A/N: Takes place right after Adam and Sio reunite in San Francisco. Eventual mature themes, deals heavily with depression/anxiety.


He wasn't quite sure what to make of it, the second the fighting had ceased and he was just about to grab her and scoop her into his arms—but instead she pushed past him, running towards someone who must've been just as, if not more important—yet who could it be—

"Asao-san!"

But of course. In the end, it was always about her, wasn't it? The friend she so boldly declared she had to save, despite only have met for all of three hours beforehand—"because I haven't given her my email yet"—and was one of the biggest reasons she continued to fight, no matter how hard or painful it was. He tried not to let disappointment show on his face though it must've, especially after he witnessed the two girls' tearful reunion, and Gandhi gave him a questioning, if not concerned look—though he was respectful enough to not say anything more.

No…it was natural, of course, Perfectly normal, that Sio would be eagerly rushing to see her friend; she'd been thought dead, had caused the sniper to nearly lose her mind and body, so her reaction to a revelation like this was all but to be expected…wasn't it? His mind couldn't help but compare her reactions to his appearance with that of Asao's; she'd been shocked and overjoyed of course, and even commented on his scraggly stubble—but she hadn't run into his arms, crying tears of joy (but then again they had been in the middle of a fight, there were no room for pleasantries like that his logical brain argued) though she had shed a few tears when he told her, 'let's go home' and she responded with an enthusiastic 'yeah'.

You're in a battle, his brain stated, what kind of fool would spill their hearts out when they're about to be gutted like a fish?

But who was the one she ran to after all the fighting was done?

That's only because she knew you were safe already! Nobody even knew Asao would still be alive—!

Adam had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself. Technically, according to the doctor's orders, he wasn't considered 100% fit for duty yet—either mentally or physically. The fact he'd been able to manifest his AU weapons at all, after all those failed attempts…Nightingale mentioned the power of emotions on their way over, but who knew if he'd really regained them, or if this was just a temporary fix.

"Jack? You feeling all right?" Gandhi finally gave him a slight nudge, a look of concern on his face. "You're not injured, are you? Rushing into battle like that…and without any of your armor or a helmet! Last thing we need is another case of radiation poisoning…"

"Yeh, yeh…I'm fine, don't worry. It's just scratches, nothin' major," he muttered, a hand absently running along the many nicks and abrasions that were inevitable, when one was fighting in nothing more than loungewear. "I…let's get back, we shouldn't stay here any longer than necessary…"

"…You're right. I'll go get Sio-chan and Galiko." The Indian wanted to say something more, but somehow it never came out. The rest was little more than a blur in his mind as every single holder trudged back to the awaiting helicopters, Adam sitting in near-silence and observing Sio and Asao with a numbed mind, the two determined to catch up despite the chopper's roar. He didn't feel much either when they landed back at the Yavin, Sio still insisting on heading into the medical bay with her friend even though she needed a check-up herself.

She had said many times over Asao-san was her best friend…and though she never said anything else, Adam often suspected those feelings were stronger than that; or rather would have become stronger, had she stayed behind as a normal schoolgirl, clumsily-but-quietly developing that bond in that quirky, adorable manner of hers. But instead, she gave up everything she had to risk her life and fight alongside them—alongside him.

But what if Sio loves Asao more?

It was funny how one single thought could unravel the euphoria he'd experienced so quickly. His whole body seemed to be reacting violently as that thought implanted itself deeper in his mind, changing his mood and physical state within split-seconds—first a flash of cold sweat, followed by a deep, all-consuming fear that caused him to literally shake and heave for air as his chest tightened and his heart started hammering like a machine gun, each beat so strong he feared it would burst out of his chest. No…that's not true! But the more he tried to resist that idea, the more it taunted him; toyed with his emotions and insecurities. There was no guarantee Sio would like him forever—this was the real world, not some fairy-tale that told of star-crossed lovers or other silly ideas like that. It had only been chance he and Sio had met and gotten so close; just a chance, statistics and numbers that she had been in Taiwan, at that moment he'd been sent to fight the Objects, and turned out to be Oda Nobunaga's reincarnation.

If you took even one of those pieces away, who was to say they'd be where they were, now? And who was to say there wasn't someone just as suitable, or perhaps even better, for her?

