Surreal.
Too surreal.
That was what went through Hinata's mind as he stared at the gigantic monsters that seemingly appeared out of nowhere. He has never seen something this enormous before, especially not a robot (or a beast?).
He was an average boy, too average for his liking even, too average that it honestly sickened him to the core. He desperately wanted to get out of his uninteresting life, and he thought that finally enrolling to the school of his hopes and dreams, finally enrolling to Hope's Peak Academy, things will finally change for him.
To be fair, it did change.
He's now in a field trip of mutual killing with fifteen others, in an island that has no one but them, with talking stuffed animals, and now, gigantic robots.
He isn't stupid—this is far from average.
He probably should be happy now, but he isn't.
All he wanted was to find his worth, to know that he's actually above average at something, that there is actually something that he's good at. He was happy that he seems to have been accepted in Hope's Peak, but he can't even remember the reason why he was. He can't even remember the Super High School Level Talent that he possessed, and that sucks big time because honestly, he thinks that's what matters the most.
That's what matters the most if he decides to selfishly forget and reject the situation that they're in at the moment.
"Hinata-kun." He feels a hand on his shoulder and he snaps out from his train of thought, looking up. He hasn't even realized that he was staring at the ground already.
It was Komaeda.
Komaeda was kind, too kind even. He patiently waited for Hinata to take in their surroundings, and he was also the one who kindly introduced Hinata to the rest of their classmates. His carefree smile and calm voice were soothing for Hinata, especially in this kind of unsettling situation, but the truth that was just dropped to them, the truth that they couldn't get out of here without killing anyone—
It was too much.
He wonders if Komaeda's smile and voice can still do their wonders.
Besides, is his kindness even genuine?
As far as Hinata knows, all of them don't know each other prior this so-called field trip. Komaeda could easily be faking his attitude, and none of them would know. Hinata wouldn't know.
"Hinata-kun." Komaeda lightly shakes him now, just really lightly, just enough to finally pull Hinata out of his thoughts. "Your cheek… it was cut."
Ah.
His hand immediately went up to touch the cheek that Komaeda was pertaining to. Of course he felt it, but it was just like a scratch when it happened. He supposes he was too surprised earlier to actually register in his mind that he indeed received damage. He felt something wet when he placed his fingers on the cut.
Blood.
Ah, he was bleeding.
"It's okay." Hinata hurriedly replies and puts down his hand again. "It doesn't really hurt." Truth to be told, it doesn't hurt that much. He has been grazed by a bullet, after all. This slight prickle wasn't what he expected.
Or is that because of the shock as well?
Komaeda bites his lower lip, unconvinced. "Shouldn't you at least get it cleaned? It won't be good if you end up being infected by something, you know. I'm going to call Tsumiki-san."
As he turned around, Hinata decided that it was his turn to place his hand on Komaeda's shoulder. "Don't do it."
Komaeda blinks at him, tilting his head. "Why not?"
"Just don't… bother her." Hinata gestures to the rest of their classmates who were also obviously panicked and distraught because of the recent horrible announcement. "Or anyone. I'll take care of it myself."
Komaeda crosses his arms, as if in deep thought.
Hinata wonders what he's thinking of. Komaeda could be contemplating murder right now, and he wouldn't even know. But Hinata supposes it was hypocritical of him to be wary because he would be lying if he says that the idea of killing someone didn't briefly cross his mind as well.
"No." Komaeda shakes his head. "I'm going to assist Hinata-kun."
He's thinking of murder. "No, you don't have to do that. As I said, I'll take care of it myself."
"I insist."
He's really thinking of murder. "No, really, it's okay. I got it."
Komaeda bites his lower lip again, looking at Hinata. "Hinata-kun… do you doubt me?"
He made eye contact with Komaeda. His gray-green eyes almost looked betrayed (or disappointed?) as they do their little staring contest. He got that on point. Hinata indeed doubts him, but then again, who wouldn't in this kind of situation? He's being too kind, too nice, and no one is that good.
Not in real life.
Not in this kind of situation.
Especially not in this kind of situation.
"Sorry…" Hinata apologizes halfheartedly. As he continues staring at Komaeda's eyes, his halfhearted feeling of being sorry starts to become realer and realer, with each second that's passing by making him realize that this was Komaeda, the one who helped him earlier with everything, the one with the comforting smile and laughter.
