Okay, I really have no idea where this came from.
It might be a one-parter, I might add another part, but it really wont be a long fic.
Read it and give it a go, please leave a reply; if you want me to continue, if you think it's pants, whatever just say.
Takes place a short while after Alex leaves Marissa at the bonfire.
Disclaimer: I dont own the characters, Josh and Fox do (I do own the mystery girl though), I dont own Natasha Bedingfield either. + I don't own "I Bruise Easily" by Natasha Bedingfield, "Wires" by Athlete or "Blinded By The Lights" by The Streets.

Rating: Anything up to R I guess.

Pairing: Alex and Marissa, mostly Marissa centric though.

1

Marissa walked into The Bait Shop, she didn't know why she was there, she knew Alex wouldn't be. But she just didn't know where to go, home? But where was home, with Alex, with her mother? She just didn't want to be on the beach anymore, somehow her feet had kept moving and she was downstairs looking around the darkened empty expanse of the place. A figure made its way towards Marissa, sweeping the floor as she went.

"Cupid has been naughty recently hasn't he?" The figure said, never taking her eyes off of the floor.

"Excuse me?" Marissa asked confused.

"Firing his arrows all over the pace. Assigning them to couples that would never had imagined being." She said lifting her face.

"What?" Marissa said uncertain as to who the person was and why she was talking to her.

"Sorry, that first bit came out dirtier than I meant it." She smiled as she swept.

"Um."

"He has been mischievous though, you have to admit, just look at your friends; Summer is back with Seth, that was always going to have been though. He has been in love with her from the first second her saw her, that was when they were five, touching really.

"Then there's Ryan, who would have thought he'd end up with Lindsay, they're not together any more but still, they both felt the pang of love.

"Then of course there's you."

"I don't know what it is…" She started getting annoyed at the nameless girl.

"You were do close to being deliriously happy, it's a shame you're such a coward."

"I'm not a…" Marissa cut in angrily.

"Lesbian? Hmm, probably not. Then again sexuality really doesn't have anything to do with love. Saying that a baby in a nappy doesn't really either. That always worried me, this baby who at a guess could only just walk, what on earth was he doing with a bow and arrow, that's dangerous for an adult, but a baby, probably not even two years old. It just troubled me, sorry, I'm digressing. What was I saying, oh yes, romance." She continued to talk as she walked over to the Cd player, turning it on, "Do you mind I know I have horrible taste in music, I was listening to Katy Rose and Athlete earlier, now I feel the need for some depressing love songs, watch out I might put Savage Garden on next." She said with a smile as she resumed sweeping the large floor.

"No, I guess I don't mind, who is this? Wait, I don't even know what this has to do with me and…"

"Just listen, you might learn something. And this is Natasha Bedingfield; I Bruise Easily. Romance, you know it's something women crave, almost lust after, men don't seem to have a romantic streak though. That seems to cause problems in relationships. I really can't see what difference a few flowers and chocolates would make. Flowers wilt and die, chocolates get eaten or go off. The only thing that matters, that should matter, is love.

"It's something humans need, like oxygen and water. The body needs water, it's a fact that you can starve a person for anything up to years, but deprive the body of water for three days and you die. The body needs water and the soul needs love, you can't go through life loveless. People try; they replace it, they blot it out, they hide from it. They refuse to feel - in fear of getting hurt, when you do that, yes you miss out on the pain but you also miss out on the happiness, which will ultimately hurt more completely than any heartbreak. There is nothing more painful than numbness. There is nothing more regretful than a broken heart. If you let love go, you're and idiot, if you shy away from love then you're an idiot and if you refuse to acknowledge or reciprocate love, you're an idiot.

"What I'm trying to say to you Marissa is that you're an idiot. I think you already know that though. Maybe not an idiot, just, hmm, well we'll get back to that one latter. Now what was I trying to say, my brain goes off on tangents and I have broken thoughts, it's a real problem. Oh yes, you and Alex." She said making a forward motion with her free hand.

"Hmm, it's almost fitting that you broke up on the beach, you were so close to where you have shared your first kiss. Although that was hardly the start of your relationship. That wasn't even when you opened your heart to her, or admitted to yourself that you had feelings for another girl. It was just your first kiss. She fell for you, you know that, she was completely in love with you; she had never felt anything that strong, not with Jody, not with another girl not with another guy. I guess that's just the curse of Marissa Cooper, people fall in love with you. Well, start fights over you at least. Luke wasn't in love with you, that is sort of a given. Ryan, well that's a grey area and always will be. But Alex, she was certainly in love.

"Real love, the type of love where there is no sacrifice to great, where you'd do anything for the one you love. And if it means letting them go, no matter how much it hurts, that's what you do. If it means buying them flowers that wont even make it to the next week, that's what you do.

"There was this English show called Hex and in the first episode one of the main characters gave her life so that her friend would live; that's a sacrifice for love.

"And in the same way what Alex did earlier was a sacrifice for love. She gave up her own happiness, for you, so that you could be with who you wanted to be, or at least who she thought you wanted to be with. The only problem is you don't even know, you can't go to far into a relationship with out getting scared and turning into a different person. It's a shame because she brought out a good part of you. She hadn't seen Marissa Cooper though, had she? Well not all of you. You hadn't let her see how messed up you are, not yet. That's part of love, real love at least. Letting someone see you; all of you, seeing into your soul, showing the parts of yourself that you're ashamed of. Your fears, your secrets, any skeletons in your closet, excuse the pun. I don't think you can even do that with yourself. It's a real shame, because you two could have been, so much more. I guess you don't even know why I'm telling you all of this. I barely know myself, it's just, I don't think I can let two people who care about each other so much... Is there even any point is saying all of this to you?

"What are you going do now? Go after her? No, you're too much of a coward, too immature. Are you just going to spend the rest of the night with Jack? Or is it Jim tonight?" She had finish sweeping the floor and was focusing all of her attention on the brunette.

"You're an immature little coward who wants the whole world to revolve around her, thinking the best way to handle a problem is to drown it. You found someone who could stand you, who didn't care about your flaws, someone who could see all the imperfections of a perfect Newport native, someone who despite all of this, really truly loves you. And you pushed her away, and then you just let her walk out of your life. You don't realise how lucky you are, to of had the opportunity to love and be loved in return." She walked over to the Cd player and reset it, turning round to face a shocked looking Marissa.

