Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS
Authors note – so this is my new story, and I have had it in my head for absolutely ages, but I've switched it around and finally written it. It's slightly inspired by the book I'm reading called 'fly away home' Anyway, please read and enjoy!
Harder to Shine
Chapter 1
When she had married him all those years ago, she had known that it would never be the perfect marriage. After all, the perfect man had long since been left in her wake. Yet now, as she looked back, never had she thought though that she'd be the wife who stood silently by whilst her husband shamelessly cheated on her.
Standing there on the balcony, outside of MTAC she felt like a bigamist. Tired and fed up with her life she had emerged from MTAC only moments before having had a conference call with the SecNav. It turned out that he was – for once – congratulating her instead of offending her and having a go. He'd called to say well done on the closing on a high profile case earlier that day. Gibbs' high profile case to be specific. A case she had had to fight tooth and nail with the FBI to get control of. However for once it had paid off, the case had not reached the Media and the culprit had been caught without – miraculously – Gibbs offending any high ranking officials.
Her long red hair cascaded down one shoulder. She was wearing the bright red lipstick her husband so hated, the trousers that he would prefer she not wear and a blouse she remembered him once saying was 'adequate for work'. His opinions on her clothing and style had never been so strong when they had first been seeing each other. Yet ever since they had moved to DC when she'd been given the Directors post and he'd been made a senator, his control over her had increased. She knew it wasn't done to hurt her; he just wanted the perfect wife. She was Jennifer Shepard the Cornels daughter and Georgetown graduate, the woman who would stand beside him at speeches and sit and look pretty at dinner parties. He didn't want Director Shepard the ambitious woman who was always looking to go further, or Special Agent Jenny who would put her life on the hand. Then there was Probie Jen, the woman who he had never known. Jen, a young woman who had been sleeping with her boss whilst doing the one thing she had promised herself she wouldn't: fall in love with him. Jen, a woman who had conducted a scandalous affair that spread halfway across Europe. He wanted Jennifer, a completely different woman to the person she was. In reality the person he wanted was a woman who was simply an imaged that was portrayed by makeup and facades, a woman who existed no where other than in his mind.
Somehow, no matter what it was that he said, her husband had never managed to stop her wearing heels. Even when he tried, it was like the one small thread that connected her to the woman she had once been. The one piece that reminded her of the daring young woman who had risked her life for the people she cared about. As she looked down over what she supposed was her kingdom, Jenny Shepard realised just how little of that person there was left. The woman who Jethro had loved, and who had left him standing alone. She wondered if that was the moment she'd lost herself, or maybe it was when she first agreed to marry Richard. The American politician, the one who wore suits only from American designers as 'the rest hung wrong'. The brown haired man, who wore too much gel in his hair, and yet had barely any personality. She wondered sometimes what she had ever seen in him, but then she'd remember. She'd seen everything that Jethro hadn't been, everything that wasn't the man she wanted. Jenny had married him because she wanted to forget about Gibbs.
Seeing him stood there now, laughing with Hollis Mann who was on a case. Standing and leaning over him a little too provocatively to be considered decent. Jenny couldn't help but wonder why it was that she always ended up being the person Army CID sent over. She'd never ask though. Because seeing the man she loved smile at another woman may break her heart a million times over, but let her know that she had not ruined his life. Jenny knew that he was not moping in the past, not moping over her, and whilst that was more bitter than sweet, it was sweet enough for her to keep her mouth shut.
Abby came up, her bug platform boots and dog collars, the red head could not ignore the niggling feeling that Abby would never have her clothes dictated to her. Neither would Ziva for that fact, she'd probably stab the man before he even tried. Watching as the two women smiled and laughed before going to their men. Neither of the duo's were a couple, yet it was more than scuttlebutt that they would be. They were the perfect match. Someone who had dared take Tony's role as bookmaker would be making a fortune on those four, and Jenny knew it. Abby left moments later on McGee's arm, Jen caught the end of something about animals and building shelters. Then she watched, a smirk on her lips as Ziva and Tony left, bickering about which film they were going to see. He, of course, denied it was a date in front of Gibbs as not to break rule #12. But Jenny, along with the rest of NCIS was well aware that it was in fact a date.
Jenny ran a hand through her long red hair, sighing quietly. The day was nearly over and yet she knew she would leave work in a couple of hours to go to her other job – being the senator's wife. Was that what married life was meant to feel like? She wondered, like a burden rather than a pleasure? Watching Jethro she caught his eye. Those piercing blue eyes that she swore could read her mind. Turning her head quickly she walked into her office, black stilettos moving silently on the carpeted floor.
