Life and Death
It never ceased to amaze Kate how widespread the generic transport shuttle design was. She had traveled across the galaxies, and yet inevitably she kept finding herself in small uncomfortable chairs, lined up in rows next to plastic windows. There was always an aisle, a stewardess, and often a god-awful in flight movie.
Jenny dozed peacefully in the seat next to her, head resting snugly on Kate's shoulder. That girl could sleep anywhere, and often did. If Jenny had not looked so darn adorable Kate might have resented her for having suggested they make the journey this way in the first place. They were just traveling from one region of the planet, Sharvakian, to another, they could have easily taken the TARDIS, but Jenny wanted to try public transport. And inevitably what Jenny wanted, she got. Telling her no was a bit like kicking a golden retriever. So the TARDIS was currently disguised as a shed on some back street of the planet's capital city, waiting for their return.
Her back hurt from the awkward seat, but she had resigned herself to that hours ago. Her seat belt dug uncomfortably into her collarbone. Despite the recycled air, the atmosphere was rather peaceful. The lights were dimmed, and the twenty residents of the shuttle, most humanoid, all of them sentient, were mostly dozing. The hum of the engine was like an odd lullaby. In the next row over, a Carvxian couple chirped softly in their birdlike language. The female looked to be expecting a baby soon.
Kate rested her chin on top of Jenny's soft hair. The warm reassuring scent of the other Time Lord comforted her. Her eyelids grew heavy. Maybe she would be able to manage a nap after all.
The explosion rocked the ship. It threw everyone about, and knocked Jenny and Kate's heads together, making them both yelp. Outside the windows, the sky began to plummet. Cries of panic and fear filled the cabin.
At some point long after the fact, Kate would learn that a bomb had caused the explosion. It was all part of an assassination attempt against a statesman who was had booked passage on the shuttle.
Of course Kate knew none of that then, nor would she have particularly cared about such specifics. All she knew was the shuttle was losing altitude. The stewardess kept remarkably calm and instructed everyone to check his or her seatbelt and hang on. The captain's voice boomed over the loudspeaker, overwhelmed with panic.
"Something's blown the engines. Were going down. Oh god!"
The two Time lords clutched at each other. The shuttle plummeted, the moment of impact nearing, the waiting snowy mountain peaks getting closer. The helplessness Kate felt panicked her. It struck Kate that his was a rather dull way to die. She'd survived wars, near apocalypses, and yet she was about to be killed by a shuttle crash. At least she wasn't alone.
She could feel a strange calm emanating from Jenny's mind to hers through their link. Jenny had died before, and death did not frighten her; it wasn't a permanent matter for a Time Lord. She tried to give Kate this reassurance, but Kate was too scared. She was half human, and that half would always curse the darkness until her last breath.
The shuttle struck the mountainside, smashing the nose and the cockpit. From the force, it bounced and crashed down the peak, tumbling end over end. Jagged rocks tore large chunks from its side, taking off the entire back half, wrenching it in two. The front half tumbled on down into a chasm between the peaks.
The back half, the one Kate and Jenny were in, kept tumbling more slowly, end over end down the slope, until eventually it stopped, and everything was still. Kate opened her eyes to find herself upside down, held by her seatbelt. Jenny was begging her to wake up. She was standing up on the shuttle's ceiling, reaching up and trying to undo Kate's belt.
Kate undid the belt herself and tumbled into Jenny's arms. The former soldier was strong enough to catch her and help ease her down. As Kate's feet hit the cold metal she realized how incredibly cold she was. The open end of the shuttle was letting in the bitter frozen air of the outside world.
She realized vaguely that Jenny was checking her over for injuries. She found a gash on Kate's neck and bound it with a bit of cloth ripped from her own shirt. Kate looked around slowly still stunned.
The back half of the shuttle had contained about ten seats. Some of them were empty; their occupants having been thrown loose during the crash. Some were still in their seats, but clearly dead from wounds caused by flying shrapnel and impact. Their cheap seats had probably been what had saved them, a quarter the price and no leg room. Their seats were wedged between the back wall and the kitchenette. The extra bit of wall had protected them in the front and deflected the worst of the shrapnel.
"Are we the only survivors?"
"I haven't checked yet. I was too worried about you," admitted Jenny. Now that she saw Kate was not going to keel over, she began to search about the cabin. Kate remained frozen for a few more minutes, then shook herself sharply and began to help. She could have posttraumatic stress disorder later.
They only found bodies at first. Then Jenny heard a moan from a lump of wreckage, not far form the shuttle. They ignored the bitter air and dug through the twisted metal and snow until they found the victim.
