Preview
(A/N)This is something that I would like to ask. Today, my teacher had a little melt down. I don't mean for it to be funny, because she felt horrible and was crying. But the things she said…I think they made me have a relapse. I had been in a depression and suicidal when I was younger, and have since had mini-depressions, but now I feel horrible. I feel kinda emotionless and I…I think I might be starting to hate myself again. She said that we were all such idiots that only loved ourselves. I thought, that maybe I shouldn't love myself at all. I had just stopped hating myself this year, but now, I hate myself a little bit. I was selfish, I didn't think about anyone else, I was stupid, and now I really want to cry. But crying does nothing for me. No one helps, no one listens when I actually tried to talk, and no one even sees when I try to show them. They all think that I can't feel these things, that I'm just joking, that I'm not serious, I don't understand why they think this. I'm a person, not some machine, and I feel. I'm emotionally stunted, I admit it right now, I can't understand anger because I don't ever feel it so deeply. I get angry, and then I forget, my memory doesn't allow me to do it. So I can't understand many emotions. But that doesn't mean that I can't feel them deeply. I feel things deeply, though shortly. If I'm sad, I feel like my world changes, and it is never the same again.
I wrote this here because I would like to know, should I even love myself if there is little reason for me to. Should I hate myself because of the failures I have made? Should I ask for help? I'm asking because I don't know you people and you don't know me, so you can speak objectionably? Without discrimination. If you don't want to reply, than that's okay. But this will be the basis for a story. This will be worked into the story.
I've been in a funk for a while, and I feel like I need to write something with a different mood. So this story comes into mind. This is meant to be sad, and the ending might be sad, or it might not. Thing is, this story is to help me get through some things. Thank you for your time. Here is what will set the mood for the story.
/Harry talking next/
If I shouldn't love myself and no one else loves me, then what should I do?
Is it enough that God loves me when no one else does?
Is it enough that I can barely feel a thing now, yet I hate myself again?
When I had started to love myself?
Yet her words made me think not.
I should not love myself, I should not care at all.
My heart bleeds again, and myself is cold inside.
I hate myself, I love myself.
I don't know, I don't understand.
Why, why, what should I feel?
What should I feel?
When no one seems to love me at all?
When I can barely love myself?
(Summary) The story is that Harry has been abandoned by his family at age five. When he was three, he hated himself, and his family did not even care. They treated him as a thing that did not need to be there. He was kept away from the world, he was given no love. And like many children, he thought that it was his fault. But then he started to think, and started to love himself. Until his mother said horrible words to him. He hated himself again. And soon after, he ran away, abandoned by those who should have loved him. He lived alone on the streets, he lost his innocent heart, and he learned horrible things. And after many years, he is found, singing and working in an all creature club. He had forsaken his name, and had given himself new life. Will his parents find forgiveness in his eyes, or will they find hate? Or perhaps, they will find nothing at all?
(A/N) This story is to help me, and maybe you people too if you need it. You don't need to love it. You can hate it, but right now, I can't help feel anything except wanting to cry. This doesn't mean that I am abandoning my other stories, but it does mean that updates will be slow. I hope you will be patient with me. Goodbye.
