There is hesitation, but then there is not.

There are two matters that are currently giving me pause. One is that we are very close to the null session now, and no one knows what is going to happen there. We can only guess at the possibilities with what little my powers have revealed, in addition to the research we have done. Sometimes I wonder what happens if we do win. Is it possible that we lose our God Tier abilities? Can the game restart itself? Winning in a null session is unprecedented in all respects. There is hesitation only in regards to what happens after if we do win. I am not saying that there is hesitation in trying to win – the terrible things that will happen if we lose, besides our own deaths, are unimaginable. It is best to concentrate on the now rather than what could happen, for the moment.

Speaking of the moment, that leads to second matter – it is a tad more personal.

Oh, did I say a tad? I meant a lot.

The issue is mostly with me, however, Kanaya is involved. I want to be as close to her as possible right now. We have talked to each other about what we hope will happen when we beat SBURB – dreams we have about being with the other. She has lived in a desert her whole life, and has never touched grass. One of her requests is to go to the woods, to feel grass filled with dew beneath her feet, and roll around in the leaves before we have a picnic together. It sounds like a lovely afternoon, and I for one would take great pleasure in indulging this fantasy. Perhaps we will roll down a grassy knoll, laughing as we eventually bump into each other. Of course, as per the cliché, a romantic kiss will be shared between us. Slowly but surely, the kiss will give way to passion, and Kanaya's hands will lower themselves down to my thighs and push upward into my –

Okay, I am going to stop myself there. These hormones are driving me to insanity. That is the entirety of the issue. I know it is normal for a teenager to want to have intercourse, but I was not prepared for wanting it all the time. I will admit, even as a thirteen year old I knew what certain things meant. However, I could control them to an extent back then. Now that is no longer possible – and while it is something I wish to control, it is not necessarily an unwelcome thought. Kanaya and I have communicated about intercourse and anatomy, and we are both very sure that we would like to engage in said act. We have come close to having sex, but we stopped because there may be repercussions. We are, obviously, not of the same species. There are certainly differences between our genitalia, considering the fact that tentacles are involved in their mating process, yet most of the lower region is similar. Though trolls are very human like, or vice versa, we do not know what might happen. It is a smart idea to wait until we can figure out what might happen.

However, Henry Miller once said "our own physical body possesses a wisdom which we who inhabit the body lack."

And who am I to question wisdom?

That being said, I suppose you could say I have been playing the devil's advocate. I tend to tell Kanaya what I would like to do with her and what I would like her to be doing with me in private – and not so private – places. I do it because she is fun to tease, and the actions I talk about are actually some of the things I would like to happen. She is being cautious about the whole thing – and I do not blame her. She will come about in her own time. I am certainly not trying to coerce her into doing something she would not like to do.

Currently, I am sitting on my bed and knitting the beginnings of a sweater for Kanaya. She says it is too cold on the meteor for her most of the time. I have taken the liberty of starting to make her a sweater so it is less chilly for her. I did not feel like wearing my God Tier outfit today, so in its stead I have put on my old attire from Earth. It gives me a nostalgic feeling – though they are too tight on me now. I will have to remember to enlarge them later. I have invited Kanaya to my room to make sure the shirt collar is not going to come out too tight or too loose on her neck. I continue knitting until I hear a rhythmic beat on the door. That is our signal to alert one another to the other's presence.

"Come in, Kanaya."

She pushes the door open slowly, poking her head in and trying to look around nonchalantly. Looking up from my knitting, I smile at her. She walks in, shutting the door with a tiny click. She looks at me, seemingly with a longing stare. Are these clothes really that tight? She looks away, her face completely jade, and back again into my eyes. Her gaze switches targets and goes up and down my body, as her fangs sink into her lips. I am more than sure she wants something. I am not particularly sure what it is, though. It might be that she wants some physical affection. I am more than happy to give her that. However, I need to get her to try on the collar before anything else.

Smirking at her, I put my work onto my lap. The needles are still in it, but that is alright for now. I turn my hand and move my index finger forward and back, producing the "come here" motion. She gulps, and obeys the silent order I have given. She walks until she is right in front of me. She is staring at the collar in an intrigued manner. I will admit I tried to use a variation of colors; however that is beside the point. I hope she does not dislike it. I turn my attention to her neck as I speak.

"Kanaya?"

I see her look up at me for a brief moment before I look back down at the sweater in the making, and back to her neck a couple times. I nod a little bit. I am sure it will fit snug, but not tight.

"Kanaya, would you care to try something on for me?"