It was the Carvxian female, and she was nearly as white as the snow from blood loss, an ugly shard of metal was lodged deep in her shoulder. Were it not for the lavender blood she would have seemed human. Carvxian's were a variation on baseline humans, although they had broken off in the evolution several thousands of years before. They were smaller, and of more delicate build, with dark purple hair and eyes. They were a bit like vampires in the sense that they lived entirely off of blood, although not very exciting vampires because they preferred it to be from non-sentient species and cooked.
This female was clearly going to die, and from the cries she was making and the way she clutched her stomach, possibly in labor. She was well beyond any cognizant words. They made a stretcher from a blanket and between the two of them, Jenny and Kate managed to get her back into the shuttle, where at least there was some protection from the wind. The female screamed so much from the pain of being moved, Kate suspected it might actually have been kinder to let her die in the snow.
Jenny stayed with her while Kate searched about desperately for any sort of first aid supply, or painkiller. She found nothing. The first aid kit must have been at the front of the shuttle. She had read once that Time Lords, being psychic species, could mentally link with others and ease pain or bring sleep, along with a host of other abilities. But Kate had no idea how to do this; there had never been another Time Lord to teach her.
She returned to Jenny and the dying female feeling helpless. Jenny had wrapped her in all the blankets she could find. She had left the shard of shrapnel where it was; they had no way to staunch the bleeding if they removed it. Jenny was holding the female's hand speaking softly. The female seemed able to take comfort from this.
Kate knelt beside them.
"Her name is Viole," whispered Jenny. "She says she's a doctor. She thinks her baby might live if it is born before she dies."
"What can we do?"
"Keep her warm. And if her heart stops she wants us to cut the baby out, like a c-section."
"I don't think I can do that."
"I can." Despite how innocent Jenny always seemed, she was created to be a soldier. She could do hard things when they had to be done.
In the end she didn't have to, though. Viole managed to deliver the baby in the normal way. Carvxian births were far easier than human ones, their infants being half the size of human ones.
Jenny held Viole murmuring comfort, linking her fingers with her as she pushed and Kate caught the infant when it entered the world. It was premature, but whole. She quickly checked that it was breathing and swaddled it in a blanket. It did not cry, but blinked at the world with wide violet eyes and yawned with sharp catlike fangs. She could not tell if it was a boy or a girl, but from what she knew Caravxins did not exhibit gender until later in life. Kate offered the baby to her mother, but she murmured very weakly.
"No, it can't bond to me, or it will follow me into death. Hold it, keep it warm, nurse it with your blood." She was slipping now. She had lost the reason she was clinging to this world, and the pain was so deep and so terrible. Jenny rocked her very gently and sang something that sounded a bit like a lullaby. She had a sweet voice, not particularly good, but very gentle. Viole's eyes faded to an opal blue and her breathing ceased. Jenny released the cooling hand and closed the sightless eyes.
The wind whipped howled against the shuttle's walls. Kate remembered that she was very cold. She hardly felt the sharp pain on her neck as the infant bit her and began to drink. She looked down at it in mild surprise. Somehow after all this, she could not bring herself to be bothered by a blood-drinking newborn; at least that meant they would be able to feed it.
Jenny stood slowly. "We need to find a way to close up the shuttle, or we won't survive the night. I think the temperature is already dropping."
Kate nodded mutely. While Jenny darted about piling seats, rubble and snow against the open front of the shuttle, Kate retreated to the far wall at the back of the plane and began to make a nest of everything soft and warm she could find. She kept the infant close, pressed against her, sharing her warmth. The infant only nursed for a short time before it closed its eyes and slept.
The sun was nearly set, by the time Jenny finished her temporary wall. She joined Kate and they curled up together in her nest, the baby between them. Gods willing they would be able to keep it warm enough to survive the night's chill. They had no idea how far the temperature would drop, but they knew it was well below zero by now.
"Do you think help is coming?" whispered Kate.
"I'm sure it is," replied Jenny. Then there was nothing more to be done, so they slept and to the amazement of both they woke again the next day, shivering but alive.
Help did not come that day, though they both watched the sky intently. They dragged the bodies from the shuttle and gathered up those near the crash sight. They had no way to dig graves, but a mound of snow served just as well. They considered looking for survivors from the front of the shuttle.
Bundled in scratchy blankets, they hiked out the edge of the crevasse. They could see a mess of torn metal at the bottom; there could be no hope of anyone having survived. The cliff face was steep, and there was no easy way down.
"I could still try. There might be more food or a first aid kit." Jenny seemed doubtful though.
"We've got enough peanuts from the kitchenette to last us for a few days."
"I think I could make the climb," Jenny peeked over the edge, already contemplating the challenge.
"No." Kate snapped. "There's too much of a chance you'll fall. I can't face you dying. Not even if you'll come back. I just can't."
Jenny's face softened. "You're right, stupid idea. Lets go back to the shuttle."
