Sea inside
I regret for the times I spent without looking at you eyes. I cannot just forget the times I saw you cry because it hurts me too, even today, when I know I had found myself lost in your smile more than once.
I haven't dared to look right at your eyes since I saw you by the first second time in my room. You were so you. Always wrong, but always right to my heart. Thinking sometimes that you was old enough to carry the whole world on your back. Thinking you was no longer a child. Thinking that maybe I would be yours someday.
Go on then, make me need you, why not? If you already took my heart ten years ago, when both of us were still being children and none of us knew what love was or what it could like. Just feeling the way we feel now…so lost.
I know I should have looked right in those deep blue eyes and say the truth, just the way it was. But I denied. I know I shouldn't have gone sea inside. I should never have.
But I didn't cared and I got lost. Lost in your eyes, in your smile, in your grace, in all those things that come after your name.
I should have continued or stop. But have never gotten lost.
How do I survive all this years without you? Just imagining the way you curved your lips into a warm smile. Just imagining the way you winkle the eye. How do you think I managed to survive?
I didn't…
I was dead till you came. I was dead until you stood right in front of me and you looked at me right on the eye. You brought me back to life in that moment. I breathed just in the minute I met your blue eyes again. Your icy and beautiful blue eyes.
I opened my soul and it breathed…
And now I'm not afraid to ask…how do you do that? Why to I get so crazy without you? How do you fill my entire world with your single presence? Why can I only find my trail to heaven in your sky-like eyes?
But then I realized that I have had you all this time, and that I have not seen you there were I had always carried you.
My bloody heart is dying …
My heart is dying because a part of me wants to make you mine. Because a part of me wants nothing but the love you give me, the air you breath and the warmth of your arms.
But there's a part of me that can't let me be yours. A part of me who do not believes in neither dreams nor love. The one that makes me stand on the ground and not to fly where you are. The one that brings me back to reality, where you and me are just a simple illusion. Where our lips had never melted and our hearts had never burned on desire.
There's where I belong, where there's no flowers on winter. Where your eyes can get frozen for the cold…
" Padme…?"
Padme blinked. She opened her eyes at the sound of Dorme's voice.
"Oh, Excuse me … I wasn't focused"
Padme shut her eyes. As always she had been thinking about him without even noticed the fact.
"Do you want some tea?" Dorme asked with a soft voice.
"Sure" Senator Amidala answered.
"Long day, wasn't it?" commented Dorme as she served some tea in a cup, and put it on the table.
"I guess," answered Padme sleepy.
"What have you been thinking about?"
Padme looked at her.
I have been thinking about Anakin…
Padme shut her head. "What do you mean?"
"You know…about the war"
Padme felt guilty. That afternoon the Chancellor and the Loyalist Committee had have a meeting. There was going to be another meeting to presents arguments and opinions about an evacuation of Courscant in case of war. As a senator, she had the right and the responsibility to present her own argument.
But there was no argument.
"There's a lot of time before any war could begin," she said.
"Don't you think the war will begin soon?" asked Dorme surprised.
Padme didn't say a word. And Dorme caught what she meant. "You're right, I shouldn't be saying those things".
"It's alright "
"God night, Padme" said Dorme after a long silence.
"Night, Dorme" Padme answered.
Dorme left the room, leaving Padme alone, looking through the window sadly. She felt how a tiny tear fell from her eye… The war; It was true, there was a war coming, and the only thing she could care about was Anakin.
I haven't seen him since we arrived Courscant…
She had told her feelings for him in Genosis. She knew then that there was no way back, and that she wasn't going to die with her secret love in the tip of her tongue.
Now she was sure Anakin knew what she was feeling for him. And she was sure he loved her too. And yet… Because of all those circumstances, they were not together. She was feeling as if she had lost him forever.
"Anakin" She said in a low, soft voice, "Where are you?"
Where was him? She had not heard anything about the Jedi since there days ago. When she arrived to Courscant after being rescued from Genosis.
She lied down on the bed, letting a million of tears fall. She held the pillow as if it were able to protect her from all the awful feelings she had.
It started to rain outside. She was almost slept when a loud sound. Something had hit the window. She woke up with blurry eyes.
The sound came louder.
She got up from bed and took a look at the window. He breath caught in her throat. It was a pair of hands hitting strongly the window of her bedroom. It was a black shadow trying to get into her room.
She scared and tried not to scream and to close and lock her window. But it was too late. A wet and cold hand grabbed her wrist. Her heart almost stopped.
"Get away!" she screamed, getting wet by the water from outside. "No!"
It was useless. She started to cry, "Leave me alone!" It must be someone who wants to attack me …the Separatists. "Get away…"
The dark shadow was becoming a tall man. He opened the window and got into the room, still grabbing Padme's wrist. She forced to pull away that man. Put he was very strong. He fell down to the floor when he was already in the room taking Padme with him hitting her to the ground.
He put a hand over Padme's mouth to avoid her scream. And he grabbed both of her hands to immobilize her body. Her tears were falling. He was going to capture her…rape her…what was he planning to do with her?
'Please, don't" Padme prayed. "Please someone helps me"
That was going to be Senator Amidala's end…. She closed her eyes…she wasn't breathing…she felt she was going to faint…
"Padme…"
She opened her eyes quickly. Her sobs stopped.
It was a whisper. It was a soft and quiet whisper in the dark. It was a warm breath near to her ear.
She recognized that sound. That voice…
"Anakin…" she breathed.
God ! this is something I have never done before! So ya tell me how I did it! As you all may know, I use to write in Spanish, which is my first language, but I'm studying English as a second language, and I took the challenge of writing a two-chapters-fict. I hope I did it right…
This is dedicated to my friend Scott, who says that I'm perfect and that I speak English perfectly…(I shouldn't have said that S). of course i don't ...if you want to help me i would be very thankful..
Love & Kisses to you all!
