Many tributes exist paying ode to The Beatles and here's the latest Pony related one! It's got action and humour and an interesting plot! A VERY interesting plot! But that's not how a Pony fanfiction is supposed to go! It's supposed to be full of pairings and high school and drama and boringness (wait, that's Sonic fanfiction)! Well, since I can't give you either, so how about I just tell you...

How Beatallica Blackened Equestria
A parody of "How The Beatles Saved Equestria" by Legacy55
Written by That Gamer
The Beatles belong to Apple Corp. and maybe EMI
Metallica belongs to various labels
Beatallica belongs to Ogolio
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic belongs to Hasbro and one Ms. Lauren Faust

(And now for something almost different. Yes, I have decided to parody a fiction that's still a work in progress, but, hey, you give me a story about The Beatles, I'll make it about Beatallica. And I'm just warning you right now, there are gonna be a lot of song lyrics. So this is kind of a song fic (woo). But, here I go!

Oh, yeah, RIP Cliff Burton, John Lennon and George Harrison. May your souls continue to play with Elvis and Buddy Holly...)

"Ah... My f***ing head..." a small groan came from a pony lying in the middle of an empty field. Said pony had a dark blue-ish coat and a short, brown-ish mane that, for some reason made him look like he was some kind of player of the heavy metal. He wore glasses with a purple tint, some kind of fading mustache and spray-painted onto his rear was a flying V-guitar. "And what was the obnoxious f***ing bleep? Christ, there it is again!"

A breeze came by, sending the pony rolling away for at least a mile. He finally opened his eyes and took a look around him. He was still a-rolling like a stone. Once he stopped, he opened his eyes again and he saw a nice, tranquil field. "Where the f*** am I? Why the H*** is it so peaceful?" he questioned nobody before rolling onto his back and down a hill. Once he stopped rolling again, he was facing upwards. He asked himself, "I don't LSD, so how can I be imagining this? This is f***ing bulls**t... And where's that beeping coming from?!" He did take a moment, however, to observe the natural beauty of the sky, untouched by man. Instead, it was stomped upon by Pegasi.

A voice from the atop the hill he just rolled off of came out of nowhere, making the stallion jump a literal 18-inches into the air.

"Isn't this place just beautiful? Not a deranged OC in sight or as far as the average can see. Hey, we should eat here," came a voice just oozing female-ness like a filthy wart (I apologize for that imagery).

"I don't care where we are as long as I can sit down! I've been carrying your stuff around all day... Do I even need to ask why we brought a toaster oven?" a second (male) voice followed the first. Clearly he had never stood in line at the DMV.

The strange earth pony stared at the near by hill, utterly shocked at what he saw. A real TOASTER OVEN! Oh, sure, there was a Unicorn and a dragon there, too, but a REAL TOASTER OVEN! The SEP's jaw dropped until it was a foot underground and he immediately stood hovering 18-inches in the air. "A toaster oven? F***, now I know how The Beatles felt taking LSD and all that s***..." he whispered to himself, digging his jaw out of the ground. He looked down to see how the impact was, but then he noticed something awful.

Quickly realizing what it was (I mean, who couldn't), he let out a nice yell of calmness: "HOLY MOTHERF***ING S***! MY F***ING MIDDLE IS F***ING GONE! SON OF A B****!"

"Excuse me, sir, are you finished having a freak out?" the purple unicorn asked, giving him a "WTF are you on?" look. "We were just about to eat when you started shouting... But you're probably not well. But then again, you could join us if you want."

He let out a long sigh, which quickly mutated horribly into a growl. "Well, b****, I'm not f***ing alright! I'm a horse in the middle of nowhere and I have no f***ing clue how I got here!"

"Twi, I don't like the looks of him. He looks a pedophile, if you ask me... Was probably out here doing something even Molestia would be ashamed off..." the dragon, who I shalt now name Spike, laughed, reaching into the picnic basket, which promptly ate him whole.

"Spike, I told you never to use that name unless it has good context!" Twilight scolded Spike before turning back to the odd looking earth pony, looking really sorry. "So, um, what's your name?"

"Grg Hammetson!" Grg proclaimed, looking proud and off to the left and wondering why he chose to use his stage name. He looked back at Twilight. "And who the h*** are you?"

