Disclaimer: I don't own Firefly, nor do I have any rights to any of the characters or properties in the following story unless otherwise distinguished. The song "Sunlight" is the property of Natalie Imbruglia.

Concepts of Time

Prologue: Child

Today we don't know
Who we are
Ashamed, hiding behind the scars
Too many times
We let the things we feel
Get in the way of letting us
Heal the wounds
That open in the dark

"River? Are you okay? You aren't eating." Simon looked at his sister worriedly. She didn't respond. "...mei mei? Are you even listening to me?"

She shot him an impatient look. "A girl's mind is full. Images like lightening agains the clouds. Flashing. Invading. Flooding. Full." Her muttering faded until it was too faint for him to hear. The only thing that let him know she was still speaking was the way her lips were moving quickly, almost reciting poetry to herself.

"Preoccupied. Absorbed in thought, engrossed, excessively concerned, distracted, formerly occupied, already used and therefore unavailable for further use. Her mind is flooding. Social concepts of feminine beauty. Straight nose, smooth skin, full lips, big eyes, long lashes. Lashes of a whipe that drives a man to a girl." River glanced up. Her neck was itching. Someone was looking at her. It took less than a second to find who it was. Silly people with their concepts of time. He was sitting at the far end of the table. to the others he may have seemed to be staring into space, but she knew. She always knew. His blue eyes met her deep ones and he flinched away quickly. His thoughts were quiet. She had to strain to get at them over the tumult of the others' minds.

She smiled softly and looked down at her plate of protein-based food. "Not appealing to any of the senses" she mumbled, shoving he plae away from her. Ever the mother figure, Simon pushed it back, insisting she eat something.

"No! Cannot eat. Eat adds weight. In her mind she wants the perfect body she already has. Clients insist. He worships the ground she walks on!" She said, louder then she meant to. The table quieted, no one quite sure what was going on or what she meant.

She glared at him from across the table and fled down the hall, stumbling in her rush down the stairs. Tears burst from her eyes in an uncontrollable flood as she locked herself in her cabin. The thoughts were still faint in her mind. Inara- mind obsessed with beauty when she was prettier than River felt she would ever be; Mal- wrenching his mind back from thinking about a girl. She didn't know who. She merely saw an outline with long, dark, wavy hair and deep, sultry eyes. Scratch that. You'd have to be some kind of sa gua not to know Mal was obsessing over Inara. Again.

Child. That's what they treated her like. A child. Not that she blamed them. How else would they act? She was dangerous- unpredictable. Most of the crew, if not downright frightened, were edgy around her, as though she were a volcano. River found this mental picture funny. Instead of tears, she saw fire pouring from her eyes. "River of lava coming from River. Is the girl on fire or is the fire in the girl?" She giggled through her tears.

If only there were some way to get them to stop treating her like a little girl. "A girl is seventeen. She doesn't want to be a toddler. Can't breath for coughing on the smoke," she mumbled. At least Mal. There was nothing in the hun dan 'verse could keep Simon from babying her, and Kaylee as well, but the one who really bothered her in his condescension was Mal. It wasn't like she wasn't able to take care of herself. She had saved their lives on more than one occasion.

Maybe if she didn't look so childish...

"Social concepts of female beauty..." she mumbled, and a small smile played across her lips as she fingered a lock of hair and climbed into her bunk.

Did you ever feel
Sunlight on your face?
Did you ever taste clouds?
Did you ever touch space?
Did you ever feel
Sunlight on your face?
Did you ever truly live?

While River debated to herself and eventually fell asleep below, above the crew were doing their best to go about their normal nightly business. The dishes were cleared and stacked, Wash set the controls into locked autopilot, and everyone headed for bed in their respective cabins. All but Mal that is.

The captain paced around the ship, his mind too full to let him rest. What was wrong with him? Letting the feng le girl in like that. Who knows what she saw in his head. And those thoughts were private, not to mention troublesome. With the amount of turmoil they were causing him, who knows what ill-affect they would have on the crew.

River slept on, one hand peacefully clutching her now-tangled hair. Dreams crashed against her mind and for once they weren't full of needles, but rather the sort of peace that only comes when a long dilemma has been resolved.

River slept

Mal didn't.

Author Note: I plan to be updating this at least weekly, assuming my work load doesn't absolutely crush me. I'm hoping it doesn't. I sincerely hope people stick with this, even if it is MalRiver. I heartily support them. Ta.