Author's Note:
I been curious about the whole reincarnation OC Self-Insert theme, hence the creation of this story with a particular character. Please let me know what you think of it at the end!

Re-editing & Re-writing
6/6/15


●๋•

.One.
Life

"You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another."

― Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises

•●๋•●๋•●๋•●๋•

.I.

There's something to be said about life, you see.

We were born crying, we live to complain, and we'll eventually die disappointed.

It goes without saying that I had gone through the first phase, am currently on the second and here's hoping I won't die till I'm eighty or something – and hopefully not disappointed either.

That will be too depressing.

Frankly, it is sad that I'm already contemplating about my life when I'm only twenty. Far too young one would say but damn it all – there's a lot I had gone through and a lot I wish I had not. What can you do? That is life. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my life despite all its flaws but, then again, that is what life is all about. You just can't possibly have life be sugary sweet and not be occasionally stained with decay.

They go hand in hand – the good and the bad.

Just like Life and Death.

I'm getting philosophical again.

That is one of my many quirks that I can call my own.

Yet, I'm just as average as a girl my age can be. Between living with my parents and working a part time job, I barely had enough time to do what I want. Luckily enough, I still managed to catch up on my entertainment thanks to the ever-so-modern smart phones my generation are blessed to own cheaply.

Reading books, watching shows, listening to music – an entertainment center that fits comfortably in our hands.

That is one of the many things I love about this life.

To live in an era were everything is practically safe and medicine can practically cure all. Where you can go to a different country and it would only take hours to get there; while at the same time you could learn and come close to immersing yourself in a culture from the safety of your own room.

You can do all of this and more while being surrounded by the ones you love.

That's one of the things I love about this life and wouldn't change it for anything else in the world.

.II.

It had been like any other normal day.

Well, I should really call it a rather special day.

For someone who considered herself a homebody who only ventured out for work and everyday necessities, the one day I decided to visit the beach was the day my life would come to an end.

How ironic was that?

One moment I'm with my friends on the shore, the waves crashing against our calves as we raced against one another – and the next I'm being pulled away from the shoreline, my fingers frantically and uselessly trying to grip against the wet earth as I was dragged underneath by a monstrous wave.

"Lau-" I heard someone scream out my name as my head broke through the surface before another wave crashed against me with enough force to push me under. The little air I managed to take in my last gasp was not enough to fill my burning lungs as I struggled underwater.

Shockingly enough, I knew this was the moment my twenty years of life on this earth was coming to a close. Not seconds but milliseconds was how long it took for my last wordly thoughts to cross my conscious being.

There was so much I wanted to see and do, why now?

No longer able to hold onto my life, the sudden surge and pressure of the sea filled me from within.

On the bright side – that was the last thing I remembered feeling before a sense of nothingness overcame me. Strangely enough, I could still feel the extreme sadness this event had caused.

Now, here's a tricky thing, something I couldn't yet grasp at this moment.

When I said 'nothingness', I did not mean suddenly disappearing.

I was no longer myself, well – physically speaking.

No longer with a body, I was more like a spirit ball – which was as closest I could describe my physical state. No longer with the pressure of the water around me or the burning sensation within, I saw my lifeless body floating within the darkness of the ocean. From here, as if I zoomed out, I saw an overview of where I was – and taking into consideration how quickly everything happened, I was surprised to find my body far from the shore. From there, I could see a small group of people at the shoreline and knew these were the people who had witnessed my death.

I knew this sight alone should had stirred some kind of emotion but all I felt was a mild case of curiosity.

Surely, someone or something should come and fetch me for the other world.

Yet, there I was – floating above the sea and looking as far as I could see.

This could not be it – could it?

.III.

Could not wrap my head around the idea that this was it.

That after a long life – or short in my case – , we would end up in a place that's just not existential. I wonder if having a lack of belief in a spiritual power while alive had anything to do with where I currently was. Because, if that were to be the case – that would really suck that it had landed me in nowhere.

Quite literally.

Because wherever I was, time ceased to exist here.

There's no such thing as "time" in the afterlife... or wherever I was.

There was no twenty-four hours, three-hundred sixty five days out of the year to show you how alive you were. Because – that's right, time ceased to exist.

Plus, there's the fact that a blink of an eye can really change your perspective.

Better yet – your location.

In one blink, I floated above the pacific ocean, overlooking the body I once called my own that floated lifelessly in the darkness of the water. In the next blink, I was somewhere else.

No angel or grim reaper led me down a tunnel of light or to some vortex that would swallow my being – or soul. I had not stood before an old man who read from the Book of Life and much less stood before a pearl gate. I did not just blipped out of existence either or I would not be having these conscious thoughts, would I? There was no such thing as reincarnation as I was still myself – physically speaking. Well, not quite physical but you get my drift.

