Author's Notes: K, I'm totally nervous about posting this up! I've never done a Bleach fic and from what I've read, everyone that posts has amazing stories and ideas. Ahh, I wish I could write as good! But anyways, my obsessiveness of the show got me thinking about writing something up. So I totally did! The concept isn't anything new, which I'm beyond sorry for. But I hope that if you are reading it, you won't completely hate it!
And before I forget, the characters are OOC! If they were in character this would not happen!
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach
Today is the day, thought a certain orange haired man as he walked down the somewhat empty streets to his home. Today is the day, he thought again, as he crossed the street and smiled weakly at an older woman passing by, I'm gonna tell her how I feel.
Ichigo felt his heart swell with nervous anticipation. How would she react? Would she accept his feelings or just call him an idiot? Can I do this? he wondered.
It was such a strange feeling. After all, he shared almost everything with her. And even if he didn't say it out loud, she somehow always seemed to know what was going on inside his head. But this was just too strange. How was he supposed to tell her—his best friend, for that matter—that there was a very strong chance that he was in love with her? That thought just sounded too foreign even in his head.
But he couldn't deny his strong feelings for her any longer.
He discovered these strange feelings a few weeks ago. After receiving orders from Soul Society that there were two weak Hollows in town, the duo headed out to purify them. With his swift movements, Ichigo easily defeated the monster with one swing. But Rukia—she seemed to be struggling for some reason. He watched with keen eyes as she swung her sword left and right, something completely unlike her. But really, who was he to scold and correct her on her ways of fighting. After all, he wasn't formally trained. But when the Hollow managed to knock the petite woman to the ground, that's when Ichigo reacted without thinking. He pierced the white mask in between its eyes and looked to his partner. She easily kicked him in the shin and declared with annoyance that she didn't need protecting from him or anyone else for that matter.
It all seemed and felt like any ordinary day, yet the orange haired boy had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. Why had he reacted the way he did? He reasoned with himself that it was simply his need to protect her that he saved her from the Hollow. But for a brief instance, while she lay helpless on the ground, his mind played on the idea that she wouldn't make it. That the monster would pierce her heart, thus ending her long lived life. That thought alone scared him to death.
Again, he simply reasoned with himself that she was just his friend so he had to help her out. But he knew deep down that she could easily defeat the Hollow with one swing. So why had he imagined that she wouldn't make it? And why had that thought alone made the blood in his veins freeze? All it meant was that he cared about her; he could admit that. But there was another thought toying in the back of his mind that freaked him out. The real question was, just how much did he care for her?
She was his best friend. She understood him on a level that no one else did. When he was feeling down, she easily brought him out of his depression with her determined words and fierce punches. When he wasn't in the mood to talk about what exactly was troubling him, she never pressed him on the subject. And though he acted like she bothered him, he was truly grateful that she was in his life.
Without her, he wouldn't have been able to protect his friends and family. Without her, he wouldn't have been able to experience such a strange lifestyle that just seemed to work for him. And without her, he would never of known that he wasn't the one who murdered his mother all those years ago.
He could never thank her enough for the powers she had awakened in him.
So that left the question of what his true feelings were. Was he simply grateful that she helped him gain such incredible power so he could protect? Or did he actually feel something for her?
For the next couple of weeks, he deliberated the true meaning of his feelings. Rather than paying attention in class, he thought about it. When walking home from school with her, he thought about it. When he ate dinner with his family, he ignored his father's wild antics and instead thought about it. And when he lied on his bed and stared at the plain white ceiling above trying to fall asleep, he thought about it!
And boy, was he sick of thinking about it!
After a decent amount of time, he finally admitted to himself that he liked how uniquely different she was, especially compared to the other girls in his class. Unlike Orihime who was pretty timid and gentle, Rukia was strong and determined. She would speak her mind and kick him if he ever got out of line. And unlike Tatsuki who was extremely tomboyish and rough, Rukia had a sort of dainty quality to her.