Twilight looked confused and tried to get a nice look at his eyes, but they were blocked. I just realized, it's Vinyl all over again. Twilight also couldn't help but think that there was something odd about this pony. Kind of like a strange case of deja vu. "My name is Twilight Sparkle... And where's that beeping coming from?"

Grg sighed in relief and sat right on down. "Thank the lord I'm the only one who f***ing hears it!" Twilight blinked in mild confusion. Spike had been eaten. "So," Grg continued, looking at his surroundings like he was in an avant garde art museum, "have seen my bandmates? You know, one has long hair, another has... Long hair a-and another has... Long hair. But the last one plays drums."

Twilight put hoof-2-chin and then shook her head so hard, a bit of purple came off (under it was more purple). "Nope, I've never seen 'em. Especially not to your detailed descriptions. Why are you asking? Did you travel here from somewhere? You really look no-pony who ever consider stepping foot in Ponyville."

"First off, Ponyville sounds stupid. Second, I was playing a gig in France with my mates when all of a sudden, I'm f***ing here!" Twilight gave a look of annoyance or confusion Spike had been eaten. "Don't tell me I'm in Germany now!" he groaned, putting hoof-2-face and falling onto his back.

"Nope, this isn't Germany. Where is it? I assume it's pretty far from Equestria, am I not right?" Twilight asked, now more intrigued, but it was mostly because of the random beeps.

Grg quickly got back onto his a** and groaned. He was gonna have to explain a lot and he didn't even know where to start. But, seeing as how he wanted to know where he was, nothing else mattered. And he also had no clue why he was a horse. "No, listen, b****, you can f***ing help me. Tell me about where the f*** I am. Now."

"You don't have to be so rude... But, since you want me to..." Twilight gave Grg an evil smile before going on a long tangent about the history of Ponyville.


MEANWHILE, THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY...

"That was, like, f***ing awesome... Sure, it was, like, damn apple, but I like apples... Apples are good... Wish I had a cold beer, though..." Jaymz mumbled under breath in a hazy slur before pushing away a few seeds and a stem off his legs. He hadn't been surprised when he first came to (he was drunk), but he later felt a little worried when he realized he could never hold a beer again, but then realized he could still hold one. How he could, I don't know.

"Wish I knew where my other bandmates were... 'Cause, like, man, they're f***ing nothing without me. They're, like, probably scared out of their little minds right now... They should free their minds instead..."

And now for description. Jaymz's coat was a dark white, with, surprise-surprise, kind-of long, mildly blonde hair. He also had a mustache, but he was wondering whether or not he should shave it. The only other thing worth note was his cutie mark, which was a broken pen, which was bleeding, and a note representing Am.

"Hay! Geht ur filthy stikin' huuves offa mah ah-pulls!"

Jaymz glanced back with a weak "Huh?", only to be greeted by a yellow earth pony, trying to run at him and trying to work a lasso. She stopped midway and decided to carry the lasso in her mouth, which she did. After he could think, he was very poorly tied with a yellow pony on top of him. This got awkward fast. "H-hey, man! Free your dang mind! I was only eating, like, a few f***ing apples!... Maybe an entire orchard, but that's, like, besides the point, brah! Free your dang mind!"

The earth pony known by many names, but will here be called Applejack, snorted as obnoxiously as she could, causing a small earthquake. "Hah! U on-ehst-lee x-pekt mee 2 beeleave dat? Ah no 4 certahn taht sum-pwn-nay haz ben ee-tin mah ah-pulls!" She burped up a core and kicked it away.

"Well, man, you got your f***ing story all f***ing wrong! I, like, only woke up in your field today!" Jaymz began, not using very much effort to get both Applejack off him and himself free from the ropes. But he tied himself back up out of pity for the yellow.. Orange mare. He tried to flop a little to make it realistic.

"O yeh? Hou doo eye knowh ur noht lie-ying, bekauze u loo-kuh lie-kuh ah lya."

"Because," Jamyz easily stood up, the ropes falling around his hooves, and gave Applejack a smile that was both drunk and perverted, "the world is round and I'm part of a band called Betallica, so there."

"Beetahleh-waht?" Applejack asked, apparently being a few bullets short of a clip that day.