Whatever this was, clearly no religion in the world had it right when it came to the idea of the afterlife... if only I could call it that.

That is not to say that I was just... here and locked in a gray room with nothing in the horizon.

I was definitely somewhere and it was breathtakingly beautiful.

Not in a million years would I had seen such a sight while alive.

I literally floated in what could be the very outskirt of the universe itself! I could see familiar planets slowly revolve around the sun; Earth in all its majestic glory, floated aimlessly in the near darkness of the universe canvas. I could see what could only be the Milky Way Galaxy in all its splendor.

It was so breathtakingly beautiful...

I felt a sudden longing for the world I had come from as nostalgia filled my senses and memories of my former life flashed before my eyes. Despite only being twenty, there were enough precious moments that sprinkled throughout my life that I couldn't had possibly remembered while alive.

As in cue, I felt a sudden pull from within.

As I experienced before when I first died, I had what appeared to be an overview of the galaxy itself. Had I still air in my lungs, this would had stopped them in the form of a sudden gasp at what I saw. There were no words to describe the immense beauty, so beautiful, so beautiful... oh, if only I could paint the words!

In the middle of all this was a slow moving bright white vortex and surrounding it was some kind of shield. Whatever this could be, I knew it was where I was meant to be.

After all, Twenty years of life had led me to this point.

.IV.

Ba-bump.

Darkness...

It's all I could see – no, how could I? How could you even see darkness? I couldn't see anything!

Huh.

This was different... this darkness that surrounded me was different.

There was nothing threatening about it, no – this was quite different indeed.

In fact, this was quite peaceful.

A darkness that was peaceful?

Huh

I very much like this.

Warmth...

How long could it had been if the first thing I sensed was the warmth that surrounded me? How long had it been since I felt anything, really? Has it really been that long?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

What mattered was how it surrounded me completely and wonderfully so.

It was quite comfortable...

Sensations...

Strange.

Wherever I was did not allow me much movement, but strangely enough it did not bothered me.

This was okay. I was okay.

It was a clear signal I had my body back.

A body that was both weightless and surrounded by what could only be described as some form of liquid – not quite the consistency of water but close. This realization should perturbed me considering that's how my life had ended. Yet, it didn't.

But, what were these slight lingering sensations at the edge of my fingertips?

Where was I, anyway?

Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

Wherever I was, it was enough of a comfort since the majority of my time I was in a deep sleep.

Plus, the sound of what could only be my heartbeat didn't help much – listening to its deep, strong beating that surrounded me along with the darkness was what lulled me to my slumber.

It was a very pleasant thing to listen to.

I didn't mind this at all.

Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

There was no way for me to confirm it but I knew, without a doubt, that I was safe... very safe...

But most importantly... I was loved here.

Here – wherever that was.

I couldn't tell you, but like the first time I realized of the darkness that surrounded me – I could sensed it. It was a very strong feeling, one I never had sensed before while alive.

So warm, so beautiful was the feeling I was receiving.

I inadvertently flexed my right hand as a sudden tingle shot up through my fingers.

Oh, that thing... hasn't happened as often as it did when I first woken up, but was no longer as bothersome as it once was. Not only had I sensed that feeling on my fingertips, but in different parts of my body, such as my feet and stomach.

Oh, my stomach. That's where I felt it the strongest...

Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

Her name's Angel.

My Guardian Angel.

At least that's what I called the owner of the particular soothing voice.

First time I heard the voice was around the first time I realized where I was... wherever that was.

I can't say I hear her clearly or understand what she's trying to communicate as it's all muffled from here; I can say that despite all this, it's the tone of the voice, so tender and loving that I loved listening to her. There were other things I've heard, such as discernible voices and loud things – it's all muffled, of course and not all that interesting. But Angel's voice was the strongest of them all.

I tried to speak but for some reason I couldn't utter a word; I mouthed the words though but it wasn't much as I could only hear them in my head. I knew this should had bothered me but, for some unknown reason, it was okay. I was okay with this setting.

As was the heartbeat that lulled me to sleep, so was the sound of her voice.

Interestingly enough, the only way I could catch Angel's attention was when I moved about in this darkness that surrounded me. Granted, I could not move as much as before since space was being restricted from me for some bizarre reason, but if I kicked my legs hard enough in the darkness, I could catch her attention. How she was able to know, I had no idea.

As was the beginning of my ethereal experience, I knew not to depend on time as it ceased to exist here. Since the moment I became aware of where I was, I knew not to question things... logical thinking was useless and time wasting – why ponder on things I wouldn't get an answer to? I rather let things be as they are.

I was content, safe, loved and snuggled warmly in this little corner of my world.

This was my heaven and there was nothing to worry about...

Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.