Once upon a time, there was an evil duke called...(drumroll please!) THE DUKE! The Duke was madly in lahhhve with a Saltine cracker named Satine. She was the most beautiful Saltine cracker in the whole wide world. There was only one problem. Satine the Saltine was in love with another: Christian the crispy chicken strip! DUN DUN DUUUNNNN! The lovers had to hide their food affair for two reasons. 1. The Duke would be outraged. 2. Saltines didn't go with chicken. Neither did the Duke, for that matter, but he was justified because he had a "huge talent," if you know what I mean (wink wink nudge nudge). So, as a human, he was entitled to his beloved cracker.

One fateful day, he came into the kitchen to see Satine on top of the chicken strip! Gasp! Jealousy had driven him mad. So, the Duke ate Christian the crispy chicken strip right before Satine's salty eyes which were producing salty tears at the loss of her crispy, deep fried, fatty lover. Then, the Duke sucked on Satine the Saltine until she dissolved.

But though the lovers are both gone, they shared a powerful, passionate, delectable story about yummy, yummy love. A love that will live forever.