Chapter one: The times of college

Kurloz P.O.V

My bed head is the worst out of my human features. I don't bother to do my hair because, well? What's the point? Nobody notices me anyway. And if they do, it's all for the wrong reasons. My point is, my hair, it's not my everything. My voice is. Even though I don't use it.

I am mute.

A chosen mute.

My high anxiety has driven me to this point and yes, I see no alternative other than to be mute. My regular voice is raspy and nasally, at least its how I hear it. My voice.. when I hear it feels like broken glass coming out and people stepping on it and scrapping it across the floor. Whenever I hear it I want to vomit. Why must have I been cursed with such a scratchy voice that when someone hears it, they cringe? My own father, has told me my voice is pathetic.

Fine.

Don't hear me talk. Don't listen to what I have to say. I'll write it, and that will be the power within my hand. The marker on the white board.

The power of not talking is a great thing. People then start to notice you. And after a while of not hearing your own voice, you forget what it sounds like, but always the lingering of what you remember. A horrible sound. A horrible disease you want to forget you ever had. And that was my voice. I have always felt this way about my voice, ever since I was thirteen.

Was it the vocal surgery that was performed on my when I accidently swallowed a bottle cap? The scratchy metal sliding down my esophagus was painful, and I never want to experience it again.

As a kid, deciding your mute, or at least a chosen mute is one of the hardest things you go through in life. Harder than anything. Because, you have to get up the courage to ask things when you really want them. Getting a job, going to a good college. Typing can be easy, because you're talking behind a computer screen. But in real life? Your nervous and avert your eyes in many directions until you can either A) Tell then yourself that your mute, or B) Always come to the conclusion that you write down that your mute.

I can never tell anyone that I'm a chosen mute with my voice, because I have to really trust them in order to do it. So far no one on my Radar, Except Meulin who's deaf, has earned my trust.

I look up at the college campus of UF, The University of Florida. I have thick bag around my eyes, my hair is a mess, and my hands are shoved into my skeleton jacket. Today was the day that all new comers to the campus would sign up for college classes if you haven't already done so. I, was one of the people who haven't. To busy playing with Meulin's cats and too busy typing up new college drafts for more college courses.

I know that I had to take English, Math, History and Science. But that I could choose some other elective classes, which were cool. I didn't know what I wanted to be, but I had an idea. I moved past people, laughing and talking and seeing a flood of people just come out from the gates.

Anxiety washed over me.

I rushed over to the sign up board and was one of the first few people there. I quickly grabbed the pen and signed up for Photography and Fashion Design. I left the now group of people coming over to sign up. I slipped out and made my way inside, the halls were big. Not like ones you would see in high school. People walked the halls, chattering mindlessly about their majors to other people.

Talking, what a chore.

I heard my name ring down the halls and I turned to see Meulin. She had to Talk so loudly, even If she couldn't hear herself. I smiled and opened my arms to embrace her. She smiled back and parted, using her ASL, I in turn did the same since I knew it as well.

Hello Kurloz!

Hello Meulin.

How are you?

Good, and you?

Fantastic!

Well that's good.

We both smile and she chuckles, I attempt and nothing comes out.

So! What classes do you have?

Core, and I just signed up for Photography and Fashion design.

Oh! Cool! I'm going to be in Fashion design too!

Really?

Yeah!

Well, I'll see you in there then?

Yup!

By the way Kurloz, are you in a dorm or an apartment?

I make a thinking face and shrug.

It's wanted to stay on campus for the first year I think, but I'm going to be with Mituna, sharing an apartment with him and Kankri.

She giggled.

Have fun with his rants!

I rolled my eyes.

Sure.

Well, can I stay with you? Perhaps we can stick to each other like glue and explore the campus!

After all, you can hear.

I nodded, smiling. My trusty white board tucked under my arm and Meulin humming happily next to me. College was going to be decent.

The college campus was beautiful. Freshly green cut grass out on the lawn, fast food places to stop in during lunch hour, and places to park your scooter and or car if you had one. But what bothered me the most was the people, if you were different, they looked at you funny.

Poor Meulin, she couldn't hear a thing. But she was happy, sometimes I wished I was mute and deaf.

I mentally shook my head, Get those thoughts out of your head Kurloz!

Mituna and Kankri were over underneath a tree having a heated discussion about something that I didn't want to get into. Meulin pulled me over and I rolled my eyes, the two males saw us come up and got up from the ground. Mituna, always loud, and Kankri, always going on rants, they were made for each other.

I got out my whiteboard and marker, writing on it.

What are you guys up to?

"We're having a heated discussion about world politics, care to join?" Kankri said.

Meulin tugged on my sleeve and I translated it for her.

Leave Meulin and I out of this please, okay?

"But why? Politics are such great aspects of our country. Do you have something against our country? Or do you not just like out president? The runner up? Or the people that run against the president. I believe that the president is doing a fancy well on doing job on running this country along with the veterans in Americ-"

I hit Kankri with my white board, way too many times I've had to do that.

Look, I don't want to talk about politics. Can I just have some money to take the bus home to the apartment?

"Sure," Mituna said handing me a couple of dollars.

I smiled and nodded, my way of thanking them. Meulin and I left Mituna and Kankri in their heated debate as we walked to the bus stop. Meulin did ASL with me until the bus came and we hugged. I haven't seen her since she moved away to go to a different school in New York, and that was in tenth grade. We kept in touch though.

As I sit on the bus I think. I think of all the people around me. How they talk and how their voices are all better than mine. I hang my head down low and think to myself. It's always going to be like this, huh?