Against his better judgment (because deep down, he still has that nagging feeling that no one is this kind, that he's going to get murdered if he accepts Komaeda's help), he nods at Komaeda and repeats his apology. "I suppose I can use some help."
Komaeda immediately smiles and nods as well. "I'm not as good as Tsumiki-san, but I'll do my best."
Everyone started heading to the cottage, the two of them were no exception, and Hinata's mind was going crazy with thinking of precautions. Maybe he can leave the door open as long as Komaeda is still inside so it would be easier to run if the situation calls for it. Maybe he should look for any weapon, any weapon at all, while Komaeda is not looking.
Or maybe not. Everyone can see that they're with each other at the moment. It will be stupid, too stupid, of Komaeda to try murdering him when he's the only one seen with Hinata.
Maybe Komaeda won't be that reckless?
Unless he's planning something really elaborate…
The walk to the hotel was quiet. Hinata supposes he was to be blamed—his mind was too preoccupied. His internal debate hadn't stopped at least a second. 'He's kind', 'no, you don't know that', 'he won't kill you', and 'yes, he will'. He's getting more and more anxious with every step they take, and when they reach the hotel, he felt the inexplicable urge to run as fast as he can to his cottage and never go out again.
"Hinata-kun." Komaeda's voice snaps him out of his train of thought yet again. He still had that carefree smile on as he speaks. "I know you're still worried, so if it will help you be more comfortable, we can use your cottage instead."
The guilt was becoming too much. He dared doubt this person who has been helping him since all this happened, he dared doubt this person who's willing to make adjustments for his comfort.
"Sure…" Hinata replied, though he felt weak. "Let's go."
But none of them moved.
They stared at each other again, just like they did before. Hinata couldn't read whatever expression was on Komaeda's face. He wonders if it's because it was dark, or if it was just really unreadable. He wonders if it was really unreadable, or he was just that bad at reading people. He wonders if he was just that bad at reading people, or it was normal to doubt even the person who has been kindest to him in the whole island so far.
"Hey…" Hinata found his voice. Komaeda didn't speak, and if it weren't for the slight tilt of his head, Hinata would think he didn't hear. "…What if it's me?"
"Hinata-kun…?"
"What if it's me who has plans to kill you?" Hinata heard himself, and he sounded lost, genuinely wondering. "Aren't you being a little too complacent? You're offering to help me… no, you were helping me ever since I woke up, and you're still trying to help me now despite the danger. Aren't you worried about yourself?"
Komaeda blinks, almost confused, before giggling softly. Hinata can bet that he was the one looking confused this time. "I know you're not going to kill me, Hinata-kun."
"No, that's wrong. You don't know anything about me. I could even be the traitor that Monokuma mentioned. I could be aware about this whole business, and who knows, maybe I have weapons in my cottage."
Komaeda was still smiling as he shook his head. "I don't think the traitor will faint in surprise and need assistance to get used to the place. But if I'm wrong, then that's unfortunate, I suppose."
"Unfortunate?" Hinata repeated his word, and Komaeda nodded, his smile not disappearing for at least a second. "Unfortunate. That's all you have to say about that possibility." It wasn't a question. It was a statement, and that makes it even worse.
"Yes, but I'm lucky, aren't I? So I don't think that that will happen…" Komaeda airily chuckles. "Or so I hope."
The guilt is eating Hinata internally. He dared doubt this person who seems so unguarded (innocent?) and trusting. (He could be faking this.) He dared doubt this person who smiles at him, believing wholeheartedly that there's no way he's the traitor who could possibly mean harm to him, to everyone. (He could be faking this.)
"Yeah, right, it's not me." Hinata can't even say that for sure because he can't really remember anything clearly. "Let's go."
Komaeda nods and skips next to him as they walk to Hinata's cottage. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn't really need assistance. Even if it was a bullet that grazed him, it wasn't too big anyway, yet he agreed. He accepted Komaeda's help, so he wondered why.
Was it just his guilt?
The fact that Komaeda isn't guarded even at the slightest?
Hinata lets Komaeda enter his cottage first, and Komaeda almost happily does so. Hinata would be more worried if he was the one in that position. He wouldn't even agree to enter a place before someone else, wouldn't accept leaving his back defenseless to someone, but Komaeda does it with so much ease.
