Modern day AU. Jason Lannister works at the British embassy, his large family have lived in America for the last 17 years, Joanna met Aerys and Rhaella three years ago and the girls quickly became best friends spending all their school holidays together. Until Rhaella found out that her brother and best friend were a couple. The girls are no longer friends. Tywin announces a visit to his family out of the blue, they throw a party for him

Heavily inspired by Lana del Rey who is the Lannister official bard, her songs are Lannister af. Tywin and Joanna have a 12 year age gap as implied by the song.


Despite being as British as can be, part of aristocracy, a Lady even, Joanna Lannister identified as a Brooklynite. She had not as yet shaken off her British accent, then again she didn't put in any effort.

She grew up in a large nuclear family, her father Jason working in the British consulate, Marla her mother was not permitted to work to avoid conflict of interest, she instead did charity work and sat on boards and was involved in the church.

Her bootlicking brownnosing younger brother Stafford was being groomed to take over his father's job in 20 years. Stafford's only aim in life was to marry well and name his children after more powerful relatives. She didn't hate her brother she just pitied his pedestrian thinking.

She had 5 younger siblings and an older half-brother Damon who was somewhere lurking at the party. She had an older half-sister Lynora though no one knew where she was rumours said she was teaching English in some country where malaria and dysentery were a way of life.

Nothing made her feel more like a Brooklynite than being surrounded by her upper class posh stuck up British relatives. The family was large she was part of the lower branches of the family tree this gave her money and prestige but not the power.

She was golden, blonde, green eyed, dimples, perfect teeth. She could be described as a Miss America Blonde but she had an otherworldly presence as if she was there physically but she wasn't quite there. Those who knew her would smirk and attribute that to her well known love affair with drugs.

She'd even used the British crown prince's infatuation with her to her advantage and now had unfettered access to whatever drugs she desired, and she had a voracious appetite for sex, drugs and adventure. The crown prince would soon be king, she knew he was obsessed with possessing her and made frequent visits to Brooklyn just to spirit her away. This put her out of sorts with his sister her former best friend Rhaella. Princess Rhaella had ceased their friendship, Joanna didn't mind not truly, she did not even ask why. It was obvious, they said Lions were prideful, but it seemed the dragons were proud too. The Targaraeyn Princess did not like to be upstaged by a minor Lady from a house of servants.

Joanna was warned to be on her best behaviour, so she decided to have a few puffs of her joint before she was bored out of her skull. She could not have been more wrong, the party was going to be one of the most memorable nights of her life.

She looked like she was headed for a day at the beach. The only think missing was a bubblegum and the sand, Joanna was digging in her tote bag, she had on white rimmed round black sunglasses, red lipstick, and a red dress with gold piping.

"Why are you wearing those ridiculous glasses?" Stafford asked reaching for her glasses

"Because I'm high, you turd gurgler," Joanna swatted his hands away

"This party is important to me Joanna..."

"I let you use my apartment you twat, leave me be," Joanna frowned at Stafford

Just like a magical moment from a fairy-tale the crowd parted and a man turned around, stern looking and immaculate in a charcoal grey suit with a red tie and gold cufflinks. No one but Steffon Baratheon dressed as well as this but he was a vain, reckless nymphomania, who didn't matter.

Smooth jazz music was playing, her hand stopped searching for bubblegum she instead tore her eyes away from the unmistakable Tywin Lannister, her oldest cousin from the most powerful family branch. Tywin son of Tytos Lannister. They called him the Lion of Casterly Rock the Lannister Castle still standing in the west of England. When she was a little girl she'd dreamed of one day not only visiting but being the Lady of the Rock. They even had lions there, in cages in the caverns under the castle. Their family crest was a golden lion on a crimson background.

She went to find someone to give her alcohol, apparently her brother that asshole Stafford had told the waiters to avoid her. He was younger than her she couldn't believe his nerve but she had to admire the little fucker's pluck. So Stafford wanted her to be on her best behaviour, too bad that at her best she was still bad. So she decided to go to the balcony for a time out, happy to have found a joint instead of a stick of bubblegum.

She found herself face to back to the only person she had ever met who could make her heart float up to her throat. He had been gazing at the horizon hands clasped behind his back. He emanated regal stateliness.

"Joanna," he said turning around she opened and closed her moist blood red lips

"Cousin Tywin," she curtsied

He smirked, "Tywin, if you please," he said snapping his fingers and a waiter appeared with a tray

She plucked the champagne glass as the fear shone clearly in the waiter's eyes

Too bad Joanna didn't care

"How are you liking my home," she asked watching the bubbles instead of his face, his shiny golden mane, his green eyes. Why was he so handsome?