Walking into her office, her ever loyal assistant stopped her for a moment and handed Jenny a suit bag. "You husband sent this over for you, he wants you to wear it tonight." Jenny often wondered what her assistant thought of her bosses' marriage. It was always Cynthia that would hear the groaning, and moaning and cursing about her husband. As per usual she rolled her eyes at the thought of her husband dressing her. "He also wanted you to ring him as soon as you were able to." She said with a smile.
"More like as soon as I got told." Jenny muttered under her breath, watching as he assistant smirked. "Thank you Cynthia. You go home now, I'll see you tomorrow." Jenny said sighing, before walking back into her office, allowing the door to slam behind her in a way that Gibbs would be proud of. Walking over to the bathroom door she hung up the suit bag, unzipping it quickly to see the dress inside: a blue formal dress that came just below the knee. She rolled her eyes, a politics dress, one she absolutely hated.
Taking her shoes off, she threw them halfway across the room and walked over to her desk, unlocking her phone and pressing the call button next to her husband's name. She put the phone to her ear and began to open up a case file. "Jennifer." He answered, and she inwardly winced. She'd always hated being called that, he mother had been the only person who called her it, and after her death it held too many memories. Ducky was different, he sounded like a caring grandfather, but her husband sounded like an angry boss.
"Richard, you wanted me to call." She replied in the sweetest voice that she could manage. Slowly she read through the file in front of her.
"…did you get the dress dear?" He asked her and she rolled her eyes.
"No, my assistant decided to sell it on eBay." She answered, already sick of him.
"Did you fire her?" Jenny leant back and rolled her eyes, he really never had got sarcasm. Which considering he was married to one of the most sarcastic women in America often proved a problem.
"Never mind Richard."
"I don't understand, you got the dress then?"
"Yes I got the dress." She said almost patronisingly.
"So why-"
2Richard I was being sarcastic, just drop it now."
"Jennifer please, do no treat me like a child."
"I have work Richard, what was it?"
"Oh yes, I wanted to let you know I would like you to tie your hair up, and put your fringe back to. Oh and Jennifer would you mind not wearing red lipstick? Only with some of them men coming tonight I don' want you to seem as though you are single. Also would you be willing to give the heels a break for a night?" He asked.
"No."
"I thought as much…" He began before droning on about something else. Picking up a pen she began doodling on the pad next to her. Hearts and cubes, swirls and anything to take her mind of her husband. She made notices like she was listening when she remembered, but she just wanted to hang up. At the moment she was nearly dozing off Jethro came barging in. She held a finger up to him and tried to get her husband to shut up.
"Richard, I need to go, work calls." She said, sternly.
"Well if you would leave that god forsaken job then we wouldn't have this problem."
"I'm not even starting this conversation. I need to go."
"Yes, very well then Jennifer, be home by seven please."
"Right." And with that she hung up, hitting the end call button hard enough to break the phone before sending it flying with a perfectly aimed shot to the sofa on the other side of the room. She then turned to Jethro, he raised an eyebrow and she gave him a glare that clearly said to drop it. "What can I do for you Agent Gibbs?" Since she'd come back there was a formality between them that wasn't always serious. She was jealous of his relationship with Hollis, and he knew it. But she knew that she had no right to be, she was the one who was married after all. He wouldn't cross that line, not when he thought that she was married happily, however if he knew what he view on her marriage was then maybe he would have a change of heart. For now though, both of them knew all too well that this professional act was as far as they would ever get.
"Case reports." She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. HE saw the dark shadows under her eyes, noticed the look in her eyes and it worried him. He knew she'd been leaving alter than him more and more often of late. Knew she got in early and worked herself stupid He wonder when she actually ate, she'd always been thin, but now she was too thin. Looking at her he wondered just what went on behind her mask. "You want me to go and get Abby and Ducky's reports director?" He asked. But he said it in a softer tone, as though he was saying it as a friend instead of as an agent.
"That would be really helpful thank you Agent Gibbs." She said, smiling, and with that he left. Looking at her clock she saw she had forty-five minutes before she was due home. She also knew that the day she got home at the time he wanted her to, was the day she turned into a six year old child.