How does he do that?
Why does he do that?
"Good thing your wound actually stopped bleeding already on the way here, Hinata-kun. I suppose we took too long walking, huh?" Komaeda happily declared as soon as Hinata closed the door behind him. Hinata would be really more wary if he were Komaeda, especially now that the door has just been closed. But Komaeda didn't even tense at all.
"It wasn't really that bad in the first place." Hinata replied, staring at Komaeda who seems to be looking Hinata's cottage all over. None of them had been in their cottages yet before today (maybe except the traitor, but Hinata won't think about that now), so Komaeda's curiosity was probably understandable, but he still is too relaxed.
"You should wash your wound in the bathroom." Komaeda turned to face him finally, smiling at him. "Now that I think about it, my presence here is probably useless, but I really do want to assist you..."
"I'll be back then." Hinata replies before going to the bathroom. He doesn't close the door, so he'd feel it easier just in case Komaeda does something. (Yes, he himself can't believe that he's still thinking about that either.) He turns on the faucet, and despite the sound of running water, he can still hear Komaeda's soft hums from the main room.
He puts his hands together, making a makeshift cup, and lets the warm water fill it. He pours it all over his face, the warmth of the water comforting especially in this cold night. It can almost make him forget about the reality of the situation they're in… well, almost, but not quite. He repeats the process, filling his makeshift cup with water again, and he focuses on his wound this time.
He takes the soap that was placed near the sink, rubbing it before putting it down again. He washes the graze softly, the prickle was starting to feel more noticeable now that it made contact with soap, but it was nothing that Hinata can't tolerate. He supposed he expected a lot more from a bullet, but then again, it wasn't wrong to do so, since it came from that gigantic so-called Monobeast.
He closes his eyes as he decides to wash his whole face with soap, doing his best not to recall the image of the too unrealistic Monobeasts that showed up earlier. There are a lot of things that he doesn't want to recall, truth to be told, like the truth of their situation, the fact that they're even here in the first place, that this is happening at all.
There are also a lot of things that he wants to recall on the other hand, like his talent, or anything actually, anything that will take his mind off this.
He rinses the soap off his face, careful that nothing will be left, before he wipes his face with the nearby towel conveniently hanged on the wall. He returns to the main room and Komaeda turns to face him as soon he takes one step in. "Sit here, Hinata-kun." He gestures to Hinata's bed. Hinata, doing his best to ignore his irrational (or are they, really) worries, does so as Komaeda said.
Komaeda puts his hand in his pocket, and Hinata couldn't deny that he instantly felt alarmed. He's going to pull out a weapon. He's going to commit murder. He's going to—
"Here." Komaeda does nothing of that sort. Hinata blinks at him in confusion. In Komaeda's hand was a small band-aid, and Hinata lets go of the breath that he was unknowingly holding. "I always carry band-aids with me wherever I go. Let me put it on you, Hinata-kun. It's the only way I can assist you now."
Hinata nods and watches Komaeda curiously as he peels off the cover of the band-aid and sits in front of Hinata. He leans in close, too close for Hinata's comfort but he won't complain, and puts the band-aid gently and carefully on Hinata's wound. Komaeda examines it, checking if it was placed properly, before smiling again with satisfaction.
"I guess that's—"
With questions that he himself can't answer, Hinata pushed Komaeda on the bed, keeping him trapped with his arms placed on both sides of his face. Komaeda's eyes visibly widened with horror (or surprise?) when he realized what's going on. Hinata thinks it's the first time he saw Komaeda looking alarmed ever since he entered Hinata's cottage.
"Hinata-kun…"
"I'm going to kill you."
Komaeda blinks, his surprise starting to disappear. He shakes his head and lightly holds one of Hinata's wrists with his soft hand. He smiles, and Hinata's almost mad because how can it he smile at a situation like this? "No, you won't, Hinata-kun." His thumb draws small circles on Hinata's wrist as he continues speaking. "Calm down. Take a deep breath."
"H-How do you do it?" Hinata can feel his whole body weakening suddenly. "Why are you so calm? Aren't you worried? At all?"
He sees Komaeda shaking his head below him again. "If Hinata-kun would want to kill me, then I wouldn't fight back. But I don't think that right now is a good time."
