Song: "Drugstore Diet" by Anarbor {listen}
Pairing: Randy/Torrie {for Kimberly}
Disclaimer: I do not own Randy or Torrie. They own themselves


Wash My Sins Away


You can't understand why she would want to be with a guy like you. She could have anyone, really. Yet, she decides to be with you. You don't deserve her, but you don't argue. How can you, really, with her head on her chest, her soft, warm figure molded against yours. Her lips touch your chest, her golden hair fanning out across your skin. You just smile. Her blue eyes flutter closed, you brush your fingers down her back.

You shouldn't be there. You shouldn't have given her a ride home from the library. You should have kept your distance, like you had promised yourself, but you couldn't help it. You just had to touch her, to hold her again.

One day she would regret her choice to give you a chance. Most likely sooner rather than later, you decide, as you gently push her sleeping figure away from yours and slide out of the bed. You quickly search for you clothing, collecting faded jeans and a black t-shirt from the hard-wood floor. You redress, being careful not to wake the sleeping blonde as your hands begin to shake. Before you exit the room, you place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

-x-

The high is the most important thing in your life. When you're sober, you wish that you could control the desire, but the need is just too strong. The first time, you never guessed it would be your undoing. As you lean back against the couch, you bring your arms back to rest behind your head. A sigh of relief passes your lips as your body stops shaking.

You smoked your first cigarette at age ten. You stole it from your grandmother's purse. You had your first drink at age twelve; your dad let you have it. 'What could it hurt, anyway' he had said. You laugh at the memory.

If only he could see you now.

You smoked your first joint at age fifteen and it all went downhill from there.

Now, eyes closed, you let your high set in. A trail of white residue is left across your coffee table. You hold an open beer can in your left hand, a smile curving your lips.

Your mother would be devastated, if she knew.

Luckily you are good at hiding your secret.

-x-

You know something is wrong the second you hear her voice. Her voice is shaky and she is gasping for breath and you know that she is crying. You tell her to stay calm, but she only cries harder. You never really were good with crying women. You never were the sensitive type.

You tell her to hold on, you'll come downstairs. You would let her in, but you don't want her to see the state of your apartment. You're not sure when you cleaned it last.

You grab your leather jacket and take the stairs two at a time, hoping your Torrie is alright.

You love her, you really do. You just love the drugs more.

She's standing, leaning against her car. Her slender arms are wrapped around her waist and her shoulders are shuttering with soft sobs. You go to her and pull her into an embrace. You place a kiss on her golden halo of hair.

"Shh, Tor, it's alright. Just relax." You gently push her a little ways away from you. You place a finger under her chin and turn her face to yours. You gently wipe the tears away. Her blue eyes shine like crystals, with tears ready to be shed. "What's the matter Torrie?"

"You'll be so mad at me." She cries, resting her head against your chest again. You wrap your arms around her waist and whisper, what you hope are, reassures in her ear.

"It's okay. You can tell me anything."

Had she cheated on you? Does she know about your drug use? Does she want to leave you? Your mind is racing with questions, scenarios, worries.

"You'll hate me," she says.

"I could never hate you Torrie. I love you." You assure her. You love her as much as you are capable.

"Randy, I'm pregnant." She blurts the words out.

At first, you are frozen. It was like time was standing still. You stare at her, her bottom lip trembling, silent tears rolling down her sun-kissed skin. Your heart is pounding, your mind racing.

How could this happen? You are not fit to be a father. You can barely take care of yourself. You knew you shouldn't have been with Torrie, but now it is too late. For a moment, you think about running. Torrie can make it on her own. She would be a good mom. You would only hold her back. She would only be ashamed of you. Your child would be ashamed to call you their father.

But then you look at her again. The way her shoulders are trembling, her hands wrapped around her slender waist, the look in her eyes, like that is the reaction she expects and she is terrified.

And you can't do it.

You take a step forward and pull her flush against you. You bury your face in her golden curls as tears begin to fall from your own eyes.

"It's okay Tor. It will all be okay. We can do this, together."

And in that moment, you decide it's time to change.


a/n. well, guys. I don't know what to say, really. I've never written this couple before. So I hope I did them justice. I know this had some touchy subjects in it, but when I got the idea I just had to write it. I wrote this for one of my absolute favorite people on this website, Kimberly. I hope you liked this hon! I know how much you like this pairing and when you asked me to write them… I was super nervous. Hopefully, I didn't bomb too terribly!

Reviews make me smile =D

-danie.