She wasn't the typical beauty either with long locks of hair and a generous amount of curves like some of the women he knew. She had short jet black hair that made her creamy complexion look even more pale, a decent amount of curves that fit perfectly on her petite figure, a voice that was slightly deeper than most but still extremely sexy in his opinion, and her eyes—God, how he loved her eyes.
He loved that they were oddly colored and uniquely big compared to most. He loved when she was happy; how her eyes shined like two pieces of identical jewels. Or when she was upset; how they changed from violet to the darkest shade possible. He liked that he was able to understand everything and anything she felt through her eyes. And when he simply just stared into those violet pools, he often felt himself holding his breath and simply just getting lost in how stunningly beautiful they truly were.
Ichigo found himself staring at his two-story home with a thoughtful expression on his face. He knew she was home, most likely in his bedroom either doodling or laying on his bed without his permission. He felt his heart beat faster as he forced himself to enter his home.
"How was your day, Ichigo?" he heard his little sister call from the kitchen. He slipped off his sneakers and walked towards the living room where he saw Karin sitting on the couch, while Yuzu was busy making dinner.
"It was fine," he answered. He let his hazel brown eyes drift from the living room to the kitchen, no sign of the violet-eyed woman anywhere. I knew it, he thought.
"Dinner will be ready in an hour," the sandy blonde twin said, already knowing where he was going. "I'll call you when it's done, okay?"
"Alright. Later squirt." he said, heading up the stairs to his bedroom, where he knew she'd be.
Ichigo couldn't deny that he felt somewhat indebted to Rukia. She had—though accidentally—given him powers to help those in need, to help protect those unable to fend for themselves. She had given his once normal life a reason, a purpose to help those spirits that couldn't pass on do just that. But the most important to him, was that his mother's death had finally been avenged. Though he wished he could have been the one to kill the Grand Fisher, he was still just as satisfied knowing that his father had done the deed. Because now, his conscious could finally rest in peace, knowing that the monster that had killed his mother was dead.
But the fact of the matter was, he did feel something for her. When she had first come into his life, she was nothing but a nuisance with all the shinigami crap she put him through. After awhile though, he was used to sleepless nights fighting off the Hollow that came for innocent souls lingering around town. It was just their odd routine of life. To him, she was just the bothersome new transfer student that lived in his closet. She was just a strange girl that had opened his eyes to what really lingered on in the world, beyond that of ghosts. A stranger—whom he had only known for two months—that somehow became his best friend.
And though he felt indebted to her, his need to be with her was beyond words. And as cheesy as the thought was, he felt complete with her by his side.
Whether what he felt was just a childish crush or love, he couldn't say for sure. After all, he had never been in love before. But he vaguely remembered when his mother was alive, the look of pure love on her face when she looked at his father. There was no denying that his parents truly adored one another. All he could really hope for was that Rukia felt something like that for him. Whether it be a short lived romance or a lifetime, all he wanted was for her to love him.
He stared at the wooden door of his bedroom and felt nervous again. Dammit to hell, he thought. He hated that whenever he was around her now, he felt tongue tied and anxious. He opened the door and saw the raven-haired female relaxing on his bed with a big doodle pad and crayons. Luckily in cases like this, he forgot about his feelings and let his anger take control. "What the hell are you doing in here?" he questioned gruffly, throwing his book bag beside his desk.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" she questioned. Her eyes never left the paper as she drew another one of her 'masterpieces' while he simply glared at her from his desk chair.
"You have a room now, idiot."
"I didn't want to be in there." She turned her violet eyes to him and smirked. "What's wrong? Nervous that there's an actual woman in your room?"
He felt his cheeks heat up at her words. "Y-You're not a woman," he childishly muttered back, hating that he sounded so stupid and immature.
"I'm not? Well then, what am I Ichi—" But before she could finish, her phone began to ring, signaling that there was a Hollow in town. With a big grin on her lips, she turned her gaze to him and asked, "Want to come?"
