Heya, guys.

Prompted by a dream a friend had.

Warnings: Dirty talk, badly written because your dear author is awkward as fuck and easily flustered.

Please enjoy.

K-Y-L-EH-E

Castiel sat in a chair, staring in confusion at the chuckling brothers in front of him. Sam, at least, was trying to hide his chuckles behind a large hand, but Dean was outright grinning and making no effort to conceal it.

"Okay, Cas, here's the deal. We've been sitting in this hotel doing absolutely nothing for three days. Sam and I had an idea-"

"No, no, no," Sam cut in, snorting quietly. "Dean had an idea. I had nothing to do with this. The only reason I'm here is because I can't leave and it's my phone you'll be using."

"Phone? What do I need a phone for? Will I be making a call?" Castiel's confusion further increased, and the brothers were met with the angel's signature head tilt.

"It's, uh, it's for the case. We're gonna dial a number, and you," Dean grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, scrawling something onto the paper, "are going to read this to the person who answers. Capiche?"

"Yes, Dean, but why do I need to do this when you already know what to say?" Dean sent the angel an exasperated look, handing Cas the paper. Castiel read it quickly. "I don't understand. How will this help with the case, Dean?"

"Just... Just do it, Cas. Please." He took Sam's phone, flipping open a phonebook and dialing the first number with a female name he could find. He put it on speaker and handed it to Cas.

"Hello?"

"Um, hello. My name is Castiel and I would like to give you pleasure beyond your wildest dreams?" It came out as more of a question than anything, and Castiel looked curiously up at Sam and Dean, who were covering their mouths.

"Is this a sex line?"

Castiel was unaware how to answer, and looked at Dean for help, who nodded furiously, mouthing "yes!"

"Uh, yes."

"Good. This is exactly what I need. My boyfriend just left me, and what better way to stick it to him than to get off on another man's voice, hm?" Sam was doubled over and dean was leaning heavily on the wall, both noting the instant change in the woman's tone. She was now trying to sound seductive, and the slightly scared look on Castiel's face was more than worth it.

Dean scrawled another message onto the paper and gave it back to Cas, who read it immediately. "What are you wearing? I bet it's something sexy just for me...?"

The woman let out an odd purring sound. "Oh, baby, your voice is so sexy. Talk to dirty to me!"

Cas looked absolutely terrified at this point. Dean began to mouth words, which Cas repeated out loud awkwardly. "I'm going to fuck you over the phone. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

The woman moaned, which made Castiel cringe. "Oh yes, baby. Tell me more!" She was breathing heavy into the phone, and Cas looked pleadingly at Dean. Dean only gave him a "keep going" gesture.

This kept on for five minutes, Cas awkwardly saying what Dean wrote down and the woman moaning into the phone. Apparently she wasn't quite getting what she needed, because a snapped "You could at least pretend you like being on the phone with me!" came through before the line went dead.

As soon as the dial tone came through, Dean and Sam burst into uncontrollable laughter, both doubled over and leaning on one another for support.

"Oh, man! That was awesome!" Dean was practically wheezing, gripping Sam's arm for dear life.

"I can't believe he did it! I can't believe she hung up on him! My sides hurt, Dean!" Sam was almost yelling through his laughter, and it began to dawn on Castiel that he had been tricked.

"That was not nice." The brothers heard the flutter of wings, which for some reason only made them laugh harder, exhausting themselves within minutes. Sam and Dean slept well that night.

K-Y-L-EH-E

That's... That. xD Hope you all enjoyed. Please review!