"You know it's not too late." And with that the mystery girl turned on her heel and left, leaving Marissa listening to the downbeat sound of Natasha Bedingfield.

My skin is like a map
Of where my heart has been
And I cant hide the marks
Its not a negative thing
So I let down my guard
Drop my defences down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily
So be gentle when u handle me
There's a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Cant scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I found you fingerprints
On a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them
All over this heart of mine too
But if I never take this leap of faith
I'll never know
So im learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily
So be gentle when u handle me
There's a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Cant scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

Anyone who can touch you
Can hurt you or heal u
Anyone who can reach you
Can love you or leave u

So be gentle...

I bruise easily
So be gentle when u handle me
There's a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Cant scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I bruise easily
I bruise easily

Natasha Bedingfield – "I Bruise Easily"

2

Marissa shot up, something which she immediately regretted when she felt an all too familiar pounding sensation over her temples. She shivered, an involuntary action caused by the thin layer of cold sweat lining her skin. She looked around herself; she was in her room, lying on her floor part way between her door and her bed. Empty bottles where strewn about – Jack Daniels, Smirnoff – just thinking about what alcohol she had consumed the previous night made her stomach lurch and the room spin.

Marissa laid her head back down on her carpeted floor, begging for sleep to reclaim her body, wishing her mind to wander back into a world when she didn't have to face reality, to a world where nothing seemed to hurt her, nothing could faze her. It seemed as though every time her head throbbed the room would convulse, vibrating her body. She clumsily wrapped her arms around her head, blocking out any light, trying to lull the pain she felt. The movement was too much for her body to take though and soon after she felt vomit pushing its way up her stomach and into her throat. She made a dash for her en-suite bathroom where she reached the toilet just in time to empty the contents of her stomach into the bowl. When she felt her body stop retching, she pushed one of her arms up looking for the flush, her delicate hand soon connected with the cold metal lever and she pressed down as hard as she could. She soon realised this was a mistake as the loud flushing sound seemed to resonate through her ears, seemingly slicing into her skull. She recoiled in pain, her head being flung backwards, making her dizziness escalate.

Marissa could feel the products of part digested food and hard alcohol dripping out of the corners of her mouth, she would have groaned if the effort needed wasn't too great. She urged her mind to work, to remind her as to why she had consumed an entire brewery the previous night. Then it hit her, the bonfire, the break up, the unexplainable feeling of emptiness, and the alcohol. There was something more, someone, a girl. The girl at the Bait Shop, who had served Marissa up with some home truths. She had really hit home, telling Marissa what she already knew but wasn't willing to admit. Marissa squinted, trying to get her brain to work, fighting off any ache that rested over her frontal lobes. Was she real? She couldn't have been, surely. If she knew that much about Marissa, her friends and her love life, Marissa would know her, surely.

She was part of Marissa's mind, part of her subconscious. The part of her mind that could see what she was doing but was powerless to stop, like an innocent onlooker, a viewer of a soap opera. The part of her mind that wanted Marissa to stop, stop drinking, stop pushing people away, to ask for help, to make herself whole again. Unfortunately this part of her mind was weak, feeble, easily pushed aside, easily forgotten, easily crushed by Marissa's self-destructive side; in the same way a bully would beat a scrawny child.

Her stomach lurched again and her body heaved, burning liquid vomit escaped her lips before impacting with the liquid in the toilet, making a loud splash. Marissa reached one of her hands out again, this time instead of flushing away what she had just retched, she reached for toilet roll. Tugging a large piece of the white paper she brought it up to her mouth wiping vigorously, making sure her face was clear of vomit. Dropping the used paper into the bowl she flushed again, this time her head stayed where it was, resting on the seat. She felt the flush reverberate through her, making her want to crawl inside of herself.

Alex was gone, she had done that, she had pushed her away. Marissa felt her back begin to shake, she let out a strangled cry as tears flooded her eyes and cascaded down her face, washing over her high cheek-bones and down her chin. She cried piercingly, her back vibrating with the sobs which escaped her mouth, her pores drowned with salty tears, her heart broken, by her own doing.

3

Marissa slowly opened her eyes, her body ached, her throat burned, she tried to move a little, the floor was cold and hard underneath her, causing a numb cramp in her bottom. Her bones cracked as she moved her legs, stretching them. Her head was still drooped forward, resting on something hard. Pulling herself away from her support she ran her hand along her forehead, she felt a large dent running just above her eyes. The toilet seat. She had passed out (yet again), resting her head on the toilet, lovely.

Gently extracting herself from the floor, she heard more dry clicking sounds coming from her skeleton as her brain willed her body to move. She faltered, as she stood, almost falling into the bath. The room as relatively dark, illuminated only by natural light, something there was little of. Taking baby steps, clinging onto the wall, Marissa made her way towards the door stopping just before she reached the exit of the room, she reached for the pull-cord light switch, misjudging it the first time causing her hand to smack into the wall, her second try was more successful, grabbing onto the cord, she tugged at it until it clicked and the room was bathed in artificial light.

Marissa winced once again, it was just too bright. Cursing the man who invented light bulbs she made her way towards a mirror. Her balance was slowing being restored and she managed to make it the four steps to the large sheet of reflective glass in her en-suite, without tripping or falling over.

Marissa blinked rapidly as she looked at her reflection, not liking what she saw. Her hair was a mess, sticking out here, there and everywhere, amazingly some of it was still in a ponytail from the previous night. The small amount of make up she wore had either smudged over her graceful face or just rubbed off, her eyes were bloodshot and sunken in. As suspected, she had a long red mark running along her forehead, making a soft dent all the way across. By far her best hung-over feature – the cherry on the top – wasn't the tear streaks down her cheeks but the far more appealing dried vomit that rested just below her right nostril.

"Looking sexy Cooper." She said aloud, her voice cracking, her throat on fire.

