Nothing but Nought

one. Peter

It's finally my fifteenth birthday. People would think I'd be expecting presents, and the whatnot, but no. All I want for my birthday is peace and the truth. It might be a strange thing to wish for, and ask for, but I don't even know if I'm going to get it. I live in a world where the colour of your skin decides how you're treated. The ruling blacks, or Crosses as we call them, are the ones who get all the glory and great treatment, and get the jobs and the good education and all the seats in Parliament. Then there are the noughts, the inferior white, who are treated like scum by the Crosses, and are always looked down on. People push them about and cheer and laugh if they get hurt. They think all noughts are terrorists. If a Cross is put in jail, they don't even mention the fact the person is a Cross, but when it's a nought, it's the first thing they say.

I have a major problem. I'm not a Cross. But I'm not a nought either. I'm half. Or halfer, as some people call me when I'm out. It's a horrible word, but I can't stop them saying it. Mum says she was called that when she was my age, too. My mum is Callie Rose Hadley, and my dad Tobey Durbridge. My full name is Peter Callum Hadley-Durbridge. My middle name is my grandfather's, my mum's dad. He was hanged for being a nought terrorist and rapist, but none of what he was accused of was actually true. Mum found that out from Grandma the year before I was born.

I'm lighter than Mum, but darker than Dad, who's a nought. Mum and Dad both tell me that noughts are treated much better now than they were when they were small, and the treatment of noughts was clearly even worse in Grandma and Grandpa's day. What do noughts have to do to be treated equally? Stupid question. I know better than that. It's just painful, listening to Dad moan about what he went through, and wanting the best he can give me, which, according to him, isn't much, but I'm not saying anything. Until I found out stuff about Dad he'd never told me.

I just know that my dad regrets what he did, every time I see him look at me, I see that painful look in his eyes, that faraway look that means he's always wondering if he should've handled things differently, and I'm pretty sure he thinks he should have.

I'm too busy letting my mind wander back to my parents, who will be wondering where I am now, probably panicking. That's just like them, especially since I didn't tell them where I was going. I didn't want to, I wasn't supposed to. I can still remember the conversation we had, clear as anything. After all, it was only this morning. I know I shouldn't, but I think I'll let my mind slip back a few hours, to rid me of this nervous feeling rising in my stomach for what I'm about to do.

I'd gone downstairs, dressed in fatigue combats, a khaki shirt and jacket and thick black mountain hiking boots. Dad had wandered into the kitchen from the study. As usual, he looked exhausted. He spent most of his night at the computer, emailing his boss. He can't help it. He panics that he'll lose his job after he'd worked for the Dowds' restaurant when he was my age, slightly older. He looked at me, rubbing his face furiously. 'Why're you dressed like that, Pete?'

I shrugged. 'I'm going out for a bit.'

'In that?'

'Yes.'

'But why? It's Saturday.'

'So? I've got places to be, people to see.'

'Who?'

'Why all the questions, Dad? I don't need an interrogation, OK?' Dad regarded me slowly. Then he came round the table and crouched a little so his face was at my face's level. He locked eyes with me before he spoke.

'I know that, son,' he said. 'I just don't want you to make any mistakes we did, OK?'

I nodded slowly, as to not give the game away. I was disobeying him, in a sense. 'You've told me all this before. I know it.' My tone was slightly harsher than I'd intended, but it didn't matter. It had the desired effect. Dad drew back, and nodded.

'Alright, but phone us now and again, just so we know you're OK.' I shrugged, not committing myself to an answer.

'Peter!' Dad said sternly. 'Promise me.'

'OK.' I said the word impatiently. 'Can I go now?' Dad gestured out.

'Go before I change my mind,' he said. 'Be careful.' I'd run out the door and not looked back.

Like Mum, I love it here on Grandma Sephy's beach. Or at least I thought I did. I'm never sure what I love now, apart from her. She's making my world fall apart, and the only life support I have is her. Staring at my watch, I realised she's fifteen minutes late. Huh, funny. My fifteenth birthday, she's fifteen minutes late. Time passed so fast, like the sand grains beneath my feet that I hadn't noticed. Eventually, I could make out a shadow coming out of the dark gloom towards me, and suddenly she was there. 'Hello, Peter,' she said softly, reaching out to caress my face. At her touch, I felt electrified. She leant in, and I knew what she wanted. I met her more than halfway, and we kissed for at least thirty seconds before pulling apart. 'I thought you'd forgotten,' I admitted when I could speak again. Her sweet laugh echoed around the empty beach.

'Forget meeting you? Me?' she repeated. 'No I couldn't. Kate never forgets anything to do with boys.' She took my hand and started pulling me the way she'd come. 'Come on, Pete. If we don't get going we'll be late.'

'For what?' I asked as I let her pull me forwards.

'The film, dummy.' I stared. No, she hadn't.

'You mean you booked tickets for that sci-fi film I wanted to see?' She turned back to me.

'Of course. I'll do anything to be with you.' She hugged me tightly, and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. I smiled widely at her, and eagerly followed her back into the gloom, towards the city.