"Jack! Are you feeling ill?" He jerked at both the sound of the voice and the hand on his shoulder, Gandhi pulling back in apology at having startled the other man. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on you like that…but you should see a doctor yourself. You don't look so good…antsy and jumpy, to boot."

He tried to say something, to get his voice to work and tell the Indian to piss off or at least to leave him alone and take care of himself—but for some reason his voice wasn't working; his mouth was moving but no noise came out, Gandhi's expression growing increasingly worried as Adam felt like he was about to be consumed by fear itself. His hands were clammy as he gripped the wall, dizzy from the sudden rush of blood leaving his head and gasping for air, ears filled with a strange static that made it hard to hear his friend's worried queries.

"Adam! Hang on, let's—!" Without another word the other member of the Second Platoon had propped himself under one arm and was steering him towards an empty conference room, not even to the medical bay or one of their private quarters. Playful and laid-back he may have been, even Gandhi had experienced and seen enough to know what the onset of a panic attack looked like. "All right, just breathe Adam, deep breaths—whatever it is that's got you wound up, I can guarantee it's not the end of the world—!"

"—No, you don't—it's—she—!"

"—Shh shh, don't think about that—just focus on your breathing, yeah? Take a breath, okay now let it out, all right that's it, you're doing well, that's it, yeah, just like that…" A hand reached out to steady him as Adam somehow sat down though he wasn't aware of it, chest heaving until the worst of the emotional frenzy calmed down…somewhat. Even so, just the slightest thought of anything to do with Sio or Asao sent a lightening bolt throughout his system, his nerves feeling like they were on fire and threatening to pull him down all over again. "That's it, good…" Gandhi patted his back, being careful to not make any sudden movements or loud noises, given how on-edge the other man was. "Better now?"

"Yeh, yeh…better," Adam managed to choke out, half-nodding but not really paying full attention to the other. Under normal circumstances, there was no way in hell he'd be letting Mirza, of all people, play the role of therapist for him, but right now his mind was in such disarray that he clung to any form of stability he could, just as long as he could stop being so afraid…

Fear. It was a funny emotion, neither good nor bad, if you really thought about it. At times, it could be a fair enough motivator—and more than once had given him the rush he'd needed to pull himself together on the field, to react faster than he'd ever thought to slice the enemy before it could get him. It could even be a good thing—the fear and nervousness he'd felt that night on the hospital roof when she wanted to 'borrow' him for a minute had been nerve-wracking anticipation but also exciting. But this, now…this was the type of fear that held no rational logic, not like when they were face-to-face with an enemy they'd never seen before. Oddly enough, this was probably fear in its purest form; no specific cause, but just a deep, all-consuming vortex that overwhelmed every other thought and emotion, this sense of something just wasn't right.

Adam didn't even notice the glass of water until it was right by his hand, Mirza apparently having gotten it during his minor breakdown. "Here, drink some water; you all right now?" A slight nod, and the other responded in kind. "Good, all right, that's a good start…" With a slight tremble he set the glass back down, the fear having receded somewhat through a combination of Mirza's presence and sheer willpower on his part. "So…you got your powers back." Another nod. "That's good; I mean, I know it was bothering you about sitting on the sidelines…but still, you should take it easy. No need rush straight back onto the field. Newton and I have gotten pretty good working with Tell…of course, it's still nothing on the good old days of the Second Platoon, but we're holding out just fine." Another pause, as if Mirza was debating on whether he should really ask.

"…You went to save Sio, didn't you? Somehow, you just knew she needed you…just like during Stone Forest." There was a nostalgic look from the Indian, not judging but rather wistful. "You two…are really something else, you know? I'm not sure how to explain it but…I guess it's just a feeling, that you two will always be bound together. Ah, I know you don't really believe in stuff like fate and all that, but—"

"…How are you so sure." The Indian stopped for a bit, giving the other a curious look. "Everyone…keeps saying how we look good together, or how they knew all along that we would end up together…" Hands slowly curling into fists, Adam having to restrain himself from digging his nails in too hard as to draw blood. "But…how do you know for sure?"

Dark eyes paused for a second, considering everything that Adam had just said and what had happened over the past few months. "…Are you having doubts about your relationship with Sio? Is it because of what you…did?"