"It is bold, as it is beautiful," he remarked weighing his words as if they cost his weight in gold

She leaned back and took in his gold flecked green eyes and the angular shape of his face, there was no fat on him, he looked like he was in his mid 20s but as far as she knew he was 12 years her senior… making him close to or 30.

"There's no place like home," she agreed with a lazy half smile, she knew he was talking about her being bold and beautiful.

"What would it take for you to come and see my home? Our ancestral home?"

Her smile froze, she tensed up. She knew politics, he was fire his star was rising, he was a quiet one who thought more than he spoke and when he did empires crumbled. He was not making small talk.

"A big fat diamond ring surrounded by rubies," she laughed as she downed her champagne and plucked his untouched flute out of his hand.

She watched the realisation dawn on his face and she could see that he was fighting to keep his composure. His lovely English ladies did not behave like her.

She would bring the mighty lion to rest at her feet, she wasn't going to be cowed. She was young, beautiful, smart and she had the one thing no other woman could offer him, the Lannister love for family. No matter how much she hated Stafford she loved him more than any of her other siblings. The great Tywin Lannister would not be wasting his time sparing her even a glance had he not considered her for a wife he was simply assessing his investment, well she would make it known to Lord Tywin Lannister that she was no less a lion than he was.

"Are you suggesting what I think you are suggesting?" He paused as if trying to read her face and the way he was focussing on her lips she was happy that she still had her sunglasses on because he did not need to see the merriment in her eyes. She knew that he hated to be laughed at.

"Would it be the worst thing in the world? Our entire monarchy is based on brothers and sisters marrying each other."

"We are almost strangers," he said weakly barely putting up a fight his face not betraying any emotion, he had a perfect poker face, well it was a perfect face, poker or otherwise. She was very partial to blonde people with green eyes.

"I know everything about you, you know next to nothing about me. I am fully informed, it is you who is in the dark, dear Cousin." She turned and walked back into the crowd. The bait was set and she would wager the pot in her handbag that he would not resist. She was after all the coolest British Brooklynite in the world.

She was turning down relatives and acquaintances and even friends choosing to close her eyes and let the jazz music wash over her, when she felt a hand on her bare shoulder. She opened her eyes lazily it was about time it must have been a torture for the great lion to accept that he was not going to get any obedience from her and from the barely noticeable relaxation on his face which she surmised was his happy face that he didn't seem to care about her obedience at all. She graced him with a dazzling smile and took his outstretched hand.

If people stared, let them, tongues would wag. She didn't care she lost her self in the music. They had already gotten into a frenzy about her and that sadist his royal prickface Aerys, the common people needed a new scandal. Melting into the music and into his body. Cousins danced. Cousins kissed. Now cousins would fuck and they would marry. In that exact order.

It was inevitable she conceded as she took in his scent, something so ostensibly British and crisp. They were meant to be, even before they met, she knew she would be the Lady of Casterly Rock. Even as a small girl she was brought up on tales of cousin Tywin's polo matches, his army commendations, his graduation from Oxford and how shrewdly he had become one of the most richest men in all of England. She was ecstatic every time a marriage pact between him and some girl fell apart she knew he was waiting for someone worthy to be the Lady of Casterly Rock. She always knew that she had a very good chance as long as he didn't marry until she was a woman grown.

He was Aery's closest friend and advisor, there was no way he did not know about Aery's obsession with his sweet, charming, and beautiful cousin. Clearly he didn't believe the torrid scandalous sex stories about her and Aerys, or perhaps he did not care. Aerys was a sadist and when it was obvious that she wasn't turned off by any of his kinks and fetishes he wanted her even more. Her relationship with Aerys was nebulous and undefined.

A nagging voice told her it wouldn't work, that Aerys would tell Tywin about what she was really like, a cheap and evil girl. It sounded like Stafford, that ponce. Tywin was fire she was ice. He was tied up with traditions duty and obligations and all she wanted was freedom. He would raze to the ground anything that stood is his way, she just glided past her obstacles.

Fire meet ice she thought as she laid her face across his chest. It felt like something she'd be doing forever, she didn't want to move when the song ended and they stayed on the dance floor till the bane of her existence Stafford told them dinner was ready. She saw the dollar signs in his beady little eyes, well they weren't beady, they were green like hers, but she still resented his interference. She knew what he was thinking, that her marriage to Tywin would help him get a good job at the embassy. Opportunistic alcohol restricting little weasel.


2 weeks later:

Hypocrites.

After hounding her for so long to cease her relationship with Aerys, as soon as she agreed to Tywin's marriage proposal, people started giving her unwanted advice.