Marissa looked down at the basin, it was so big, too big; for a basin at least, why in the hell would she need a basin that size? She turned the cold tap on, her arm twitching as the water made contact with the porcelain. She stuck her hands out, collecting the water in her palms before bringing it up to her face, violently pushing the liquid onto her skin, removing vomit, snot, makeup, tear stains, anything that rested on her skin that shouldn't. She repeated the motion several times, until she was satisfied that her face was clear, before turning the water off. She stared at her reflection once again; she didn't look any better, slightly cleaner, but not better. She dropped one of her hands to her side and brought the other up to her head looking at it, turning it over, as if she were searching for something. She raised her eyes back to her reflection before snapping her wrist back and slapping herself, once, twice, three times. She watched intently as her pale skin turned red, softly bruising before her eyes.

Marissa removed her clothes, leaving them in a heap on the floor, stepping into her shower she turned the water on, barely flinching as the frozen water came into contact with her equally cold skin.

4

Marissa gulped the colourless liquid down, only stopping when her flask was empty. She stood in her room, still wet from her shower, dressed in a bra and panties. Tossing the silver vessel onto the floor, she walked into her wardrobe. She grabbed the first thing that came into her grasp; a pair of black jeans. She pulled the jeans up her long legs, leaning on the wall for support. Not bothering to do the jeans up, she walked further into her closet, stopping at a rack of bags, she reached to the back, pulling her arm back with a bottle of Smirnoff in her hand. Unscrewing the cap, she brought the bottle up to her mouth before parting her lips and letting the liquid pour down her throat, she drank as she walked, her bare feet padding along her carpeted floor. She stopped as she reached the back of her wardrobe, not realising how far in she was.

Drawing the bottle away from her mouth, she replaced it with the back of her left hand, wiping off any excess; she looked at her full-length reflection. She was only wearing an old pair of jeans and a bra, her hair was still wet and her eyes still sunken in, becoming increasingly vacant. She dragged her free hand over her torso, up, over her neck, stopping to brush the hair off of her face. She wondered what Alex had seen in her, she wasn't anything special, she didn't have any exotic features, all in all, she was a bit of a "plain-jane", tall, thin, pale and completely fucked up. Who in their right mind would want her? She brought the bottle back up to her lips, letting the vodka gush into her mouth before swallowing the burning liquid.

Stumbling slightly, she grabbed a shirt as she exited her closet, slamming the door behind her. Downing the last of the Smirnoff, Marissa threw the empty bottle next to her bed. She slinked over to her dressing table, pulling her top over her head – it had three quarter length sleeves and was a dirty khaki colour, over the chest was a round-spiralled logo, it didn't suit her one bit, she really didn't care though. She tugged open the top section; pulling out a bottle of Jim Beam, she flicked the drawer closed with her wrist. She rested the bottle on top of her dresser as she carelessly kicked her feet into a pair of flip-flops, did-up her jeans and picked up some money. Pushing the currency into her pocket she grabbed the bottle, clumsily ripping the label.

Marissa made her way out of her room and down the hallway, pausing at the stairs, shrugging, she trudged down the lavish 'case. Once at the bottom, she looked around, all of the lights were on, drenching the house in artificial light, it must have been later than she thought. Julie breezed past her and made a comment about Marissa's lesbian phase being over, and how nice it was she was back home. Marissa couldn't be bothered to get her brain to say something in return, so she merely walked on and out of the house. Blinking a few times as she stepped onto the driveway, it certainly was later than she had though. The moon was shining, stars were twinkling and streetlights were on.

5

Marissa finished the Jim Beam and threw the empty bottle onto the pavement, barely noticing it smash into hundreds of tiny alcohol soaked pieces. She had an idiotic, alcohol induced grin plastered over her face, numbing her from the harshness of the world. Her brain wasn't working, maybe it had switched itself off, maybe it had just succumbed to the liquor, letting itself drown in the toxin. The effort to keep her eyelids open was wearing Marissa down; she had been walking for so long, walking so far. She kept faltering, her feet stuttering and stammering on the pavement, urging her to stop and learn how to walk properly.

She sighed closing her eyes, letting the heavy breeze coming from the beachfront wash into her, making her brown locks dance in the night sky. Her eyes snapped open as she fell into a wall. Her brain registered pain in her arm, her skin told her it was bleeding, warm crimson liquid dipped down the front of her hand and softly kissed the pavement. She didn't notice. She simply giggled at her carelessness, and continued her journey. If you had asked her where she was going she wouldn't have been able to reply, she wouldn't have known; wouldn't have known where she was going, wouldn't have known how to get her mouth to work, how to formulate a coherent clause in her mind. She would have just smiled dopily and continued on, slipping and tripping every now and again.

Marissa stopped in front of a small building, her legs confused by their lack of movement. She jutted her arms out and pushed the doors in front of her open, her lips emitting a soft giggle as they opened, allowing entry. Her feet sounded heavy as they came into contact with the floor, her ankles seemed to be dead weight. She plodded on, stopping briefly at the stairs, which seemed to be moving closer to her, then moving away again. Shaking her head at the optical illusion, she tripped down the spiralled staircase, her long legs tangling themselves. Her hands gripped at the cold metal rail, her literal lifeline.

"We're closed." The sound echoed through both the empty club and her ears. That voice, it was so familiar to her, a voice which had once riled so much desire in her, a voice that could still make her weak at the knees - without copious amounts of alcohol. Marissa let herself fall down the final stairs, not caring about the ache deep within her bones.

"I said we're clos…" A blonde extracted herself from a concealed part of the club, her sentence trailing off once she had seen who she was addressing. "Marissa." She whispered, taking in the intoxicated brunette.

She looked at the blonde, memories filling her brain, memories as them as friends, lovers, girlfriend's, memories of their recent break-up. She watched as her beautiful sharp blue eyes flooded with hurt and anger.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Her voice snapped with unreleased emotion.

Her eyes started to close and her head started to flop, the muscles in her neck letting go. Her body swayed with fatigue. "I…" she willed her eyes to open, begging them to look at the girl she craved. "I don't, I love, I…" her voice was whispered, barely audible, her legs gave in and her body feel forward, into the blondes arms. "Alex." She murmured, her cold lifeless body being wrapped in the warmth of Alex' arms.

6

Somewhere deep in her subconscious mind her brain was registering the fact that she was being lifted, her feet lightly dragged on the ground before her body was made horizontal, her weightless form wrapped itself round Alex, as the blonde carried her out of the club and sat her down in her jeep.

