Brown, it zooms out and appears to be a crater in south park woods
Narrator: It's been almost 2 years since the mysterious crater of south park woods appeared, first occurred on the 23rd of February 2014. We now will speak with one of our "theorists" Herbert A Garrison
Mr Garrison: Thank you Mr Cleveland. Okay, now normally, when people tell you these things, they get committed or something, okay? But I am telling you, that on the night of 25th of February 2013, I was driving my car home when suddenly, there's this giant spaceship hovering over some...some kid with an 80-foot satellite dish coming from his asshole
Mr Cleveland: What did the spaceship look like?
Mr Garrison: I don't know, it kinda looked like a ufo, but much more colourful and bright than in google images
Mr Cleveland: And the kid?
Mr Garrison: He uh, was fat, he wore a red jacket with brown pants and a yellow-puffed ball hat with blue
Mr Cleveland: Do you think people think you're lying
Mr Garrison: Of course I do, but I am telling you that I saw a spaceship that night, in fact I have this friend from elementary school who worked with me as school chef who also witnessed it
Mr Cleveland: What did he look like?
Mr Garrison: Well he was this black guy, about yey wide, big beard, red shirt, blue pants, always wore a chef's hat
Mr Cleveland: Where can we find him?
Mr Garrison: South Park Cemetery
Mr Cleveland: Oh
Cartman is slumping in his pajamas watching Mr Garrison's interview on Crazy People TV eating a bag of chips at night, Shaun walks downstairs and sees Eric
Shaun: Eric, shouldn't you be in bed by now
Cartman: Huh-wha? [sits up] Dude, it can't be bed time already!
Shaun: It's 10:30, you were supposed to go to bed 2 hours ago!
Cartman: Yeah, well my mom lets me stay up at 11:00 at most
Shaun: Yeah, well now that I'm here, things are gonna change! [picks Cartman up and drags him to bed, Cartman starts squirming, Shaun gradually manages to put him in bed]
Cartman: I'm not tired!
Shaun: You will be when you get up tomorrow! [shuts door and goes on to the bedroom] no wonder Liane used to be a whore
Cartman: Stupid new father, always tryin' to make me eat my vegetables and go to bed early [looks at his bedside table and gets out of bed to open it, he finds his bottle of schedule sleeping pills, he opens it] Take one per night, some dreams may replicate a past event, huh, [takes pills out of bottle] this must be a different brand [takes pill and gets into bed, he swallows the pill and puts his pill bottle on the bedside table and covers himself with his blankets. After a few hours he begins to dream]
Cartman is sleeping in his bed, a moment later, a blue light shines in his room
Cartman: *splutters* what? [gets up] what the hell? [an alien peaks its head in Cartman's room, it cuts to Cartman being drug across a hallways] Weeaak! [Cartman is laid on a table and his hands are cuffed to table] Hey hey, what the hell are you doing? [his pants are taken off] This isn't funny you guys! [an anal probing device appears behind him about to penetrate] Oh shit! not the probes! [Cartman wakes up in cold sweat, it is morning, he looks outside] God, is it morning already? [Cartman walks downstairs, he has bags under his eyes, he visits the table, Liane pours him a bowl choc-choc pops]
Shaun: Eric, how was your sleep last night?
Cartman: Very… traumatic
South Park Bus stop, the boys are waiting, Cartman is not present
Kyle: I don't know dude, it's just that we've been watching it for so long, you sure we're not just turning into, you know? [Cartman arrives glumly] Oh look, it's Eric Von Cartman
Cartman: I don't feel like talking, you guys [Stan examines him]
Stan: Dude, looks like you didn't much sleep last night
Cartman: Oh, that's just because I've been having these bogus nightmares
Kyle: Again? what about?
Cartman: I don't want to talk about it [bus arrives]
