Antonio and Lovino has been dating for almost a year now. But Lovino is still unsure about his feelings for the Spaniard.


"Man, I want some Italian food," Lovino whined at no one in particular. He is walking with Antonio back to their apartment from the shopping center. "And an Italian car."

Antonio just smiled sheepishly at his boyfriend. "Lo siento, querido. But it's still about a week before the payday," he explained practically leaving the 'Italian car' part aside. Lovino only gets to eat Italian food every payday because he wants only the most expensive ingredients so as not to ruin the pasta (or pizza).

"Stingy bastard," Lovino pouted. He walked off quickly and left the chuckling Spaniard. However, the moment he made a turn and was out of the sight of Antonio, he cursed himself.

Dammit. I messed up again.

Antonio and Lovino has been dating for almost a year now. But Lovino is still unsure about his feelings for the Spaniard. It's not like he doesn't like the guy, he just can't convey his feelings properly. He can't even remember a single conversation with Antonio without him throwing a single insult. At first, he thought that their sudden change from being best friends to boyfriends was all to blame for his unease because all the while, he couldn't seem to see the Spaniard differently at all. He often finds himself still acting the way he was to Antonio although the Spaniard kindly said that it's alright. However, a year has already passed and his unchanging behavior makes him feel guilty about it. So, to fight off his conscience, he tries to be a bit more 'lovey-dovey' to his boyfriend, but he just can't seem to get the hang of it. And it frustrates him.

"Lovino," a sweet voice called from his left. He glanced to see Bella, his ex-girlfriend, sitting in her red Lamborghini. "It's really you!"

"Y-Yeah," he doesn't know how to respond. Their breakup was not the bad but this is the first time he actually talked with her again.

"I'm glad to see you," she politely said. Suddenly, Antonio caught up with them.

"Lovi~ who are you talking…" as Antonio saw bella, his voice faded. "Oh, hi."

"Hello!" Bella greeted rather too enthusiastically. She then took an envelope from her bag and handed it to Lovino.

"It's my wedding this Saturday, Lovino," she told the still unspeaking Italian. Antonio glanced meaningfully at his boyfriend but Lovino was looking fixedly at the invitation. "I want you to come okay? You can bring your 'friend' with you," gesturing at Antonio. She then drove away.

"Uhmm, Lovi- on Saturday…"

But Lovino has stopped listening. He stared fixatedly at the moving car until it disappeared to a corner. Antonio noticed this and was quite stunned. When the Italian started walking again, he just followed wordlessly behind.

"I think I'll attend the wedding," Lovino suddenly said over dinner. Antonio paused on eating his gelato to stare and the Italian.

"Is that so?" the Spaniard blankly asked. He was clearly in shock.

"Yeah."

"No way to stop you?"

Lovino gaped at the Spaniard. He never opposed him before.

"N-No…"

"Okay, then," Antonio shoved the forgotten dessert in his mouth and stood from the table.

"H-Hey, are you angry?" Lovino asked, hiding his panic.

"No," the taller brunette said simply, his tone saying otherwise. He walked out of the room.

"B-But why are you angry-?" Lovino also stood and followed him.

The Spaniard turn around, glaring at the Italian. "Why? Why are you asking? Can't I be angry? Jealous? It's been a year since your break up but you still have feelings for her!" Antonio snapped.

The shorter brunette frowned. "T-That's not true…"

"I can't help but feel that it's true!" Antonio yelled. "I… I think you don't really love me. That this relationship is just a big mistake…"

Lovino gulped. He feels so guilty. Just because he can't properly act as a good boyfriend, he made Antonio feel uneasy. And he hurt him…

"I know this relationship is all my fault but I was hoping that you'll get to like me too in time but…" Antonio gazed sadly at Lovino. "I guess it was a lost cause."

Lovino couldn't look at Antonio's hurt face. To think that he was the cause of it…

"I'm sorry, Antonio…"

Antonio wiped his tears and sniffed. "L-Let's not see each other for a while, si?"


And that was it. Lovino's supposed to be 'perfect relationship' shattered. And it was all his fault. A part of him wants to go back to Antonio but another part was telling him that he'll just hurt the Spaniard further. He just couldn't understand himself. Even though he knows that his feelings for the Spaniard hadn't changed at all since they were best friends, it's not like he hates the idea of them dating as well. As much as he denies it, he loves being with him and sharing those hugs and kisses when they are alone. He also likes it when Antonio holds him in public if it's just not so embarrassing. But still, since the bastard had been touch-feely all along, he couldn't help but think that their intimacy is still in the friends boundary for him.