He stood and nodded his head; a cocky smile making it's way on his lips. "Hell yeah."
...
Half an hour later, the two were relaxing on the roof. Rukia had his right hand resting on her lap as she healed the shallow scratches that ran along his forearm. "You were careless." she commented.
"Eh, it doesn't hurt that bad." Ichigo replied, lying completely on his back on the shingles. He stared at the few clouds hanging lazily in the orange sky as the sun began to set. "Besides," he closed his eyes as the cool evening breeze sent goose bumps along his arms. "I've been through a lot worse."
"Still," she turned his arm a little to fix the next scratch "You shouldn't be this careless in battle."
"So the Hollow caught me off guard. It's no big deal." He couldn't help but let a small smile tease his lips at the feel of her surprisingly soft hands on his skin.
"It is a big deal. What if next time you're not so lucky?"
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say someone was worried about me." He could feel the glare she was sending him without even cracking an eye open. He smirked even more.
"Idiot." she muttered back. "Are you sure you don't want Orihime to heal this? She could probably get this done in less than five minutes."
He scowled at her words now. Of course he didn't want Orihime to heal him. He knew how anxious the auburn haired female got when one of them was fighting, especially him. Though she would never voice it out loud, anyone could see it in her big gray eyes. "Why bother? She worries enough as is."
"Well you're certainly bothering me." Rukia smiled to herself when he shot her a look of annoyance.
As he was about to reply with a snarky comment of his own, the two heard Yuzu's voice come through the opened window. "Ichigo! Rukia! Dinner is ready!"
"I'm almost done." Rukia said, as she turned his arm to heal the last wound.
The two shinigami sat in a comfortable silence, each wrapped in they're own thoughts. Rukia promised herself to heal his last wound quickly so the two could enjoy the nice warm meal Yuzu had prepared. She knew how hard the sandy blonde twin worked on keeping the household in tip-top condition. From cleaning to cooking, she did it all with a smile on her face. Rukia didn't want to disappoint her by making dinner cold.
Ichigo on the other hand, was wrapped up in his own bothersome thoughts. Should I tell her now? he wondered. He promised himself earlier that he would confess, but now he was having doubts. It happened almost every time he planned on telling her. When he found the perfect opportunity to share his feelings, he'd chicken out at the last minute. Why is this so much harder than facing an Espada or Aizen? he often wondered. Why can't I just look her in the eye and tell her? But every time he did, he felt his mouth dry up and his entire previous determination fly out the window.
There was just something about her eyes that made him lose all concentration. And the ever present thought that she might not feel the same way.
"Rukia?" he said, turning his head slightly to the right to catch her expression.
The petite woman looked at him with a thin eyebrow lifted and questioning violet eyes. "Yes?" she whispered. The orange haired boy gulped down all the spit and fear that plagued his mind and mouth. He sat up and began to mumble incoherent words as his heart beat faster at what he was about to say. "What're you saying?" she questioned with annoyance clearly laced in her voice. "Speak up."
Thankfully, the sun had disappeared under the horizon a few minutes ago. Ichigo did not want the raven haired female to see the blush that put Renji's fire engine red hair to shame. "Uh—" but before he even got the chance to say anymore, she cut him off with a few of her own questions.
"What's going on, Ichigo?" she asked, her indigo eyes fixed on him and him alone. "You've been acting strange for awhile now. Did something happen?" When his only answer was a quick shake of the head, she grinned despite the annoyance bubbling up inside. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked, noticing the boy's bright pink cheeks.
"I-I'm fine." he answered. He cleared his throat and began again. "T-There's something I want to t-tell you..." he stuttered. He chanced another glance her way and felt his mouth dry up. "Can you not look at me when I say this?" he asked, feeling embarrassed enough as is.
"Okay." She looked down and waited for him to finish.
He licked his lips and began again. "I-I've never d-done this before," he stated, hoping she'd see past all his stuttering and nervousness. "Okay... I think I—"
"Ichigo, your dinner is getting cold." Yuzu called again.