Watching him leave she sighed, got up and picked up her dress before walking into the bathroom and putting on the dress. She splashed water on her face and then dabbed it dry. Digging out her makeup bag she put on her foundation, and reapplied the rest of her makeup. Then she looked into the mirror. He wanted her hair up, that she didn't mind but he wanted her fringe up too – that she did mind. But for tonight she decided she would do as he asked, she couldn't be bothered to argue tonight. So she grabbed a bobble off of the basin side and captured the red locks in a neat bun. Then she grabbed a few bobby pins and clipped her fringe back. She looked at the red lipstick, but instead pulled out a pale pink one 'moonshine' it read. Then, silently she walked back into the office, and sat down on the sofa, checking her phone subconsciously.
Jethro then walked into the office. He stopped at looked at her. Standing up in stocking clad feet she walked over. "Why you dressed like that?" He asked, all the formalities dropped.
"Leave it Jethro."
"Jenny, I know you, you hate just below the knee dresses, and you hate your fringe up and always wear lipstick."
She stopped and glared at him. "Maybe I have changed Gibbs."
"No, no you haven't, not inside you haven't." She looked at him, eyes wide and shocked. But before she even had a chance to get the words out of her mouth he was walking out. Leaning back against the desk she closed her eyes.
"To hell with it." She whispered, sitting down and opening all of the files. Slowly she began to read the file and completely forgot about time. IT was fifteen minutes after she was due home that Jenny finally out her pen down. She grabbed her bag and placed all of the old clothes in it. Then Jenny placed her stilettos in on and grabbed a jacket. With that she left.
It was time to play the good wife.
When the black town car pulled up outside of the town centre terrace house they had bought together all those years ago, Jenny could not help but think that she wished the journey was longer. But it wasn't, she was home. And all of the things she hated to be, she had to be now. So slowly she got out of the car, walked over the path and opened the front door. There was the sound of male laughter inside and she closed her eyes, placed the bag down and took off her jacket. It was time to play Jennifer now.
So she went thought into the living room and over to her husband, a small smile on her cheek. "Jennifer." He said with a smile, he kissed her cheek and whispered: "You're late."
Jenny had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. "Had to work." She said, almost petulantly. She then turned to all of them men and smiled.
"Well, it is the power couple." One of her husband's slightly too posh acquaintances said. That was what the press had labelled them. The Senator and Director – the power couple. The thing was, she knew if it ever came down to it she had more influence. She also knew that one day it would. This marriage would not alt forever, she knew about the string of affairs he'd had that spanned back since the first six months of their marriage. Knew about them all, and yet for some reason she had never confronted him. There had even been numerous times over the years, when he had accused her of having an affair with Gibbs. Yet she never had, but she knew he'd had them. She could leave now and file for divorce, yet she knew she wouldn't and so did he. Often, at night when she was lying awake she'd wonder what she was still doing here. Why she hadn't left him. The only conclusion she had ever come to was that she had always wanted to perfect life. The red head wanted a job which would have made her father proud and a husband who would have pleased her mother. And that was what she had. So for now she ignored it, because she didn't want to face the reality that her life was so far from perfect, perfect was not living with a broken heart.
Jenny laughed at the statement; kissed them all on the cheek and hen lead them into the dining room where they ate dinner. Talk was on politics, and whilst she had her opinions, she knew that tonight was the night to sit and look pretty, not the fight for what you believe in night. When the time came to go to the living room once more she was bored. "Darling, why don't you turn in for the night and let us men talk shop." Richard said. Jenny had to fight the urge to respond with a sharp tongue. But it turned out she didn't need to.
"I think the director talks better shop than the lot of us put together." One of the other men stated with a light hearted smile. She had had to work with him many times over two years, and in recent months wondered why it was not hams he was married to. After all at least he would not be moaning at her to quit her job. But Jenny just laughed, whilst she would love to challenge her husband's opinions she was tired, and didn't want to be in the same room as him. Briefly she wondered if she was too harsh. Jenny would love to be able to repair the marriage; she just didn't think that he would ever see what was wrong with it.
"As much as I would love to beat you all in a debate, I do have work to be doing anyway." She said with a small smile – fake obviously. "I'll let you boys be." She kissed her husband's cheek and left the room. She knew the men's eyes were on her, but she also knew that her husbands were not. That was a feeling that made her heart sank.
By the time she reached the spare room which she used as an office she had had enough. Silently, curled up in a ball she let herself do something she hadn't done in months: she cried. Because Jenny knew that she had made a massive mistake in her life. And she was not quite sure that she was going to be able to repair it.
I hope that you all liked it. Please review and tell me what you thought. If I get a good response I'll keep up with writing it.
Thanks xx
