Roxas figures, and this is a stretch, that since Axel is his best friend, a present was in order. The problem was that they were both in Organization XIII and Christmas wasn't really celebrated -because they couldn't feel joy, only remember it- and Xemnas had lectured -about thirty times- that Christmas would be better spent working towards Kingdom Hearts.
Meaning Xemnas would be the wrong person for advice. Not that he was considering him.
The only thing Roxas could imagine Axel liking was fire, because that was what he associated with him, and that really wasn't a gift... more of a skill Axel already possessed.
At some point during the day he decided that Axel was a dick for not having any easily noticed interests, and that someone like him didn't even deserve a present.
The feeling hadn't lasted long enough, and Roxas left the Castle that Never Was to think in the surrounding city.
Of course Axel was waiting outside, and Roxas had to stifle every instinct to kick him in the face and bitch about how hard he was to shop for. Axel's expression said that Roxas was making a face and that he wasn't really sure what he had done wrong, but he was willing to leave if it would help.
Roxas knew better, Axel never left when he thought he should...
Because he likes to bother people. Roxas thinks, and he's back to being irritated for no reason over his friends existence. Non-existence, he can hear Xemnas preach, heaven forbid they use the wrong word.
He spends the next five minutes of Axel's confused expression trying to get over how annoyed over nothing he is.
"Hey, uh, Roxas?"
Damnit. But technically Axel hadn't done anything wrong...yet. So Roxas summed up all of the niceness he had left after mentally verbally abusing their boss to respond.
"What is it?" Oops, it was sort of a snap. Roxas had meant it nicer, and he'd tried too. Sometimes he felt like every sentence came out a little more forcefully than he had intended.
He watches Axel flinch backwards in surprised, and he frowns at the blonde in front of him.
"Hey, chill out, okay? You looked pissed, so I came to see what was up." Axel makes a face that says "what is it this time" but he always listens despite any sarcasm or expression comes out first. Axel was a good friend, Roxas begrudgingly admits, even if he didn't want people knowing.
"It's nothing." And there's the tone again, Roxas tries to shake it off for the next sentence, "I was just thinking a little bit, no big deal." There must be some condition he has where everything he says comes out depressing and monotone -the occasional whine is really only a bonus. "I mean, nothing serious, you know? Just thought I'd like to see some black buildings instead of the white." Roxas motions from the castle and then to the city around them.
"Yeah, I hear you." Axel says, and suddenly this conversation seems awkward. Like they're making small talk.
"Hey, Axel..." His tone goes from being overly stoic, to too high pitched, and Roxas wishes he body would just get it together. "Do you have any, like...interests?"
The expression on Axel's face makes Roxas wish he could rewind and never ask, or just cry because why wasn't this conversation going the way he wanted it to?!
The crying was an exaggeration.
But he knows better than to ask Axel about feelings and not because they're not supposed to have hearts -they get it, Roxas thinks, Xemnas (and Saix) don't have to keep telling them- but because the conversations were always awkward and stupid...
"What?"
Roxas nearly punches Axel in the face, but he decides that it's not really fair to his friend. He tries to keep this in mind.
"Interests. You know, stuff you like?" This is ridiculous, Roxas grinds his teeth, talking to Axel was like talking to a wall -no, even walls know what an interest is.
"Yeah, I know what it is, Roxas." Axel looks a little annoyed at first, but bursts into laughter, and Roxas almost walks away, but he feels like it's either make an ass of himself, or buy Axel the ugliest sweater he can find from Christmas Town -the second option is sounding better and better as the conversation progresses.
"Shouldn't you know? We're supposed to be best friends, right?" Roxas is almost shocked that Axel doesn't spell the words out for him, but he supposes he saves that for random people or Marluxia -because he hates it- rather than wasting the energy on him. Axel points to the air anyway, like Roxas can see his sentence in subtitles above his head, and that by pointing out the words, he'll somehow remember what sort of things Axel likes.
He doesn't.
They share what seems like five. minutes. of absolute silence and Axel stares disbelievingly back at Roxas.
"C'mon Roxas!" This tone seems legitimately shocked, as opposed to the last lifetime of sarcasm.
While Axel starts to look a little offended, Roxas is beginning to realize that asking Axel was the wrong solution to the problem, and that really he should have just asked Vexen or something, the guy was a creeper and there's no way he wasn't keeping tabs on everyone.
He knew he was because Vexen never shut up about it.
"-can think of at least ten things you like-" Oh, Axel was talking. Roxas decides that maybe if he just listened to Axel as much as Axel listened to him, this problem wouldn't have come up in the first place, and-
He was doing it again.
He interrupts him, "That's not what I meant." He doesn't mean to shout it, but he wishes Axel would take the whole conversation a little less personally and just answer the question. Hell, even an answer like "cheeseburgers" would be way more helpful than the entire half hour they've been talking. Roxas knows he can solve this problem if he just hears Axel out and maybe explain himself, but he likes the element of surprise and he's too stubborn to just tell Axel what's going on.
Axel looks pretty irritated, and Roxas is starting to get angry because Axel looks so put out. This is probably why no one celebrates Christmas, Roxas can't help but think. The Organization (specifically the more serious members) are so busy being politically correct about Nobodies that no one can pull the stick out of their ass long enough to do anything that isn't related to Kingdom Hearts.