"God dammit." he grumbled as he ran a hand roughly through his spiky hair.
He felt torn in two. Parts of him wanted to just head inside and enjoy the meal his sister had prepared. Because, in all honestly, he hated when he upset one of the girls, especially Yuzu. Unlike Karin—who called him out for his mistakes or told him exactly what she was feeling—Yuzu kept mostly everything inside. She never complained about how tired she felt or got upset with anyone in the family. She was essentially the peacekeeper in the family. She scolded their father for his behavior and Karin for her selfishness, always welcomed each one of them home after a long day, and always seemed to manage cleaning the whole house and cooking for everyone. She was beyond her years in his opinion.
But, there was another part of him—a much stronger part—that wanted to finish what he started. He couldn't just leave the conversation where it was. Now that he was halfway there, he just had to finish it. In some ways, he felt like a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. Sooner or later, whether he liked it or not, he would tell her. 'Might as well finish.' he thought. At least then, he could tell her the way he wanted.
"I'm done." Rukia happily told him. She pushed his arm away and stood up. "Let's go." she said, brushing her uniform for any dirt. He only nodded his head as she took a few steps to the opened window. She sat down on the edge of the roof so her toes could touch the end of the sill. "Ichigo, are you coming?" Rukia asked. "I'm not going to—"
"Rukia, I like you." Ichigo blurted.
It sounded a lot better in his head. His cheeks flushed as he stared down at his arm, completely healed of his previous wounds.
Her shoulders tensed as she steadied herself after almost losing her footing. She sat back on the edge of the roof, her head hung low as she whispered softly, "What did you say?"
Ichigo's cheeks burned as he stood up and walked towards her. He wished he could see her eyes just to know what she was feeling. Was she happy? From the way she was sitting, she looked far from it. Was she angry? Clearly, but why? He sat down beside her and said in a more confident voice, "I like you." He took a quick peek her way, but her eyes stayed hidden.
Was she that upset she couldn't even look at him?
His heart beat faster as the two sat in an uncomfortable silence. He listened to the crickets as they chirped, his way of giving her time to process all that he had said. But when he heard the twelfth annoying chirp, he broke his silence. "S-Say something, dammit!"
"What's there to say?" she asked softly. From his peripherals, he watched her finally turn her head his way. He too, turned his head and looked deep into her unreadable eyes. He had definitely upset her, but he couldn't understand why? Didn't girls like hearing stuff like this?
"Why are you upset?" he questioned.
"I'm not upset," she quickly answered with a frown. "I just don't understand where this is coming from."
"Y-You want me to explain?" he asked. She nodded her head as he gulped down all the spit in his mouth again. "Well uh, I guess I-I've realized I had these f-feelings a couple weeks ago." He pulled at his collar as sweat started to build on his forehead and neck. "I didn't ever plan on feeling like this, especially for you." Her eyes narrowed angrily at his words. "Wait, I didn't mean it like that! I'm actually glad—"
"It's fine," she answered darkly. "Just tell me when."
"Right. Uh," he cleared his throat as he continued his story, "It was a few weeks ago. After we fought the Hollows together, it got me thinking about you and I, you know, together." A small grin teased his lips as he thought back to the first few months they were together. "I couldn't stand you in the beginning. All you ever talked about was being a shinigami and protecting every freakin' spirit that needed help. But when you were taken... That's when I finally realized I cared about you." He chanced another glance her way and saw the softness in her eyes.
Whenever her execution was brought up, neither of the two liked to talk about it. They both felt guilty for the situations they had put one another through. He blamed himself for taking her powers and essentially ending her life, while she blamed herself for ruining his life.
And though they felt differently now, the feelings would always remain and at times haunt their memories. Dreams of 'what ifs' occasionally plagued their minds, often resulting in sleepless nights counting sheep.
