This an episode tag to the wonderful episode 15 and for the Paint it Red Monthly challenge, prompt 'begin again'.

The two years he was gone, maybe she couldn't see him, talk to him, maybe she couldn't have him near but at least she knew he was safe. That he wasn't doing anything that could get him in to trouble, that would have him looking down the barrel of a gun. Gone was the panic in the pit of her stomach that almost made her throw up because he was gone who knows where, doing who knows what. He wasn't taking chances as if his life mattered to no one, certainly not himself.

She hasn't been angry because he's kept her in the dark, because he's playing some stupid trick, manipulating everyone around him including her to set up a play, she didn't have to hear those words:

' Deniability Lisbon, you're best friend.'

Through his letters he kept her informed of how he spent his days, the people he met. The women in the post office, who prices changed at a whim. The children who were going through his magic tricks at an alarming rate that soon he wouldn't have any left and he's afraid he'll have to disappoint them.

The character that makes his shirts. A man with great skills but has his own ideas on how Jane should dress. It's hard for her to imagine him not wearing his three-piece suit. He always wore it, it seemed an essence of who he was. But then he's not the same Jane anymore. Red John is dead. Jane is free from torment and guilt. She laughed out loud when he told her about the sarong. No, he's certainly not the same Jane.

Of course she missed him, but it wasn't the heart wrenching pain of before when she thought he'd gone off the deep end and vanished without a trace. Ignoring her calls and texts, casting her aside as if their years together didn't matter. Only to emerge in Las Vegas six months later facing numerous charges. Then he almost gave her a heart attack when he popped up suddenly as she prayed for him. He told her that it was all a hoax to get Red John to reach out to him. That he wasn't crazy and he needed her help. And then he was back for good with a lover. Sure he said it meant nothing, she was a way to Red John, but did he really have to go that far. Gone are the sleepless nights.

Now as the helicopter rushes to New Mexico she silently prays that they get there in time. He didn't tell her what he was planning, he didn't give her the chance to talk him out of it. To point out how he was walking in to the arms of his enemy. A man with a grudge that has caused him to kill, a man who hates Jane above anyone else. He will say he's willing to pay any price to help Rigsby, to bring back Grace. That she could be dead before the FBI got anywhere close to finding her. But she wouldn't have stopped him, she wants Grace back too. His way would be more effective than proper channels, she's learnt that much from him. But he left her in the dark. He left her to deny all knowledge to Abbott because it was the truth.

They're here and she looks down, two bodies on the ground, her stomach plummets one of them is Jane. They're too late, he finally lost. But no, he moves, he's waving his arms, he's alive. She sits back in her seat and closes her eyes with relief. The knot in her stomach relaxes….for now. It's all back, nothing has changed, except she can look at him, she can talk to him, have him near. It's the devil's choice, but no choice really, she chooses Jane, for it all to begin again.