The Memoirs of Lily Potter
Prologue
I was flying to Hogwarts. No, it was more like floating. It was surrounded by a soft warm light, and the castle fascinated me as it had eleven years ago. However, this castle did not look as it always did. The castle was gray and bleak. Even though the sun shone its brightest rays, the castle still looked dreary.
"Hogwarts, what has happened to you? I remember when you were light and gay and you shimmered like a thousand jewels."
"Voldemort has made me like this. He has invaded my barriers. Hogwarts is not like it once was. If Voldemort keeps conquering England, then I will always be like this," the castle replied.
"What can I do to help you go back to the way you once were?"
"Only your newborn son can do it, but there is one condition: if you first accept death."
"Accept death? Of course I can accept death once I am older and all this terror has ended."
"No, you must accept death now. Only then can you help your son save your world, and I will shine as bright as a thousand jewels. Accept death now... now... now..."
I awoke. And I saw James standing at the right of the bed. "Are you okay, Lily? You seemed to be screaming in your dream about accepting death."
I was afraid, and I was glad that it was a dream, yet I knew it was no ordinary dream. It was a message. I had to do something that I did not want to do.
"James hold me! Tell me you will never leave me! I'm afraid."
Tears were spilling from my eyes, and James held me. I felt so warm being in his arms. I smelled the scent of the cologne he always wore, and I was comforted to know that he was always by my side and never leave me.
"Do not be afraid, Lily. I am here. No harm will come to you, I promise. Even if it costs me my life, I will protect you to make sure you and Harry are safe."
I believed him. I loved him. He was so sincere, sweet, and loving. He made me, who is so weak, stronger. As long as I had James with me, I felt that I could conquer anything. I kissed him, and I said softly, "I love you, James."
"I love you too, Lily."
James released me and told me that it was time to see Sirius and Remus. Even though I did not want to let him leave me, I knew that he should go and see his friends. His friends were his escape from all the terror happening in the wizard world. He was stressed just as I. He was a father, a husband and a friend. He had all that responsibility on his shoulders. I wanted him to be happy. So, I let him leave Harry and I behind while he went out.
I got dressed and looked out the window. It was October 31, 1981. I had always loved Halloween. There was a sense of fun and terror. I had always loved watching kids trick-or-treating and giving out candy. It was probably the only day of the year where parents let their children eat as much candy as they wanted. Everyone was in the Halloween spirit.
However, this day seemed to be different from every other Halloween. I felt something bad was going to happen to me and my family. The weather did not seem to ease my fears at all. It was a misty autumn morning. I heard the leaves rustle and the birds softly cawing. It all seemed to foretell death. "Accept death now." the castle had said in my dream.
"No!"I shouted, hoping not to wake up the sleeping Harry. I went into Harry's room and he was still sleeping soundly. I smiled at him, kissed him on the forehead, and went into the living room to contemplate my dream.
Death was my greatest fear. How could I leave this world? How could I be comforted I knowing that if I die I will no longer exist? I had heard that when you die there is a heaven, a hell, and an in-between. I did not want to be trapped in those two worlds. I was young. I had always took pride in my youth. I thought that when I die as an old woman, then eventually I would come to accept death, but now?.
This was all too soon. If I die now, then I will die with two of the biggest regrets in my life. The first regret was my sister, Petunia. Petunia lived with her husband Vernon, and they had a son Harry's age. We had a sisterhood torn apart by hatred, anger, and jealousy. I had done nothing to help bring back the loving sisterhood that we once had.
Indeed, I had not fulfilled my late mother's wish of us being a happy family. It was her dream of the sisters reuniting, visiting each others' houses and sitting by the fireside, Petunia and I discussing the latest gossip, and our husbands talking about sports.
Instead, I had been so afraid of my sister's jealousy and anger that I had avoided her and I still did. Our husbands and our children had never met. Once or twice I had written to Petunia, but she had never written back. I had never gone to find out where she lived or even tried to visit her house. If I died now, then my bond with Petunia would always be broken.
The second regret was Severus Snape. We were once childhood friends. We were inseparable, but it was different houses that had torn us apart. He was a Slytherin. I was a Gryffindor. For a time, it didn't bother me, but he always went the wrong ways. He was fascinated by the Dark Arts. I tried to stop him. In my fifth year, I gave up on him completely, telling him that I no longer wanted to be his friend. At that time, I thought that it was the right decision, but over the years, I found that it was one of the worst decisions in my life.
I should not have given up on him. I should have told him that I would always be there for him. I should have guided him on the right path. Instead, I left him in the dark, all alone. He had fake friends, and I was his one true friend. I wanted to apologize to him, but I was afraid. Afraid that he would reject me. I was afraid that he would do the same to me as I had done to him.
These two regrets pained me. Each of them were links to my childhood. Yet, it seemed that by giving up on them, I had also given up childhood. I had given up on them, not because I didn't believe in them, but because I was a coward. I had lacked the courage and strength to reunite with my sister and my childhood friend. I was a Gryffindor, a house with people who had courage. It seems that the Sorting Hat meant to mock me. He meant to put a coward in Gryffindor to make the people in Gryffinor braver than I.
That is probably why I had always loved James. He was different than I was. He was fearless, not afraid of anyone, and if he ever had broken relationships he would fix them. He was noble and courageous. Because of these factors, I envied him, I despised him. He was someone I was not. Someone I wanted to be, but I never had the courage to do so. I always thought that if I had been someone like James, then maybe I could heal the relationship with my sister. But I am not James. I am simply Lily. Lily Elizabeth Evans Potter. Did I truly belong to Gryffindor? If so, could I finally face my greatest fear of death, and accept it even with two painful regrets? I decided to look back upon my life to find the answer to my question and to see if I was ready to die.
