Warriors: Into the Wild More or Less

Summary: A parody of into the wild. Hope you think it's funny.

Chapter One: Tiggerclaw, Oakheart's Fan Club, And Mice with Frying Pans

(opens on the scene of Redtail and Tigerclaw)

Redtail: So... got any twos?

Tigerclaw: Go fish.

Ravepaw: (runs up) Hey, Tiggerclaw,

Tigerclaw: TIGERclaw.

Ravenpaw: Yeah, Tiggerclaw-

Tigerclaw: TI-

Redtail: Shut up, Tiggerclaw.

Tigerclaw: (huffs)

Ravepaw: Anyway, shouldn't you two be looking heroic and all that right now, and battling.

Redtail: Yeah, but we got bored, so Go Fish seemed to be the only possible answer.

Ravepaw: Oh, really?(cranes neck to see)

Redtail: Yeah. And I'm kicking Tigger's butt.(smirks)

Tigerclaw: Tiger...

Ravenpaw: (laughs head off, pointing at Tigerclaw)

Tigerclaw: (slaps Ravenpaw)

Ravenpaw: So, you do know that Tigerclaw's gonna kill you pretty soon, Redtail? Do ya, do ya, do ya?

Redtail? Uh-huh, I sure d- Holy Starclan!(Riverclan cats run in)

Mousefur: OH. MY. STARCLAN. IT'S OAKHEART!(swoons)

She-cats: (collective sigh)

Oakheart: I shall kiiiill you!(runs after Redtail)

Redtail: EEEE! HELP ME, TIGGER!(hides behind Tigerclaw)

Tigerclaw and Ravenpaw: (snickers)

Mousefur: Oooh, Oakheart!

Oakheart: Geez. Do you HAVE to follow me around?

She-cats: Mousefur is the vice president of our Oakheart fan club!

Oakheart: Then why isn't the president here?

Mousefur: (shrugs) She IS our clan leader. I wonder what's going on...?

(back at the camp)

Bluestar: Oakheart... Oakheart... Om...(bows down at Oakheart shrine)

Spottedleaf: (files nails) That's scary, you know.

Bluestar: (narrows eyes) NON-OAKHEART LOVER!(hisses)

Spottedleaf: Hmph!(fluffs fur)

Bluestar:(in calmer tone) So, wazzup with our homies?

Spottedleaf: (jerks away from practicing her supermodel walk) Mousefur injured herself in a catfight with another she-cat trying to get to Oakheart.

Bluestar: (scoffs) Idiot.

Spottedleaf: Come on! That's how you lost your first life! Btw, how's my supermodel walk?(struts)

Bluestar: Er... OK... And anyway, I didn't mean THAT. I meant that they're all idiots 'cause Oakheart's ah-bviously alllll mine!

Spottedleaf: (in distracted tone) Yeah... sure... go on...(looks in mirror, admiring own reflection) M-hmmm... WHAT IN THE NAME OF STARCLAN!

Bluestar: What? A prohecy?

Spottedleaf: NO! A... A... A ZIT!

Bluestar: (eye roll) Suck it up.

Spottedleaf: (wails) OO! OO! A SHOOTING STAR! MAKE A WISH, BLUEY!

Bluestar: Bluey?
Spottedleaf: (takes out cell-phone, which is ringing to the tone of Hit Me Baby One More Time) Isn't Britney Spears, like, awesome?

Bluestar: Uh... No...(a/n: SO agree with Bluey)

Spottedleaf: Like, hello?

Bluestar: Huh?

Spottedleaf: SHUT UP! STARCLAN'S CALLING ME!(listens to phone) Uh-huh... yep... got it. See ya on the flip side!(closes phone) OK, only Hershey's Bars will save the clan-(phone rings) Yeah? Oh... (closes phone) Sorry, on fire will save the clan.

Bluestar: WHAT!

Spottedleaf: Oh, and your gonna die.

Bluestar: (paces) Fire can't save the clan, it's-wait- I'M GONNA DIE!

Spottedleaf: (grins) Yep.

Bluestar: But... then I can't be the president of the Oakheart fan club...

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Rusty: (casts out fishing pole with piece of cheese on the end) C'mere little mousey...

Mouse: (runs forward) Squeakity!

Rusty: Now would be a good time to speak mouse... WAIT! TIGGERCLAW!

Tigerclaw: (pads over) What? And it's TIGER-

Rusty: Whatever. Look, I can't speak mouse, and I know you lived with mice when you were a kit-which explains a lot, by the way-, so tell this little dude to let me eat him.

Tigerclaw: Hey! I only confessed that secret in my diary!(eyes narrow) YOU WERE IN MY DIARY!

Rusty: Duh. Now go!

Tigerclaw: No! Not until you say you're sorry!

Rusty: (sighs) DO I have to count to three?

Tigerclaw: That doesn't scare me anymore!

Rusty: One...

Tigerclaw: (pained look on face)

Rusty: Two...

Tigerclaw: OK, OK!(runs over to mouse) Squeakum, squeaker squeak?

Translator: He just said, 'Habla Espanol'?

Tigerclaw: Where'd that disembodied voice come from?

Translator: Tigger, I doubt that the mouse knows Spanish.

Tigerclaw: TIGER! And-

Rusty: Yeah, Tigger, the big voice is right. I don't think the mouse knows Spanish.

Tigerclaw: Will you listen? That's a disembodied voice!

Rusty: (shrugs) So? It sounds a lot like the one I hear in my head telling me to kill my twolegs.

Tigerclaw: (sighs) Whatever. (turns to mouse) Squeakle squeak squeak?

Translator: Will you let Rusty roast you in assorted Indian spices and eat you?

Mouse: SQUEAKUM!

Translator: Heck no! And a number of other words I'd rather not repeat.

Mouse: (runs away)

Rusty: Smooth, Tigger.

Tigerclaw: TI-

Mouse: (runs up with frying pan and begins to bonk Tigerclaw over the head with it)

Tigerclaw: (between bonks) But-it-was-Rusty's-idea!

Mouse: (turns to Rusty)

Rusty: Oops. Better wake up.

Tigerclaw: CHEATER!

Rsuty: (wakes up) I NEED to stop eating before I go to sleep.

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My first random Warriors fic. Please don't flame...