He's too old for you. Really? Her mother and father had a 14 year age gap she was after all his second wife. They were one to talk. In fact most of these upper class stiff fuckers had at least a 10 year age gap.

Her mood was dark, was it really a good idea? Could she really live in England, she'd lived in America her whole life. She regretted having agreed to host a dinner for her family at her apartment. When Tywin left in a week, she would accompany him back to England, but she had declined to go to the Capital to be presented at court. She said she wanted to see Casterly Rock.

It was their first disagreement, he said that the Targareyens would be offended. She had bit her lip, almost telling him to go and fuck the Targareyns. She had promised to rethink it, that it would be a good idea to reconcile with Rhaella. It was as if he was unaware of the fact that his fiance had been fucking Aerys for close to three years. Everyone, their aunt and their baker knew that she and Aerys were in a relationship. Why was he not asking her about Aerys? Not that she wanted to talk about it but she wanted to know what he knew.

Joanna broke out of her thoughts about Aerys as she heard her father's deep voice.

"She's very young please forgive our girl if she doesn't have the best courtesies," Jason told Tywin

Tywin brought Joanna's hand to his lips, "Joanna's courtesies are impeccable."

Joanna shook her head, Tywin was such a smooth liar.

"Don't expect any cooking, Gods know I have tried to teach her the most she knows how to do is to make tea. At least she doesn't need coffee to function like Damon and Stafford." Marla was saying.

Joanna played with her dinner, chasing a pea across her plate, she had broken things off with Aerys, over skype he had wished her the best and it was awkward. She would miss the drugs and the private jet trips to everywhere. She wouldn't miss Aerys. She looked at Tywin, by the gods she wouldn't miss Aerys. In her three years with Aerys how had she never met Tywin? The last time she had met Tywin was when she was 9, and had sang a solo at church, he had not even looked at her when he said she had a good singing voice, he had been looking at his watch.

You know why a voice whispered this is what Aerys was afraid of, that you would leave him, a Lannister is made to love only another Lannister.

This was all she knew, the beaches, the sun, was she going to give this all up? Tywin was right wasn't he, they were strangers. What if their marriage was a disaster, what did they have in common? He hated modern art, he was impossibly snobbish, he liked old things like the opera and named random Latin sounding titles for his favourite books. He only watched the telly for the news. This wedding would be a disaster. Where she was a free spirit he was a pretentious old fart.

Tywin was just about to respond to Marla when he was cut off by Joanna's older brother.

"She's quite terrible at household chores," Damon offered, "don't expect a clean house."

Joanna narrowed her eyes at Damon. "Wanker" she mouthed at him.

"I love you though," he mouthed at Joanna

Joanna shook her head laughing softly, she didn't want to think about how much she was going to miss her family.

"Whatever she lacks in doing household chores she will most definitely make up for with her wifely duties," a new voice said from the door

Jason stood up indicating that the younger children be removed from the dining table, Tywin crossed over to the guest, as Joanna's smile faded.

"What's wifely duties?" Cerisse, Joanna's youngest sister asked

"Hush now my treasure," Marla said pushing the four youngest towards Damon, who unlike Stafford hated Tywin and from his body language Aerys as well. Joanna spied Damon bringing out a pack of cards and the children were quickly engaged, wifely duties forgotten.

"Your grace," Tywin greeted Aerys, with a slight bow

"What an unexpected honour," Jason said

You are beastly, it is not fair stop cheating Cerisse was wailing

Joanna stood up, she would take Cerisse out to the balcony the stars soothed the girl, which was where Joanna had hidden her pot. She needed it now. She had abstained because of the row with Tywin.

"Leaving so soon? I feel like I haven't seen enough of you," Aerys said lips twisted in a smile, eyes dead and hard

"Of course we cannot let that be your grace," Marla said, "come now, Joanna sit with his grace."

Joanna sat with Aerys as he spoke with Tywin and Jason

"Where's Rhae?" she asked itching for a puff

Aerys turned to her, "do you not mean how's Rhae?"

Joanna shrugged. She honestly couldn't give a fuck about either dragon, she caught Tywin looking at her, she smiled at him

She heard Tywin clear his throat and beg her father's pardon.

"She's well, a bit put out that you did not send her an invitation you naughty girl," Aerys purred

Joanna forced a smile that's what he usually called her during sex, Naughty girl or kitten

"How long are you here for?" she asked wanting to kiss Stafford as he brought out the wine, starting with her and Aerys.

"Depends on how soon you can get away from tall, blonde and boring," he whispered as he brought his glass to his lips

Joanna's eyes widened, "Was I not clear?" she spoke softly but firmly, "that you and I it is finished?" she said knuckles white as she clutched her wine glass

"Oh my naughty kitten, I am to be King soon, you and I it will never be finished."

