Hold Me Tonight
Synopsis: Remus writes a letter to Sirius. Post OoTP. Yes, Sirius!Remus.But, sad Sirius!Remus.
Dear Siri,
God it hurts. I cried myself to sleep for the past few nights, thinking about you. Thinking about how I'll never see you, hold you, touch you. You leaving hurts. But to never be able to see you? I just can't.
I'm so tired, my love. When I do sleep I replay what happened over and over and over again in my head. I only had one good dream. The last time I slept, though, you were in my dreams. It was that one night, right after Gryffindor had won the Cup, remember? You came back to the rooms because I wasn't in the common room. You came looking for me. And you found me in the dorm. You asked me why I wasn't celebrating and I showed you the letter from mom, saying dad had died in an accident. God, Sirius, and then you wrapped your arms around me and held me as I cried against you. You didn't even go back to the party. You just sat, and held me as I cried.
I remember waking up snuggled next to you. Laying in the curve of you body, under covers I don't remember being laid under. And for a few minutes I didn't remember how I'd gotten to my bed at all.
I never forgot that…
I can't forget you. God. It's been a week? Maybe? I've lost track of time, babe. I measured time by you, and now your gone. How can I live if my love is gone, if my sense of everything is gone?
I can't. You can't be gone. You just can't. I thought you were gone for good. Right after James and Lily died. And then, you came back. And now you're gone. Why? Why is it so hard for you to stay put, honey? Why can't we grow old together. Run the moons anymore? Just snuggle, like we used to?
I can't go on without you, Sirius. I can't. I can't leave here, either. To go where you're at. Wherever you are. They need me. The Order. Harry. But, I need you. You made me who I was…who I thought I was going to be after all this was over. And now it is, for me. It's over. Because you're gone, love. You're gone.
I'm sitting here, listening to "Rust". "Somewhere I here you calling me. So hold on, I'm not far away." But, you're so far away. So, far. I listen to those words over and over again. It makes me cry even harder. "I know I'll feel better in the morning light, so just hold me tonight." Please, come hold me, Sirius.
Day and night. They run together. You were my hopes, my dreams. Everything. I miss you. Wherever you are, I miss you. I love you, Sirius Black. Always and forever.
Love,
Your Remmie.
