Nevillestorypart1
A/N:I don not own Neville-
he's J.K. Rowlings. Nor do I claim any right to 'Big White World'.
The song belongs entirely to
Marilyn Manson/Nothing Records. Don't sue and all that.....blah blah blah.
Oh and take notice this is my
first story written here. I might make a series...most likely.
BUT I won't if i don't get any reviews. Just a few......and flames don't
count.
Rated PG-13 for some swearing
and mention of suicide. I personally think that bit high but the people
who do movies rate something the same if theres a bit of 'bad words'. Anyways,
moving on...
Oh yes....Neville's POV.Slight
twist though.....you never know.
".....This is for me always wearing a mask!"
*CRASH*
Glass shattered everywhere as
the remembrall hit the wall.I picked up another object from my trunk,
to angry to acknowledge what it was.
"....And this ones for every time I've given in to them!"
I hurtled the thing at the wall.
It collided with a sharp *TWACK* and burst apart. Before the pieces hit
the ground I had another item in my hand. Unable to keep my anger inside
I screamed.
"THIS IS FOR EVERYONE WHO NEVER FUCKING CARES!!!!"
*SMASH*
I reached for another object
only to find my trunk empty. I looked at the wall I'd taken my frustration
out on. There was a heap of my shattered possessions on the floor. I still
wasn't satisfied. letting out a loud scream I yanked at the nearest bed
curtain. It ripped off quickly and I started kicking the night stand.
"Noone cares!I'll show them I'm
not the weak little boy the think I am. They don't know anything! I'm thru
with being what others want all the time!!"
I picked up the broken draw and
smashed it down. There were wood all under my feet. Behind me the door
opened.
"NEVILLE!!?"
Without answering or registering
who it was I grabbed my bag. I shoved the person in the doorway and ran
down the stairs.
************************************************************************************
I was still steaming when I reached
the astronomy tower. I ascended the stairs and peered thru the trapdoor.
Noone occupied the tower so I climbed up. I went over to the West wall
and stepped up onto the edge. Gazing down I realized how simple it would
be to jump. But I knew I wouldn't. Although it would end the pain I mentally
carried with me I knew it wasn't worth it. Life is like getting into a
cold pool. Your shocked and frigid and think you'll never be warm
again. Although you never become perfectly heated it lessens as you get
use to it. It becomes bearable then you hit a cold spot-but you would always
leave it and be ok again.
I sat down near the edge and
took off my side pack. I removed my cd player, a gift from a half-muggle
cousin of mine. I smiled as I thought about her. She was probably the only
true good friend I had, but sadly she lived in America. Figures the one
person who is really cares is always out of reach. As I flipped thru my
cds my mood lessened into a state of numb-anger. The kind that makes you
seem perfectly fine on the outside while your mind is still boiling. I
couldn't count how many times I'd acted like this for others benfits. How
many times noone noticed I was falling apart, but kept smiling so they
wouldn't know.
I smiled at the thought of how
others would react if they knew the sort of music I listened to.
'Neville and hard rock? Yeah
right, 'I thought to myself. "And especially American rock. Who would he
know in America. He doesn't even have that many friends here so who would
he know across the ocean?'
Smirking again at my thoughts
I looked at some of the cds my cousin had sent me. Korn, Blink 182, Pink
Flyod, 311, and Marilyn Manson. The latter had to be my favorite. My cousin,
being a huge Manson fan herself, had given me the disk for my birthday.
The first time I'd heard it I was hooked. I popped the cd into the player.
I relaxed a bit as the steady
hypnotic beat flowed into my ears. Music had that effect on me. I could
escape my problems by putting on the headphones. It was my own little world
I could be left in for hours without dreading what horrible thing would
come next. The singer's mesmerizing voice came on and I concentrated on
the words trying to forget my life.
"........like a moth in a flame.........and
our world was so fucking gone..................but I'm not attached to
your world.......nothing heals and nothing grows.......because its a great
big white world......."
I closed my eyes losing myself
in the music.
".........drained of our colors.........we
use to love ourselves....we use to love one another................
all my stitches itch....my prescriptions
low.......I wish you were queen........just for today.......and the world
was so white....what else could I say........"
The song faded out and I lay
back. The next song had started but it was only a dull rhythmic background
to my thoughts.
"I'm done with them doing this
to me. I'm not as pathetic as they think. I should stop hiding in a corner.
I want to do things my way for once. I have to try being more me-weather
they like it or not! I'm feed up trying to be what they want and do everything
the want me to. I'm not going to be this passive little boy that is only
noticed because he's on 'the outside'. Its thru."
I took off the necklace Grans
had given me. A little angel that hummed when you rubbed it. On the back
was a inscription. 'To my good little boy. Always.'
I laughed quitly. I was thru
with being good. What had it ever gotten me? Everyone thinking I'm a geek-a
nobody. And friends who rarely cared. They wouldn't even notice if I was
gone. I clenched the charm in my hand and pulled back my arm. It
pitched forward not two seconds later. I grinned as I watched it fall into
the darkness that was slowly enfolding the sky.
And with that I got up.
"Things are going to be different
now. Very different."