"Feliciano…she's…he's…" Ludwig's face went completely red. Gilbert wondered if li'l bro was breathing right. He was a tad concerned since Ludwig couldn't finish the sentence.
Only a tad. He was trying very, very hard not. To. Cackle. (His face! His li'l bro was adorable.) While wondering when summer holiday had become Ouran High School Host Club.
But he was big bro, and bros took care of bros. So, Gil took pity on poor Ludwig and handed him a towel. It hung limply in Ludwig's hand as the balcony door remained open.
OK, Gil thought, taking several deep breaths, perhaps this situation was worse than he'd thought it was. One, Ludwig always closed the door. Always. This must've hit hard, and Ludwig was going catatonic and…Gil exhaled. Bad.
Two, rain was streaming in and soaking the carpet. Mom and Dad weren't going to be happy if the hotel billed for water damage.
So Gil played responsible big bro. He slid the glass door closed, steered Ludwig to the faux-leather sofa, made him sit, and started toweling off his hair. Then sat and mooched off the same towel to dry himself.
Ludwig stared at his hands. His face had returned to its original pale complexion.
Sighing, Gil asked, "Ludwig, what can I do to help?" and tossed the towel onto Ludwig's face.
"Nothing," Ludwig muttered. Good, he was talking again. Gil tried giving a noogie through the towel before Ludwig batted away Gil's hands. "Can't you be serious for once? You saw him!" Ludwig yelled. He lowered his voice and looked down, "I thought I was gay, but - "
"You are gay," Gil said. Ludwig threw the towel onto a bed and turned toward his brother. Gil looked him straight in the eye. "Look. Li'l Vargas doesn't have a penis and maybe binds his chest. He's just as much of a guy as we are." Not that Gil had seen Feliciano's lower half. The man had been naked on his balcony next door. One could surmise. Besides, checking out dudes was more Ludwig's thing.
Ludwig opened his mouth, then closed it. Quietly, "What do I do now?"
Gil shrugged. Recalling the San Valentino fiasco, he said "You're asking the wrong person for advice." He ran his hands through his hair. "Lizzy should be doing this. She's better at it than I am." It took Ludwig a moment to realize that Gil was talking about Héderváry, his close friend.
Ludwig blinked. Wait, did Gilbert Beilschmidt just admit that someone else is better at something than he is?
Gil continued, "I wish I could say, 'Gender doesn't matter! Sexuality doesn't matter!'" swinging his arms like a flower girl flinging petals down the aisle, "but I'm not naive. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does. Either way, you know what to do. And whatever you do," Gil swallowed, "I love you, li'l bro."
Ludwig stared, wondering who this was and what happened to his brother. Deciding not to look the gift horse in the mouth, he leaned over and put his arms around Gil. Gil stiffened, then relaxed and returned the hug.
A few minutes later, Gil furiously tapped his phone's screen. Eyes on his phone, Gil asked, "Hey, bro, whatcha up to?"
Next to him, Ludwig had his tablet propped on his knees. "Research. Want to help?"
"Nah. I'm playing Angry Birds."
Ludwig asked Feliciano to meet at the corner cafe. It seemed like any other night, as they basked in each other's company. Feliciano chattered in between bites of chocolate croissant, while Ludwig lent half an ear and nodded when appropriate. Feliciano smiled, his eyes sparkling with good cheer.
Ludwig clutched the coffee stirrer to hide the trembling in his hands. He looked at the reflection in the window to his right. Yesterday's showers had abated, leaving clear skies and puddles in the street. Shadows crisscrossed the glass, oblivious to Ludwig's anxiety and Feliciano's good cheer.
"Huh?" Ludwig said, starting. Feliciano, at some point, had asked him a question, interrupting his thoughts.
"Ve~ I said let's walk to the pier!" Feliciano stood up, pushing his chair back and offering Ludwig a hand.
Ludwig hesitated (you idiot why are you hesitating) and took it. A breeze tousled Feliciano's hair. Feliciano swung their arms and smiled at Ludwig. His hands feel warm, Ludwig thought and hoped his weren't gross and sweaty and clammy. If they were, Feliciano didn't say anything.
As they walked down the sidewalk, the crowds thinned. By the time they reached the beach, no one else was there. They walked past the lampposts that lined the pier and the closed stores to the end of the pier. During the day, it was full of people exercising, enjoying the view, fishing. Now, it was just Ludwig and Feliciano, the ocean and the sky.
It's peaceful, Ludwig thought, as he watched the waves lap at the wooden pillars. He closed his eyes, listening to the sea's murmurs and feeling Feliciano's hand in his. Feliciano leaned over and put his head on Ludwig's shoulder.
They stood at the end of the pier, soaking in the silence of their company. It was a rare moment. The sky and the ocean were dark, and it seemed like they were alone in a big, big world. Ludwig felt the rise and fall of Feliciano's chest and the tang of the sea on his tongue.
"Are you cold?" Ludwig asked.
Feliciano shook his head. Silence returned and snuggled between them. "Ludwig?"
"Hm?"
"You're quiet."
"Yeah?"
"What's wrong?"
Ludwig gave a start. Feliciano's eyes were on him, luminous in the dark. Ludwig knew they'd have this conversation sooner or later. He hadn't anticipated how soon sooner would be, hadn't expected Feliciano's directness.
He sighed. There was no getting out of this. The way out was through.
He tried to stall. "Feliciano." Ludwig tightened his grip on Feliciano's hand. "No matter what happens, know that I love you."
Feliciano frowned. Ludwig marveled at the adorable wrinkle of Feliciano's nose, the crinkling of his brow. "Ludwig…"
"I…" Ludwig cleared his throat. "I saw you on the balcony yesterday." The words tumbled out of his mouth. They displaced the silence where it fit between them.
"Oh," Feliciano said, a small sound of surprise. "You know, then," he continued, his face strangely emotionless.
Ludwig opened his mouth, but nothing came. He tried again. "Why didn't you say anything?"
Thoughts tumbled in Feliciano's mind. It was as if the floodgates had opened - there were so many reasons. Instead, he shrugged.
It was Ludwig's turn to frown. "Feliciano," he said, "you're still my boyfriend, and I'm yours."
His words felt stilted and awkward, but he must have done something right because next thing he knew, Feliciano was standing on his toes and his lips met Ludwig's.
They would have many conversations about this, laughing and arguing and crying, but tonight, a man kissed a man under the stars.
Gilbert was sprawled across the sofa when he heard the door open.
"Scoot," boomed Ludwig's baritone. Gil bent his knees to cede a corner of the sofa before reclaiming it by putting his calves across Ludwig's lap.
"So, so, so, bro," Gil said, waggling his brows. He sat up and playfully elbowed Ludwig. "How'd it go? Eh? Eh?"
"Stop poking me," Ludwig deadpanned, but Gil noticed that Ludwig's ears had turned pink.
"Point for Gil!" he crowed. He scooted to give Ludwig space - hey, he earned his awesomest big bro badge. "No, seriously, though, how'd it go."
"Fine," Ludwig mumbled.
Gil raised a brow as he moved in to give a noogie. Ludwig dodged. "Stop it," he said as he rolled his eyes. He turned to Gil. "Yeah. We had a good time."
Gil propped his feet on the coffee table. He leaned back and put his hands behind his head. He sighed. "That's good," he said.
He whipped out his phone. He had time for one round of Angry Birds before bed.
Many thanks to my friends for their encouragement and lending their ears.
Originally posted on my Tumblr, nuttysaladtree.
