Authors notes and disclaimer:
I do not own the Harry Potter Universe or characters. They belong to the genius that is JK Rowling. The idea for the story comes from the short film "Blood Drips Heavily on Newsies Square", which I assume is owned by Michael Goorjian, the director, as it is only available for purchase as a friend found it and asked to sell it. If you get a chance to buy it and like Newsies, do so. Hilarious movie, well worth $20. I am going to quote the movie quite often, as it will always amuse me. Also, this is a comedy/parody like the original Blood Drips, but I'm putting more background into it than the original, so the first two chapters are rather serious. Hang with me, the amusing parts will be coming. This story is AU as it ignores the epilogue, but it is otherwise cannon. Don't like, don't read. Rating is for language, adult themes, and, surprisingly humorous, character death.
Prologue
From the writer of the Newsies Backlot Genocide, comes the excruciating horror tale of a man, pushed to the edge of destiny. Torn between right and wrong, morals and ethics, fiction and reality, creation and destruction, up or down, right or left, stop or go, yes or no, spit or swallow! A man! Strangled with humiliation, self pity and insanity, confronted fear itself, and laughed in it's face. This man, driven forth to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, with a need so tremendously filled with passion and desire, he would stop at no length to accomplish his task!
~!~
Gilderoy Lockhart knew very little of his life before living in St. Mungo's. He knew he had once been the winner of Witch Weekly's "Most Charming Smile" award. He knew that women across the country, and maybe the world, had at one time loved him. He did not know his own age. From the calenders he ticked days off of and stored after they were finished, he knew he had been living at the hospital for about five years. Possibly more or less as he wasn't sure the calenders he counted were all his or if he was missing any. For women to have loved him, he ad to be older than four. Maybe he was six when he got here, that would make him seven, no twelve, no eleven.
Eleven! Even he knew eleven was an important age. At eleven any proper witch or wizard started at Hogwarts. He had checked with the nurses, and he was definitely a wizard, he even double checked he wasn't a witch. He also learned that the Hogwarts Express left on September first at 11 am. He checked his calender, and double checked with the nurse, it was now August 31st. Tomorrow he was going to Hogwarts!
AN: I do have the next couple chapters written already, but I decided to just do a teaser. Hope you enjoyed it, if so, let me know. If not, you can let me know as well but I use flames to roast marshmellows or apples depending on how healthy I want to be.