Alex closed the door lightly, trying not to make a sound, wondering why she was being so careful as she doubted that Marissa was aware of anything going on around her in her comatose state. She stepped back and sighed heavily as she watched the sleeping brunette, unaware of all the inner turmoil Marissa had been going through. She dragged her feet away from her jeep, back towards the club, gabbing a few things from her office, she turned off the remaining lights on her way out and heavily locked the doors, making unauthorised entry impossible.

She got into her car and glanced over at the girl in the passengers seat, she slept so peacefully, it was hard to believe that she was such a raving drunk. Alex let her head drop for a second, resting on the steering wheel, she let out an exasperated sigh as she started up the engine and drove off to her apartment. Alex could feel the effects of a fourteen-hour day spent mostly on her feet taking its toll on her body. Bones she didn't even know she had were aching, her t-shirt stank of whatever drinks had been spilled on her by whichever drunk teenagers where in the club that night. She wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed, only rising the next day to shower, but thanks to Marissa it didn't look like that was going to happen.

Alex turned of off the main road and took her keys out of the ignition, casting another glance at Marissa she heaved her body out of the car and over to her flat, opening the front door she turned the lights on and made a quick check of the place, yeah, it was clear, she wasn't going to trip over anything. Quickly making her way back out side she tugged the door open and gently lifted Marissa's body into her arms, marvelling at how light the taller girl was, she walked slowly and purposefully careful not to wake the girl in her arms.

Laying Marissa down on her bed, she stepped back, gazing at the sleeping beauty. A few nights ago, it was their bed, a few nights ago they were sleeping in that bed together as a couple, waking up in each other's arms, making love in that bed. She let a few tears fall silently, slowly making their way down her cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away Alex walked back out to her car, locking it before returning to her apartment, closing the door softly she leaned against it for a moment, unsure of what to do. She reached for the phone, auto-dialling "3" she heard it ring before a tired voice answered, "Yeah, hi Summer, it's Alex."

7

Running a shaky hand through her blonde hair, she put the phone back in its' cradle. Alex pushed her feet forward, slowly making her way towards her bedroom, stopping at the open door, she watched as Marissa slept. She could hear the steady breathing of her ex-lover, she could see Marissa's face as it contorted in pain, even though she was getting well needed rest, her subconscious wouldn't relent, causing a look of anguish to mask her features.

Alex sighed as she turned around and padded over to the sofa shrugging her shoes off, she let her tired body fall on to the soft cushions. Soon Alex let sleep wash over her, as her body got the rest it craved. Her last thoughts directed at the girl asleep in her bed.

She wriggled out of her grasp, and tried to crawl away. The brunette made another grab at her, successfully locking her hand around her victims' ankle, pulling her back, dragging her over the floor. The process caused the blondes' top to rise, exposing her midriff. She could feel the brunette on top of her, resting all of her weight on her, trying to hold her in place. The brunettes' breath heavily licked at her ear, blowing a few strands of golden hair aside.

"You're not going anywhere." The assailant breathed out, her voice hoarse. Her hands slid down her victims' sides, stopping at the juncture where black t-shirt fabric met tanned skin.

The blonde made one more desperate attempt at freedom, jerking her body away from under the brunette. Her attempt was however futile as all she succeeded at doing was turning over, her pleading sharp blue eyes locked with the brunettes' cloudy ones. The taller girl leaned forward, her hands grabbing at the blondes wrists, bringing them up, above her head.

She brought a hand back, brushing a stray lock of the blondes' hair off of her face, "I told you, you're not going anywhere!" she said, her face inches above her victims'.

"I'm sorry Alex, but I have to do this, no matter how much you object." The brunette continued as she pushed herself into a sitting position on top of the blondes' thighs.

Her hands skimmed down Alex' front, coming to a halt at the exposed midriff. She pushed her fingertips under the t-shirt, pushing it up slightly more.

She could feel her top being inched up, the sensation of the cotton being rubbed against her flesh causing her to shiver.

"Marissa, please don't." Alex whispered, her eyes begging Marissa not to continue. The brunette looked down, her eyes resting on Alex' face, she looked at eyes pleading with her, she looked further down, at her hands and where they lay. Sitting on top of Alex' toned stomach, her hands were laid flat, her thumb started to gently graze the soft skin underneath. Her fingers started to fidget, moving over Alex' stomach, down to her sides, slowly running over the faint outline of Alex' ribs.

Marissa's eyes slipped back to Alex' face, before her fingers twitched and wriggled as fast as she could move them, tickling Alex with all the ferocity she could muster making the shorter girl squirm about underneath her.

"Marissa, please, I hate it when you tickle me." Alex rasped out, trying to catch her breath as her body writhed about underneath her girlfriends'.

"Tough!" Marissa giggled, her fingers continuing to assault Alex' sides and stomach.

"Marissa, please." Alex begged as her body twitched.

Her body jerked hard as she fell off of the sofa and onto the floor, with a thud. Alex groaned as she sat up, pulling one of her trainers from underneath her. Pushing her body off of the floor, she looked at her watch, seeing she still had hours before she needed to be up she started to lay back on the couch again, before changing her mind and going to check on the passed out girl in the bedroom. Alex leant on the doorframe and gazed at her ex-girlfriend, she was so beautiful; Alex couldn't help but think. Her hair was tousled, obscuring parts of Marissa's face, she still seemed to be in internal pain though. Her lanky frame was tangled within the bed sheets, that only a few hours before she had been placed upon, her legs and feet had long since disappeared, lost in the sea of duvets and bottom sheets. Her body was hanging off the edge of the bed; more of her was suspended, dangling over the floor, than resting on the bed.

She was barely on the bed, just hanging on somehow, like a loose tooth held in place by a thin piece of gum. Alex didn't want to disturb her, encase she woke her up. There was no guarantee that Marissa was going to fall off the bed, there was no guarantee that she wasn't either though. Alex thought it was best to leave her and went back to her couch.