She raises her eyebrow a smidge, but nods. I am usually the one to try on clothing for her, so it is a change of pace. I stand up, taking my work into each respective hand as she moves a couple of steps toward me. I put the collar around her neck – being careful to move the needles to the side of it as I pull her closer. It is almost big enough to cover the whole of her neck; however, I have not been working on it for too long. Kanaya might look good in a turtle neck. Maybe I should change my project to that, instead of just a sweater. In fact, that is a splendid idea. First, I have to make sure it fits. I change my gaze back and forth between her face and my work. I do not know what she thinks of it. It seems her accidental poker face is on. I suppose I will have to ask.

"Does it fit?"

Kanaya takes more than a couple moments to contemplate. Does this mean it does not? Maybe if I changed the pattern it would work better. I could make it longer in length, yet that may lead to it choking her more often than not. Maybe I should just –

"Perfectly."

I pause a moment, then sigh in relief – it is such a difficult pattern. I did not want to redo it. Now that business is taken care of, it is time for some of that physical affection Kanaya was waiting for. I grab her hands with my own, smiling, and watch as my knitting falls to the floor, needles and all. It is okay. I will fix it later. I am not worried about it right now. Kanaya does not mention anything about it – it is likely that she does not care either. I want to turn Kanaya around to a position where I can push her onto the bed, so I side step as if we were dancing – which we have done. I am sure she will follow as if we were. My hypothesis is quickly proven correct.

I grin, and as soon as Kanaya has turned to a good position, I give a strong enough push so that she falls backward, yet not hard enough that it would hurt. She squeaks a little bit, and I move to the bed to straddle her as quickly as possible. I love doing this to her, and I am positive that she enjoys the surprise of it all. Some of my hair falls out of place from my headband – I could not care less. My grin is as wide as possible. I love Kanaya. No one else could match me like she can. It is like the lock and key system for enzymes. She is the perfect fit that makes me work. I would do anything and everything for her, so long as it is in her best interest. She lifts her palm to my cheek, and I nuzzle into it slightly. She does not remove her hand from my face; she merely moves it up so that she can put some of my hair behind my ear. I do not know how, but my smile becomes wider. Leaning down, I kiss her on the lips – as always, her lips are delicious.

Soon, Kanaya moves her hand off my face and places both of her hands on my lower back. I massage her ear delicately with my fingers, tracing the lobe with the very tip of them. Her hands start to wander from my lower back, moving them upward and back in slow, hypnotic motions. Our kiss grows more and more passionate – God do I want her. I want her more than anything. In accordance to that want, I put a hand under her shirt and grope at her breast. I am being a little too rough for my liking, but it is hard to control yourself when you cannot even breathe properly. I do not want to end the kiss. The dilemma of breathing comes into the equation, though, so I wind up ending it anyway. I take a moment put some air into my lungs, take my hand out from under her shirt, and lift myself upward. I need these clothes off – now. I try to take off my headband, shirt, and bra in one quick motion. Somehow, it works. I look at her shirt, then at her. Biting my lip, I hope she gets the hint that I want her shirt off too. Her species does not wear the same type of equipment humans girls do on their chest. It makes it easier when things become physical between us.

Kanaya does get the hint, and throws her shirt to the floor. The minute it is off, I go to suck on her neck. I take my time with my actions, keeping myself steady as I lick, suck, nibble, and bite. I make sure I am gentle as I massage one of her breasts. I keep massaging it as I move downward with my licks and body until I can suck on the other – I hear her moan continuously, which makes me want to suck more. I have other plans in mind, though. Kissing and licking, I move back upward, giving Kanaya a peck on the lips as I go higher and higher. Finally, I reach her horns. I place my lips on the base of one, and put my hand on the other. I hear a gasp from her turn into a lengthy groan. I lick in calculated movements, and rub her other horn as slow as possible, tickling it with the tip of my fingers. She scratches the soft skin of my back with her claws deeper and deeper as I go on. This encourages me to do more. I jump in surprise when I feel wet heat on my nipple – I realize shortly that it is Kanaya sucking on me, and doing this very hard as she squeezes the other nipple in her fingers. As a result, I moan onto her horn and start rubbing the other faster. Feeling the ache down there, I stop myself from grinding as best as I can. It will be her decision to take care of that today or not.