Antonio was Lovino's best friend. Apparently, he had been in love with the Italian for the longest of time, but he contented himself on being the guy's closest friend. Now that Lovino thinks about it, at times when he tells his heartbreaks and pains to his best friend it must have hurt the Spaniard more. But still, he would smile reassuringly and console the Italian.

Great, now I made myself even more guilty.

Somehow, he couldn't blame the Spaniard for suddenly confessing to him after right after his last break-up. It must have been too much for him to see the (however corny it may sound) love of his life getting hurt by another person. It must have been a sly move, to attack him in his weakest but Antonio was just that desperate to finally have the Italian in his arms.

It must have been that very situation that made Lovino so confused about his feelings.

And what made Antonio troubled about the Italian's feelings.


"You don't look good, fratello."

The next morning, Lovino found himself back to his and his brother's house. Right, he had to flee in there after their… he shudder to think that it was a break-up. But nonetheless, the truth is dancing naked in front of him. They officially stopped seeing each other the night before. And he haven't done anything about it since then. Not even a single text message.

Now that he realized this, he checked his phone, his heart thumping in anticipation. Undoubtedly, Antonio would've sent him one, right? Well, he sends Lovino messages every hour everyday…

His heart sank horribly when he found none.

"Don't throw your phone fratello!" Feliciano screamed, throwing himself on his brother's back and wrestling the cellphone out of his grip.

"Dammit Feliciano, mind your own business!"

"NOOOO! That's a very expensive phone, you can never afford to buy another!"

"Don't mock me, asshole! I could buy dozens of it!"

"Stop lying, stupid brother! You always ask me for phone credits!"

"That's a different story! Just get – the – fuck – off!"

With all his strength, the elder Italian overthrew his 'Veeee-ing' brother to the couch, his phone slipping from his fingers as he did so. It flew across the room and landed on the casserole. The casserole with water for pasta.

The Italians screamed shrilly.


Antonio woke up earlier than usual with a pounding headache and sore neck. He opened his eyes to see an equally smashed Frenchie and Prussian sprawled on the floor with several empty bottles of wine and beer cans. He grabbed his phone to look at the time. Wow, 6:24. His hands moved on its own, tapping a bit and placing the phone against his ear.

The number you have dialed is out of coverage area…

He sighed.


Lovino disassembled his phone and was drying each part with a blower.

"Ve~ I thought you can buy dozens of it, Lovi?"

"Just because I could most certainly buy dozens of this piece of shit doesn't mean I would," Lovino said monotonously, ignoring the 'if-you-say-so' look of his brother. He continued his work wordlessly. When he finished with the drying, he reassembled the phone and switched it on with trembling hands. He let out a breath when the screen returned to life. At least it was just reset.

"What's the date, Feliciano?"

"Uhmmm… Well, since tomorrow is Bella's wedding, its erm… the eighteenth. May 18."

"What did you say?"

Feliciano had been sure he said the date clearly so he glanced worriedly on his brother, afraid that he had somehow became deaf or something. But what he saw was a dreadful looking Lovino, his eyes manic and at the same time, grave.

"Fratello? Is something wro-?"

"Merda!" Lovino slammed his fist on the table. Feliciano flinched at the sound and looked reproachfully at his brother. Said brother walked out in an instant and has already slammed his bedroom door.

How can I forget? Of course he'll get angry. Of course he was hurt.

Lovino sat on his bed. Breathed in. Breathed out. In. Out. In… Out… In… Out…

"NOTHING'S COMING IN MY MIND!"

Meanwhile, Feliciano who has pressed a glass on the door to eavesdrop on his brother was shocked at the sudden scream.

Lovino let his back fall down on the mattress and rolled over. It was no use. Antonio's angry at him. And it was all his fault.

I'm the worst.


"Are you sure about this, Antoine?"

Antonio stared determinedly at his best friend. The French sighed and led the Spaniard inside his house.

"You're very cute, you know? How could I ever refuse you," Francis purred to himself as the Spaniard took his leave later. He watched the black car disappear in the horizon before returning inside.


