strike."

~~0~~

"What do we want?"

"The right to stitch!"

"When do we want it?"

"NOW!"

"What do we want?"

"The right to stitch!"

"When do we want it?"

"NOW!"

Carlisle gazed wearily out of his office window, rubbing his temples and sighing deeply. He watched as the procession of nurses marched their way around the parking lot, shouting their little chant at the top of their voices. It was all that stupid Bella Swan's fault. Everything had been fine until she came along. He had been happily running his ER, with no interfering from silly, opinionated nurses, when all of a sudden in she came with a whirlwind of pointless, new-fangled ideas. Though he looked remarkably good for his years, Carlisle was not quite as young as most of his co-workers imagined, and he often found the concepts of 'modern medicine' hard to grasp.

Suddenly, there was a soft knock on his door.

"Come in," he muttered, too tired to deal with any more arguments today. His face relaxed as he took in the figure of his good friend, Dr Snow.

Dr Snow too glanced out the window at the striking nurses. "That damn Bella Swan," he murmured, taking a seat opposite Carlisle. "Thanks to her, my interns have had to spend the afternoon emptying bedpans."

Carlisle grunted in agreement, not wanting to waste his energy on any more thoughts about the current bane of his existence.

Dr Snow continued to look out the window thoughtfully, as the sound of the chant drifted through the open window.

Suddenly, he jumped to his feet. "Don't worry, Carlisle. I'll get this sorted out."

Without another word he strode smartly out of the room, leaving Carlisle wondering if this day could possibly get any stranger.

~~0~~

"Woah, hottie at 3 o'clock!" Rosalie muttered in Bella's ear, momentarily interrupting her vicious chant.

Bella glanced in the direction Rose had indicated, and noticed a dark-haired giant helping a smaller, blond young man hobble towards the hospital doors, blood dripping down his right leg and forearm.

The larger man noticed the nurses and detoured, winking at Bella and Rosalie when he saw them watching.

"Hello there, ladies."

Rosalie immediately stuck out her chest and fluffed her hair, erupting in a short, high-pitched giggle.

"This here's my buddy Jasper. I was wondering if you could help him out."

Jasper grinned ruefully despite his injuries. "I was opening up a present that Emmett here gave me for my birthday, and I got a paper cut. My Rottweiler Jacob, he used to be a police dog, and he just goes crazy at the smell of blood." He looked down at his torn up arm and leg happily. "Hell, I was lucky to get away from him like I did!"

Bella's eyes widened, but she gritted her teeth angrily.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're in the middle of a strike. You'll have to go into the hospital to get those injuries seen to."

Jasper's face fell, and he and Emmett turned dejectedly back towards the hospital. Rosalie scowled at Bella at the sight of the retreating men, but Bella just shrugged. There were more important things to be getting on with.

Suddenly, she spotted old Dr Snow waving desperately at her from behind the dilapidated, unused outpatient wing. She frowned, but motioned to Rosalie that she was going to go over and see what he wanted. She knew he and Carlisle were good friends, so perhaps the ignorant fool was finally ready to negotiate.

She approached him slowly, coming to a halt a few feet away from where he stood at the back of the building. "Well?" she asked sarcastically, eyebrows arched. "Has Carlisle come to his senses yet?"

Dr Snow sighed sadly, and shook his head.

"I'm sorry Bella." She ground her teeth, but the old man continued. "You know it's not your place to make demands like this. You can't just come marching into this hospital expecting everyone to comply with your every whim. You're only a nurse, for goodness' sake!"

Bella's nostrils flared and her eyes widened. How dare he talk to her like that? She had the right to stitch! She opened her mouth to retort angrily, but Dr Snow's hand suddenly shot out and grasped her arm.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he repeated, false sadness coloring his voice. "I just can't let you do this..."

Bella felt a sharp pinprick on her wrist, and looked down just in time to see the small syringe, before everything went black.