"I consider you to be one of my best friends, Rukia. I can act like myself around you. Hell, you even know what's bothering me before I do." He rubbed the back of his neck as his cheeks turned a bright shade of crimson. "So I guess what I'm trying to say is," he turned his head the other way and half whispered, "I-I think I... might be in l-love with you."
Though he didn't see it, Rukia's eyes grew even bigger at what he had confessed. Too many questions and thoughts flooded her mind for her to even voice them to him. "Ichigo..." she whispered brokenly.
He finally looked at her again with questionable eyes. "What?"
Her violet pools shined in the pale moonlight. She slowly shook her head back and forth, her eyes shifting from him to the shingles. "Don't say that," she softly said.
The one fear he had hoped wouldn't ever come true…
"If you don't feel the same—" he began, feeling as if someone had knocked him in the stomach so hard he couldn't breath correctly.
"It's not a matter of feeling the same," she said. "I don't think of you like that, Ichigo. You're just my friend, nothing more."
What the hell was going on? Why was this turning from something that should have had a happy ending into a complete nightmare? Did his feelings really mean nothing to her?
"Why are you—" he tried to say.
But again, she cut him off. "Have you ever been in love, Ichigo?" she asked. When he didn't answer her, she continued on, "Then how can you possibly understand the meaning of that word? You can't. You're too young to understand."
"That's not true." he childishly remarked. "Sure I haven't been in love before, but that doesn't mean I don't know what love is or can be." He clenched his fists so hard, he was positive his nails cut through his calloused skin. "Why are being like this, Rukia?" he asked, slightly annoyed with her strange behavior. Clearly it was a touchy subject for her. "Shouldn't you be, I don't know, happy? Can you honestly say you don't feel anything for me?"
"I don't feel anything for you." she stated, her voice as cold as snow.
He opened and shut his mouth several times, half sentences forming in his mind but never quite reaching his mouth. Why the hell was this happening? He searched her determined violet eyes, hoping to find something, anything, behind her icy gaze. But she kept her steely gaze focused, unreadable to his dismay. But for a second, he swore he saw her fierce eyes flicker with something else...
"You're lying." he whispered, forcing himself not to smirk.
"I'm not lying, Ich—"
He didn't give her the chance to finish as he awkwardly leaned in and captured her unsuspecting mouth with his inexperienced lips. But just as fast as he had leaned in, he quickly pulled away, cheeks flushed from embarrassment. Her eyes were wide from shock, but her delicate pink lips remained slightly puckered. He took the opportunity to fix his horrible excuse of a first kiss and leaned in again, this time savoring the feel of her lips instead of wanting to shut her up. He softly placed his lips upon hers, shocked beyond belief that she accepted another kiss from him.
Hesitantly, he placed his right hand on her soft cheek, his long fingers tangling in her silky black hair. He pulled away a second time and rested his forehead against hers, taking a minute or two to calm his beating heart. "Ichigo," she whispered, her sweet breath on his lips.
He hoped to God he knew where this conversation was headed. "You can't feel this way about me." She slowly pulled her face away from his, a dubious expression placed on her elegant features.
"Rukia."
"Even if I felt the same way, we can never be together. I don't belong in your world." she whispered, her voice void of any emotions. When their eyes connected again, she forced a smile to her lips, "I'm dead."
"That doesn't matter—"
"It does matter." She shook her head from side to side. "What if I get summoned back to Soul Society? What if I stay there for several years? What would you do then?" she asked.
"I'd wait for you."
"For how long?" she questioned harshly. "How long would you wait for me?" He reached for her again to try and calm her down, but she wouldn't have it. He stared at her wide-eyed with confusion. "This relationship would never work and you know it."
He too, shook his head and answered, "It can if you'll let it." Ichigo didn't know where his sudden confidence, or idiotic blabbering, was coming from, but he refused to let her talk him out of being with her. "Why are you so afraid to admit you feel something for me?" His amber eyes were alight with determination to get her to admit her feelings. "Is it because I'm not good enough?" he questioned, hating that he sounded so hurt by the thought.