8

She was gasping for breath, her lungs ached from the lack of oxygen. The more she tried to fight, the more she got dragged down, her fragile body being tossed about by the heavy waves constantly crashing into it. This time the water got under her, flinging her to the surface, she allowed the desperately needed air to fill her nose and mouth before dragging it into her lungs. The angry rain roared down onto her exposed head, a bolt of lightning shot through the air, illuminating the night sky, glinting off of the water. As she opened her mouth to draw another deep needed breath, the tide pushed her further out, deeper under and once again her vision blurred by the water and her mouth filled with diluted salt, she tried to spit it out only to have more gush in.

She didn't know how much longer she could fight, her arms and legs were frantically pumping trying to propel her to the surface. Once again, she felt as if there was no hope, resigning herself to sink to the surface, she stopped moving her legs. The current ripped into her again, escalating her body. Suddenly the waves stopped crashing into her, the rain desisted, the thunder stopped rolling through the air, the night became still. Everything was calm and at peace. Her lungs once again filled with the still sea air and she started to travel back to the shore, her tired limbs drawing enough strength to push her carcass back to the seafront. Her slender body easily gliding through the still body of water. She slowed down and started to tread water, again, allowing oxygen into her body.

Watching the shore, she could she a figure, a girl. She had a torch and was looking out, at the water, searching for something, or someone. Marissa could almost feel her eyes darting back and forth over the surface. The girl hung her head and turned around, her blonde locks moving in the gentle breeze. As the girls' back turned Marissa shuddered as she heard the distant growl of thunder and felt rain come crashing down again. The pace of the ocean picked up and waves started lashing into her again, all of the ground being lost as her body was thrown out to sea.

Her body ached, her strength washed away, her will lost. Her body going limp, as it was pushed under the surface. The water crashed all around her encasing her in its salty ferocity. She had lost the battle; she was plunged into the murky depth before rising to the surface, her corpse floating face down on the stilling waters.

9

The bed sheets she was wrapped up in gave and her body was released onto the hard floor jilting her from her slumber. As her body came into contact with the carpeted surface her mind woke up, her eyelids springing open. Dragging her body from the ground, Marissa immediately took in her surroundings, the smell of vanilla sitting thickly in the air confirmed that she was indeed in Alex' apartment. She scent that usual surrounded her in warmth and comfort turned her stomach, suffocating her. She ran, out of the room and to the door, throwing her head back briefly to observe Alex sleeping soundly on the couch.

She kept running, the cold air serving as a snap back to reality, she stopped, her bare feet resting on the cool sand. The air that she craved did nothing, dragging a deep breath in, her lungs still felt deprived, her body still suffocating itself. She stilled herself, her body finally registering its lack of movement, her head being catapulted forward as the liquid contents of her stomach spilt over her lips. The toxins she craved leaving her stomach faster than she could register, her addiction not lulled.

10

"I thought she was different." Marissa muttered, her lips pressed against a generic whisky bottle.

"Coop' maybe you should give me that bottle huh?" Summer was trying her best to get her friend to sober-up; first all she had to do was get the vessel for Marissa's addiction away from the lanky girl.

"You know, I thought she was different, she seemed different, from L.A, purple steak in her hair, these beautiful blue eyes, it felt like she could see right into my soul, right into my eyes, like she was looking into my heart. Ya'know?" she waved her free hand around as she spoke, trying to animate her words.

"I think you've had enough to drink." Summer was at a loss for words, for three solid weeks she had watched her friend drink herself stupid all the while incoherently murmuring about love. It had gotten worse since Alex had left, which had only been that week, Summer knew the blonde would have left sooner if it weren't for the legalities of her job at the Bait Shop. Her apartment had already been leased out to someone else; an elderly couple had snapped it up claiming it was perfect, right on the beach, just what they had wanted.

Summer's memories of the blonde's last day in Orange County seemed to ring out in her mind; Alex was sitting in the sand, her knees pressing tightly into her chest, her gaze cast outwards onto the shimmering blue waters. Marissa had run out to her, her limbs tangling and untangling with themselves, her body swaying, she was obviously drunk. Before the brunette had managed to reach Alex, she was already in the sand, her body falling meters from the blondes. Of course Alex had turned to see who had interrupted her mournful contemplation, she was less then happy to find it was Marissa, who was trying to lift her lifeless body from the sand, words spilled from her lips, sentences that made no sense could be heard, mutters of love, pleas of change. To anyone passing by she was just another intoxicated teenager, one whose coherency had been lulled by alcohol. Alex stood, her body towering over Marissa's flailed form, Summer could only watch from behind the blondes jeep as her friend begged Alex to stay, her hands shooting out, groping for Alex' legs. The blonde had made it away from Marissa, though her cries could still be heard, piercing through the cool night air. As Alex neared her jeep, she was confronted by Summer. Unfortunately the brunette couldn't remember what she had said, but whatever it was had warranted a slap from Alex, she was sure she could still feel the sting on her cheek.

Summer was defeated, all she wanted she her friends happiness, but as she watched Alex' beaten up jeep speed off into the night she knew there was nothing she could do, so sighing heavily she had made her way over to her life-long-best-friend, and enveloped her in her arms and rocked her back and forth as she still pleaded with Alex not to leave, oblivious to the fact she already had.

Summer looked back at her friend, the bottle she cradled in her shaking hands was empty, her expression was a gloomy one and it was apparent she was falling asleep; her lids were dangerously low, her speech even more slurred, but through Marissa's tired drunken haze Summer could still make out one sentence. As her body fell limp and soft snores wrapped round the room the words "I thought she was different" could still be heard.

11

"Why don't you just go fuck yourself!" Marissa screamed, slamming the phone down, only to have her mobile start ringing. Reaching over her dressing table, she picked the phone up and looked at the caller id, growling in anger she flipped the phone open and held it to her ear.

"I can't believe you just hung up on me, I'm on my way over now."

"Summer, I already told you to leave me the fuck alone." Marissa said her voice thick with anger.

"Ryan and Seth are almost there too."

"What the fuck! Why, Jesus, can't people just leave me alone, huh? Just all piss off." Her voice rose as she flipped her phone closed, not waiting for Summer to respond.

"Marissa?" Ryan called out as he opened her bedroom door.

She whipped her head towards her now open door, "Don't you ever knock asshole?"

"Marissa."

"I could have been naked you fucking perv!"

