I see Josh in his office. I have been working for Lou, she hired me. However seeing him in there looking perplexed makes me want to fix the problem. I fixed his life for eight years, that's why I left. What makes me want to do it now? He looks up and makes eye contact with me and I see in his eyes the loneliness this job breeds. Running a campaign is intense, but for Josh it's what holds him to the ground. I used to do that for him. Back in the old days it was me with my lurking, refusing to bring him coffee, organizing his life and stealing his fries, that grounded him. What have I done without him? I've made a career for myself, right back working for him. This time though it's different, he sees me as a member of this campaign, not an assistant. In this transformation, our old relationship burned to the ground. How do we rebuilt that level of understanding, we were so close. I heard that years ago married couples envied us, no wonder neither one of us has settled down. Did I just think that?
The day Amy asked if I loved Josh, I didn't answer her, I didn't know how too. Now if she asked me I would have no excuse and that frightens me. Can we even be friends? Right now we work together, but we hardly ever see each other. The day I asked for a job, I saw in his eyes something tortured. "If you don't think I miss you every day," the way he said those words pained me. I felt the same way, now I don't miss him, but I miss how we were. I used to watch that movie a lot, The Way We Were, I cry every time.
Josh and I have always been complicated. I love so much about him and yet sometimes I think that I might not know him. I dream about him though sometimes, they're the best dreams I could imagine. I wish I could wake up in his arms, walk into the kitchen wearing a long Josh shirt to find him making me breakfast. That's probably a funny one, since I'm not sure Josh really knows all that much about cooking. My dreams have gotten more extensive too, seeing our children run around the living room, dancing after they've gone to bed in our living room, decorating our Christmas tree, walking into work hand in hand. He makes me feel whole, all the other "gomers" (as Josh so eloquently called them) never held a candle to him. I can still remember the red dress, the day he saw me, I remember thinking how perfect we would be together the day I met him! Wishing makes me feel pathetic; my life is flying by me. I have to find someone who can make me as happy as Josh did. The funny thing about that thought is no one has made me happier than Josh, and we were always just friends. I'm glad we're friends, I can be his friend.
Josh's POV:
Donna is back, not working for me thankfully, but she's here and I see her often. She looks older, but more confident, I like that. She was just twenty two when she came to work for me; at least I think she was. Well she's almost thirty now and honestly; I've really really missed her. I miss my Donna, yes I called her that. For me, she's always belonged to me, no wait, that doesn't sound right. I've always felt like she's been mine, my special person, the one who could make anything okay and that she had a connection with me that no one else even has come close to. That's how she's mine; she's never been mine in that other sense. Why the hell not? Oh right, she was my assistant, bad combination, poor CJ would have fainted in shock. Actually, probably not considering that everyone in the White House thought we should be together. I know that now and you know what, often I think they were right. So instead of thinking like an intelligent person, I kept her trapped and she got fed up and left me. Boy that was awful, I remember the day I lost her, and I felt like I'd lost my other half. That was the way a husband or wife should feel if they lost their significant other, not a senior staffer who lost his assistant. I lost my friend too though, Donna was my best friend. She knew me inside and out, how I felt, how I hurt, everything. These past months have been hell, I've missed my friend.
He looks up and sees me watching him, the eye contact stays. I knock and he nods to me. "Sit," his voice is tired.
"Are you alright?" I ask him this, but I hope he understands that there's more to my question than that. He does.
"I'm okay, tired as all hell, but still kicking." His eyes reflect how much he feels he has aged.
"Do you want coffee?" I hope he gets this in context and sure enough he cracks a smile. "No thanks Donna, the company is more than expected." I don't know if he means that to hurt or compliment, but I hardly ever knew with him.
"Do you think Santos made an impression on the black community that day? His speech was hailed as the leveler for American races."
What the hell was this question? Then I realized, it was the sort of conversation he would have with a colleague and yet it was the one we'd always sort of had when we worked together. I smiled, "I think it was the best speech we could have hoped for."
Josh nods and I can't tell if he heard me or not, "Josh?"
His gaze snaps back to me, "Yeah, it was a speech said from the heart."
Speaking from the heart, what a powerful notion that is. When I think about speaking from my heart I'm not sure what would come out. I glance at him and look down quickly as I realize he's been staring at me.
"It's good working with you again Donna, I've missed you."
I feel relief traveling through me, "I've missed you too, a lot," I admit looking up.
Josh is so adorable, even when he looks so tired. He has this sweetness I know he tries to bury beneath his sarcasm.
Then suddenly out of the blue, Josh starts talking again, "Donna, one of the things I've really missed about having you in my life, is I feel like I lost the one person who knew me."