"Betallica! We're this f***ing awesome band that plays music by The Beatles and Metallica! Have you not HEARD of us before?" Jaymz asked, only to watch the earth pony shake her head no in slow motion. "Well, then, man, allow me to, like, introduce myself. I'm, like, Jaymz Lennfield and I'm tottaly the leader. We're not, like, as big as Jesus, but we're pretty big, man! Wait, I'm not supposed to make that connection... Then again, I AM Jesus reincarnated. Just more awesome. I don't know why people got upset over it..."

Applejack watched Jaymz ramble on for a while. She had never really met a pony like this before; especially not one so strange. "Wate, waht abouht Duh-bell Negh-a-tiv?"

Well, there is her... But back to the narration, it was obvious that this pony was from outside of Equestria. Most likely from Jersey. "Ah dohn't cair abouht ur sil-lay bakstoree, u stil stol mah ah-pulls! Nowh giv ehm bahck!"

"I didn't stel your- GACK!" Jaymz tried to say, but Applejack was already reaching down his throat, trying to retrieve her apples.

"U all-readhy die-jest-d dem!"

"That's because, I, like, totally didn't steal them, man! Like, let me explain or I'll free your EYES from your FACE."

Although she knew that Jamyz couldn't possibly follow up on that threat (this fiction is rated "T"), she knew that the plot would go nowhere if she didn't listen. So she just told him to go on with his story and Jamyz did.


Princess Celestia (the normal one; not the tyrant or the troll or the molester) sighed to herself as yet another question from Tumblr had been sent to Molestia. It was something about alternate universe, but Celestia could care less; it made her a little angry to think that every-pony wanted the pedophile as opposed to the ruler of Equestria, although she more-or-less left that job to Tyrant Celestia. Also, Celestia looked out a window. It was a boring window, so she didn't look very long. Suddenly, some-pony ran into the door.

"Ah, sweet eye candy!" that some-pony exclaimed. "That should be open, 24/7!"

Celestia rolled her eyes and magicked the door open.

"Thank you. Anyways, Your Majesty!" A wimpy pegasus posing as a bodybuilder ran in, forgetting to stop and crashing into a bookcase. A book fell off the shelf, landed on the ground, broke, spontaneously combust, burned a hole through the floor and fell through that. "Sorry..." The pegasus was clad in gold armour that was obviously too heavy for him and it was very different then the ones the regular guards wore. HIS had three stars! That obviously meant he was important. SO important, in fact, Celestia saw him regularly and he gets the longest paragraph yet!

"What in the world is it now?" Celestia asked, both annoyed and annoyed. "The toilet better not be backed up again; I just got Luna to clean it!"

"Actually, no, the sink upstairs is backed up and we're getting Luna to clean that. In less important news, some of our diners on the outskirts of Equestria have been closed for no reason. It could be the Health department, but let's assume that something bad is happening. The only weird thing is, it's only the one near where we banished the Changelings. I guess they didn't like Changling fries or burgers."

Celestia slammed her head into her desk. She told Trollestia that it wouldn't work, but, no, she had some kind of complex prank behind it. "Well, we shouldn't take any immediate action on it. I mean, heck, we're in a fanfiction parody for My sake. But, then again, Molestia has told me that the Discord statue has gone missing. She never told me why she and Screwball spent so much time around it..."


"Even though your choice in color is... Less then appealing, at least your choice in fabric is so... So... FABULOS!" Lil Miss Rarity exclaimed, looking over the elegant suit she was cleaning for the ninth time. For some reason, she wouldn't stop bleeding on it. Maybe she HAD made the cuts too deep... Um, behind her was another earth pony that popped up out of nowhere. Out of the four, he was probably the most well groomed, but his mane was still kind of messy and his face just screamed "I PLAY BASS!". His coat was blue-ish grey and his cutie mark was a coiled snake, taken from some flag, next to a broken bass guitar, a Höfner 500/1 to be exact.

"I know it's... So... Fabulous! because, it it wasn't, you'd be fading the black faster then death creeps." The stallions gave a small chuckle at his references he knew she wouldn't get. "Oh, and don't mind the blood, it makes it look more, 'ow you shall say, thrashier."

"And I think I the perfect thing to make it better!" The previously-prim unicorn ran off to some corner of the room, probably to fetch a branding iron. She had been using those a lot lately.