Darkness fell early in the mountains. They spent another night huddled in their nest of blankets. Kate let the infant nurse from her neck; Jenny had taken her turn that morning. They needed to make sure neither one of them lost too much blood, especially since they had so little food to renew their strength. The blood loss made her feel weak and queasy, yet she could not make herself resent the baby.
Kate wondered if it was odd that she found herself becoming incredibly attached to the silent, intense-eyed bloodsucker. It didn't even cry like a proper baby. It was so strange, so alien, and yet so inescapably a baby. Several billion years of mammalian evolution left Kate with no choice but to love, feed, and protect it. She told herself she wasn't being noble, she was just surrendering to biology.
Strangely enough, Jenny showed no particular affection for the baby. When Kate handed it to her she held it and rocked it in the automatic way most people hold a stranger's child. She gave it her blood, but the act of giving came more from the determined nobleness she had learned from her father, than genuine desire to do so.
Help didn't come the next day either. They tried to make a radio or some sort of signal beacon, but they couldn't find enough wires to do it. The engine was destroyed and all the technology in the planes cockpit was lost down the crevasse. "I don't think help is coming." Jenny told Kate as they watched the sun set after the short day. "Tomorrow at dawn, I'm going to try and go for help."
Kate saw the logic in what her lover said. However, because she loved Jenny she had to try and dissuade her. "You'll freeze to death in the night."
"I was made to be a super soldier. I can survive harsh temperatures and exposure. Even now the cold doesn't bother me half as much as it does you. I can travel far and fast and sleep very little."
"But you'll have to go alone." What Kate didn't say was, you will be leaving me alone. They both knew Kate couldn't go with her. One of them had to stay and keep the baby out of the cold. Of course because of the link Jenny felt what Kate was feeling, although not her exact thoughts.
Jenny hugged her close. "I know and I'm sorry."
"Can't you at least wait a few more days?"
"No, I don't think we have them. Were already running out of food, and you're getting weak from cold and blood loss. If I wait you might die, and you're terrified of regenerating."
Kate kissed her, a desperate, I love you so much my heart is breaking at the thought of losing you sort of kiss. It was also an I'm scared of dying alone in this cold horrible place. Please, please don't leave me kind of kiss.
"Fine, go be a hero. Just don't get yourself killed or I'll never forgive you."
That night they put together a sort of tent for Jenny's travels with plastic sheeting and divided the blankets and remaining food. They made love, more out of a need to reaffirm life and the bond between them than desire.
At dawn, Jenny gathered her things, kissed Kate one last time and stepped out into the bitter air. Kate would have sold her soul to go with her, but she wouldn't forfeit the baby's life to cold and exposure. She curled up in her diminished nest of blankets with the infant and slept, as there wasn't much else to do anymore.
She was awoken by the sound of the baby crying for the first time. She was hungry. But Kate didn't feed her, not until that evening.
"Sorry love, I can't afford to lose blood more than once a day." The baby watched her with resentful violet eyes. "If I die of blood loss, you won't last much longer either."
The baby blinked. Kate buried her face in her hands. "Gods, I'm already going crazy. Talking to a damn baby." She found herself doing it more over the next several days. It seemed a bit more sane than talking to herself.
She waited, she slept, she munched on the last bits of peanuts left, she nursed the baby, and she felt herself slowly slipping away. Standing became harder. For the first few days after Jenny's departure she would rise in the morning and go outside to search the sky. By the third day though the cold cut into her too bitterly, and it took nearly an hour to get the feeling back in her fingers afterwards. She did not go outside again.
She could feel nothing from her link with Jenny, it seemed it didn't work at a distance. They had never really been apart before in the half year that they had known each other. Kate felt a heavy absence in her heart and mind.
She began to lose track of time, becoming uncertain how long she slept. Days and nights began to whirl together into one long frigid eternity. She fed the baby less. It grew fussy and cried often. Its skin took on a pail tint, and it began to weaken. It tore her apart to see it so, but she had no more life to give, how own heartbeats were becoming to irregular. Kate's dreams were haunted and dark. She wondered how long it would be before she would cease to wake from them.
She thought she had imagined the sound of the shuttle when she first heard it. A distant whirring sound mingled with the howl of the wind, and the heavy whump of a multi-ton vehicle thumped down on hard packed snow.
Jenny's voice cut through the frozen air. "Kate, Kate!"
Kate tried to stand, and found she couldn't. She called back weakly, "Jenny!"
Light streamed into shadowed darkness of the shuttle, as the wall of seats and snow was cleared away. Jenny bounded in and ran to her, throwing her arms around her. Kate reached up her hands, tangling them in Jenny's familiar hair. They kissed in the way of a couple that had secretly thought they had lost each other.
Someone in the white coat of a doctor shoed Jenny away. He looked over Kate, quickly feeling her shallow pulse and cool skin. He took the infant from her arms, frowning at the frail heartbeat he found in its small chest.
