Description: Hawt old man terrorist sextravaganza! Highbrow humor! Lowbrow humor! GAY SEX! Guaranteed to be the smartest and stupidest story of terrorist yaoi you will ever find. Tell me what you think! (genre: horror/comedy)

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even original characters. Steal them, I don't give a fuck.

Warning: Yaoi

Sexy Time with Ra's Al Ghul

By Diana Moon Glampers

Chapter 1

Meditations

If you're looking for the sexy stuff, skip to Chapter 2.

Who am I? I'm a fictional character. I'm the narrator in this story. I'm aware of what I am and you are too. Let's not lie to ourselves. I'm not real. I never was and I never will be. Still, being fictional isn't all bad. People like fictional characters.

What draws us to fictional characters? The easy answer is that on some level, we see them as real people. As people, we are capable of showing them real emotions, such as love, lust, hate, and apathy. Unfortunately, since fictional characters are fictional, there is a barrier of reality that separates them from us. It can prevent them from reciprocating our emotions, which can be a real problem for some people.

Let's talk about love and lust first. Love and lust are two sides of the same coin. Love is a healthy attraction, a bond between people that can be made from a lot of things. Compassion. Understanding. Empathy. These are some of many elements of love. To find love in a fictional character can cause many effects on the human mind. Sometimes it will manifest itself in strange ways. There's a phenomenon going around the internet where people treat fictional characters as their significant others, usually in the form of husbandos and waifus.

Lust on the other hand, while similar to love, has its own quirks and eccentricities. Love is an emotion defined by a bond. Lust is defined by desire. Let's say I find a fictional character hot. I don't care for his or her personality, I just feel funny in my undies every time I see them. Maybe they just have a hot body and I want to see them take their shirt off. Maybe their design plays upon a particular fetish. Either way, lust is about not liking someone for their personality and feeling a connection. Lust is entirely superficial and defined by desire. Once you've lost interest in someone, the lust is gone. It isn't a strong bond like love, just a fragile and fleeting desire.

Now let's talk about hate. Despite what some people will tell you, hate is a normal and healthy emotion. I admit, I hate a few fictional characters. I'll use Killer Croc as an example, since we're in Batman. I fucking hate Killer Croc. He's not an interesting villain at all, just a rehash of The Lizard from Spider-Man, who wasn't a particularly interesting villain to begin with. I hate it when people tell me he's their favorite Batman villain and I hate it whenever he appears. People don't always agree with me, though. This is good. If we all had the same opinions, Earth would be a boring place.

Lastly, there's apathy, the cruelest emotion of all. Apathy is a feeling of uncaringness. It's the opposite of love: cold and unmoving. If I'm apathetic to someone, they could live or die. I don't care. They mean so little to me that their entire existence could be done with or without. Hate has passion. Apathy is the empty lack of passion. The fact that someone hates something shows that it has value. Sure, it's a negative value, but it's still a value. Apathy is zero. It is the mathematical abyss of emotions, the absolute worst one, pure and unrefined. Apathy is cold neutrality.

Lex Luthor hated Superman more than anyone else. He left flowers at his arch enemy's funeral. That's hate. As nasty as hate can be, it can drive some people to do amazing things. Apathy? That only encourages inaction. It encourages a wall around you, refusing to let anyone in and anyone out.

Well, here I am in Batman land giving you an earful of philosophical bullshit. Let's not lie; you're probably here for the gay sex. Time for gay sex!