"Fratello, come out now, dinner's ready! You haven't eaten your lunch yet, you should definitely eat your dinner or you'll grow weak and die and I wouldn't want that because I love you so much fratello but please let me go out legally with Ludwig already, he's really a nice guy and very muscly and manly and since I'm not against you and big brother Antonio can't you return the favor as well, fratello by the way why are you here anyway, not that I don't want you here but aren't you always with big brother Anton- ACK!"

"Shut up already… bastard…" Lovino muttered at the remains of Feliciano whose face he slammed his door on. "I'm not hungry." And with that he slammed the door close.

Lovino still remembered the time when he came to the Spaniard's front door, crying. The tears he held back after Bella dumped him, he let it all pour on Antonio's chest. The next thing he knew, his best friend was confessing to him, unusually nervous and stammering. He doesn't know what to feel back then, he just got his heart broken and it's still tired. But he knew that he doesn't want to hurt Antonio, and that his chest feels incredibly warm.

Dating Antonio is never boring. They had known each other half their lives that they always tend to have fun wherever they went. But Antonio sure is romantic and passionate. He could turn a simple afternoon into surprise outings. And he could repeat the same stunt again and again but still make Lovino adore every bit of it.

Like when suddenly one night, Antonio arrived as a customer at the restaurant Lovino is working on and 'kidnapped' him just to bring him to a beach he discovered just that afternoon. Antonio knows how Lovino loves beautiful places. Nature, architectures, it doesn't matter. So he wasted no time to share with him his discovery.

"I want to show it to you," he grinned.

"Bastard, we can't even swim. We don't have any change of clothes," Lovino said, laughing at the unfortunate situation.

Antonio is spontaneous, especially when it comes to Lovino. He would drop everything and forget all the details when it comes to making the Italian happy.

"Then let's just watch the stars?"

"Yeah, right."

It would have been considered as a very sweet act, if only they hadn't done it before they started dating. And that's where Lovino's confusion is coming from. He doesn't know the threshold of being just friends to lovers anymore.


Lovino woke up in the middle of the night, starving. But he had no energy to even lift himself out of the bed. He glanced at his side, hoping to find a Spaniard and ask (command) him to 'go get me something to eat, dammit.' But all he found was tear-stained pillows and his own bedroom. Oh yeah, he is at home. There's no Antonio he could play around with. (That sounded dirty. Whatever. You can think whatever you want.)

Lovino, for the first time realized that he did not just lost his lover. But also his best friend.

Great.


Of all Lovino's relationships before Antonio, he gets that jumpiness whenever he is with his partner. It was like a grade-school type of love, those innocent shyness and stammering on words. That breathlessness and anxiety to look good in front of him/her. That unbearable feeling in his chest that he did not hate. He never felt those for Antonio. Well, he could never ask those previous partners to 'go get me something to eat' in the middle of the night either.

It all comes back to the fact that they had been best friends for the longest time. Surely, it would be more doubtful to have those kinds of fluffy feelings for someone who has always been your pal. But that certainty doesn't help Lovino sort his emotions for the Spaniard any better. Actually, it made him question himself even more. Does he truly love the Spaniard or is he just afraid to hurt him?

Is everything just pity?


Bella looked extremely lovely on her wedding gown. Her smile looks very vibrant as she gracefully swept around the guests on the reception. On the other hand, Lovino feels very uncomfortable in the set up. It has been a year since he stopped attending formal parties. Well, it has been a year since he and Antonio started dating. The two of them are just always hanging about on random places, both of them not really wanting to be on restricted crowds and tight-ass clothing. Don't get him wrong, Lovino loves to dress-up, but that doesn't mean he actually enjoys all kinds of clothes.

On his boredom, he thought that the idea of the sea and watching the stars sounded better than any of this. He chortled at his own despair. Fine. He misses the bastard, damn it.

"Lovino! I'm so glad you came! Did you come alone?" Bella greeted him after saying a brief goodbye to her groom. Lovino looked for Feliciano and found him with the potato-bastard. Great.

"Y-Yeah…"

"You don't look so happy…" she seated beside him.

"Well… I wasn't," Lovino admitted. She smiled.

"That's new. You're being very honest, Lovino," she cooed.

"What do you mean?" Somehow, the Italian felt insulted.

"Well… when we were dating, you always denied when you're not having fun…" Lovino glanced thoughtfully at the Belgian, hearing sadness in her voice.

"You just always go with my whims, yet I never saw you smile sincerely once," she continued. "And you were always uneasy, though that's the cute part of you, but still... I felt like you are just being forced in the whole situation."

What?