"…What?"
"See, everyone saw us going to your cottage, so if I die now, you'd be the prime suspect. It'd be too easy—"
"No!" Hinata moves away, and Komaeda sits up as soon as he did.
"I'm sorry… I'm just trying to help. I don't want you to get caught too, so maybe we can plan how to proceed for another time?"
"That's not what I meant!" Hinata briefly wondered how thick the walls are and if their other classmates can hear him speaking right now. "Did you just—you just casually said it's alright for me to kill you. What's wrong with you?"
Komaeda almost looks hurt with his words, that or he's probably just frowning. "I did say I want to assist you, right?"
"Is this what you meant?"
"It can be this. It can also be your wound. It can also be anything." Komaeda's smile was back, almost as if he never frowned at all. "I just really want to assist you guys with the best of my abilities, especially you, Hinata-kun."
"…What do you mean?"
"I think Hinata-kun's hope is the brightest among everyone's. It'd be a great honor for me to comply with your wishes."
"But that's…" Hinata shakes his head. He doesn't even know what he's going to say. Crazy? Wrong? He'd go with wrong. "…wrong. That's wrong. We should find a way to get everyone out alive."
Komaeda giggled. "I also did say that I know you won't kill me anyway. Hinata-kun really is too kind."
Things got weird fast. For some unknown reason, Komaeda's arms were wrapped around Hinata after saying that, and what's even weirder is that Hinata wasn't pushing him away. "I know you think that this is weird." Komaeda speaks slowly and calmly, his voice oddly soothing. "And I'm probably not going to be of much help, but I've read that hugs can calm people down… I think, what Hinata-kun needs right now is to calm down. You're too agitated, and you should take deep breaths, like I said."
Things were already weird enough anyway, so Hinata decided that he doesn't care anymore when he returned the embrace. He held Komaeda as tightly as he could, to the point that he was wondering if he was already hurting Komaeda. If he is, Komaeda didn't say anything, and Hinata doesn't know if he should be thankful or sorry for that.
"I'm sorry for threatening you." Hinata's voice sounded muffled as he buried his face on Komaeda's shoulder, and he felt Komaeda's hand going through his hair. "I really didn't mean it. Your calmness just, I don't know, it unsettled me for some reason, so I thought I should—"
"Shhh. It's okay." Komaeda replied, his hand continuing its ministrations on Hinata's hair. "I know you didn't mean it, Hinata-kun."
"It's not okay." Hinata tightened his embrace around Komaeda even more. "You… you were nothing but helpful and kind to me ever since the day began, yet I—yet I paid your kindness by doing something like that."
"It really is okay." Komaeda repeats. "You were agitated, Hinata-kun, so you weren't thinking properly. I understand."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
The silence that followed was oddly comforting. Hinata closes his eyes, letting his guard down for the first time after that announcement. Komaeda's not going to do anything, right? And if he does, Hinata's holding him tightly, so—
No, no, he shouldn't be thinking about these things.
Komaeda's innocent, Komaeda's kind, Komaeda's helpful—he'd assist Hinata with murdering himself if asked, and while that's crazy on its own, it's probably just kindness in its ultimate form because this is Komaeda they're talking about. This is Komaeda, the one who prioritized Hinata's comfort, the one who was ridiculously patient with him.
"I-I'm not going to doubt you again." Hinata whispers. He wonders if he means it, or if he's just desperate to believe in someone in this wretched place, if he just wants to feel like there's someone he can cling onto for support because in an environment like this, it's difficult not to topple down. "Never again…"
Komaeda hums and buries his face on Hinata's shoulder as well. "…Don't say something like that, Hinata-kun."
"Why not…?"
Komaeda shakes his head, and his hair tickles Hinata's neck. He pulls away, and Hinata almost doesn't want to let him, but he supposes he had to. "I'm sleepy, Hinata-kun. I think I should go to my cottage now."
"Oh… right." Hinata had the brief thought of asking Komaeda to sleep in his cottage, no matter how weird that sounds, but he bit back the request. "Good night, Komaeda…"
Komaeda smiles at him. Hinata's starting to get used to that smile. "Good night to you too, Hinata-kun. Sleep well."
Komaeda locks the door when he leaves, and despite the room being quieter than ever before, Hinata's thoughts have never been noisier.