The earth pony, who you should already know by now, looked into a nearby mirror and saw various cuts all over. He thought it looked tacky, but the rest of him was... So... FABULOUS! I should probably go looking for my mates, but my look is obviously more important then my friends. And besides, why should I care? They let me fall off of the Effiel Tower? Did they do anything about it? NO, they kept playing! D***... Where's that beeping coming from, anyways? It's so... Un.. FABULOUS! But once I've got this suit, I can totally go out.

"I decided that suit really wouldn't fit you, so I instead brought you this suit, made out of a war victim! How is it?" Rarity asked, coming back into the room with a suit that heavily resembled one from the cover of Abbey Road and the smell of rotting flesh.

"Perfect! It's smells exactly like creeping death! I'll take it!"

The unicorn gave a threatening grin and prepared his order by using a pen filled with pig's blood. Kliff stepped down off of his soap box filled with sex-related objects and began pacing around, taking in the overly brown appearance of the place. It looked like somebody smeared binge & s*** all over the place.

"By the way, sir, what is your name?" Rarity enquired while trying to untangle herself from the suit she had been trying to fold.

"Kliff McBurtney! The major rager on the four-string pricket f***er! And I still can't believe you haven't heard of Betallica. We're the most FABULOUS mash-up band since Dread Zeppelin!"

"Well, Dread Zepplin did have Elvis..." Rarity giggled at the mere thought and quickly shot Kliff and very horny smile, one that would make Ultima jealous. "In any matter, that'll be 1962 bits!"

Kliff then burst into sparratic laughter, rolling around on the floor, getting covered in what he assumed was what he thought it was. "You've gotta be crazy! I'm Killf Mc-f***ing-Burtney! People are supposed to hand me s*** on a silver platter! Like I was just handed the deed to Penny Lane!"

Rarity's smile quickly turned into a smile of pure annoyance. "Um, no, get the h*** out of my boutique before I go all Sin City on you."

"Hey, don't tread on me! I'm just one guy! I wanna see the day that never comes! THIS IS NOT FABULOUS IN THE SLIGHTEST!"

"Stop making references to things I don't understand!" Rarity yelled, magicking Kliff out and into a vat of pig's blood. What that was doing there is left up to you. Kliff muttered through the blood, "Somebody thinks she's holier then me... Well, better go find the others... Is that a saw coming this way?"


"Why in the whole bloody world am I always the one left for last? Why am I always world? Why in Strawberry Fields am I a bloody horse?" A lone pony muttered to himself, wandering the alleyways and looking at stray puddles of spilt bottled water. Or at least he hoped. He also was quite surprised to see that his defining feature, his mustache, was still there. And his George-esque hair. The only difference was the fact that he was a horse, he was aquamarine, his nose a fifth larger then normal, he had a weird, tall bump on his forehead and on his a** was a picture of a bloody star.

He sighed before falling onto his back, pretending to be dead because he swore he just heard a bear. "Why does everybody hate Ringo? Both in real life and in the cartoon? I mean, why haven't they come looking for me yet? Maybe they're all dead. Maybe I'm dead. I'm probably going to be tortured since I don't get any respect from nobody. I'm miserable."

"And I'm pretty sure I can fix that! I mean, I would be OOC if I couldn't!" He jumped out of his skin when some kind of pink pony appeared out of thin air. Literally, thin air.

"Holy...! A talking pony! now I know I must be dead. This must be the Devil's way of punishing me for doing something... What I did, I didn't know, but I'm a talking horse, too, so I guess it makes sense..." Ringo muttered to himself after putting on his back-up skin and trying to distance himself from the offspring of the underworld, but had tripped and landed on his a**.

"Of course I can talk! I mean, if I couldn't, it'd be that one season one episode all over again! I think season one was great, wasn't season one great? But I think season two really improved on the show! Going back to my talking, if I couldn't, I couldn't be a source of filler!" she chirped, a massive grin stretching from wall to wall plastered on her face. Her mane was weird, to say the least; one half was poofy and messy whilst the other went straight down and seemed to be dyed a darker color... I'm rambling again, aren't I? "Anyways, my name is, and always will be, Pinkie (Pinkamena Diane) Pie! What's yours? I mean, I already know, I've read ahead, but I want to know if you know that I know that you know that he knows that I know!"