"So… that's why you break up with me?"

Bella glanced at him forlornly. "Maybe. But I guess it was for the better."

"What do you mean?"

"I've seen you with Antonio a number of times, even when we are still dating. And you look happiest when you're with him, even now . Seeing how I couldn't bring you that happiness, I just had to let you go."


What is love?

Is it that inexplicable pounding in your chest whenever you catch a glimpse of that person?

Or is it the gasping and panting after a long laugh that you have shared?

There's only one person who can answer Lovino.


"…well, at least, right now, I've found my own happiness!"

"I'm sorry Bella. Thank you… for stuff. I have to go," and with that he stormed out of the reception, not even paying attention to the persons he passed along the way.

"Oh my, he sure is in a hurry…" Francis commented, following the Italian with curious eyes.

"Shut up, you Frog. Just wipe this wine stain on my shirt clean," Arthur snarled. Francis eyes glint when he saw a familiar Fiat in approaching. ("Artie! That design look good on you~" "Shut your trap, Alfred!")

"There there, Arthur, frère will help you take it off," he fussed.

"I said wipe it."


Lovino got no car. He was just most forced to hitch a ride with the potato bastard and his brother to come here. But he has to see a certain person no matter what, and the sooner the better, so he just stormed off without any plans whatsoever on how on earth is he going to reach the Spaniard's house. While he is contemplating on how he could pick the lock of a random car (that red Lamborghini sure is tempting but he can't afford to ruin Bella's day on her own wedding), a black Fiat parked in front of him. The door quickly opened, revealing Antonio, looking very handsome in his classy suit.

"L-Lovi…" he stuttered, lips trembling with Lovino-knows-what. "I'm so sorry… I never meant to say those words! I-I was just… I was out of my mind that time, Lovi! I got really blinded by jealousy… but still, I can't live without you Lovi, p-please come back!" He was crying now. "I don't care anymore if you don't love me as much… I just want to be with you forever…"

"SHUT UP!" Lovino growled as he threw his arms around the Spaniard. He grabbed his collar and kissed Antonio full in the mouth. He nipped his lower lip and pulled back, glaring. "Don't ever say that I don't love you as much! (kiss) I love you so much, God damn it! I loved you all along that I haven't even noticed!" He, too had burst into angry, embarrassed and joyful tears. He sobbed on the Spaniard's chest, but as Antonio realized what Lovino had just said, he lifted the boy over his shoulders and put him in the car. He glanced around warily and followed the Italian inside. He stared at Lovino's disheveled state and wordlessly slammed their lips together.

They have kissed many times before, but those were never this sloppy, this hungry. They didn't even bother to make it look pretty, they just sucked and bite and moaned and pushed and twirled their tongues together, not caring even a trail of saliva already traced down Lovino's jaw, not stopping until both of them are out of breath. When Antonio pulled back, both of their lips were puffy (and in Antonio's case, bleeding a bit) and the two of them are very red in the face. The Spaniard licked the dribble now on the Italian's neck, earning a whimper. He bit the area just below Lovino's jawline, behind his ear, leaving a hickey.

"Dammit, how am I supposed to hide that…" Lovino whined.

"No need to hide it, mi amor," Antonio whispered huskily, still resting his mouth on the Italian's neck.

"..F-Fine." He murmured, blushing. He wrapped his arms around the Spaniard, resting him on his chest. "Hey, Antonio…"

"Hmmm?"

"I-I love you. Remember that…"

"Y-Yeah. I love you, too."

"I won't always say this. But please, don't ever think that I don't love you. Iloveyou. Iloveyou. Iloveyou… loveyou…"

"Y-Yeah. I won't ever forget." He pressed his lips against Lovino's once again but this time, their kiss was gentle. Then he kissed his nose, and then his forehead and then his hair. Lovino hummed contented-ly.

"Oh, yeah! I brought you something!" Antonio suddenly announced and went to scramble in the backseat. He pulled out plates, wine glasses, a Tupperware of still-warm pasta, a pan of pizza and a bottle of Don Perignon.

"H-Happy anniversary… sorry if the car's only Fiat. I just borrowed it from Franny, by the way. I still can't afford a Lamborghini."

"You bastard… I don't even have a gift for you!"

"But you have, Lovino," Antonio fed him a fork of pasta. "You are the best gift of all."


Just another oneshot. Why do I always end up writing angst? X3

I hope you enjoyed the story. Please feel free to leave a comment :)