Please, Rub the Whale With Both Hands: a story of love, between Itachi and the killer whale statue at Sea World.
A/N: Before you take a gander at this epic tale, I would like you to know that this is a serious story, and should be taken very very very seriously. Also, you should never use more than one "very" in the same sentence. For it is bad grammar.
The waves crashed against the golden sands as the sun sank below the horizon. Itachi, about to leave this sacred place, glances behind himself casually. He sees a figure, glowing like a holy light, against the darkening sky. The ninja was taken aback at the sight of this glorious silhouette. He galloped towards the beautiful figurine of beautiful… ness… that is… SHAMU!
He caressed its smooth surface and sighed deeply, thinking of the memories they would enjoy together.
"What is your name, my love?" whispered Itachi. The whale remained silent. "Perhaps you are enjoying your… late night snack. Late night snack. LATE-NIGHT-SNACK!!"
The statue gazed back through calm eyes.
"Then my dear, your name shall forever be… Whaley… Do you like it, love?"
The whale appeared to nod, despite the fact that it was clearly impossible.
A moment of tender love passed between the dark ninja and the silent whale.
Suddenly, a terrible screeching voice emitted from above, signaling an end to this wondrous event.
"Sea World is closing, please gather your belongings and kindly leave…"
"NOOOOOOOO! I will not be torn away from my ONE TRUE LOVE! AHHHHH!" Itachi clung to his stone lover tenderly, prepared to hold on to the end of time.
Moments passed, and no satanic figures appeared to tear the two lovers forcefully away from each other.
"It seems that our shields of true intimacy have prevented any intruders into our beautiful relationship." Whispered Itachi, into the whale's stone ear.
It was then that Itachi began to sing a love ballad that accurately described the two lovers bond… "'CUZ EVERYTIME WE TOUCH, I GET THIS FEEEEEELING, AND EVERTIME WE KISS I SWEAR I COULD FLLYYYYYY"
This sweet song was cut off by the loud and terrible stomping of intruders.
"Hey! Get out of here! Sea World is closed!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" came a blood-curdling scream from the ninja. He gallantly threw up his arms to grasp his lover. But alas, he was not speedy enough to embrace the whale, and the demon-children (apparently named "Security") dragged the sobbing ninja out of this sacred place. They cold-heartedly threw him out of the shining gates.
"No! NOOOO!" Itachi screamed as he was locked out, locked out of the place where his lover dwelled. A barrier of pure evil kept them apart.
"Well… UNTIL THE NEXT TIME WE MEET!" Itachi sobbed, and thinking of his beautiful Whaley, sulked on home.