"Uh... My name is Larz... R-Ringo Larz." He replied, scared out of his wits. He was being tortured by a pony that was constantly breaking the fourth wall!

"That's a weird name! Ringo Larz... It reminds me of another fanfiction with me and you but you were named Ringo Starr and it was about this band called The Beatles and the situation was the same and you think I'm a demon and..."

Ringo completely zoned out, his rolling into the back of his head as his slave master continued to ramble on and on and on and on and on and on... Why am I being subjected to this torture? Wait a minute, what if my mates are here? I won't suffer alone! Yes, they can have this cruel, inhumane... THING THAT SHOULD NOT BE. Maybe she already has them! Then I can ditch her and let them suffer for all eternity! Now who's gonna let it be?

"Hey, soul sister, have you seen me mates?" He asked, finally derailing Pinkie's train of thought, causing it to crash into a mountain of "What was I doing again?" and exploding twice in two different places.

"What're their names? I mean, I already know, but-"

"Grg, Kliff and Jaymz! I was hoping you had them and were torturing them with your unberable rambling!"

Pinkie thought for a split second before shaking her head no so fast, part of her face fell off. Under that was more face. "Sorry, never seen them! And why would you think I'm torturing you? Obviously every-pony loves my rambling! That's probably why on MY birthday every-pony gives me muzzles and they try to make me wear them! Hey, isn't Grg a weird name? Krk sounds better, wouldn't you agree? And where do you come from? Do clouds move on their own because that's natural and we don't like anything that's natrual. Hey, this is a long paragraph! I think I can fit even more filler in here if you don't..."

How could this happen to me!? Ringo thought in despair. "Hey, not that your rambling isn't any fun, which it isn't, but we could we go find my friends?"

"Sure! But why don't we first go to Sugarcube Corner! You could really use a cupcake! Especially my new recipe, Rarete..." She grinned and brought a portal gun out of nowhere, blasting it somewhere and then onto the wall. Realizing that it wasn't working, she bounced off and Ringo went off, slightly slower. He was still scared, but a cupcake sounded nice. Then again, so did a glass onion. After a short while they entered some kind of place where a bunch of sweets were on display, both good and bad.

Why is she selling Harry Potter candy? Ringo wondered.

The pink pwn-nay immediately vanished into thin air. She later reappeared with a tray of white cupcakes in her mouth, "Hellfire" playing quietly in the background. She offered one to him and Ringo tried to grab one and did manage to get one, but he nearly dropped it. "So... When did you last see your friends? Are they as big-nosed as you?"

"Uh..." Ringo mumbled to himself, trying to think of when he last saw them. He flashed back to many moments, like that time he got drunk and that different time he got drunk. And that third different time he got drunk. Suddenly, he lost it. "Can't say, really... But they do have long hair, that's for sure... I think we were playing some kind of gig in France. Wait, is this Germany?" He suddenly dropped his cupcake and it turned into glue.

"Well, by the muffin gods themselves, I will reunite you with your friends even if I watch Jersey Shore! I made a reference so it's funny!" Pinkie Pie declared, dropping the tray onto the floor so hard, one cupcakes bounced up let a jewel decoration from it's top come loose and jab some pony off to the left in the leg. Pinkie placed a hoof on her heart as she stated with awesome war music fading in: "Cross my heat, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my! It doesn't matter how many must, but I solemnly swear to make things right! It make take all day or night, but I shant give in without a fight!" She pulled a sword out of nowhere, thrust it up and let lightning strike it. "I MADE A PROMISE!" she exclaimed in a high pitched voice, volcanoes exploding around as fireworks went off and Chuck Norris gave a thumbs up and some planets exploded into sugar.

Ringo nearly fainted from the epicness he just witnessed. "W-where should we start look?"

Pinkie glared at Ringo. "It's not finished yet!"

He just grabbed a cupcake and got his mind blown.


"And that's why I'll never, ever watch Transformers 3!" Twilight finally finished, giving a half smile to Grg's tomb.

He popped out of the ground, looked around quickly, got out of the ground and threw the tomb away. "Well that was kind of boring!" he said bluntly. "It was too long! Make it f***ing shorter! Make it short as f***ing s***, b****! Make that s*** 40% shorter!"

