Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, but I will be owning a Death Notebook. Soon. I hope.
Summary: Even geniuses make wrong observations.
Note: This is my first Death Note fanfiction, so constructive criticism on their characterisation is greatly appreciated. I think I just made L seem very confused.
If you are a fan of Light and L's love relationship, you may squint and see that L is actually admitting his love for Light. If you do not care whether they have hot sex or not and you just see them as rivals, then no, he is not declaring his love for Light. Just obsessing a little, that's all. Whichever suits you, seriously.
When L first encountered Kira, their similarities immediately came to his mind; utterly childish - L never failed to chuckle quietly over this observation as it amused him so - and the absolute dislike for losing. He was so sure of it - 100 percent sure, if one wanted the exact statistics - especially when Kira never failed to counter every challenge L made.
The idea of another child out there with too much intelligence than he knew what to do with excited him greatly. L felt alive for the first time.
Even when Yagami Light appeared on the scene with all his physical beauty, he was still assured of their similarities. Even the people on the team noticed it; their intelligence and drive for what they believed in. However, after a while, he noticed something.
When they were working together to find Kira, he noticed Light's true purpose. He fought for the good of the world, L fought on merely for the sake of there being justice. L never fought to win for anyone, the world or even for those closest to him. L always believed that there was no point; the world could be cleansed again and again but it would always get dirty. For all the good people in the world, there would always be a few who would stain it. Just like blackberry jam on a clean, white shirt. It was impossible to avoid. Especially when one is indulging in a deliciously sinful blackberry pie...
For Light, only that clean, white shirt existed. Just like washing the stained shirt again and again while the person continues to eat blackberry pie...endless. He was too idealistic. Just like Matsuda. They always believed that everything could be perfect.
Maybe that was why Matsuda always admired Light to such a great extent. Light was what Matsuda could have become if he was gifted - or cursed? L did not like this thought very much, and always pushed it to the far end of his mind - with intelligence. Their souls were the embodiments of hope. For all of Light's gifts, he was still very much human.
This was why L realized much later that they could never be close friends. It was not because of the circumstances, lies or deceit.
They were just too different. Just like how a finely-tuned machine can never achieve more than a superficial understanding with a human. But, as always, L did not want to admit that he was wrong and allowed the rest to continue thinking the way they did before.
After all, though it can never be possible, a friendship is a nice thing to hope for.
L never realized how that hope had just made him more human. He never realized how he spent all his time catching Kira, working with Light, fighting with Light…
Because you see, when one uses his life just for the purpose of one very important person, you tend to forget yourself. Just like L did, for the first and the last time.
