"Be gentle with the young."
Juvenal
He Wished
Hitsugaya Toushirou didn't consider himself to be selfish, but even he did have his fair share of things he wished he could have for himself, his fair share of things he wished he could change.
He wished that he was taller.
He wished that he could reach the top shelf without a stool. He wished that he could look Matsumoto in the eye instead of in the chest. He wished that he was respected more among his peers, that he wasn't instantly underestimated by every opponent he came across, and that he could see over the many stacks of paper work decorating his desk.
He wished that he could stand in front of her and be able to shield her entire body from harm.
He wished that he was stronger.
He wished that he could best the Espada in a fight. He wished that he could execute a mission without failure for once in his short life. He wished that he could match Hyourinmaru's battle fury, that he had a higher tolerance for pain, and that he could punch Kenpachi so hard it would actually make him cringe.
He wished that he could take a blow meant for her and still come back for a fatal strike.
He wished that he was smarter.
He wished that he could live up to the title tensai. He wished that he could calculate his opponent's next move before it happened. He wished that he could look into Ichimaru's eyes and understand what he was thinking, that he could have done the same for Aizen, and that he had chosen the right one to pursue.
He wished that he could know exactly where the next blow would be aimed and be able to take her as far away from it as possible.
But most of all, he wished that he didn't wish for any of it.
He wished that he didn't care that she preferred to be protected by the frailness of dreams. He wished that he didn't care that she would rather pretend that there was nothing wrong. He wished that he didn't care that she didn't want to listen to his words anymore.
And in the end, after all of his ill-guided wishes were shattered one by one, he could only wish for one thing.
He wished that he had not been the one to stay.
He wished that he had been the one to fake his death. He wished that he had been the one to turn her against Aizen. He wished that he had been the one to hurt her, that he had been the one to stomp all over her passions and admirations, and that he had been the one to leave her behind.
Because then, maybe, she would be happy.
And he would finally be able to die at the hands of the man who had taken everything he had held dear and thrown it all away.