"Well I really didn't like it that much! It was stupid..." Twilight mumbled, looking at the ground off to the left.

Groaning loudly on the ground was Spike II, the replacement for the first Spike seeing as how had been been eaten. He was covered in Twilight's hair because I said so. He was also laying face-up with his chest cut open.

"So what's your history like? Are they many great wars? Is reality TV as stupid there as it is here? What does KFC taste like? Is Carly Rae Jepsen really as bad as I hear it is? Do people really think clopfics are good ideas? Where's Luna? Do you think this story will get taken down because of the song lyrics? Am I the only one who thinks that Transformers 3 was an awful movie?" Twilight suddenly starting throwing questions at him like mad, getting out everything she needed to take down answers.

"Go speak to Grg... Ask him..." Spike II gurgled.

Twilight nodded, looked at Grg and asked him the same questions.

"I'm not a f***ing history book you c***! Go find Wikipedia and copy/paste from there! S***! All I want is to f***ing find my band and bleed some dang faces!" Grg stated, ANGERED by Twilight's simple curiosity.

"Spoilsport." She put down here notebook, her quill, her calculator, her sub, her camera, her travler's guide, her scissors, her muffin, her t*****s, her iPhone, her iPad, her lightsabers, you get it. "We can always talk about it later!... Which I think we never do! So where do you think they are? Please don't say Zecora's hut, we've been ignoring her ever since this one episode..."

Grg was just about to answer, but then Spike II threw up in his mouth. "Aw, you piece of s***!" he exclaimed, spitting out whatever was in his mouth and strangling Spike II.

Twilight quietly picked up the letter Grg spit out and watched as he choked Spike II.

"W****! C***! A**HOLE! PIECE OF S***!" Grg continued to spit out insults, Spike II being dead. But Grg didn't care. He had to get his anger out somehow!

"Hey, it's a letter from Princess Celestia!" Twilight yelled, looking up at the sky dreamily. She opened the letter and read through it in about thirty minutes. "Well that explains everything."

"What?" Grg shoved Twilight out of the way, causing her to roll down the hill where Spike II's corpse was. He grabbed the letter off the ground and read it:

Twilight,

Go get your friends and do my dirty work. Also, there may be these four warriors. Keep a lookout for them, they might be helpful, I dunno.

Princess Celestia.

"That don't explain jack! And how are these piece of s*** legindary warriors?!" Grg crumpled the ball and threw it away. He proceeded to grumble angrily about the price of tea in China.

"I think she's referring to you and your friends..." Twilight muttered, crawling back up the hill. She also gave him a stupid look, although she now expected it.

"Me, I'm a f***ing legendary warrior?!" Grg started laughing as loud as he could, ripping his spleen out. He quickly put it back and stopped abruptly. Funny how the world stopped turning at the same time. "How the f*** do I be a legendary warrior? Is it like Warrior's Dash? Where's my f***ing beer?"

Twilight slapped her face so hard, it left an imprint. "You're kidding... Right?"

"No, I'm f***ing not! I'm a f***ing musician Now don't make bust a cap in your a**!... GOD, I wish I had a gun! I want happiness!" Grg explained calmly, on the verge of throwing a tantrum.

"Look, if it makes you feel any better, we'll go see my friend Applejack. She's pretty strong and h- LOYAL -t. She could probably teach you a think or two. Afterwards, we'll gather up the rest of my friends." Twilight said flatly, going off towards Applejack's place, which was miles away. Grg was reluctant, but he followed her, kicking the picnic basket off the hill. It ate Spike II.


"Vhere could I be? This place does not look very avant garde..." a legitly strange white female pony said out loud to nobody as she wandered around near Fluttershy's house. Fluttershy in question was not at home right then. Not to make the paragraph any longer then needed, but she had a long, messy black mane that kept falling into her face, a small pair of glasses on her face, two freakish appendages she could retract and detract with ease that wouldn't stop throbing and right on her flank was a pair of broken glasses, spaltered with blood in front of some kind of white and black symbol. Am I wasting your time? "Hopefully I can fine some vay out of here, so that he von't have that reunion!"

The white pony wandered around a bit more before decideing to head into the near by house. "Maybe I vill find something in here! Hopefully, it is avant garde like me!" She went quietly "singing" to herself "Number nine... Number nine..."