Chapter I.: Disaster

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This has been a part of my Christmas present to the friends who are occurred here. Enjoy!

Authoress' notes: This is gonna be really insane, so if you don't wanna read it, don't. You have better things to do indeed. If you gonna read it though, have fun. We had while writing and reading it, too. It is enacted in Bratislava, the capital of Slovakia (little state in the central Europe, we live here ya know :P ).

Warnings: It is not beta-ed and our mother language isn't English. I tried. Massive insanity in here. Kinda AU. Original characters. Many references to other ficcies, mainly from FastForward. We'll let you know which in every case.

Disclaimer: Naruto chars still owns K. Masashi, Kiiran owns Frozzy and we own ourselves I hope. O.o


Monday afternoon, at Sheltie's place:

Sheltie came (1) from school, late as always, stepping into the door in the agony.

"Hi," she said as greeting and then she headed to the kitchen like she was dead.

"What's wrong with you this time? You look pretty upset," spoke Neji, Shel not even looked at him though.

"Wot'eva..." she blurted out and left the room.

"Tou-san, another depression is here waiting only for you..." said Neji mostly for himself and then he also left kitchen looking for a phone.

"Yes, what do you want this time, Hyuuga?"

"Don't be so rude, lil' Uchiha, you know how terrible my current situation is."

"Oh, so she's got home already?" Neji could feel the smirk through the phone.

"Yes, and she brooded like her whole family was dead... Oh, sorry, I forgot," this time the other boy was smirking. "And that bitch of yours? Is she already there abusin' ya?"

"No... well, yes, but listen to me carefully; for first, she isn't a bitch, and for second, unlike that yours she doesn't molest me all the time."

"Well, mine do that neither."

"I know, I know, she only abuses you when your cousin and father aren't around..."

"Fuck you, Uchiha," growled Neji.

"Well, she's actually making me lunch right now..." mocked he.

"Oh yeah, I see... and the other bitch? You know, the one who doesn't know how to cook an egg in her age..."

"Well, she isn't mine remember. She is living with us only 'cuz my aniki, but I hope she will perish soon. She's so annoying."

"I know. We hafta get rid of them if we wanna survive. But I have only lil' time 'till she get her normal- sumimasen, her insanity back by my father. I don't understand why the heck is he helping her, I would kill her right..." he never had a chance to finish the sentence since a terrified shiver ran through his body and he let out a silent squeak.

"Hi again, Neji..." purred his worst nightmare into his ear.

"Get the fuck off me," hissed Hyuuga in self-defense, but that didn't help him. Shel was holding him tightly around the waist, leaning against him.

"FATHER! Get her OFF me!!! Your brother said I am able to marry Hinata-sama if I won, (2) so why the heck I still have to live in one house with..." he trailed off once again as she licked his ear.

"Aaargh! Hakkeshou KAITEN!"

Sasuke had hung up long ago.


Monday afternoon, at Okami's place, after the call:

"Kukuku..." giggled Sasuke putting the phone back onto the shelf.

"What, sweetheart?"

"She is home. She launched herself at him, so I wonder how he's gonna get her off himself this time."

"Maybe some jutsu... Kaiten...?" suggested redhead as she put the pot off the stove.

"What do we have to eat?" asked the boy. Then he went back into the kitchen and sat down.

"Three guesses and two don't count," echoed deep velvety voice that signified Itachi at home, more exactly in the hall taking off his black Akatsuki cloak. The girl herself pretended to misheard it.

"When will Karai come back home?" she asked cheerfully, laying the plate with pasta in front of Sasuke.

"I hate pasta..." muttered he and picked his fork. Okami misheard it once again.

Itachi sat down beside his brother, taking the can of Zoodles (3) out of his bag and quickly removing the lid.

"Fork."

"Here, Uchiha-sama," said Okami not so nicely. The heck I hate when this frigid knob (4) comes home and just orders others around...

"So, I asked when Karai is gonna come from school today."

"I don't know." Itachi stopped and for a second considered whether to say the next sentence or not and then decided that the next sentence (unlike the last) is needed since noone other than he knows where the second girl is. "She has an exam, but she didn't learn anything, so she might be in school till six or so."

"What a pity."

"I hate her."

"You hate everyone and everything, foolish little brother, so don't bother and just shut up," said Itachi indifferently and poked Sasuke's forehead. (5)

"I'm not that little anymore, aniki! Do it once again and I'm gonna break your knuckles!" Itachi only smirked, Okami rolled her eyes.

"Hi, I'm home! Hey, Okami, how was... YAY, Itachi!" Karai launched at the man in manner so alike Sheltie's.

"You have 3 seconds to let go."

"KARAI! There! Hitsugaya! Renji! Byakuya! ICHIGO!!!" (6)

"Where?!"

One second was spent by Okami, another one by Karai comprehending what's going on and the last one by Karai again to yell "where?!" and step away from Itachi. Now he was calm and satisfied, so he returned to his Zoodles.

"Why are 'ya here so soon? What about your exam?" asked Okami because boys stayed silent.

"Oh, I haven't learnt anything so I just skipped the exam and hurried back to my Love."

"OMG."

"..."

"... . Well, Karai, wanna some pasta?"

"Again?! No, I'll just have a bite of Itachi..." Itachi stood up, picked his Zoodles up and left to his room.

"..."

"..."

"Hey wait!!!"

The other two sweatdropped.


Monday, later this afternoon, Bratislava downtown:

Ookami and Sheltie were sitting on the marble brim of the fountain on Hodža's square and chatted, waiting for Karai to arrive, when both suddenly spoke: "Akatsuki" and "Karai". They looked at each other quickly and then Shel jumped forward to Karai and Saniika and Okami took a step closer to the two Akatsukis.

"Hi there, chicks," one of them grinned at the girl in from of him, (7) yet he didn't recognize her. Okami rolled her eyes.

"Hi. I'm Okami, this is Shel, Karai and Saniika there. And you are Hidan and he is Kisame and please don't ask where I do know your names from." The white-haired man blinked twice and closed his gaping mouth.

"H-hi..."

"For your own good, don't come closer," warned girl, but Kisame did exactly so.

"Are ya afraid of me, lil' sardine?"

"No, that's not it - you should be afraid and don't want to find out why."

"Underestimating us? Do we have to show you our strength?" Kisame growled, probably feeling insulted by his 'lil' sardine' to doubt about the might of the great Akatsuki group.

"Nope, but you've asked for it. Hyuuga-sama?" (8)

"Yep! But they won't hold back!" Sheltie then moved a bit away and Saniika and Karai got a full view of their beloved criminals. The two men had only a second for their surprise...

The end of Chapter I.


1) I lost. Uhm, go ahead and read 'Roommates' by FastForward if you don't know what's this about, but it's nothing important. It might appear in this fic several times yet though.
2) Somewhat sequelling Ookami's 'Bets and winners' (my Christmas giftfic) I guess... sweatdrop
3) Again, go ahead and read FastForward's one-shot 'The one thing he loves'. You gonna end up ROFL.
4) Credit for the name goes to DeGlace ('Uneasy coexistence' - great ficcie). Yes, it's KisaSaku, a problem?
5) "YOU BASTARD!!!" Sheltie faints.
6) I don't remember which one she likes the most... sweatdrop
7) The pervert didn't mention me, he-he. I'm not that pretty.
8) Okami meant me with this. She's used to call me that nowadays and I love her for it.

Well, so whaddaya think? Yeah, maybe you haven't understood everything properly, but I tried to make it as clear as possible. It only left me to pity two poor Akatsukis... lol. Serves them right, kuku.