Sadly, Kanaya takes the hand that is rubbing my chest off and removes her mouth as well. However, one of her hands is moving downward and her other hand moves to my lower back. She takes the hand going downward on my body, and uses her fingers to draw circles as she continues her journey. I feel myself shiver as she goes lower and lower. When she reaches the band of my skirt, I begin to realize this is it. This is the moment I have been waiting for, and God I am not being let down. After tracing the hem of my skirt a couple of times, she goes under it – I moan a little bit when she does. It feels so good to have someone else touching me in that spot. My breath hitches when she gets closer and closer to the destination, but then she retreats in a sick, twisted, tortuous cycle. I suppose I cannot complain. I do that type of thing to her all the time. I am in a daze when she presses her fingers against my slit through my underwear – I gasp and grind the tiniest bit, taking my mouth off her horn and gripping the other harder than ever.

It is not much longer before I hear something ripping – specifically, my skirt and underwear. I start to say Kanaya's name but it is barely out of my mouth before there are two fingers plunged inside of me. Her name turns into a moan, and I turn into jelly, practically. Due to our anatomy talks, she finds my clitoris almost right away and starts to rub it gently. I can feel heat starting to pool near my groin – my moans become higher in pitch. I can no longer put my mouth on her horn, for fear of biting it. Instead, I place both my hands on each respective horn, and grip them. I can feel myself slowly but surely rocking against her hand. My breath is taken away and then shoved right back in when she changes speed, or even changes direction in her touch. I push myself against it with immense need – the entire area is wetter than it has ever been before.

I am not concentrating on much since Kanaya added another finger, but I hear buttons unsnapping and then another tear. I feel a different source of wetness below me when I grind down – I cannot keep my attention on it for long, however, because she adds a fourth finger, completely absorbing any and all spans of attention that I previously had. Her fingers move in and out, and my moans vary when she varies her pressure. It is about a minute more of this when I hear her speak.

"Rose?"

I look down at her, and she is looking back at me. Kanaya's face has tints of jade all over it. I can feel something tickling the very edge of my labia – presumably, her tentabulge. I am about to ask what is the matter, but she interrupts me before I can.

"Are you sure you are okay with this?"

I think about what to say for a moment. It is hard to voice how bad I want this – no, need this. I decide to go for the simplest way to tell her. Smiling, I lean down and kiss Kanaya's forehead.

"There is not a doubt in my mind."

She beams at me, and looks away to remove her fingers. Though the momentary loss saddens me, I feel the tip of her at my opening. She looks back up at me, for what I think is reassurance, and I nod accordingly.

And then, she enters me.

Electricity – it feels like electricity is going up and down my spine. It is not a bad feeling – oh, no. It is an amazing feeling. Kanaya is slowly pushing her tentacle all the way into me. It does not hurt at all. It feels like the heat pooling in my groin has become a sea – my head is far, far away from its logical counterpart and cannot get itself together. It is almost like dizziness; almost as if my head was hit by a typhoon and I cannot quite grasp what is going on. In some ways, I feel like that makes it all the better. I can lose myself in this pleasure.

Her tentabulge moves inside of me – though I contract around it, making it difficult for it to move. It still has quite a bit of wriggling room, and wherever it goes elicits a moan. As it goes on I moan Kanaya's name louder and louder, combining my own sounds with hers. She strokes gently at the insides of me as I start to lower myself down on her, and back up again. This starts a rhythm between us that never slows down – it only becomes faster. Kanaya grabs my breasts as our movement starts to escalate – my climax is not going to hold off for much longer, especially with the way I am clenching around her. I am bucking downward, and she is bucking upward with the same goal in mind – to get more of her inside me. After some more thrusts, I cannot take anymore. I scream her name, and all I can see is white. I quiver on top of her; I feel myself cum onto her as I ride out my first orgasm. I cannot help it when my grip loosens on her horns, and fall on top of her – landing into the crook of her neck. I can feel her thrust a little bit more before she releases as well. It sprays upward into me, and a little down my leg. I do not mind it at all. She is out of me shortly after, and then she wraps her arms around me in a loving embrace.

If that is what it feels like for my first time, it definitely will not be the last time. I hope it was as great for Kanaya as it was for me. I am terribly tired, though. My eyes are closing of their own accord. I need to tell her – I need to tell her that I love her with all my heart. Yes, in the old fashioned sappy way. I only have three little words to express it with, however, and I am too tired to be extremely vocal .I turn my head, and give her a kiss on the cheek. I yawn before I actually get any words out.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Rose."

I nuzzle into Kanaya before I roll off of her to lie beside her. Once I pick a position to stay in, I cuddle into her more. She kisses me on the forehead, and my eyes shut automatically. There is nowhere safer to sleep than in Kanaya Maryam's arms. And I will stay in them.

For as long as I live.