I own nothing of Major Crimes. I only borrow these magnificent characters from time to time.
Tuesdays with Mama
The heat of an unusually warm Tuesday afternoon radiated from the puzzle perfect stones of the familiar pathway. Stopping briefly to remove her sandals, Sharon was happy to cut across the well-manicured lawn. She loved feeling the soft cool grass against her feet. She stood quietly for a moment, shuffling her feet across the carpet of green. She bit at her lower lip, as she often did when nerves got the best of her.
"Hello, mother," Sharon said. "I'm sorry, it's been a while since I visited." She picked at a piece of chipped polish on her otherwise impeccable nail. "A lot has been happening. I think I told you on my last visit about Alice, well, Marianna. I've been dealing with Rusty and Slider's trial…" Her voice trailed off as a man doing yardwork nearby caught her attention.
"What I really need to talk to you about is," she hesitated as she bit her lip again, "I found someone." Sharon held her hand up, "I know, I know, I've said that before…but I've found the one." Sharon shook her head, "I know, I've said that before, too."
Sharon sat down on the grass, laying the long stemmed pink rose she bought at the corner market beside her. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms firmly around them as if to shield herself from her own words. "I know you didn't want me to marry Jack, and you didn't approve when I wouldn't let him move back home. You kept saying how my children would be living in a broken home. Mom, it was broken. The day I told Jack I was done was the day I fixed it. Life began to heal. At least the wounds weren't constantly being torn open." Sharon rubbed her forehead. "I think I still carry the blame he heaped on me. I doubted my worth, I doubted who I was. I doubted that anyone could ever love me."
She stretched her legs out in front of her and spoke thoughtfully, "I used to lie in bed, alone night after night and try to reconcile myself to the fact that this was it. I would always be alone." She closed her eyes and smiled. "But Andy changed all of that. I should clarify though, I didn't really find him. He's always been there, right in front of me. We knew each other back when we weren't very likeable. We knew each other at our worst, and yet here we are. He didn't run. He sought out the real me underneath the scars."
As she continued, she would occasionally shoo an insect from her purple tank top with the wave of her hand. "I spent most of my adult life building walls. I wouldn't let anyone in and I wouldn't let myself out. Andy is slowly setting me free, block by block, a bit at a time." She took a deep breath, "I know he loves me. He hasn't said it yet in so many words. I think he's as afraid to say it as I am to hear it." She shrugged, "I don't know why that scares me so."
"I didn't know what it was like to be with someone who truly cared. I convinced myself feelings like this existed only in romance novels." Sharon watched a gull floating in the summer sky above her, envious of how it glided through its days. "Andy tries to take care of me and watch over me. But in my irritation, because you know, I can take care of myself, I may not be as appreciative as I should, but I'm learning. I'm trusting. And I'm beginning to feel my heart becoming restless, fearless even, no longer satisfied with the safety of the status quo."
The increasing westerly breeze brought the scent of rain and welcome relief from the heat.
"You told me in my darkest days not to give up on happiness, someday it would find me. Is that what you meant when you said not to chase butterflies, but to sit quietly and they would land softly on my shoulder? See, your wisdom wasn't lost on me after all."
Sharon tried to smooth her wind-blown tresses from her face. "He thinks I hung the moon and stars and I think he's the answer to my prayers. I know without a doubt, I'm in love, and mama, the way he looks at me…."
As she stood, she brushed the grass from her jeans and stepped into her shoes. "I need to go for now. You know I never really leave you. I carry you with me, just talking to you…like this…it feels like old times. No matter what, you were always my biggest fan, and I was yours."
The darkening gray clouds hung low in the sky as the first few drops of rain began to fall.
Sharon picked up the rose and placed it on the black granite head stone.
"Miss you," she whispered as she followed the winding pathway back to her car.
