Warriors: Into the Wild More or Less
Summary: A parody of into the wild. Hope you think it's funny.
Chapter One: Tiggerclaw, Oakheart's Fan Club, And Mice with Frying Pans
(opens on the scene of Redtail and Tigerclaw)
Redtail: So... got any twos?
Tigerclaw: Go fish.
Ravepaw: (runs up) Hey, Tiggerclaw,
Tigerclaw: TIGERclaw.
Ravenpaw: Yeah, Tiggerclaw-
Tigerclaw: TI-
Redtail: Shut up, Tiggerclaw.
Tigerclaw: (huffs)
Ravepaw: Anyway, shouldn't you two be looking heroic and all that right now, and battling.
Redtail: Yeah, but we got bored, so Go Fish seemed to be the only possible answer.
Ravepaw: Oh, really?(cranes neck to see)
Redtail: Yeah. And I'm kicking Tigger's butt.(smirks)
Tigerclaw: Tiger...
Ravenpaw: (laughs head off, pointing at Tigerclaw)
Tigerclaw: (slaps Ravenpaw)
Ravenpaw: So, you do know that Tigerclaw's gonna kill you pretty soon, Redtail? Do ya, do ya, do ya?
Redtail? Uh-huh, I sure d- Holy Starclan!(Riverclan cats run in)
Mousefur: OH. MY. STARCLAN. IT'S OAKHEART!(swoons)
She-cats: (collective sigh)
Oakheart: I shall kiiiill you!(runs after Redtail)
Redtail: EEEE! HELP ME, TIGGER!(hides behind Tigerclaw)
Tigerclaw and Ravenpaw: (snickers)
Mousefur: Oooh, Oakheart!
Oakheart: Geez. Do you HAVE to follow me around?
She-cats: Mousefur is the vice president of our Oakheart fan club!
Oakheart: Then why isn't the president here?
Mousefur: (shrugs) She IS our clan leader. I wonder what's going on...?
(back at the camp)
Bluestar: Oakheart... Oakheart... Om...(bows down at Oakheart shrine)
Spottedleaf: (files nails) That's scary, you know.
Bluestar: (narrows eyes) NON-OAKHEART LOVER!(hisses)
Spottedleaf: Hmph!(fluffs fur)
Bluestar:(in calmer tone) So, wazzup with our homies?
Spottedleaf: (jerks away from practicing her supermodel walk) Mousefur injured herself in a catfight with another she-cat trying to get to Oakheart.
Bluestar: (scoffs) Idiot.
Spottedleaf: Come on! That's how you lost your first life! Btw, how's my supermodel walk?(struts)
Bluestar: Er... OK... And anyway, I didn't mean THAT. I meant that they're all idiots 'cause Oakheart's ah-bviously alllll mine!
Spottedleaf: (in distracted tone) Yeah... sure... go on...(looks in mirror, admiring own reflection) M-hmmm... WHAT IN THE NAME OF STARCLAN!
Bluestar: What? A prohecy?
Spottedleaf: NO! A... A... A ZIT!
Bluestar: (eye roll) Suck it up.
Spottedleaf: (wails) OO! OO! A SHOOTING STAR! MAKE A WISH, BLUEY!
Bluestar: Bluey?
Spottedleaf: (takes
out cell-phone, which is ringing to the tone of Hit Me Baby One More
Time) Isn't Britney Spears, like, awesome?
Bluestar: Uh... No...(a/n: SO agree with Bluey)
Spottedleaf: Like, hello?
Bluestar: Huh?
Spottedleaf: SHUT UP! STARCLAN'S CALLING ME!(listens to phone) Uh-huh... yep... got it. See ya on the flip side!(closes phone) OK, only Hershey's Bars will save the clan-(phone rings) Yeah? Oh... (closes phone) Sorry, on fire will save the clan.
Bluestar: WHAT!
Spottedleaf: Oh, and your gonna die.
Bluestar: (paces) Fire can't save the clan, it's-wait- I'M GONNA DIE!
Spottedleaf: (grins) Yep.
Bluestar: But... then I can't be the president of the Oakheart fan club...
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Rusty: (casts out fishing pole with piece of cheese on the end) C'mere little mousey...
Mouse: (runs forward) Squeakity!
Rusty: Now would be a good time to speak mouse... WAIT! TIGGERCLAW!
Tigerclaw: (pads over) What? And it's TIGER-
Rusty: Whatever. Look, I can't speak mouse, and I know you lived with mice when you were a kit-which explains a lot, by the way-, so tell this little dude to let me eat him.
Tigerclaw: Hey! I only confessed that secret in my diary!(eyes narrow) YOU WERE IN MY DIARY!
Rusty: Duh. Now go!
Tigerclaw: No! Not until you say you're sorry!
Rusty: (sighs) DO I have to count to three?
Tigerclaw: That doesn't scare me anymore!
Rusty: One...
Tigerclaw: (pained look on face)
Rusty: Two...
Tigerclaw: OK, OK!(runs over to mouse) Squeakum, squeaker squeak?
Translator: He just said, 'Habla Espanol'?
Tigerclaw: Where'd that disembodied voice come from?
Translator: Tigger, I doubt that the mouse knows Spanish.
Tigerclaw: TIGER! And-
Rusty: Yeah, Tigger, the big voice is right. I don't think the mouse knows Spanish.
Tigerclaw: Will you listen? That's a disembodied voice!
Rusty: (shrugs) So? It sounds a lot like the one I hear in my head telling me to kill my twolegs.
Tigerclaw: (sighs) Whatever. (turns to mouse) Squeakle squeak squeak?
Translator: Will you let Rusty roast you in assorted Indian spices and eat you?
Mouse: SQUEAKUM!
Translator: Heck no! And a number of other words I'd rather not repeat.
Mouse: (runs away)
Rusty: Smooth, Tigger.
Tigerclaw: TI-
Mouse: (runs up with frying pan and begins to bonk Tigerclaw over the head with it)
Tigerclaw: (between bonks) But-it-was-Rusty's-idea!
Mouse: (turns to Rusty)
Rusty: Oops. Better wake up.
Tigerclaw: CHEATER!
Rsuty: (wakes up) I NEED to stop eating before I go to sleep.
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My first random Warriors fic. Please don't flame...