"That has nothing to do with it!" she quickly reassured.
He stared at her, slightly amused by her statement. She hadn't exactly denied she felt something... "So then, what's the problem?"
She scooted further away from him; "I just can't feel that way for you. If we were under different circumstances-"
But he cut her off, "That's not a reason at all."
Rukia balled up her small hands and closed her eyes. Though it was slightly hard to tell, he could see her frail shoulders trembling. Was she… crying?
"Ichigo," she finally said, her voice as quiet as a whisper, "You deserve far better than me." She turned her head his way, her misty eyes on the verge of spilling more tears as she forced another weak smile to her lips. "And as long as I stay here, I will never be with you."
He watched, stunned beyond belief, as she stood up and walked away from him.
He wanted to yell at her to wait, so they could talk about what exactly just happened, but he just sat there with his mouth practically hanging open and his mind completely blank of all thoughts. Her cold and harsh words plagued his mind as soon as she disappeared from sight and he clenched his fists so hard, he was positive he felt blood. He grit his teeth as her tear-stricken image popped into his head. "Fuck!" he growled out.
He knew he should go after her, to try and salvage their now delicately threaded friendship, but his irrational mind begged to differ. Sure, he could understand if he had told her something offending, like she was fat or stupid, but he had admitted he loved her. Was that really so wrong?
"Fuck her." he muttered angrily to himself.
God, he wished there was a Hollow in town so he could beat the shit out of it.
He banged his fists against the roof as he fell on his back. "What kind of fucking reason was that anyway?" he questioned himself. He wished he knew what was running through her pretty little head the moment he admitted his feelings. Probably nothing, he thought bitterly.
…
The hours lazily ticked on by as he lay on the cold shingles for God knows how long. He stared at the big bright moon hanging absentmindedly overhead beside the shining stars, a plane or two occasionally flying on by as well. Now that he had fully processed all that had been said, his anger had significantly cooled down. And as much as he didn't want to admit it, he reasoned with himself that her reaction was probably normal. If someone told me they loved me, I'd freak too.
But still…
This was him.
He inhaled deeply, his stupid thoughts drifting back to her, wondering where the hell she was and if she was okay. Nothing could knock that midget down, he thought, as he exhaled audibly with a small smirk on his lips.
At least now, Ichigo mused, she wouldn't be on his mind twenty-four seven.
As the chilly breeze ruffled his orange locks, he figured it was high time he headed back inside. His stomach agreed that this stupid confession was definitely not worth missing dinner. And on top of his already horrendously awful back luck he completely lost his appetite.
Today just wasn't his day…
He sat up and stretched his well-built arms, working out the kinks and knots in his shoulders as he turned his head in the direction she went. As much as he despised the feeling, he hoped that she would come back to his house. Sure, things between them would be awkward as hell now, but that didn't mean she had to find another place to stay. After all, this was her home too.
He shook his head as he stood up and headed to the open window. As he was about to head inside, his hazel brown eyes drifted back to the direction she had went hours and hours ago. Though he knew she would never in a million years hear his next words, he whispered softly, "Would you ever change your mind?"
He heard a familiar bone-chilling chuckle within his head. You're pathetic, King, his inner Hollow whispered, laughing even louder when the orange haired boy had nothing to say back.
For once, Ichigo couldn't disagree with the monster inside of him.
AN: Sorry for how long it was... and if the ending seemed a little rushed. I've had the beginning written out months before, but I never felt it was just right. I whipped out the end in like the last few days, so I'm a little iffy about the way it turned out.
Idk why, but I wanted Ichigo to get rejected. It was kind of sad to write actually... I don't know if I should write another part to it, cause I wanted a more sadder ending then the happy one.
But anyways, I hope you liked it! I would love to know what you think in the form of a review! Hahaha, yeah that was lame, I know. But I hope you guys review! It would make me smile like a kid in a candy store :)