"We have to evacuate them now, before the storm blows back in, he told a woman behind him. From the earphones, Kate suspected the woman was a pilot.
"What about the bodies? We have orders to bring those back as well," said the pilot.
"We'll have to make a later trip or we might have two more corpses."
"Fine, you can explain it to our superiors. Let's get going." The pilot looked bored and annoyed. Kate found herself less than reassured.
She felt the warmth of Jenny's hands on her shoulder. "Can you walk?"
"Not without help."
The doctor took one arm and Jenny the other. Kate managed to balance weakly on her feet and stumble the short distance to the waiting shuttle. The heat that poured out as the door slid open nearly overwhelmed her. Her skin tingled as she collapsed in a seat within.
She found herself suddenly missing the presence of the baby. The doctor seemed to understand and handed it back to her. Reassured by the weight of the small bundle, Kate was asleep before take off.
She woke to an overwhelming sense of burning. Her skin was almost painfully warm, as if she lay in a giant mug of hot tea. She opened her eyes slowly, to find herself in a hospital bed. Jenny was waiting, watching intensely with her brown eyes. The smile she gave Kate was like sunshine on a cloudless afternoon.
"Have I still got all my toes and fingers?"
"Yep, only minor frostbite. The doctors say you'll be fine. They were even able to give you an infusion of human-compatible blood plasma. You'll still be a bit anemic for a while, but it should pass"
Kate was surprised to find she had the strength to sit up. "Are you hurt at all?" She hadn't' had a chance to get a good look at Jenny during the rescue.
"I'm fine. I only had to travel for about five days before I ran across a mountain resort. It wasn't to hard a journey for me, I was made for that sort of thing."
"And the baby, is it alright?"
"A bit malnourished, but fine aside from that. Its father and aunts just arrived yesterday, with them as blood suppliers it seems to be recovering quickly."
"I thought the male that was with Viole on the shuttle was her mate."
"One of her mates was, this is her other mate. Remember it takes two Carvxian males and one Carvxian female for them to reproduce."
"Forgot about that. Could you ask him to let me see the baby again?"
"Of course, he said he wanted to thank you."
"Good." Kate drifted off again.
Apparently, in Carvxian culture berries and had some sort of significance, possibly similar to the significance flowers did in human culture. This was the only reason Kate could think of for why Viole's surviving mate brought her an ornate silver basket full of small red berries, bright blue stones, white pearls, and little clay figurines in the shape of birds. It was not the oddest thank you gift she had ever received, but it was certainly up there. When she tried to eat one of the berries he looked at her the way a human would have if she nibbled on a flower arrangement.
His name was Giole, and he rather reminded Kate of the stereotypical scholar with his thick glasses and awkward stance. He had very kind eyes, though. He held his fussing child close to him and seemed almost hesitant to hand it over to Kate. She accepted the baby into her arms and it calmed. Giole seemed very worried as he watched her.
"I'm afraid she's imprinted on you; our species does that in the first few hours after birth. It will take time before she accepts me as a parent."
"I'm sorry." They sat in silence for a long time. Kate rocked the infant gently until it slept. The sadness in Giole's eyes was as deep as the cold that nearly took Kate's life. He had lost his mates, and now his own baby didn't recognize him. A strange woman was holding his child as if it were her own.
"You're very good with it," he said, smiling weakly.
"I know." Kate forced herself to hold out the sleeping baby to its father and he took it gingerly, careful to support its head. Every instinct in her cried out to snatch it back, but she didn't. This was not her child--she had sustained it with her very blood, but it was not her child. It belonged with its father, who so clearly loved it dearly. Never before in her life had she hurt so deeply. She crossed her arms around herself.
"Will it bond to you more quickly if I'm gone?"
"Yes."
"Then I will go."
"Thank you." Giole paused. "Truly I am in your debt for you being with my wife when she died, for keeping my child alive, for giving it back to me."
"Funny how the last part is the hardest." Kate couldn't look at him.
"Would you allow me to name it after you?"
"I think I would prefer if you didn't."
"Then would you name it? You deserve that honor."
Kate thought for a long time. "All right, call it Rodageit, then."
Giole said the name a few times, feeling out the sound of it. "I like it. What does it mean?"
"In Gallifreyan it roughly translates to 'Seeker of Knowledge,' that or 'Mad Man'. The same word means both things. It was my father's. I suspect it suited him very well. Big name for a baby though, maybe you could call it Geit until it gets older." She reached out and tapped the sleeping baby on the tip of the nose as if in benediction.
"Thank you again." Giole stood; making an awkward sort of bow with the infant in his arms and left. Once they were gone, Kate closed her eyes and sunk back into the pillow. She shouldn't be sad, she and Jenny had survived, and they had saved the baby's life. The baby was reunited with its family. This was a good ending. But when Jenny came to see her she still hugged her as close as she could for a long time.