Roxas frowns, "Forget it." Doing something thoughtful for a friend shouldn't be this exhausting. But he remembers that Axel is sort of an exhausting person, that he's probably the only member of the Organization that puts up with him at all, and even though he hasn't stopped hearing about how "they have no feelings" since he arrived at the castle, he supposes he has to feel something for Axel because they've been best friends for as long as he can remember.
"Wait." Roxas rolls his eyes and turns, Axel still looks mad but has that face that he always makes when he wants to stop fighting.
"Sorry, that came out kind of..." Roxas feels like he's done enough whining -mentally or otherwise- and he knows Axel hates fighting because no one else in the castle will listen to anything he has to say without vomiting the same dumb crap both of them are tired of hearing. He figures that Axel is, pretty much, the only thing keeping him in the Organization.
"Why do you want to know?"
He doesn't answer. Roxas wishes he were a better liar, but Axel is really good at reading him, and while most of time it's irritating, it does have its uses.
"Nevermind." Roxas shrugs to show that there are no hard feelings -and partially to prove he's not being a huge baby about the whole conversation- and he walks away without really acknowledging the end of their talk.
When Christmas comes, the castle makes up for snow with its stale white walls and intense lighting. Roxas roams the hallways towards Axel's room, the present in his hands behind his back.
He knows he's put too much thought into it and that Axel will make fun of him for "celebrating" anything. He's sure to hear it from someone about how this is not a festive occasion but only a day which further reminds Nobodies of the empty existence they're forced to suffer.
Roxas wishes he could say he only suffers when he has to hear about it all the time.
Axel looks up when Roxas walks through the door, he looks surprised and then gets up.
"Roxas!" Oh, excited, that was the expression. Roxas isn't really sure what there is to be excited over. This holiday usually sucks because everyone's always so serious. It makes Christmas about as exciting as their routine meetings.
Not very.
Already sort of embarrassed that he did anything at all, Roxas whips the present out from behind his back and shoves it into Axel's hands. It's all very unceremonious, but Roxas would be lying if he said he didn't want to watch Axel's reaction.
"...What-"
"It's a present. Merry Christmas, Axel." Roxas feels like he's going to be sick, there's no way people in other worlds can enjoy this feeling.
Axel opens it, but not without a look of question before he tears into the box -wrapped with the post-its from Saix's desk. He looks up before he really gets to the present, and Roxas almost asks himself why he made the effort in the first place.
It takes less than 5 seconds for Axel to close the distance between them, and Roxas is pretty sure he saw Axel dive into him, but the impact feels delayed. When he opens his eyes he's on the floor staring up at Axel.
"What kind of Nobody are you?" Axel's laughing, but the sarcastic tone is still there. "Man, can't you do anything right?" He shakes his head. Roxas pushes him a little bit to get the feeling back in his legs.
"I know," Roxas says, "We don't have hearts." His voice slows to a low drawl, and Axel laughs even harder at the imitation of their boss, but Roxas knows his voice can't go anywhere near as low enough to properly mock Xemnas.
Axel sighs and flops himself down on top of his friend, who has half a mind to shove him off -if only just to make breathing easier- but decides to let it slide. Just this once. But he knows Axel's falling asleep by the sound of his sigh, followed by the slower breathing. Napping is Axel's way of showing how comfortable he is, and Roxas is pretty sure he's only seen him fall asleep near him or in his own room. He doesn't count the times where he pretends he's sleeping during meetings, just to piss someone off -usually Marluxia.
"I was going to get you something too." Roxas hears him mutter against the chest of his jacket, "But I couldn't think of the perfect thing." He sounds a little dejected, but he knows better than to think that Axel would be disappointed over something so trivial.
"-And Demyx was like, the least help of everyone." Roxas knows that's true. He can't remember the last time Demyx was helpful for anything, save for maybe his ability to ruin secrets. He was a total blabbermouth.
Axel props himself up on his elbows, it startles Roxas enough to shoot his neck backwards as fast as possible, but not without a little pain. He watches his friend's eyes move to the side, an expression Roxas recognizes as thinking, a decision.
"Oh!" The exclamation scares Roxas too, but only as it echoes through the quiet boring bleached white walls of Axel's room and partially through the hallway -they're lying in the doorway, he notices, and he knows someone will stumble across them and he knows it'll be Xemnas or Saix or someone he wishes it weren't. He regains his attention just in time to hear, "- maybe I can give you this."
Axel leans forward and presses his lips against Roxas'. It's soft and chaste and Roxas finds his first thought being huh, I would've expected his kiss to be a little more...rough. But he throws it from his thoughts almost immediately. His reaction should be SHIT. I'm kissing my best friend.
He can't bring himself to complain.
Roxas pulls Axel's hood towards himself, before breaking the kiss and Axel suddenly looks like he might vomit all over Roxas. His first instinct is to move Axel out of his way to avoid the sickness, but figures it's probably nerves and a little bit of surprise that are making Axel's expression. Roxas laughs, snorts really, and moves to support himself on his elbows as well.
"Get off me." He shoves Axel a little and the two stand. Axel looks a little hurt, so Roxas presses his palms against the taller man's face and smiles.
"You're a cheap buy, Roxas." Axel smiles a little weakly and rests his head on top or Roxas'.
Roxas moves his lips close to Axel's again, "Next year I won't let you off as easily."