When we got to the city, I couldn't stop staring at the blaring bright lights. My mind was telling me to stop diverting the inevitable and get on with it. My day with Kate was just a diversion so my real purpose, which was much more sinister. Kate's hand on my arm pulled me back to the present, and she pulled me towards the Cineplex again. We halted at the entrance, and I knew what to do next. I turned to Kate. 'Look, Kate, I think you should go on in and get our seats. I'll be there in a minute – I want to buy some doughnuts.' I indicated the stand to the right of the Cineplex.

'From there?' I had to nod, and watch as Kate looked at me, confused, but still nodded, dropped my hand and walked inside. A tight knot of guilt was tying itself in my stomach. How could I use Kate as my alibi like that? Yet, I knew that I had no choice. That was what he'd told me to do.

I was following my Dad's tracks, yet I couldn't help myself.

I moved over to the doughnut stand, and tapped my fist on the counter. An unshaved man wearing a filthy apron appeared a chewed cigarette in his mouth, which he was still smoking. He grunted, 'Yeah? What do you want?'

'I would like to buy a sugar-free doughnut,' I said, and while I spoke, I slipped the contact card the man had sent me into the doughnut stand owner's hand. The dirty man looked down at it, and stared back at me.

'You better come round, then,' he grunted, and opened the little gate-like door at the side of the stand. It was easy for me to slip round – there was no one else buying from any of the stalls nearby or that one. The man led me round the back, to the lorry the stall was the trailer to. He got into the driver's seat, and pressed a button which released the stall from the back. 'Get in then, boy,' the stall owner said, blowing filthy smoke into my face. I held my nose and tried to not to breathe it in. I climbed in next to him, and we drove off.

I knew where we were going. I was being taken to the LM headquarters. We stopped outside the house that used to belong to Alex McAuley, who was now dead. Dad had killed him when he was seventeen. That was something that made me sick about my father. But, I guess I wasn't any better. 'Get out.' The man spat the words at me. I didn't need telling twice. I unbuckled my belt, and leapt out of the lorry, which sped away the moment I had slammed the door shut behind me. I stood in the dust the lorry had left behind and stared up at the house before me. I can't describe it. It was just like any other house on the street, in Meadowview, the rubbish-tip-like place where all noughts live. This includes my Great-Nana Meggie and me, Mum and Dad. Grandma Sephy used to live here, until she married Nathan, who, being a Cross, has a huge house that he and Grandma now live in.

I couldn't quite bring myself to go up to the door and ring the bell. I couldn't believe I was finally doing this. Steeling myself, I ran to the door before I changed my mind, and knocked, hard. The door was instantly opened, but only slightly. There was a gold chain on the door, stopping anyone from opening it any further. A tall, burly man with dark glasses stuck his head through the gap. 'Yeah? What, sonny?'

'I….I….I,' My lips wouldn't form the words – I was panicking.

'Look, I ain't got all day. Unless you got something important to say, get outta here.'

'I'm here to see Mr Newton,' I said. Newton had taken over from McAuley.

The burly man stared at me for a second, no more. Then he held out his thick, meaty hand, and I discreetly thrust my card at him. I couldn't see his eyes, but I knew he was glaring at me as he compared the picture on my ID card to my face. After all, the LM couldn't just let anyone enter.

After a long time of glaring, the guard slammed the door in my face, and I heard the rustling as he undid the chain on the door. Then, when he opened the door again, he opened it enough that I could slip inside. Once I was in, the guard slammed the door again, so hard it rattled on its hinges. I stood stock-still in the hallway, and the guard turned to me.

'Mr Newton is in the back room. His study.' The guard paused, beckoning to me. 'He'll be expecting you. You'll sit in the garage until he is ready for you. A guard will come to accompany you to Mr Newton's study. D'you understand?' I swallowed, and nodded immediately. The guard gave me one last scathing look, and began walking away. I had to run to keep up, his stride was so brisk.

About a minute later, the guard turned sharply left and led me into what I could only assume was the garage. It was tiny, but then it didn't need to be any bigger. With graffiti all over the walls, and an old, hard wooden chair with a straight back bolted to the floor, it didn't look at all welcoming. It wasn't supposed to. The guard strode to the chair. 'Sit.' The word was said with coldness and a sneer. With the metal grilles as the only walls and the bitter winds leaking through, the room was freezing, and I couldn't help shivering. The guard smirked nastily. 'Cold, are you? You shouldn't be here anyway, halfer,' he said, and I couldn't help but wince at the venom in his voice. 'Maybe you'll be a traitor just like your father.' My hands curled into fists at my sides at that. I had known the fact that I'm not totally nought or Cross would come up at some point. I still said nothing. 'Or maybe you'll be a useless brat like your mother.' I wanted to punch and kick out then, but I knew there was no point – the guard would knock me unconscious the minute I lashed out. I swallowed and it took all my willpower to control my limbs.

'I vow I will be loyal and useful to the LM,' I said with as much calm as I could muster up, but still with a tinge of sarcasm.

The guard sneered at me and stepped forward. He lifted his hand and slapped me across the face. I wanted to rub my face, but I wasn't going to show any softness in the guard's presence. 'That will show you who's boss around here, and who you should show respect, or you'll get hurt.' I knew the guard was serious, so stayed silent but stared at him without blinking. He looked at me with absolute disgust written across his face. 'You'll stay here 'til someone comes for you.' With those words, he slammed out, locking the door audibly behind him.

I now knew I was trapped until another guard came to take me to Newton.

8