At the mention of that disastrous mission his arm jerked unconsciously, the right having to clutch the left in order to stop it from spasming uncontrollably. Still he couldn't get over what he had to do…even though it had been necessary…even though it had actually been successful, and she recovered just fine. Though he'd managed to rally himself this time when Sio had somehow sent a part of her own soul into his, Adam knew that it would take a great while before the trauma would ease. The doctors had warned him PTSD was not curable in the common sense; likely it would always be a part of him, but it could be managed, and its effects minimized over time.

To Mirza's credit, he didn't interrupt Adam while he was trying to gather his thoughts, instead waiting patiently until the spike of anxiety subsided again. "…Maybe. It's true that I'm scared I'll hurt her again, intentional or not. But also…"

That scene replayed itself in his mind, over and over again: Sio's look of shock when she heard who it was. Her pushing past him after the battle as if nobody else mattered, and then their tearful embrace…he couldn't remember the last time she'd looked so relieved, or happy.

It hurt. No matter how logical it was or how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, there was no denying the ache that crushed his chest each time he thought back to that moment. A long, shaky breath drew in, Adam feeling the tremors unconsciously starting up again, but he just had to tell someone—about his deepest fears before they tore him apart completely—

"—I think, she…and Asao…"

The sentence was unfinished, but it didn't need to be. Mirza, for all his womanizing behaviors and laissez-faire attitude about relationships, could draw stunningly accurate conclusions from the slightest of connections. And in all honesty, everyone was aware of just how strong the sniper's feelings were towards her best friend: 'Not even I know what I'll do if Asao-san is hurt', she'd threatened, back when they had just met in Taiwan.

"…You fear that she likes Asao more. You think that ultimately, she wants to be with Asao…instead of you." Mirza answered at last, calmly and quietly. Adam could not respond, other than turn his head slightly to the side. "Hmm…while I can see why you would think that, somehow, I don't believe it as strongly as you do. Or rather, as much as you think you do." The white-haired holder gave a slight glance, perhaps in surprise but didn't say anything. "Even if Sio is attracted to girls, I don't think that means her feelings for Asao are the same as her feelings for you. In my honest opinion…if you asked me who I thought Sio loved the most, I'd have to say that's you."

He must've looked surprised, or at least done something, for Mirza's eyes were sparkling a bit with warm amusement. "You don't think so? Well, I think that's just the anxiety talking right now, not your true heart; sure, she and Asao certainly are cozy, but there's nothing unusual about intimate, platonic friendships. I mean, if you're worried about physical attraction, I'm not really getting that vibe…"

"…But what if that's…better, for her?"

"…What do you mean?"

Adam bit his lips. Though he appreciated Mirza's perspective, it was both frightening and embarrassing to be spilling his most vulnerable thoughts in such a manner, after such a trying day. But he had to admit, it was helping to calm him down, and at this point, there was no use in trying to take back all that he'd just said minutes earlier.

"What if…she's just, attracted to me physically? Maybe it's just some, some…schoolgirl infatuation, I don't know—but even though I know…what you said is true, I can't help but think…what if she just thinks of this thing with me as a, fling…and her feelings for Asao are, more pure…better, than whatever it is she thinks about me? I-I mean, right after the battle…it was like I didn't even exist, she just cared about seeing Asao right away…"

Even as he was saying all this, Adam was slowly becoming aware that he might be sounding a tad ridiculous. Certainly his friend was thinking the same, judging from the way his lips were quirking just a touch, an eyebrow raised in dry amusement at the Briton's outburst.

"Ah, Adam…you know, I don't mean to downplay or patronize your concern—because they are real concerns, and no one should take them lightly. But, how should I put this…" Mirza put his hands together, deep in thought for a change.

"I think, your insecurities are not unusual; they are what anyone in a relationship goes through, wondering if 'this is the one', or what the other person really thinks. Sure, being in DOGOO and all that might change some things, intensify some stuff, but ultimately, it's okay. Put it this way, it's normal to experience these types of doubts: it's okay to wonder about Sio's orientation, or the future of your relationship with her. Your feeling hurt by her behavior is totally valid, the same as you feeling guilty about hurting her. You're not the only one, Adam; perhaps it might just seem so in such a setting like this, and well…forgive my impudence, but this is your first relationship…isn't it?"

Despite everything, Adam felt his cheeks grow warm, which was all the answer Mirza needed. Sex and relationships…he'd heard them all, every piece of dirty gossip back in the halls of secondary but somehow could never be bothered to be concerned about it until after he left and found himself involved with a petite, Japanese schoolgirl-sniper.