"I heard someone mention my name." Seth said, walking into Marissa's bedroom, wrinkling his nose as the smell of vomit and alcohol.

"You can fuck off too!"

"Okay, I'm sensing some hostility…" Seth started before Marissa's phone started ringing again.

"Fuck!" The brunette shouted, throwing her phone at Seth.

"Shit, that almost hit me!" The curly haired boy exclaimed staring at Marissa's mobile that had stopped ringing on its contact with the door.

"Too bad I'm a crap shot."

Ryan eased his way further into the room before speaking again, "Marissa, how about we get you some coffee huh?"

"How about I stick your dick in this beer bottle?" The brunette shot back, picking up a half empty beer bottle.

Seth spoke up again, "Maybe we should go?"

"Wow, the sidekick finally says something intelligent! This is such a dear diary moment; dear diary, today after trying to slash my wrists, dumb and blonder came over, and guess what the little gay one finally said something smart, it only took what, seventeen years." Marissa said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Summer stormed into Marissa's room and promptly over to her friend, "Coop'!"

"Great, the fantastic four all back together, that's just fucking wonderful, now if you don't mind, I'm going to go and drink until I black out, or I forget ever knowing any all you, whichever comes first." On receiving no reaction from her friends, she continued, "Didn't I make myself clear? Fuck off! All of you! Get out of my room, get out of my house and get the fuck out of my life!"

Summer started to talk, "Marissa..."

"Summer, I think we should just go." Seth said dragging the brunette out of the room.

"I hope you're happy." Ryan said bitterly, as he started to follow his friends.

"And I hope you die a slow painful death." Marissa replied sweetly.

"I don't get it, why's she so upset?"

"She misses Alex." Summer replied simply.

Ryan shook his head confused, "What? How, that stupid little crush?"

"I think she's in love with her."

Seth looked over at Summer before talking, "But Alex left like over a month ago."

"I know."

Marissa continued to scream as she chucked objects around her room. Anything that came into contact with her hand was swiftly picked up and hurled across the room, shattering on impact. Bottles, hairbrushes, cd's, everything. She looked back and forth between her bare dressing table and the pile of broken god-knows-what that was mounting against her wall. Her eyes scanned the expanse of her room before she smiled and jumped onto her bed. Pulling herself over the duvet, she grabbed the handle to her bedside draw, feeling around she plucked out a silver picture frame. Grinning as she held the object in front of her eyes, she gazed at the picture. It was of her and Alex, just after she had gotten her tattoo, they were squished together on Alex' sofa, their heads resting against each other's, both smiling widely. "I love you Alex." Marissa muttered, casting another glance at the blonde in the picture. She thrust the frame out of her hand and straight towards her mirror, watching as the reflective glass shattered over her empty dressing table top.

12

Club interior. Los Angeles.

A lanky looking curly haired boy searched around the darkened club, looking for any signs of life. He scuttled over to the bar, coughing lightly attracting the attention of the brunette behind.

She raised an eyebrow at him, "Honey, we aint open yet."

"Uh, I'm looking for Alex Kelly?" The brunette looked him up and down curiously, "We used to be friends."

"Uh-huh," She nodded, before turning round and yelling into the back of the club, "Hey 'Lex!"

Alex, seemingly came out of nowhere and walked over to her friend, "What is it Sara?"

"This kid says he knows you." Sara nodded towards Seth.

"Jesus, what do you want Seth?"

"To talk. Just five minutes, please?"

Alex turned to her friend, "Sara?"

"It's your day off anyway." She shrugged.

"Thanks." Alex turned towards Seth, "You and me; outside."

Once they got outside and into the afternoon sun Alex stopped walking and turned to face Seth, "Firstly, how the hell did you track me down?"

"I asked Terry at the Bait Shop, he said he had give a reference to this place, so…"

"Okay, that explains the how, now what about the why?"

He looked uncomfortable before answering, "Marissa."

"If that's all, then we have nothing to talk about."

"Alex."

"Just go back to Newport." Alex said, before turning on her heel and making her way towards the club again.

"She's in the hospital."

The blonde closed her eyes, willing her feet to continue moving forward, only to have them disobey her and turn around. "Is she? I mean, what's…?"

Seth took a few steps towards the blonde before starting, "She's really messed up, she needs you."

"Why's she in the hospital?"

"We're not really sure, we think that she got attacked. The doctors want to keep her in for a little while to make sure that there's no serious damage..."

"No." Alex cut in.

"What?" Seth asked confused.

"No, I'm not going back," She started to shake her head, "I'm not gona watch someone I care about self-destruct."

"Alex, please."

"No." She said forcefully.

Seth didn't know what to say, he knew it wouldn't be that easy to convince Alex to go back with him, "Summer wanted to come down here, but she, uh, she doesn't want to leave Marissa. She told me to drag you back if I have to." He looked up at Alex before continuing, "She's turned into a bitch, worse, a, a mini-Julie. She, she's been shouting at everyone, even Summer. I know you might not think that that's a big deal, but it is. Marissa, she, she needs you. Please Alex, just, just visit her. Please."

"Seth…"

"I'll show you some more magic tricks." He said, a strained smile on his face.

"It's Newport, I just, I don't belong."

"Just one visit? Summer will kill me if I come back and you're not with me, please Alex, for my health."

The blonde sighed as she ran a hand through her hair, looking between the club and Seth she gently nodded, "I'm not staying for more than ten minutes."

"Thank you."

13

"I thought I told you to go shove those flowers up your arse, are you done already?" Marissa said from her hospital bed, with out looking up.

"Marissa." Alex said softly, taking note of the brunettes, bruised exterior.

"Alex." Her face soften instantly, "I, I, I knew you'd come back."

Alex' eyes scanned the white room as she spoke, "I'm not."

"What?"

"Back, I'm not, Seth dragged me here. I'm going straight back after I leave." The blonde said coldly.

"But."

"So I take it you are Ryan are…?" Alex enquired as she looked at the vase with daffodils in it, next to Marissa's bed.

"We're nothing. D, Don't leave. Please." Marissa pleaded, watching her hands shake as they sat in her lap.

The blonde could feel her anger flaring, "Why the hell should I stay?"

"Because you love me."

