A/N: Why, yes. Yes I do have Cher on repeat. Also, I have no excuse for this. And. I hate cherry soda.

Rating: T

Warnings: Language

...

...

Tactful, Like a Freight Train!

"Well, why don't you go ask him what's wrong?"

"Angeal! Don't tell him to do that!"

"And why not, Genesis? He likes the young man, so he should at least talk to him. Besides, he looks sad..."

Genesis rolled his eyes at his best friend and lover. "Excuse me for wanting to give Seph an actual chance," he snapped. "He can't just waltz over there and ask him out! He's got the tact of an over grown rhinocepotamus on a rampage."

"You mean, hippopotamus? Or rhinoceros?"

"No, damn it! I meant what I said!" He scowled at the pair sitting on his plush red couch as they peered out the window.

Genesis hated his apartment.

It was small and cramped and small and, unfortunately, was right below Reno's. In his time at Shin-Ra he'd heard things even he never expected- nor wanted- to hear. The only consolation was that it made great blackmail and Reno was the best when finding specialty goods- like booze.

However, it did have one redeeming quality.

He considered himself somewhat lucky that his front room window had a perfect view of a tiny tree situated off to the side of the out door track.

At least he did.

Until Sephiroth discovered a rather cute blond sitting there.

Four months ago.

Now Genesis just crawled out of bed- sometimes he even remembered to throw on his robe-, drug himself to the door, opened it and ignored his friend, while bitching about the wretched hour the man chose to show up at.

Sephiroth. Never. Cared.

Not surprisingly.

Still, it had become routine. A routine that was about to stop. He and Angeal were getting ready to permanently fill the missing place in their relationship and both of them agreed; Sephiroth had to go- or at least he had to not come barging in at four in the morning.

"-just let him do it his way."

"No! Angeal, do you want to traumatize the trooper? No."

...

Sephiroth rolled his eyes, having had enough of their chatter. With a soft huff he pushed off the couch and stalked toward the door. He paused as he was passing the fridge and, on impulse, opened it and grabbed two soda bottles. Hopefully the blond liked...cherry? He shrugged, tuning out Genesis' rambling as he exited the apartment with a sigh. Really, did Genesis have to be so shrill?

A few minutes and a boring elevator ride with a terrified cadet later, Sephiroth approached the tree. He came to a stand still next to the younger man sitting on the ground and held out one of the red bottles.

Big blue eyes turned to blink up at him and the trooper froze, mouth opening and closing behind his green scarf.

Usually Sephiroth would have been annoyed at such a display, now however he found it rather amusing on the pretty blond. So instead of scowling, he laughed.

The man's cheeks darkened as he snapped his mouth shut and Sephiroth wiggled the soda bottle in his face. "You make a lovely fish."

"...what?"

"A fish. You do a lovely fish impersonation."

The blond blinked at him, then nodded very slowly. "Oh." He took the offered drink with shaking hands, nearly dropping it, and muttered an apology. "S-sorry, sir."

Sephiroth shrugged, opening his own bottle and taking a drink. His face screwed up in disgust. "This is horrible? How does that idiot drink this?" He held the bottle at arms length, frowning and trying to get the taste off of his tongue. He was never stealing from Genesis' fridge again. It was almost as bad as those yellow pastries Angeal had made him try. What were they called...Twinkles?

"Sir?" His reply to the blond trooper was lost when he caught sight of one auburn haired commander doing a fair impression of a very pissed off mother turkey.

Genesis was standing in the window, red faced, fingers flapping, eyes locked on to Sephiroth as he shouted what was most likely a long stream of his favorite obscenities. Angeal was visible behind him, video camera in hand and biting his lip.

Sephiroth stuck his tongue out and promptly decided to ignore the obviously certifiable commander.

He looked back down to see wide blue eyes staring up at him, a hand clamped over the troopers mouth as his shoulders shook. Confused, he arched a questioning brow. "Are you going to vomit? If so, kindly refrain from doing so on me..."

The trooper snorted and burst out laughing, his hands dropping to his sides. "H-holy planet!" He wheezed.

Sephiroth stared as the pretty blond who was doubled over on himself, tears steaming down his face as laughter bubbled out.

Had he...said something wrong? He mentally recounted their conversation, coming up blank. Oh well, at the trooper had a nice smile.

Once the laughter turned into hiccups, the two fell into a somewhat awkward silence. The trooper went back to blushing and he went back to pondering the hideous flavor of the soft drink in his hand.

Minutes later, the blaring of a ring tone shattered that silence.

"Do you believe in life after love?"

A startled squeak came from the blond who shoved his hand into a pocket and pulled out a PHS, hastily flipping it open. "He-hello?"

"Spike! Hey man, give the phone to the statue next to you, okay?" Sephiroth frowned as he heard Zackary Fair's voice chirp through the phone. The PHS was held out to him and he took it with a put upon sigh.

"What, Zackary?"

"Seph! Seph! Look up!"

Green eyes flicked upwards and he sighed once again, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose to ease the oncoming headache he could feel building in the base of his skull.

Zackary Fair was waving wildly from the window; Genesis standing at his side, glaring down at him. "What do you want, Zackary?"

"I wanted to know why Cloudy looked like he was crying."

"I informed him he looked like a fish."

A resounding 'what' echoed around the still area and Sephiroth jerked the phone away from his face, wincing. "Sephiroth! You're-you're like...tactful as a fucking freight train! How could you say that? Spike is too nice for you to be your idiotic self around. Get back up here. Now! I can't believe you made him cry!"

"Sir?" Choosing to ignore the irate puppy, he glanced down once again. 'Cloudy-Spike' was pointing up to the window, looking rather nervous. "Why does Zack look like he has to pee?"

That was it.

He snapped the phone shut and chucked it at the window, ignoring the quiet protest in favor or grinning like a maniac when the glass cracked and Zack lurched out of the way, successfully halting his idiotic dancing around. He was tired of people making this more difficult than it needed to be.

"Which is your name, Cloudy or Spike?" He asked, kneeling down in front of the blond trooper.

"Uh, neither. My name is Cloud. Sir, my PH-"

"Good, the other two would have been ridiculous."

"S-sir?"

"Cloud, I am going to kiss you and then I am going to ask you out, please try to formulate an answer," that said, he gripped a handful of blond spikes and tugged, meeting Cloud in the middle in a quick kiss that soon became open and sloppy after a startled gasp. A moment later, Cloud twined his fingers in Sephiroth's hair and wormed-with far less grace that Sephiroth had imagined possible- his way onto the General's lap, straddling his waist and causing him to loose his balance. The pair fell backward, never breaking the kiss.

When Cloud finally pulled away, hazy blue eyes blinked down at him. "Wow," he breathed. "You're real."

"Of course I am. Did you think I wasn't?"

"Honestly? Yep."

"Why would yo-" Warm lips pressed against his once again, silencing him. Obviously Cloud was pleased that he was real... so he was going to assume that this was Cloud's way of saying yes.

Hopefully.

It was then decided, laying in the dirt, with a small, far too pretty blond trooper pressed firmly against his chest that Genesis was an idiot- Zackary too.

So what if he was as tactful as a...a whatever that thing was that Genesis had blathered on about, or the freight train Zackary liked to compare him too.

He was obviously doing just fine.

All. By. Himself.

...

...

^_^ I'm feeling one-shot-ish. Can you tell?