"What are the two of you whispering about there in the corner?" Stafford asked

Good old Stafford, Joanna thought and emptied her glass, "refill please Staffy," she said

"Just how good it feels to be the King soon, and to have subjects like my brother Tywin and his lovely fiance," he said kissing Joanna's hand.

"To your coronation, your grace" Jason said raising his glass

Everyone toasted to Aery's coronation

"May I kiss your fiance good night?" brother Aerys asked

Tywin responded after a pause, he nodded, "yes you may."

"No one says no to a King, my kitten," he said kissing her cheek.


Joanna sat in the dark, Stafford was the last to leave, he had left the place spotless. Tywin had taken the Prince to the airport.

Joanna laughed bitterly, fucking psychopath. She absently had scratched the back of her hand raw the one that he had kissed.

She was eating cake, after smoking her joint.

"Are you well?" Tywin asked

"Why wouldn't I be?" she responded

"It is bad form to answer a question with another."

"Oh I am a bad bad girl will you punish me Lord Lannister?" She batted her eyelashes.

"You are incorrigible," he told her

She laughed as she kissed him wrapping her arms around his neck. Fuck Aerys she thought pushing him out of her mind.


Aerys, forgotten she started packing. They had five days before they left. Tywin was using the time to meet up with prospective business partners.

She knew if she doubted herself they would win. They wanted her to lose. They did not want her to be happy. They wanted to be right, they thought that she was too young and did not understand how the world worked. She knew that the Lannisters were a powerful old conservative family and that marriages were forever. She was 18, was this the right decision?

Okay fine he was 30 and she was 18. She sat down on her couch. He was one of the most powerful men in England and he was her cousin. He was the one, she knew it down in her Brooklyn bones. Then again there was Aerys, she looked at her hand the skin was healing. No, it was over. He had sent her a drunk voicemail singing "baby don't leave me." She wanted to pity him. She shook her head to chase him out.

She switched on the telly. Immediately assaulted with wedding announcements they were all in their 30s. As if only people over the age of 21 had the monopoly on love.

Her phone beeped. Her priest, was offering her and Tywin pre-marriage counselling. Everyone wanted to give her advice.

You're a free spirit (haha they meant pothead) and he's the definition of stiff upper lip. You two will never be happy, you're too different. An unknown number told her.

They were using her whirlwind romance to put down her generation, engaged after two weeks of acquaintance? Well her generation had just snagged the most powerful bachelor in the world. They could all collectively fuck off and die.

The best thing about the engagement was that Stafford suddenly became indispensable, her little minion he was so encouraging and defended her engagement as if his future depended on it… and maybe it did.

She would have Tywin Lannister and the whole world could watch her smoke weed, topless on some private beach while he pulled off hostile takeovers, for all she cared. She had just gotten it all. Nothing and no one would stand in her way. Not even Aerys.

What angered her was that no one questioned Tywin's motives in marrying a girl 12 years younger, choosing to label her a gold digger and marrying someone older. It was all because they thought that she was stupid were she a scientist or engineer they would be congratulating them. This anger she used when Tywin brought up visiting the Capital to present her to court. She told him, that there were people at the court that she never wanted to see again and that if he wanted to see Joanna at Casterly Rock as his wife, he would not pressure her to go to Court again.

As the days passed by in a whir, Tywin was more affectionate as Joanna's moods changed from, fuck anyone who isn't us to how can I leave my family behind?

"You must think I am batty," Joanna told Tywin as he held her from behind

"I married a Lannister woman, I know you all are insane."

"We're not married yet," she said twisting in his embrace

"In my mind we are," he told her

"You're a false advertisement the great stern unmovable Tywin Lannister is a softie."

"Only with you."

"Why me?" She knew why, she just wanted to hear it.

"You're the only woman in the world who can give me what I want."

"What," she asked, "children?"

"The most precious and rare thing in the world."

"Which is?" she asked

"The love of a Lannister wife."

They were wrong, she wasn't too young to love Tywin Lannister. She was right all along, they were meant to be.

"You think I love you? I am only marrying you for the Castle," she smirked at him before she kissed him


She heard that the crown prince was sulking, as if he still had a chance, he was better off marrying his sister. Aerys like others only saw her as a pretty girl, his favourite playmate. Poor Aerys she thought as she stretched in bed, watching her fiance slumber. She noted her very prominent bite on his neck. She loved marking his skin, imprinting herself onto him that he never forgot that he was hers, that he belonged to her. He had come to claim her and ended up getting claimed.

So ultimately people thought he was too good for her. She smiled to herself. She would show them all. Tywin Lannister may be all a King should be, but she was a goddess they would all see.