"Well, nothing wrong with that," Mirza answered cheerfully, patting the other's arm reassuringly. "Look, as someone who's been in a couple of…relationships by now, I can tell you this much: I'm not a fortune-teller, and nobody can tell you whether or not you and Sio are destined for each other, or where you two will end up—nothing in life is ever for certain, and you'll just have to accept that. But, there is also nothing wrong with having physical attraction, alongside emotional needs. Even if Sio might have a crush on her friend, it's not more 'pure' or 'better' than what you have with her; you can't compare the two like that. So what if her initial attraction to you was based on physical appearances? If you ask me or anyone else, I'd say it's pretty hard to deny that she cares deeply about you, regardless of how she might view Asao. And you…do care about her, don't you?"

"Of course! She's the most important person…no, the most important thing—"

Mirza held up a hand before Adam could launch into another fit. "See, there you go. If you didn't feel so strongly for her, you wouldn't be this worked up, would you? I doubt you'd be this distressed if physical attraction was the only thing keeping you two together…"

"No…"

"Ultimately, what the two of you want, is up to the both of you…not some anxiety-ridden fantasies. And to do that, you need to communicate," the Indian emphasized, "as in, you should probably tell her all this that you just told me, instead of keeping it inside yourself until you're fit to burst."

"…Huh?" Perhaps it was just the stress and exhaustion of the day, or Mirza using one-too-many words that he usually didn't use, but Adam could only stare blankly at the Indian, even though he understood the words logically. Talk to Sio? About his feelings? In hindsight it made perfect sense, but for some reason it just never seemed like something he should do until it was spelled out for him.

"Well, yes," The Indian replied with a mild look of concern. "Although I'm sure you're more aware of it than I, I think it's obvious that while Sio-chan may be a brilliant strategist, she's still quite inexperienced when it comes to matters of the heart. I'd bet anything she's not even aware that her actions, e.g., leaving you out in the cold while doting on Asao, are hurting you more than she thinks. My guess is that she's just assuming you're okay with taking a backseat, when in reality you aren't. And in order to correct that assumption, you need to tell her that you are in fact not okay with being ignored and are quite upset."

"Isn't that…rather selfish?" Adam frowned a little at the words. He wasn't objecting to Mirza's advice about the need for a little chat—one that was long-overdue, now that he thought about it—but just imagining himself complaining to her that he felt like she wasn't being affectionate enough, or paying enough attention to him… "…I don't want to come off as a, a….bellyaching child…"

Wasn't that how it was supposed to be, when you loved someone? Devote your entire being to their happiness, to silently bear whatever burden upon your own self? Adam had always thought that, as long as Sio was happy, he'd be all right with whatever she did, regardless of how he felt. And now it seemed, perhaps that wasn't the way things worked…

"So? What's wrong with being selfish?" Adam looked up in a bit of surprise. "I mean, relationships are a two-way street, not just one person giving all the time. You're willing to do anything for Sio, even if it means setting aside your own happiness; which is fine in some cases, and perhaps even admirable. But if you don't learn to set boundaries and start paying attention to what you want, what you need from her, then I can guarantee you this relationship will not last."

"…" There was nothing more Adam could say to counter Mirza's words, leaving him to brood silently. What it was he wanted…some things he could name straight away, the shallow and obvious ones: going on a date, hanging out during downtime, playing video games and maybe even the occasional snogging.

But those were just physical wants, material needs in a material world. The things that mattered the most…exchanging words across tired pillows after a long day, a much-needed hug after a hard mission, and just her presence…he needed to know, had to confirm, that no matter what happened from here on out, they'd have each other.

To be free of these insecurities at last, and have solid faith in their relationship…

"…Adam? You're heading back?" Mahesh raised an eyebrow at the other's sudden departure, but inwardly was glad to see that familiar spark back in his friend's eye.

"…In a manner of speaking. I've got to go find her, first…"

A small smile sat on the Indian's face. "If I were you, I'd clean up a bit first, then check the hospital wing."

Adam only nodded slightly in thanks, unable to say what he really felt but somehow he knew Mirza understood.

"Oh, and one last thing, Muirhead: don't worry. I have a feeling, it'll all work out. Just trust your instincts."

Even his right eye twitched slightly, and he swore he could hear Nightingale's whispers as he sought out the base's hospital.