Hello, my name is Alex Kirby. I am here to share my story of this game called Flappy Bird. Although I have to warn you. This story will contain demon possession and staying up past your bedtime. Viewer discretion advised. Or as Tara Gilesbie put it, VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.
By the way, I do not own Apple or Flappy Bird
It all started that one sunny afternoon where I was sitting in my room, watching TV. Nothing interesting was on my favorite channel, so I decided to browse. I kept flipping through the different channels, one after another. On the news channel, there was a report on a new game called "Flappy Bird" that is the hottest app on the market right now. Thinking there would be no harm, I downloaded it for my self. Boy, was I wrong.
From what I could see from the screenshots, it just looked like a simple, fun game where you got the bird through the pipes and try to get to the next level. I tapped the download icon, luckily the game was free so I didn't have to use any real money. I watched as the blue bar below the icon, which pictured a yellow, pixelated bird with an orange beak and big white eyes, slowly filled up. Finally it is done loading.
Getting excited to try out this new game that everyone had been talking about, I opened the brand new app up. The home screen was the same bird on the front of the app flying in a grassy plain in front of a distant city. There were two options. "Play" and "score". Of course, I chose the "play" button.
Thankfully, like any game, the level started with a tutorial on how to play. All you had to do was tap the screen to carefully navigate Flappy through a series of pipes.
"Well, here goes nothing." I thought in my head.
Tap. Tap. Tap. On to the first pipe. I got through the first pipes. Then, the second pipes. I easily got through those too. On the third set of pipes, I accidentally tapped twice and hit the pipe. Flappy fell to the ground like a boulder falling off a cliff. I suddenly felt a strange sensation in my head. It felt like someone with trying to read my mind. Not that I would know, or anything, because no one has ever done that to me. I just passed it off as a headache.
"Oh well, maybe I'll try again." And, I did.
Eventually, my high score started reaching the double digits. I tried to pull away to take a break, but Flappy didn't want that. I had no choice, but to keep on playing.
About an hour passed and I was still playing. Tapping the screen of my iPod touch to get through the seemingly endless row of pipes.
"Alex, come down for dinner, sweetie!" My mom yelled from downstairs.
We were having steak and mashed potatoes tonight. My all time favorite meal. I wanted to get up and go downstairs and eat, but I couldn't. Flappy didn't want me too.
"Just a minute, mom." I said. No, Flappy said.
A minute had passed.
"Alex, come down here now!" My mom was getting angry.
"No." Flappy told me to stay. I obeyed.
"Fine then, no dinner for you."
I wanted so desperately to rush out of my room, down the stairs, and shove that juicy steak covered in A1 sauce right into my mouth, but I didn't. Flappy would not be pleased if I did that.
Night time came and I was still hooked on this ridiculous game. My high score had finally reached the triple digits, and I could not stop now. I had to keep going on.
"Alex, time for bed! Do your teeth and get in your pajamas!" My mom had told me.
"No." Flappy replied.
I heard footsteps outside my door. My mom opened my door, and when I looked up, her face was not what you would call happy.
"Damn it Alex, you missed dinner, you wont obey me, and you are still playing that stupid game on your damn iPod! I told you its time for bed! If you do not get straight in to your pajamas and brush your teeth right this instant, I will confiscate that game of yours for the next day!" Mom said.
I swear, if steam really came out of people's ears like in cartoons, her head would be on fire.
Flappy did not like this. Not at all. However I had to go to bed. Flappy did not win this round.
Reluctantly, I brushed my teeth and got in my PJ's like my mom had asked. She said goodnight and I turned off the light. While I was laying in bed, I could not take Flappy Bird off my mind. Whenever I closed my eyes to go to sleep, Flappy was there. When I tried to read a book to make myself tired, Flappy was in the book. When I took a sip of some hot milk I had made myself, Flappy was in the milk too.
I lied awake in bed for an hour, still not able to get the damned bird off of my mind. I saw my phone laying on my bedside stand.
"No... I must resist the urge..." I thought to myself, trying to keep my hand from reaching over. I focused on keeping my mind away from Flappy Bird. I tried to think of other things like school tomorrow, or how angry my mom probably is. Before I knew it, I saw my hand reaching across the darkness of my room, as if it had a mind of its own. It latched on to the iPod. I was trying harder than ever to convince Flappy that it would only be worse. Flappy did not listen.
I could only watch helplessly as my hand brought over the iPod. It unlocked the pass code and Flappy Bird immediately came up because it was turned off the last time I was playing it. A warm feeling inside my head was telling me that Flappy is pleased with this.