She locked her eyes with the brunettes as she spoke, "Loved."

Marissa, could feel a tightening sensation in her chest, "But."

"No buts. Frankly I don't care what happens to you. But whatever it is, I'm not going to sit back and watch you destruct, I have better things to do with my time."

"Alex…" She could hear her own voice wavering.

Alex started to look around the small room as she spoke, "I take it that's why you're here, by your own doing? That's why we broke up; you. That's why you friends are deserting you; you…"

Marissa gently cut in, "That's why my dad left. Why my mother would rather watch her bank balance. Why all I seem to see these days is peoples backs. My mum's, my dad's, yours'. It's because I'm such a fuck up…

"...Don't try the self-pitying crap on me." She knew what she was saying wasn't what you'd say to someone lying in a hospital bed after being beaten to a pulp, but that didn't stop her anger. "You know what Marissa, you are a fuck up, all you do is push people away, why? Probably because you enjoy being the wounded party, stop martyring yourself, you think you can click your fingers and people are just gona come running? Think again sweetheart. Grow up. Take some fucking responsibility and grow up." She paused to look at the brunette; her head was down, her eyes watching her twitching hands.

"You know why we broke up don't you? Because you pushed me away. Just like you push everyone away. No wonder all you seem to see is people's backs. It's your own fucking fault. The biggest mistake of my life was coming to Newport. If I didn't come to Newport, then I wouldn't have met you, and you know what? I'd be happy." Alex started to shake her head, her feet moving towards the door. Pausing when she head a little voice behind her.

"You hate me don't you?" Alex turned to face Marissa,

"Stop acting like a fucking baby." She said before disappearing behind the door. The door opened again and Marissa met with Alex' gaze once more.

"I almost forgot, have a nice life." She smirked before slamming the door.

Marissa cast her head down feeling salty tears run down her cheeks. She picked her head up and looked curiously at the glass vase that sat next her to bed. Feeling red-hot anger course through her veins, she reached out to pick the vase up, grinning she heaved the vase at the heavy door with all the strength she had. Biting down softly on her lower lip as it shattered, the pieces scattering over the floor and under her bed. She smirked as she let out a soft "woops."

Alex slammed the door of her jeep shut, sighing in frustration. She didn't know why she had gotten so angry, didn't know why she had said what she did. She was still in love with Marissa, but as she looked at the helpless brunette, something inside her snapped. Starting up her engine she proceeded to drive out of Orange County again, switching on the radio, not caring what song was playing. Roughly wiping the tears that were springing from her eyes, she continued to drive, the music coming from the radio filling the quiet drive.

You got wires, goin in
You got wires, comin out of your skin
You got tears
Making tracks
I got tears
That are scared of the facts

Running down corridors
Through automatic doors
Got to get to you
Got to see this through
I see hope is here in a plastic box
I've seen Christmas lights reflect in your eyes

You got wires, goin in
You got wires, comin out of your skin
There's dry blood on your wrist
Your dry blood on my fingertip

Running down corridors
Through automatic doors
Got to get to you
Got to see this through
First night of your life
Curled up on your own

Looking at you now
You would never know

I see it in your eyes
I see it in your eyes
You'll be alright

I see it in your eyes
I see it in your eyes
You'll be alright
Alright

Running down corridors
Through automatic doors
Got to get to you
Got to see this through
I see hope is here in a plastic box
I've seen Christmas lights reflect in your eyes

Down corridors
Through automatic doors
Got to get to you
Got to see this through
First night of your life
Curled up on your own
Looking at you now
You would never know

Athlete – "Wires"

14a

"Coop'! Coop'!" Summer shouted as she made her way into Marissa's bedroom with Seth in-tow.

"Summer, slow down."

The brunette spun around to face her boyfriend, "She's not here Cohen, where the hell is she?"

"Uh, have you tried ringing her mobile?" He suggested meekly, watching Summer remove her phone from her bag and press a few keys, only to hear ringing coming from Marissa's dressing-table.

"Great idea Einstein," Summer muttered, snapping her phone shut, "Damn it Coop', where the hell are you?"

The curly haired boy made his way over to Marissa's dressing table to retrieve her phone, "We should check to see who she last rung, you know, 'coz…"

"Shut up Seth!" Summer cut in, snatching the phone from his hands, "Wait, Jess, who the hell's Jess!"

"Jess Sathers?"

Summer started shaking her head at Seth's suggestion, "Nu-uh, why would Coop' want to talk to that skank?"

"Because she always know's where all the good parties are."

"Parties, what are you ten? Jess' thing is more drugs and ragers."

Seth shrugged, "Well, maybe Marissa went to a rager."

"Why would Coop' do that?"

"To get wasted? She has been pretty messed up recently. Think about it she's always drunk and..."

"Okay, I get it detective Cohen." Summer butt in, trying to get he boyfriend to be quiet.

"Plus, there's one going on at Garry's tonight, you know on the beach."

"Well it looks like we're going." Summer said, already out of the door.

"Okay, I'll call Ryan."

"I think we can handle this without mullet-man, I mean, Chino."

14b

"Jess! Jess!" Marissa shouted over the music, making her way over to the blonde.

"Cooper, you made it." Jess, said smiling.

"Of course I did baby." Marissa murmured against the shorter girls ear as she leant down to kiss her. Her tongue gliding over the shorter girls lips, forcing entry into Jess' mouth and duelling with her tongue.

"Mmm, for that I think you deserve a special treat." The blonde said pulling a small baggie from her pocket and dangling it in front of Marissa's face.

The brunette looked at the bag curiously, "What are they?"

"That doesn't matter. They will get you higher than kite though."

"Mmm, perfect." Marissa replied, grabbing the bag.

"And if they don't do the trick, I bought a little gift for us."

"Naughty, naughty." She giggled.

That's the one, Oy
How did he not find the baggy, with his hand in my shoe?
Way too close for me, ah well at least they allowed me through.
Should be a good night in here, Ramo in the main room,
People keep pushing me though, no reception on the phone.
And I'm thinkin'...
(Light are blinding my eyes)

"Do you recon she's there?" Seth asked, trying to break the silence in the car.

"I don't know Cohen, I hope she is, so we can find her, but if she is…" Summer trailed off, worried about her best friend, "…This, this, isn't Marissa."

