Title: Countdown
Pairing: Harry/Ruth
Genre: Mostly romance, some chapters being lighter than others.
Rating: PG
Spoilers for Series 9
Chapter word count: 582
Disclaimer: I do not own Spooks.
A/N: Well, I said I'd write more Ros/Lucas, and actually I have a fic on the way, but this idea came to me the other day, and I thought I'd play a bit with Harry and Ruth. :-)
This is my first time writing them, so don't be too hard on me.
I also wanted to thank everyone who reviewed and/or favourited my last story.
This is a "Harry and Ruth countdown", going from ten to one, with a short chapter for each number.
The whole fic should be completed by the end of the week.
Ten days.
That's how long she waited after Lucas's death before she could bring herself to face Harry again.
Ten days of working, completely focused on her files and desperately trying not to think about anything else, anything else being Harry Pearce. Ten days of avoiding her colleagues, not talking to them unless it was necessary, and almost running away from every conversation which subject was Harry, or the inquiry. He had been gone for a few days now, and the Grid was no longer the same without the feeling that he'd be looking at her while sitting at his desk, or leaning over her shoulder to look at whatever was on her computer screen. She couldn't deny that she missed him. But she wouldn't go to him. She hadn't even asked where he was, and the others had the decency of keeping their conversations for when she was not around, though wondering why she suddenly seemed to want everything about Harry to be erased from her life.
She didn't know if she would ever be able to look him in the eyes after their last conversation. 'It was unfair of you to love me', she told him. But what was fair in their world? And, to add to that, she couldn't make up her mind about what the right thing to do was; about what she wanted, what she really wanted, not what she thought she wanted, or what she thought she should want.
Did she love Harry? Did she think she loved Harry? Did she think she shouldn't love Harry? Why? The answer to that question was simple: because of George. Because she didn't think it was humanly possible to be in love with the very man who was responsible for the death of the one she used to live with, a man who did not deserve to die. She shouldn't want to be with Harry. And yet she did, as she always had. She knew she would always feel guilty if she accepted Harry's marriage proposal, and hence she said 'no'. And felt guilty since that day, because Harry didn't deserve to be unhappy either. It wasn't his fault, not really, and she knew it. He didn't deserve this, any of this.
And what about her? What did she deserve? Did she deserve happiness, when George was dead because of her lies? In the end, she was stuck, wasn't she? Whatever she would choose, she wouldn't be happy, and neither would the people around her; the people she cared for. The people she... loved. The one man she loved, really. The only man she ever loved and ever would love.
And this was how, after nine sleepless nights, countless cups of tea (she tried to reduce her wine consumption), many disapproving looks from Beth and two phone calls from Malcolm (who seemed to know a lot more about this whole story than he should), that Ruth Evershed remembered Lucas's words: 'Be brave. Be selfish for once. You're like me, you've done enough. Say yes.' And she decided to finally listen to the words of the man who could never stand in front of her and say them again. Sitting on her bed, Ruth sighed. They hadn't exactly been friends, but perhaps they could have been, if they'd had more time.
Be brave. Was happiness something you had to be brave to get? Maybe. And Harry had already been brave enough when it came to that matter. Now, it was definitely her turn.
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More soon. x