I mindlessly played into the night, my eyes bleeding from the light of the screen. But Flappy didn't care. He forced me to keep playing. So I did.
It was 6:30 in the morning and time to get up, eat breakfast and go to school. My mom came in to wake me up. Although when she did, she found me sitting up in my bed on my phone. She walked over to me and yanked the phone out of my hand. I looked up at her with bloodshot eyes. I was confused at first, but then realized that it was morning.
"Don't tell me you've been playing this all night!" She said in an angry tone.
I had been playing all night. I hadn't realized what I was doing. All I could do was look at her blinking at least a hundred times a second to keep my eyes moisturized.
"That is it, mister! I am taking this away and throwing it in the garbage!" Mom threatened.
"No! Don't do it! You will only make him upset!" I begged, as Flappy was cursing inside my head.
"Him? What do you mean him? Is this some kind of joke?" She interrogated.
I had no choice to explain to her what was going on. I had finally realized after she had ripped the phone out of my hand. I was being possessed by a demon, and its name was Flappy Bird. My head was pounding. This meant that Flappy was furious.
After I told her the whole story, she seemed concerned.
"Alright, now we really need to destroy this phone." Said mom.
I agreed, my head now throbbing from the seething rage that Flappy was feeling.
Immediately we went out side and put down the phone on dad's workbench. I grabbed the sledgehammer and gave it to mom.
"I sure hope that our Apple Plan covers this..." She said before smashing the phone.
There was a loud crack as the phone broke into many pieces. A loud noise that sounded like a cross between a banshee and a screech from a bird rang through the air. The deed is done.
"Well, thats done. Now we need a medium to come and free our house from Flappy." I said, eager to get out of here before anything else "supernatural" happens.
"So, you downloaded a game on your phone, got possessed by a bird, and smashed the phone with a sledgehammer?" My friend Tyler's mom repeated. She does work with ghosts and the sort, so we asked her to come help us out.
"That is correct." I stated.
"Alright, here goes nothing..." She said, turning off the lights to set up her ceremonial candles.
"Oh spirit, if you can hear me, make a sound three times."
The jumping sound effect from Flappy Bird played three times. I got scared and hugged my mom for comfort. I didn't care how silly I looked, I just didn't want Flappy to kill me.
"Good. Now leave this house and family alone, and never come back. I place a prayer of protection over the Kirby household. I dispel you from your earthly chains. Be gone."
There was another sound, like the one we heard when we smashed the phone. Flappy was out of my life forever. Hopefully.
"There you go, Mrs. Kirby! That will be $300!"
WHAT! Can't we get a friendly discount or something like that?!" My mom said, surprised.
"Well... I guess I could. Alright $200 bucks!" She demanded playfully.
"Mom... I was thinking... since I sorta caused this... I will help pay?" I said feeling bad.
"Aw, honey how sweet of you!" She hugged me tightly. I felt embarrassed because 1) She was hugging me in front of someone other than dad, and 2) I felt like I didn't deserve this hug after what I had caused. Earlier was different because I was doing it out of terror, don't judge!
So, anyways I chipped in and paid half the price, my mom and I made up after the incident last night, we both got ice cream, and she even let me skip school for the day. Life is pretty sweet right now.
Finally, I am free from that damned bird. I called Tyler up to see if I could go to his house today. He said we could hang out, so I was happy.
Of course, I also learned two important lessons today.
One, even harmless games, like Flappy Bird, can ruin your life if they become too addicting.
Two, pistachio flavored ice cream is terrible. Never try it.
Well, I guess it doesn't matter. I am just happy that there won't be a demon bird possessing people all over the world now. So in a way, I kind of saved the world... somehow.
Oh yeah, also... Never get addicted to games, kids. It will not turn out good.
I almost had him. I almost had the human boy under my full control. The only thing that stopped me was when that idiot destroyed my connection with him.
He told that stupid woman all of my secrets, all of my plans. I was so close.
Now all I have is this dark, fiery cavern to think about my mistakes. I can't move back in with her, I just can't... I think I hear her coming... Oh no.
"YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL! I knew you were never good for anything! Why can't you be more like your step-sister! I never should have taken you in! Your father was a great bird, but YOU! You just HAD to turn out like a miserable little dodo who can't even fly!"
Please... Make it stop... I would rather be trapped in that blasted electronic device than stuck here with my horrible step mother... Please help me...