"I know sweetie, we'll find her don't worry." Seth said, his hand reaching out to hold her reassuringly.

Marissa looked at the bottles in front of her, so many, so much choice. Smiling she picked up a bottle of tequila and unscrewed the cap. She brought her hand up to her mouth and pushed the grey pills between her lips, then the bottle to her mouth, swallowing hard, washing the pills down her throat. Smiling, she took another swig of the clear liquid, squinting at the bottle to see if there was a worm in the bottom.

They said they'd be here they said, they said in the corner,
And im thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
These look well speckly, bit of green and blue,
Freeze is well cheap though, so I'll take three if I need to.
Right im on the plan, I wish the bouncers would go away,
Borrow water off this man, here goes nothing OK,
And I'm thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)

"I hate these types of parties." Seth remarked stepping into the noise, he looked at his nervous looking girlfriend, "So, should we just start looking for her?"

"Jessie, baby, it's been forever since I took those stupid pills and nothing is happening." Marissa pouted.

"Hmm, maybe some Charlie will do the trick?" The blonde grinned, snatching a silver bullet of off the table in front of them.

"You're a star babe."

"You can repay me later." Jess smiled, nipping at Marissa's neck. The brunette brought the metal up to her left nostril and inhaled, "Woo, Jesus, I always need to sneeze after I do that."

That's proper rank, that tastes like hairspray
And I'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
I hate coming to the entrance, just to get bars on my phone,
You have no new messages, so why haven't they phoned?
Menu, write message, so where are you and Simone?
Send message, dans number, where've they gone?
And im thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes
)

"She's not here Cohen, she's not here!" Summer muttered.

"How do you know that Summer, we haven't been looking that long." The brunette boy tried to reason.

"What if she's not?"

"Don't worry, anyway a few people have said that they've seen her. All we have to do is locate her, okay?" He continued, still clutching at Summer's hand.

Marissa blinked a few times, her visions starting to blur.

Why's the message pending? Where the fuck are ya?
And I'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
Hmm, brandy or beer? Waters a good idea,
Wish that bar lady'd appear; and come serve over here.
Where the fuck could they be? Still not over in the corner,
this nights a tragedy, I keep thinking I saw her.
And I'm thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)

She tired standing up only to have her legs wobble and slip from under her, pushing her back onto the sofa. Shaking her head, she tried to stand again, this time being successful, her legs continued to wobble as she tried to walk. The room started to shake and convulse with every breath she took.

No that's not them, that's not them either...
And I'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
I'm still not feeling anything; this has got to be a dud.
It's been ages since I necked it, and smoked six tabs to the nub.
Belly's not even tingling, I just feel a bit pissed.
No-one looks like minglin', I can't see her or him.
And im thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)

She slammed her eyes shut, grabbing on to the wall with shaky hands. When she opened her eyes again the room was spinning, everyone and everything blurring into a mass of shapeless colour.

I'm gonna do another I think. Yeah, one more, these are shit.
And I'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
these toilets are a piss take, queue's bigger than the door.
Gotta get rid of this pill taste, what are they chattin so much for?
Glad I'm not a girl in this place, they'll be here till dawn.
Sure my belly's tingling a bit, something's happening im sure.
And im thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)

Her pulse was racing, she could barely breathe. Her rib cage constricting her lungs. She could feel the sweat pouring off of her, but it was so cold, she was so cold. She was in a swarm of people. They were dancing, pushing her around with every gyration.

Maybe I shouldn't have done the second one, I feel all fidgety and warm...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
Whoa, everything in the room is spinning, I think I'm going to fall down,
My heart's beating to quick, I'm fucking tripping out.
I wonder whether they got in, turned away no doubt.
Who cares, this is a tune coming in, that who where hes like..
Im thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)

Her legs completely gave way, throwing her to the floor. She could feel her arms twitching in time with her heartbeat. Her vision clouded over, her eyes started to close. The people around her melting into the floor.

My eyes are rolling back; I'm rubbing my thighs with my hand.
And I'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
Yeah yeah they cheer - can they see my hand in the air?
Need to wave 'em over here. Swear Simone's kissing Dan.
My head is twisted sever, body's rushing everywhere,
they could have texted me when they were near, but I'm fucked and I don't care.
(Lights are blinding my eyes)

Her eyes shut, the sound reverberating through her head. Her whole body started to shake and convulse. Her stomach heaved. Vomit spilled over her lips. Her arms and legs still shaking. More ashen vomit ran over her lips and down her cheek. Her head started to tremble, throwing itself from right to left, her eyes still closed. She chocked on a gagging sound as blood started to spew over her pale lips, dripping over her vomit soaked cheeks. She could still feel her body juddering in spasm. She tried to open her eyes, only to have her body reject the movement. Her hearing started to fog over. Sounds turning into a noisy haze. Bright white lights turning black.

What was I thinkin' about? Ah who cares, I'm mashed.
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
Totally fucked, cant hardly fuckin' stand.
This is fuckin amazing; argh.

"Marissa! Marissa! No, open your eyes. Marissa!" Summer shouted, dropping on her knees at Marissa's side.

Seth looked at his girlfriend and her best friend, he felt useless, "Call an ambulance, call a fucking ambulance!"

"Marissa, can you hear me, please Coop', open you eyes. Please?" Summer begged, clutching onto Marissa's limp body as it continued to quake.

15

"She was already dead when she reached the hospital." That was the first thing Seth had said to her that day. That sentence ran though her head as she stared at the gravestone in front of her. She started blankly at the engraving, "Marissa Cooper" "1987-2005". She felt empty, the last thing she had said to Marissa had been "have a nice life". What a fucked up choice of words they'd been.

"Alex." Seth said her name gently as he stood beside her.

"She's gone." She chocked out.

"You didn't come to the funeral."

"Couldn't." She replied statically.

"I'm sorry."

"Its not your fault."

He glanced up and the gathering grey clouds, "It uh, looks like rain, we better head back."

"Yeah." The brunette grabbed onto her hand.

"Ouch."

Seth looked confused, "What did I hurt you?"

The blonde sighed, "Not, it's just, I uh, I bruise easily, that's all."

End.